Terry - part - 15

I awoke in a better mood.  While I still feared and hated Snyder, the reality of him hadn't proved to be as bad as I had feared-but, then, I was secondary to Snyder.  It was Terry, who had the most to fear from him.  It was Terry whom he fucked.  If I could, I would have taken some of the heat off Terry.  I would have offered myself to Snyder, if I thought it would do any good-not because I was queer and Terry wasn't, but because I loved Terry.  I would have died for him, if necessary; but, Snyder didn't find me attractive.  To him, I was just another punk-a fag.  He was attracted-as most were-to Terry's beauty.

Terry seemed to have accepted that Snyder was going to fuck him-and that there was nothing he could do to stop it.  They couldn't keep us here in segregation at the Walls.  Eventually, even if we received additional time for assaulting Bobby Duke, we would be moved to another prison-away from Snyder; but, would that be any better?  In general population, we would have to fear the prisoners as well as the guards.  I would survive.  If I got fucked-then, I got fucked.  Perhaps, I could close my eyes and imagine that it was Terry doing me.  Terry, though, would fight them each time.  He only gave into Snyder because fighting had done him no good.  Snyder had hurt him-then had fucked him anyway,  Terry was smart enough to quit resisting when there was no hope.

I was worried, though, about Terry's vehemence for not sucking Snyder's cock-and about Snyder being equally adamant that Terry was going to suck it.  I couldn't entirely understand Terry's stand.  As much as I had hated it, I would rather suck Snyder's cock than have him fuck me-and Terry had sucked my cock upon Snyder's command, so it wasn't just that he refused to suck a cock.  Perhaps, Terry actually cared enough for me that sucking my cock wasn't so onerous, despite his protestations.

There was another difference between being raped and sucking someone's cock.  Shackled as we were, there was nothing either of us could do to prevent Snyder from raping us.  The most we could do would be to commit suicide to prevent it from happening again.  Even Terry wasn't prepared for that.  One had to consent to suck a cock, though.  I had consented to suck Snyder's.  I hadn't felt I had a choice.  To me, sucking his cock was an acceptable alternative to the pain he was inflicting on me.  To Terry, it wasn't.  I had seen how he had looked at me afterward.  I was afraid that Terry would never consent to suck Snyder's-no matter what Snyder might do; and I knew what Snyder was capable of doing.  For that reason, I feared for Terry.  I hoped I could convince him that it wasn't any worse than being fucked.  I decided to talk to him about it after breakfast.

The guard who delivered breakfast must have taken pity on us, because he removed our shackles.  He had no uniforms with him, so we were still naked, but, at least we were no longer restrained.  I placed the mattress back on my bunk and crawled up on it after breakfast.  Terry had rebuffed all my attempts at conversation.  Finally, I couldn't take it any longer.  "Why are you mad at me?"

"You came in my mouth."

"I couldn't help that.  I couldn't keep from coming.  I was chained to the bed.  What could I have done?"

"You wanted me to suck your cock.  You think it makes me queer like you-but I'm not.  The taste of your come made me want to puke."

I stammered, unable to think of a reply.  Although I didn't want Terry to be forced to suck my cock, on some level, I was glad that he had.  He would let me suck his cock; but, not without being forced, would he have ever sucked mine.  I was confused.  I didn't want him to be forced to do it.  I wanted him to want to do it.

"I...I don't think you're queer.  I know you wouldn't do it with out being forced."

"I still don't understand how you can like it."

"You seemed to like for me to suck your cock."

"You just don't understand, Lyons.  It's different.  My girl friend used to suck my cock.  I liked it, but it didn't meant that I wanted to suck one.  I fucked her.  That didn't make me want to have a cock up my ass.  You wanted to suck my cock.  After I heard that you had sucked Harris', everything fell into place.  I knew that you wanted me.  Fuck, Lyons, I was horny.  Besides, you fucked Harris.  Snyder fucked me.  Everyone in this shit hole was fucking someone except for me.  Why shouldn't I get some, too."

"Is that all I was-just someone to suck your cock?  I love you, Terry."

"Don't say that.  I don't want you to love me."  His face was red.  I knew he was angry.  "Can't you get it through your head?  I'm not a fucking queer who wants to be loved by another guy."

"What am I to you, then?"

"I don't know.  I used to think you were my friend-but that was before I found out that you were some sick fuck who thought he was in love with me.  What's the difference between you, Snyder, and all the other sick fucks in here.  You all want to fuck me-or to have me suck your cocks.  You got to come in my mouth.  Are you happy, now?"

"I didn't want it, Terry."

He pulled me off my bunk and threw me up against the wall.  "Bullshit!  Look at me.  Tell me you didn't like it."

I couldn't answer.  If I had said "no," he would have known I was lying.  He was angry.  He had his fist cocked, ready to hit me.

"You liked it-didn't you.  Admit it."

If I was going to get hit, anyway, I might as well tell the truth.  "I liked it, Terry-but I didn't want it.  At least, I didn't want you to be forced to do it."

