While Lukas was in the shower, Matthew went back into his own room and got in the bed. He was naked, and he didn’t want to go down to breakfast, didn’t want to get changed into the tight jeans again, just so that he could go downstairs when he wasn’t even that hungry. He had an erection, as usual, and it was too much effort. He decided not to wear the tight jeans today. He was sick of that crushed feeling.

He waited, heard Lukas finish his shower and walk up to his room. He went downstairs, Matthew supposed, down to breakfast. When he came back again, Matthew got out of the bed, still naked, apart from his socks, and still with an erection.

He walked into Lukas’ sitting room, where Lukas was sitting on the couch.

‘Are we going to do it today?’ he said.

‘What?’

‘Cut your cock off.’

‘You really think I’m serious don’t you? You must be out of your fucking mind if you think I’m going to let you do that to me.’

Matthew pulled his head back.

‘You’ve crushed my balls in a vice. You’ve cut them out of my sack. You fucking well – ate them. And now you expect me to let you cut my cock off.’

‘I thought you wanted me to.’

‘What’s wrong with you, Matthew? You never used to be like this. What the fuck has happened to you?’

Matthew frowned.

‘I’m castrated. I’ve been castrated. Do you think I’m happy about that?’

‘Don’t you like it?’

Lukas turned his head away, and Matthew sat beside him on the couch. He put an arm around Lukas’ shoulder, and pulled him towards him.

‘We don’t have to do it today, if you don’t want to.’

Lukas shook his head and tried to move, but Matthew held him firmly.

‘I’m tired, Matthew. I haven’t had any sleep. I’m not thinking straight, but I know I don’t want you to do that.’

‘But you said I could.’

Matthew kissed him on the side of the head.

‘I’d like you then. I’d like you properly.’

He felt Lukas’ body relax.

Matthew put his hand inside Lukas’ T-shirt and ran it over his chest. He held his nipples between thumb and forefinger, and pinched each of them gently.

‘You’re so perfect. You’re so nice. Except for that.’

Lukas went limp.

‘You smell so nice. I’d probably even love you.’

He kissed Lukas’ mouth, and then whispered in his ear.

‘If you let me.’

Lukas shook his head and tried to move away from him.

‘Come on, Lukey.’

‘Can you let me go?’

‘I’ll let you fuck me.’

‘What?’

‘If you let me do it, I’ll let you fuck me first.’

‘Are you going to suck my cock?’

‘If I have to.’

‘I thought you hated it. I thought it was foul.’

Matthew put his hand into Lukas’ groin. Lukas was hard.

‘Still, I’d do it,’ he said. ‘I mean, it’s not like there’s anything wrong with it, Lukas. It’s just that it shouldn’t be there.’

He wrapped his hand around Lukas’ cock as best he could, though Lukas had put jeans on after his shower.

‘It’s like you’re only half done. I mean, it’s good what’s happened to your balls, isn’t it? You don’t hate it that much?’

Lukas shrugged.

‘You do kind of like it, don’t you?’

Lukas said nothing.

‘You said you did.’

‘Maybe.’

Matthew kissed him again, and wrapped both arms around him. He held him gently, and whispered in his ear.

‘Don’t you think it’d be nice if you had nothing there?’ He put his hand into Lukas’ groin again. ‘Don’t you think it would be good if there was nothing, just a smooth patch of skin?’

He pressed down on Lukas’ groin. He unbuttoned Lukas’ jeans and unzipped them, doing it with one hand, and then he put his hand inside Lukas’ jocks, making scissors out of his fingers, like he was cutting Lukas’ penis off, but pressing down all around Lukas’ cock with his hand.

‘If I could feel it like that, if I could feel it with nothing there, then I’d like you. I’d want to lie in bed with you. I’d want to sleep with you. I’d probably even love you.’

Lukas was silent, but he wasn’t resisting.

‘You know, I do really like you, Lukey. It’s not like I’m trying to be mean to you.’

Lukas turned his head down, and Matthew kissed the back of his neck.

‘You’re going to make me.’

‘What?’

‘You’re going to make me let you.’

‘You want me to.’

Lukas shook his head.

And they were silent for a long time.

‘You know, I really love you?’ Lukas said. ‘Do you know what that means?’

Matthew didn’t answer.

‘I’ve loved you ever since we were little kids.’

Matthew nodded, and kissed his ear.

‘I used to think how lucky I was to have this wonderful person for my friend. I couldn’t believe you’d chosen me. I couldn’t believe you wanted to be my friend.’

‘I do want to be your friend.’

Lukas tried to shake his head. ‘You don’t know what it means. You don’t know what it means to love someone.’

He turned his head toward Matthew, and their faces were barely an inch apart. Lukas stared into his eyes.

‘I’d do anything to make you happy. Anything you asked me. Do you understand that?’

Matthew laid his head beside Lukas’. He nodded. ‘Well let me, then,’ he said, whispering into his ear.

‘Why do have to ask me?’