Tim's Last Orgasm 16: A Letter From Carlos

"I got the strangest phone call from your school today, Tim," his mother said as they all sat around the dinner table. Tim froze in mid bite. He had stopped at Laura's house to work on their research paper after school, and had arrived home just in time to wash for dinner.
"F-from s-school?" he echoed, absolute panic in his voice. Now he really was going to kill Larry! It seemed that his brilliant idea of going on the offensive and spreading rumors all over the school had backfired. His parents both laughed at the look of stark terror on Tim's face.
"You look as if you've just been caught after committing mass murder," his mom said. "It's nothing bad, Tim, at least I don't think so. It was Mrs. Shannon, the school counselor. She was calling to tell me she had been made aware of your... err.... ‘problem' as she put it, by your gym teacher. She said he had also told her that your recovery and adjustment were nothing short of miraculous, that she was so very glad you are all right now, and that you were adjusting so well that she saw no need for counseling by her or anyone else. She told me that I should be very proud of you, that only one in a million boys in your situation could handle it at all, let alone take it completely in stride. She said your gym teacher said you even showered with the other boys today and had none of the problems she would have expected.

"She went on and on about how mature your handling of the situation was, and how unusual that is for a boy your age. She talked about what a radical cure it was and how devastating it must have been for you. She even mentioned Cancun and how courageous you were to continue your research in spite of what you were going through. What problem, Tim? What in the world is she talking about? What have you been going through?"

"Well, I..." Tim stammered. Now what was he to do? No matter what he told them now, someone would be lying. He knew she would never buy the story that Larry had spread all over school, and if he told her the truth she would probably remove personally the remaining genitals he possessed, then she would call the school to set the record straight, which would make him the laughing stock of the entire school. He was still stammering and simply grunting, trying to think of some way out of the corner he and Larry had painted for him when Terry spoke up. "I'll tell them," he offered.

"Stay out of it, Terry," Tim ordered. He knew that any attempts by his brother would only make matters worse.
"Mom, didn't Mrs. Shannon also tell you that Tim has a lot of trouble talking about it?"
"Actually she did," Mom replied. "But she said under the circumstances that was perfectly understandable. What do you know about it, Terry?" Tim tried to make himself smaller, even disappear altogether if he possibly could. He made a mental note that his little brother would never see his 14th birthday; that is, if he lived to see his 18th, which at the moment seemed quite doubtful. But Terry had his parents' attention now, and Tim knew the jig was up.

"It happened in Cancun," Terry began.
"I'll tell them," Tim interrupted. "After all, it was me..."
"Trust me, Tim," Terry pleaded, "please?"
"Somebody better tell us something," their dad said impatiently. "What happened in Cancun? Did you get in trouble down there, Tim?"
"No, Dad," Tim answered, "nothing like that. But I..."
"Let me tell them," Terry insisted again. "I know how embarrassing this is for you, Tim! Let me do this for you, ok?" Tim didn't know why, but there was something about the way his brother was insisting on revealing his secret that instilled confidence in him. Terry had never been like this before. He had always been the one to stir the pot even more and raise anxiety levels and anger as high as he could get them. This time, his face was dead pan serious and his voice pleading. So much against his better judgment, Tim shut up and let his brother talk.

"Actually I shouldn't say it happened in Cancun," Terry went on. "It actually started when Tim was 8. That's when he got... unhhh... when he was circumcised. He never got over that, Mom, Dad.
"But we had no choice," their dad protested. "If you two boys knew how much pressure I had to resist from the doctors anxious to start cutting on both of you when you were mere days old! I have never believed in that practice, unless there is a good reason! But the infection..."
"I know, Dad, and so does Tim. But just the same, it left him so incredibly self conscious it was painful to even be seen in his underwear, and as he got older it just got worse! But then when this trip to Cancun came up, Tim saw a chance to deal with it, and he did." Tim braced himself. It certainly wouldn't be long now. He could see the face of death itself looming over Terry's right shoulder.

"You know those pictures he brought back from Cancun? The ones of Tim and the friends he'd met?"
"Well, yes. Such handsome kids they are! But I don't see..."
"It was no accident those towels were where they were, Mom. When those pictures were taken, they were all naked."
"Naked?" Mom almost screamed. "Timothy Chandler!" Tim was just as shocked as his parents. What his being on a nude beach in Cancun had to do with a call from the school had baffled him as much as his parents.
"Let me finish, Mom," Terry said. Tim was wondering if there was any way to kill someone twice. "It was a nude beach, Mom," Terry went on. "That was Tim's cure! He made some friends, and that part was not really a part of his plan, but it helped. There were people of all ages there, and Tim, with the help of his friends, stripped completely and went walking up and down the beach, went swimming, and even danced with Gina, and everybody was naked. I can't even imagine how painful it musta been for him, but he saw what he had to do and he did it."

