"Relax Josh, it's really not so bad as you think," Patrick said in a thick southern accent. No kidding, he sounded like a hillbilly. "You might not like it at first and it dose take some getting used to but I reckon you'll come around in time. We all do. It has it's advantages."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Being fixed of course," Patrick said. "You've been keeping to yourself sulking since our first night here. What else could you be thinking about? But I don't blame you for being a bit unhappy about it. It's always hardest on you city kids. I grew up on the farm so I've known about gelding since I was little."

"Did you always want it?" I asked slowly coming out of my funk.

"That's just the thing Josh. I didn't really want it all that much. I don't know if anyone really wants it, not a first anyway."

"How did it happened?" I asked. "When did you first start to wonder about it."

"I guess my interest in gelding all started at about the age of eight. I saw my Pa fixing some of our pigs out back behind the barn. Them poor little pigs, they were squealing something awful. But my Pa said we had to do it. Those pigs were better off with out their balls. For some strange reason that I never really did understand I could not stop thinking about those pigs and what my Pa had said. And when I did think then being cut it my little dick would stand up at attention so stiff and hard. Gelding did something for me. From that point on I just couldn't stop wondering what it would be like. Even when playing sports or sitting in the class room or even playing games I was just always aware of my stuff dangling down there between my legs and I wondered what it would be like to live my life without it. Wondering became an obsession. My school work went bad and so did my performance in sports. Even my sleep was effected. Some nights I'd lie awake in the dark thinking about it, wondering. I felt like I was going crazy and that if I didn't get some help I might explode.

"Did your dad know how you felt?"

"Pa knew something was wrong but he didn't know what. A little more than a year ago he asked me what was eating at me. I asked him if boys my age were ever gelded. Pa just sort of smiled a funny little smile and he said, sure but not very often and I weren't to worry none because he wasn't going let no one go and slice my balls off. No sire, it weren't going to happen. But the thought that it did happen to some boys set my mind racing. I wanted to learn more. I asked Pa if it was good for the pigs why wouldn't it be good for me? Pa explained that I wouldn't like it. If I was gelded like those pigs I'd never have kids of my own. I wouldn't grow into a proper man. I said that that might not be too bad at that."

Then what happen?"

"A few weeks later Pa took me to talk with Jerry who was known to work with boys 'like me'. Pa waited outside the office so Jerry and I could be alone. I told Jerry everything. I had to tell someone and he said he understood. Then I sat outside the office while Jerry and my Pa talked alone. They talked for what seemed like a long time and when Pa came out he seemed upset. But a few weeks later he took me back to see Jerry again. Jerry said that there were other boys like me and wouldn't I like to meet them. He suggested that I come to this summer camp to try to better understand my feelings. I asked Pa if I could and he said yes even though he looked kind of sad. So I told Jerry to sign me up, I'd pack my bag. Needless to say that before I came I didn't know what they did here."

"That was last year?" I asked

"Yeah, I was cut last summer right here at Little Tomahawk, or Camp Chopalotadick as some of them fancy city kids have taken to calling it."

"How did you feel when you found out they really were going to geld you?"

"At first I sort of freaked out just like you did at the campfire the other night. I wanted to run away. But after a few days I was glad. I knew that if I had been able to back out I would have. Being kept here and having time to adjust was the best thing for me really. I reckon it'll be good for you too."

"What was it like going back home as a nullo?" I asked.

"I was sort of strange at first. My parents knew all about if of course and I was happy to have it done but I didn't really want to talk about it. I wanted for them to treat me exactly the same as they had when I was a boy. I wanted them to act like I was just returning home from a normal summer camp."

"Did they?" I asked.

"Not a first. My mom asked me questions like what sort of underwear I wanted to wear and I said, 'Mom I'll wear the same briefs I've always warn.' and she was like, 'But sweetheart, those are for boys. Will they fit?' Pa was even worse. He thought I should give up playing baseball on the boy's league since boys might be too rough for me and I might get hurt and cry. But after awhile they came around and so did my mom."

"What about your friends?" I asked. "How did they react?"

