In the morning, Matthew took his tablets and went to see Lukas. He didn’t even bother with the screen saver. He felt sick, and he forgot about it once he’d had his breakfast and his shower, and he didn’t want to get out of the bed again. He stared at the ceiling for a while, staring at a point in the corner. If it didn’t work, he would use the screen saver. He stared at the corner for fifteen or twenty minutes, thinking of nothing, trancing, and then he pulled the glasses onto his head.

Lukas was still in bed. He was awake, but he was still in bed. He was lying on his back with his hands behind his head and thinking about how he didn’t have any balls now, thinking about yesterday, and what he had let Matthew do.

He supposed it didn’t matter. He didn’t feel that bad about it. And now he had Matthew, like a boyfriend, all the time until he went to England in the new year. It wasn’t a bad payoff, he supposed, seeing as how his balls had been ruined already, like Matthew said.

He put one hand on his chest and held it there gently, keeping the other behind his head. Between his legs, there was nothing. It was empty.

Matthew put his hands down and felt Lukas’ sack. There was nothing in it. It was just a pocket of skin, but it was tender, and he decided to leave it alone.

He put Lukas’ hands back behind his head and rubbed his thighs against each other. Man, that felt weird, and it did feel kind of good. He supposed he had felt this before, when he was a little boy, before his balls had dropped. It felt sort of clean. And Lukas couldn’t be unhappy about it. Not really.

It was what he had wanted.

And Lukas’ gear was so small that it didn’t really matter. It wasn’t like he was going to miss it. Lukas knew that it had to be this way, that he had to get all of his gear done. His balls had needed to be done, and his cock needed to be done too.

He wasn’t going to be happy until it was.

Matthew put his hand down and felt it. It was so small. And beneath it there was nothing. There really wasn’t any point in Lukas having it, and Matthew supposed it wouldn’t take much to convince him now. The thing to do was just to get it cut off, and then Matthew could stop coming into Lukas’ mind, could leave him alone, and Lukas would feel better.

Matthew was sick of it anyway. It was so much effort to convince Lukas to do anything, even when it was for his own good. The only really certain way was to drum a thing into his mind, like he had when he had told Lukas that he couldn’t come until his nuts were crushed. That had worked, and it had worked on some level beyond the conscious, seeing as how Lukas’ body hadn’t let it happen until his balls were crushed.

It would be the kindest thing really. The easiest way for Lukas. If Matthew just drummed an idea into his mind.

Matthew tried to think of the simplest thing possible. One simple thing that would make it easy for Lukas to accept what had to happen. He thought of ‘You want to cut your dick off’, ‘Get your cock cut off’, but finally decided on ‘Let Matthew cut your cock off.’ Really, it was the sort of thing he should have said to Lukas with his balls. Rather than telling him he couldn’t come until his balls were crushed, he could have just said, ‘Let Matthew crush your nuts.’

Matthew frowned, with Lukas’ brow, thinking how stupid he had been, and then he took a deep breath and started.

He started a chant – ‘Let Matthew cut your cock off’ – drumming it into Lukas’ mind, and he kept it up for an hour or more. With any luck this was the last time he would have to come into Lukas’ mind, though he might do it one more time, when his cock had been done, and the wound had healed. He kept the chant up for an hour or more, reciting it over and over again, ‘Let Matthew cut your cock off. Let Matthew cut your cock off. Let Matthew cut your cock off.’ By the end of it, it sounded as though there were a whole multitude of voices in Lukas’ head, all of them reciting the same chant in unison, and sounding like the guys had used to do at a game.

Matthew stopped, and the chant reverberated on: ‘Let Matthew cut your cock off. Let Matthew cut your cock off. Let Matthew cut your cock off.’ It died away in Lukas’ mind and Matthew felt chilled. He wondered what that had been. It had been like Lukas said, as though there were a whole group of evil spirits in his head, and all of them chanting the same chant, like the guys at a game.

Lukas drew his head back and opened his eyes. And then he repeated the words in his mind. Let Matthew cut your cock off, he said to himself, but he didn’t know what the words meant. He ran them through his mind again, frowning, and then he understood, all at once.

