‘I told you not to tell him.’

‘I had to.’

‘You didn’t have to.’

‘He asked me.’ Lukas stopped. ‘And anyway, I need testosterone. I can’t just stay like this, without telling anyone. I’ll get fat. I’ll grow breasts.’

Matthew frowned. He hadn’t ever thought of that.

‘What did he say?’

‘He said he’d thought it would happen.’

‘What?’

‘I don’t know. He said he wasn’t surprised. He said he’d pretty much expected it.’

‘What did he say about the sutures?’

‘He took them out.’

‘Did you let him?’

Lukas turned his head away.

‘I was going to do that.’

‘You’re not a doctor,’ Lukas mumbled.

‘What did he say about them?’

‘He said whoever had done it had done a good job.’

‘There! You see! He knows you didn’t do it yourself.’

Lukas said nothing.

‘Well didn’t he want to put you in hospital or anything? Check things out? What did you say about the cords?’

‘I told him I’d tied them.’

Matthew frowned. Lukas wasn’t stupid. Matthew hadn’t said anything about the cords to him, but Lukas knew. He shouldn’t have sealed the wound up like that, without tying the cords. It was only that he had wanted to reef them out, to do it with his teeth and see them recoil like elastic into Lukas’ body. The cords had disappeared. Matthew hadn’t been able to tie them, and they might have bled internally, almost certainly would have, though there didn’t seem to be any signs of infection. Lukas was taking the ciprofloxacin.

Even so, even if they had been tied, Dr Mueller would have put Lukas in hospital, Matthew would have thought. He would have done it to be on the safe side, opened the wound up, and checked things out. Doctors were like that. There was no way that shouldn’t be happening.

‘No way. No way, Lukas.’

‘What?’

‘There’s no way you shouldn’t be in a hospital right now. What the hell is he thinking?’

‘He’s not like other doctors. He said it looked clean.’

Matthew frowned.

‘He prescribed me Proquin.’

‘Oh,’ Matthew mouthed. Well, maybe then, but… ‘What did you say about your cock?’

‘What?’

‘Did you tell him you were going to do that next?’

Lukas turned his head down.

He muttered something.

‘What?’

‘I said I was scared that I…that it was going to happen.’

‘Well of course it’s going to happen.’

Lukas looked up at him. His eyes were wet.

‘What are you crying about?’

Lukas shrugged. ‘I don’t…’

‘What?’

‘Nothing.’

Matthew thought for a moment. ‘You shouldn’t have told him.’

‘What?’

‘That you were going to do your cock.’

‘I didn’t…I’m not–’

‘You’re lucky he hasn’t sectioned you. You’re lucky he hasn’t put you in a psych ward. That’s where you ought to be. Right now. What the hell is he thinking?’

Lukas made a face.

‘What?’

‘He tried to.’

‘What?’

‘Section me. He made a phone call. He rang the hospital, but I stopped him. I begged him. I said I wouldn’t…do…’

‘What?’

‘Cut my cock off.’

Lukas broke down and started crying properly. ‘I had to assure him.’

‘What the hell are you crying about?’

‘I love you,’ he said.

‘I know.’

#

In the morning, it was raining again, and Matthew went back to The Catcher in the Rye. He was wondering why Holden wanted to catch the little kids, when Lukas came into his room and said,

‘Can I get in the bed with you?’

‘Why?’

‘I don’t know. I’m bored.’

‘Are you going to suck me off?’

‘I don’t know. I thought we could just lie there.’

‘Why?’

Lukas shrugged.

‘You know, I wouldn’t mind, Lukas, but I don’t want that cock in bed with me. It’s foul.’

Lukas nodded and turned to go.

‘Well you can still suck me off, if you want.’

‘It doesn’t matter,’ Lukas said. He left, and Matthew didn’t see him again until lunchtime.

#

‘I’ve made a beef stroganoff, seeing as it’s such a wet day,’ McCady said. ‘You’re looking peeky, poppet. What’s the matter?’

Lukas shrugged.

‘Is the weather getting you down?’

‘I’m fine, Audrey,’ Lukas said, sounding very grown up as he said it.