"But, you liked it, didn't you, motherfucker?"

Rather than answer, I nodded my, leaving my eyes downcast.

"OK, then it's my fucking turn."

"What do you mean?"

"You owe me a climax."

"You want me to suck your cock?"

"No, I'm going to fuck you."

I'd never seen this side of Terry.  It surprised and frightened me, although, I don't guess it should have.  The Walls changed everyone.  Why should Terry be any different?  "You going to fuck me, even if I don't want you to?"

"You owe me, Lyons.  I'm going to fuck you whether you want it or not.  In fact, I don't want you to want it."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing-but I was aroused by it-dismayed, but aroused.  Although I don't think rape by Snyder would have aroused me, the thought of being raped by Terry did.  "You would force me?  You would rape me?"

"Yeah, I'd rape you.  Do you think you could stop me-and who the fuck would you tell about it-Snyder?  Shit, he'd just laugh.  Besides, you want it, you fucking queer.  Your cock is so hard, you're about to come."

"But, all you had to do was ask"

"I don't want to ask.  If I ask, you'll keep this love shit going on in your head.  I don't want you, Lyons, I want your ass.  I want your pussy.  You're a fucking girl, Lyons.  You never were a boy.  You should cut off your balls like Harris.  What do you need balls for-or your cock?  All you need is your ass and your mouth-like any other girl."

I started crying.  "See, now you're crying like a girl.  Get the fuck over here-on the bed."

Wanting to see what he would do-and, I guess, wanting to be forced-wanting to be raped by him, I said, "No."

He hit me in the stomach-hard-then, when I doubled over, threw me onto the bed.  "Are you going to do it, or do I have to hit you again?  You owe me, motherfucker," he repeated, as if it made it right."

"No, you don't have to hit me again.  I'll let you."  What other answer could I give?  We both knew I could never stop him-and my cock would have made a liar out of me, if I'd said I didn't want it.  I wanted it-he knew I wanted it.  Although I had resisted, I'd been playing a role which had aroused me.  Whether he was playing a role, or whether he was as angry as he seemed, I couldn't tell-but he was aroused.  That much, I could see.  Since we were no longer shackled, I lay down on my back.  If I raised my legs, he could fuck me from the front.  I'd done it that way with Harris.  It was better than  being fucked from the rear.  I wanted to see Terry's face while he fucked me.

"What are you doing?  Assume the position."

"You can fuck me from the front.  I can raise my legs.  It's better that way."

"No, it's not.  I don't want to see your face while I fuck you.  I damn sure don't want your cock and balls rubbing against me while I do.  Get on your stomach."

I turned over on my stomach.  "Well, raise your ass up.  You know what to do."

"You mean you want to fuck me like Snyder fucks you."

I shouldn't have said it, but I was disappointed that he wouldn't fuck me face-to-face.  He hit me again.  "Shut up about Snyder.  This isn't about Snyder.  This is about your coming in my mouth."

Actually, it really was about Snyder.  If Snyder hadn't been raping him, I knew he wouldn't be raping me-although, since I wanted it-wanted him to force me-and he knew it as well as I, was it really rape?  Were we both playing a game?  Perhaps, this way, Terry could pretend-as most other cons did-that it wasn't a homosexual relationship.  This way, I was just a piece of ass-just a hole to fuck.

Making no effort to be gentle, he rammed his cock into my ass.  It hurt briefly-then, there was only pleasure.  Holding onto my hips, he rammed his cock into my ass as far as it would go.  Since we were both sweating, the pounding of his groin against my ass made a loud smacking sound.  He would pull his cock almost completely out of my ass, then ram it back in until his groin slapped my butt, thrusting his cock against my prostate as he did.  Magnified by the violence of his pounding, the feeling was exquisite. I reached back to pull on my cock. 

He knocked my hand away.  "This isn't for you.  This is for me," he said.  "I don't want you to come."

I came anyway.  I don't know whether it was because of the pressure of his cock on my prostate, or because of the violence with which he pounded my ass-or because of my being so aroused by his raping me-but, I came without touching my cock.  I pumped a huge load onto the mattress.  Terry came with me.  He moaned, shuddered, then collapsed onto me, forcing my stomach down onto my wet come.

He lay on top of me for a moment-with his cheek next to mine-then rolled off me, stood, walked to the sink, and began washing.  He avoided looking at me.

I was confused.  It was the hottest sex I'd ever had, but, whereas, with Harris, there had been a merging of souls, this had just been sex-hot, exciting, mind blowing sex, but just sex.  I wanted the other from Terry, but knew I'd never get it.  It would have required Terry to admit to himself that he loved me.  I think, despite what he had said, he cared for me.  I knew the sex had been so good for him that he would continue to want it.  I guess that would have to be enough for now.  I got up and started to climb up on my bed.

"You came all over my mattress," he said.  "I'm not laying in your wet spot.  Switch mattresses."

After switching mattresses, I washed, then climbed onto the bed-onto my wet spot.  Terry wouldn't let me turn the mattress over.  He said he didn't want to smell my come.