Why was he thinking that? he wondered. Maybe he should he let Matthew cut his cock off, he thought. He kind of thought that he should, but he wasn’t sure that he wanted to.

He rolled over, and looked at the clock, and realised that more than an hour had passed. He jumped out of bed, and decided that there were spirits in his head again, and that he had been under their control.

That was it, Matthew figured. He wouldn’t do it anymore. He wouldn’t come into Lukas’ mind again. He had done what he could, but that was enough. He was sick of it, and if he pushed it anymore, Lukas would go crazy.

That afternoon, he rang Lukas, and asked if he could come over. As he was leaving the house, his mother stopped him.

‘Are you going to be home tomorrow?’ she said.

‘I don’t know. We’re probably going up to the beach.’

‘Well can you leave it till another day? I’ve arranged to have the carpet people come, and I need you to help move the furniture.’

‘It’s their job, Mum. It’s what they do. They don’t expect people to help them.’

She nodded, looking closely at his eyes.

‘You’re still on those things, aren’t you?’ she said.

‘I’m off them, Mum. I’ve finished with them. I’m taking something else.’

She nodded, but she didn’t seem convinced.

#

‘Are you going to wear that thong?’

‘I was going to wear shorts.’

‘Well I’m not wearing the speedos unless you wear that thong – or the wetsuit.’

‘The wetsuit?’

Matthew nodded.

‘It hurts the eye of my dick.’

‘Well it’s either that, or the thong.’

‘Why do you get to choose?’

‘Lukas, look at the size of my dick. Do you really think I want to go on the beach in a pair of speedos?’

‘But you said you would.’

‘I’ll tell you what. I’ll pull you off, if you wear the thong, and I’ll wear the speedos.’

‘Fair enough,’ Lukas said.

It was the only thing Matthew would do for Lukas, and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like touching Lukas’ cock. It shouldn’t be there, and he didn’t like the way Lukas’ sack looked either. The stitches were still in there, and it looked messy, not like he had imagined it would be. It was a big raw scar, and he had made something ugly on Lukas’ body. It was kind of funny, and kind of okay, because you could see he’d been operated on, like an animal, and had his balls removed, but he needed to have a smooth patch of skin on his groin and nothing else.

In the morning, his mother asked him again if he was staying home, and right when he was about to walk out the door. He had his things for the beach all packed, even bringing the speedos like he had promised Lukas, though he was wearing a pair of board shorts and a jockstrap. He supposed he could still get out of wearing them somehow, but he wanted to see Lukas in that thong again, now that he had no nuts, and wanted to see him up on the board so that Rodney could see the thong too, and get to touch his sack, if that was possible, while Matthew was pulling him off, if it was possible to trick Lukas again so that he didn’t know who was touching him.

Matthew had felt it plenty by now, and it was better than it had been when Lukas’ balls were mush. There was nothing in it. It was just skin. And you could roll the sides against each other, feeling them slippery under your fingertips. But he should have cut more of the sack off. It should have been right up against his body. Lukas shouldn’t really have a sack at all, and he still had two-thirds of it. Still, he was going to look pretty silly in the thong. You would be able to tell he didn’t have any balls.

‘I’m going to the beach, Mum. I told you yesterday.’

‘I suppose I’ll have to get your father to help me.’

‘You can’t get him to come home from work for that. It’s their job, Mum.’

She nodded.

‘Can you please not move anything on your own?’

He knew she would.

‘I’ll have to, Matthew.’

He blew air through his mouth and walked out the front door, slamming it behind him.

‘I don’t fucking care,’ he muttered to himself as he was walking down the front path. ‘She can do what she likes.’

In the car, Lukas started to talk about Rodney, wondering whether they would see him today. Matthew hadn’t rang him, to say they were definitely coming, but he supposed Rodney would be there.

‘We could go up to his house, and see if he’s home,’ Lukas said.

‘Why do you like him so much?’

‘I don’t know. He’s just…friendly. He talks to you like kids do. Like he’s always been your friend.’

Matthew nodded.

‘You know what I mean?’

‘Kind of.’

‘It’s like when kids come up to each other and they don’t even know each other and they just start talking like they’re old friends. He’s like that.’

Lukas had brought the thong, but he had brought shorts as well. It looked as though he had packed for a short holiday, from the size of his pack, and when they were in the change room, he stripped down to his jocks, and then stopped.