"Only my closest friends know. At first they were shocked. But I told them my stuff had been lost in an accident, so they were cool. I don't know how they would have taken it had they known it was deliberate. They probably would have thought I was weird."

"So if everything went so well why are you back for another summer at Little Tomahawk? What more can they take?"

"There is something more I need to lose."

"What?" I asked. "You are a nullo. What more could you lose?"

"My prostate. I want it gone. I want to be completely and totally de sexed."

"But why?" I asked.

"When nullo kids are all alone in the steam room with no males around they like to talk and giggle about who has done what and with whom. You know, who's been with a boy and who's been with a man and what all happened in bed. They like to talk about what it's like when a guy decides that he's going to mount and ride ya. Just about the only thing anyone can agree on is it's best if your first time is with a boy. Men are often way too big the blacks in particular. Being with a man the first time is like having your guys ripped out."

"Was your first time with a boy?"

"Yep, my 14 year old cousin Cal. My mom told his mom and his mom told Cal that was a eunuch and Cal decided he was going to have a go. He was going to do a job on my rear end."

"What was it like?" I asked.

"Well it sure wasn't what I had thought it would be like I can tell you that. It was better and a lot worse than what I imagined.?"

"Better and worse? How could it be both?"

"It can, trust me it can. I had wanted my first time to be special. I guess you could say I'm something of a romantic. I wanted my first boy to sweet talk me. I wanted him to give me little things. You know chocolates and flowers and write me love poems. I wanted to be treated like I was something special and like I was treasured. But that's not the way it was at all. Cal got me alone and then he just sort of took me. He didn't tell me he loved me or anything. He just said he was going to pop my cherry and that although it might hurt a bit at first I'd be much happier once I learned to except my place. And that's just what happened. He fucked me and I felt used and dirty."

"If you didn't want Cal to do it why did you let him?" I asked.

"You don't understand Josh," he said. "Boys think that nullos are passive. That we can't fight back. They think that we can be controlled and ordered about by what ever boy comes along. Cal felt that way about me. I tried to tell him that that was all a lot of crap. I said, 'Sure back in the old days slaves were sometimes castrated but that wasn't done to make them docile. It was done simply to control breading and for the safety and comfort of the girls in the household as well as the younger boys.' That's what I told Cal."

"Then what happened?" I asked and I really wanted to know.

"Cal said real sarcastic like, 'Oh really Patrick. Well let's just see about that.' Then Cal pulled out his dick and it was hard and I knew it was hard for me. When I saw that something happened to me inside. I just sort of melted. Josh, what Cal said was true. I thought being unmanned hadn't changed me in my head but it had! I couldn't resist Cal. It was like he had me hypnotized and I just couldn't deny him. I guess that at the time there was still a little bit of boy left in me because I was ashamed as I stripped for him and bent over to offer my butt for his enjoyment. But I couldn't stop myself. When he put his dick into me it hurt something awful but I didn't even complain. I knew that that was how it had been between boys and their eunuchs since caveman days. And after a spell it stopped hurting. Then if felt good, if felt better than good. Cal's hard dick was deep inside me rubbing up to my prostate. I pretty near went crazy it felt so good. I just about lost my mind. After Cal finished he asked me how I like being his little bitch. I said I liked it just fine. And I did too! It pleased me right down to my toes. Cal said that he'd take me anytime he pleased and I said that I hoped it wouldn't be too long a wait."

"If you like it so much where is the problem?"

"You just don't understand Josh," Patrick said. "When Cal fucked me he changed me. He did something to my mind. Now every time I meet a man for the first time or even a boy just a bit older than me I can't help but wonder what he's packing down there between his legs and I want to find out. When a man decides to take me, even if he is fat and ugly and smells of sweat I just can't say no. All I can think about is his dick and how much I want it inside me. Josh I ain't nothing but a slut and and dirty little slut at that. I don't want to be that why any more. That's why I came back to this camp. They are going to take my prostrate. With that gone being screwed won't feel so blasted good any longer. With it gone I won't be a slut. Sure I'll be losing what little I have of my sex, but I'll be gaining my self respect.

(To be continued.)