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"The defense calls David Brown as its next witness."
The witness rose and confidently strode to the stand. He was about thirty years old and his meticulous grooming and obviously good taste in clothing caused many of the women to check for a wedding band, which he had, much to their dissapointment. "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" The bailiff intoned. "Yes." "Where were you at the time that the prosecution alleges that the defendent committed the crime?" The lawyer asked, already knowing what the answer would be. "I was with the defendent at the time. We went to a bar in the city and stayed untill midnight." "Thank you. That is all for now." The lawyer said, dismissing the witness. "Hold up a minute!" the Judge ordered, somewhat mystified by the man's testimony. "Let me see if I have this straight. You have testified that you and the defendent were a hundred miles away from the scene of the crime on the night of the murder. Is that correct?" "Yes, your Honor, it is." The witness replied, somewhat miffed that his testimony was being questioned. "Do you know where the words 'testify' and 'testimony'come from?" The Judge asked the man, who was now starting to lose his composure. "They're from the Latin word 'testis', which means 'witness', and the ancient Romans would grasp their genitals when bearing witness to show that they were telling the truth. Thus the male gonads were came to be called testes, or testicles. By giving testimony the Roman witness was literally swearing by his balls that he was telling the truth." The witness was now very nervous and was sweating profusely. "The night of the killing was also my daughter's birthday." The Judge informed the court. "I drove down to the store to get some ice cream. I pulled up just as a man was getting out of his car. A young girl, perhaps high school age was sitting in the car drinking a wine cooler and spinning a motel key on her finger. She smiled at me. When I got to the counter the man was paying for a bottle of wine and a pakage of condoms. I have a good memory for faces, and that man was you! You couldn't have been a hundred miles away." The man was now beet red and stammering about how he was being blackmailed by the defendent, who threatened to tell his wife about his little Lolita. "You have made a mockery of my courtroom and I won't stand for that! Bailiffs, seize this man and strip him!" The Judge ordered, as he extracted a small penknife from within his robe. The protests, and then the visceral screams of the new eunuch had been replaced with a forlorn sobbing as the Judge deposited the bloody objects in the water glass on his bench, plainly visible to the whole room. "Councilor, you may call your next witness." He told the defense attorney.
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