He had a Ben Ten pair on that looked new.

‘I can’t really wear it,’ he said, pulling the thong out of his bag.

‘Why can’t you?’

‘What if someone thinks I’m a kid again and calls the police?’

‘They’ll know it’s us. And they’re not going to drive all the way out here from Mission Blakeney again, are they?’

Lukas frowned, looking at them. He looked confused for a moment.

‘You’ll be able to tell,’ he said.

‘What?’

‘You’ll be able to tell that I don’t have any nuts.’

‘Of course you won’t,’ Matthew said. ‘You’ve still got a sack haven’t you?’

‘Not really.’

‘Just put them on.’

Matthew peeled his T-shirt over his head, and Lukas went into a stall. When he came back out, he wearing the thong, and nothing else. He had his jocks in his hand.

He folded his jocks while Matthew stared at his groin. Lukas’ cock was sitting straight out, like it always did, even when he was only a little bit cold. Underneath it, the pouch was empty, and because there wasn’t anything in his sack, the tiny little pocket didn’t have anything to stretch around. It was running back, in folds, to a point, where it met the string at the back of his sack. And because the pocket wasn’t wrapping around a sack, it wasn’t wide enough to bridge the space between his legs. You could see the creases in his groin on the inside of each leg, and it was obvious he didn’t have any balls. He couldn’t have. It didn’t even look like he had a sack. The only thing the fabric was covering was the line of stitches down the centre of what was left of it.

‘Oh,’ Lukas said, bending forward and trying to stretch the material out so it would cover what was left of his sack. ‘I can’t really wear it,’ he said, looking up at Matthew.

‘It looks fine.’

‘Can you tell?’

Matthew shook his head. ‘It doesn’t look any different.’ He was already hard. He still had his jeans on, and he was waiting, trying to get his cock to go down.

Lukas picked his T-shirt up, which he had already folded, and shook it out.

‘What are you doing?’

‘I was going to put this on.’

‘We’re practically on the beach.’

Lukas nodded.

‘Put it in your bag.’

Lukas folded it up again and put it in his bag. He drew the drawstring on the bag, stepped into his sandals, and then sat on the bench, next to Matthew, dressed in nothing but the thong and his sandals.

‘Well are you going to get changed?’

‘I’ve got a stiff.’

Lukas said nothing.

‘I can’t get it to go down.’

Lukas nodded, biting his lips.

‘Can I fuck you? In one of the stalls?’

‘If you want.’

Matthew nodded a single nod and got up and followed Lukas into a stall. Lukas reached his hands up to his waist to pull the thong down, but Matthew said,

‘Just leave it. Just bend over.’

Lukas bent forward and Matthew reached into his crack and pulled the string of the thong to one side with one hand. With the other, he spat on his penis and rubbed the precum that it was on it over the head.

‘This is going to hurt,’ Lukas said.

Matthew gripped him by the hips and thrust his cock forward. Normally, when he fucked Lukas, Lukas did something first, going off to the bathroom and coming back with lubricant all around his hole and inside it from the feel of it.

‘You’re too big,’ Lukas said, as he started to thrust forward.

‘Just shut up. Someone will hear you.’

He thrust and pulled Lukas back against him at the same time. His cock entered Lukas’ hole, and he came, which made it easier. He slid his cock all the way in, and then out slowly, and then started to pump, working himself up toward another climax. He reached around and grabbed Lukas’ sack, and by the time he came again, Lukas was making little sounds of discomfort.

‘Man you’re big,’ Lukas said, turning around.

‘I’ll get it to go down in a minute.’

He opened the door and looked out. As usual, the change room was empty.

They walked over to the bench and Matthew pulled the speedos out of his bag.

‘Do I really have to wear these?’ he said.

‘You cut my balls off, Matthew.’

Matthew nodded.

He pulled his shorts and jockstrap off and pulled the speedos on quickly. He supposed it was only fair. He peeled his T-shirt off, stuffed his clothes into his bag and stepped into his flip-flops.

‘Come on, then,’ he said, swinging his bag over his shoulder.

If he wasn’t careful, he would have a hard-on again before they found a spot on the beach.