Mr Sorensen was out, and Lukas was sitting at the head of the table, in his father’s place.

She dished some out for them, and left.

Matthew had a coke, in a glass with ice, and after he had eaten a bit of the stroganoff, and had a bite of bread, the coke tasted fantastic, sweet and clean and fizzy. Five tablets were good. He’d just stay on five now until they were finished.

‘Do you want to do something this afternoon?’

Lukas shrugged.

‘What’s up with you?’

‘Nothing.’

Matthew frowned, and went back to eating.

After lunch, he went in search of Lukas. He had disappeared, while Matthew was in the bathroom, and he wasn’t anywhere in his wing of the house. Matthew searched the whole second floor, but for Mr Sorensen’s wing, and then went downstairs. He supposed that Lukas might be in his workroom.

He found the back hall, and walked down the stairs in darkness. The globe had blown, though he found Lukas in his workroom. When he opened the door, he saw Lukas, at work on the painting, the painting still in the same position it had been, facing the door to the little bathroom.

‘Hey,’ Matthew said.

Lukas didn’t answer.

Matthew came around, and stood behind him, and frowned at what Lukas was doing. He was changing the colours in the painting. Formerly, Matthew had been glowing with a golden tan. He had looked beautiful, though Lukas was doing something to it now, adding a sort of greenish tinge to him, and a sort of yellowish tinge, and it didn’t look good. And he was doing something to his eyes.

‘Do you want to do something?’ Matthew said.

Lukas said nothing.

Matthew stood there for a little longer. He watched. ‘You know, I think you’re wrecking it,’ he said.

Lukas grunted.

And Matthew left.

Later that night, after dinner, they were in Lukas’ sitting room together.

‘Do you want me to fuck you?’

Lukas turned his head away.

‘I thought you liked it.’

Lukas got up and moved into his kitchen. When he came back, he said okay, yes, and they went into Lukas’ bedroom.

Lukas got onto his hands and knees on the bed once he had taken his clothes off. He put his head and his chest on the bed, and spread his knees right out, angling his arse back and up as much as was possible.

Matthew frowned at him. He was still taking his clothes off, and Lukas had barely said a word since lunchtime. The only thing he had said was okay, yes, that he wanted Matthew to fuck him.

When Matthew had finished, and pulled his cock out, after coming three times, there was shit all over the end of his cock, and all under his foreskin.

‘Oh, yuck!’ he said, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at his cock.

Lukas stood in front of him and squeezed the shit off. He smeared it all over his own cock, and rubbed it in like it was lubricant.

‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘It belongs on mine.’

Matthew didn’t know what to say.

#

On Tuesday, it rained again, but Matthew had finished The Catcher in the Rye, and he was bored. It was a stupid book anyway. How could you write a book about someone wanting to catch little kids falling out of a field of rye? Why would you want to?

When Matthew got up, he walked into Lukas’ room. Lukas was still in bed. Matthew felt like getting in beside him. He even felt like hugging him.

‘Well you can do it,’ Lukas said.

‘What?’

‘You can cut my cock off, seeing as it’s so foul.’

Lukas’ eyes were red. He looked awful.

Matthew was naked, and his cock, which hadn’t been hard, sprang up erect.

He got into the bed with Lukas and held him from behind.

‘Are you sure?’

Lukas didn’t answer.

Matthew tried to turn him over, so that they were facing each other, but Lukas resisted.

Matthew put his hand down and held Lukas’ cock between his thumb and forefingers. It was soft, and small, and he felt, as he had formerly felt, that he could pinch it off at the base.

‘It is pretty small, Lukey. It’s not like you really need it.’

Lukas didn’t move.

‘I mean, if it was like mine,’ Matthew said, sliding his cock up and down between Lukas’ arse cheeks. ‘If it was big, like mine is, then you might want to keep it, but I can see why you don’t.’

Lukas said nothing.

‘It isn’t any use to you, is it?’

Lukas’ body was rigid, stiff.

‘Do you want to do it now?’

Lukas pulled away from him and got out of the bed. A minute or two later, Matthew heard the door to his bathroom close, and he supposed Lukas was having a shower.