Tim had never known such complete and total silence in the Chandler kitchen as there was when Terry paused. His mom was looking at him with an expression of absolute disbelief, his father... was that pride he saw in his father's face? But Terry wasn't even close to being finished yet. "You remember the night Tim went to the Y, and he went ‘way downtown and you couldn't figure out why he didn't just go to the East Side Y?" Terry went on. "It's because the downtown Y has a swim period when they allow nude swimming. Tim was getting himself ready because he was gonna have to shower at school today, and he wanted to get his mind prepared for it. He solved his problem all by himself, Mom and Dad! There's kids that go through years of counseling and can't get over their problems, but Tim did it all by himself, with no help from anybody. I'm so proud of my big brother!"

There were tears in Terry's eyes as he stopped talking. Talk about pride! Tim loved his little brother at that moment more than he had ever thought possible. He thought that was the best piece of acting he had ever seen in his entire life! Or was it acting? The emotional pleading, facial expressions, body English could all be practiced; but what about those tears? How on earth could he have invoked those tears?

"You're such a con artist!" Tim said when he and his brother were in his room getting ready for bed. "I guess I owe you another one."
"Good," Terry said with a grin. "One of these days I'm gonna collect."
"You probably will," Tim said, knowing full well what his brother was talking about. "Not tonight, though. Tonight I'm so bushed I just wanna get into bed and chill."
"Yeah, I'm kinda tired myself," Terry agreed. "I think I'm gonna go back to my own room tonight, if that's ok?"
"I think that's a great idea," Tim said. "Oh, by the way, I've gotta start back at the computer store next weekend. I'm gonna ask Mr. Nelson for the parts to build you your own computer. We can network the both of them through my Internet connection so you can surf on your own when you want to."
"I don't mind using yours," Terry said nobly. "But it will be cool having my own. You sure he won't mind?"
"Nahh. He throws away lots of perfectly good parts, and he don't mind if I take enough to build a puter now and then, long as I don't abuse it. So don't tell anyone we got the parts for free, ok?"

"Before I go," Terry said nervously, "I almost forgot. We got a big basketball game day after tomorrow, an' I'm playin' center. We're playin' St. Anthony's, an' I can get you a couple tickets if you like."
"You're playing center? Starting?" Tim said with surprise.
"Uh-huh. So you wanna come?"
"Well... well yeah, man! That's great! Can I bring Laura?"

Terry eyed his brother curiously. In light of all Tim had told him, and all that he'd observed, he would have never expected him to choose Laura to take to the game. However Tim had already told him that Laura thought his little brother was adorable, so maybe he was trying to get them together. That wasn't going to work, but Terry was so excited about having Tim at the game he agreed enthusiastically and promised to get two tickets. "Thanks, Tim," he said as he hugged his brother again, then padded down the hall to his own room.

Tim had told his brother only half the truth. He'd been honest when he'd said he was tired, but he was also elated. The incident in the locker room had gone so well, and then the exchange with his parents had gone far better than he had ever dared hope, and tonight he wanted to sleep alone so he could experiment. He knew, just knew, in the mood he was in tonight he'd be able to get himself off, cock or no cock; he was certainly anxious to give it a good try.

He lay on his bed, naked and uncovered. He ran his hands down his flat abdomen to the vacant area created in Cancun. It felt good! Tim had forgot how incredibly great it felt to be gliding his hands lightly over that flat hairy area where once had stood a proud and hard penis. He felt a shudder go up and down his spine as his phantom hardon developed somewhere deep inside him. He rubbed harder, totally engrossed in the pleasurable feelings it was giving him. He kept rubbing, and the feelings grew more intense. He took his balls in his hand and rolled them between his thumb and forefinger as his breathing became more intense and ragged. It won't be long now, he told himself, I'm gonna cum! I can feel it starting to build!

When Tim felt his balls begin to tighten in their sac, he knew he was almost there. The doctors were wrong! He could still cum, just the way he'd always done: by stimulating himself. His elation didn't last long though, because instead of squirting copious amounts of semen out his tiny pee hole, the feeling passed. All of a sudden he felt stupid for even trying. He had come close, he thought, but he remembered the old saying, "close only counts in horseshoes."

He tried for another half hour to get the feeling back, but it was gone. He dug the picture of his penis from its hiding place in the book in his bedside table and stared at it, transferring it in his mind back to his groin, then in his fantasies stroking it with one hand while he massaged the area with the other. By the time he finally gave up he was so frustrated he was crying, cursing himself for having been so stupid. He told himself that he should be happy, that he had accomplished his lifelong dream where literally hundreds of others only thought about it, wished for it, but had never taken the plunge. So why was he so incredibly miserable? He knew why, but he didn't want to admit it. He had done this to himself, and now the terrible truth had finally hit home: Tim Chandler would never again experience the thrill of an orgasm!

As Tim lay on his bed feeling sorry for himself, he remembered all the talk on the Internet and elsewhere about prostate induced orgasms. Most gays did it one way or another, so why not him? Even Dr. Smith had mentioned it. Tim could remember during one of his many checkups that the doctor had asked him if he was active anally, and then he had gone into more detail than Tim ever wanted to hear about how to massage the prostate with... with a finger or a penis, and that it would induce a very satisfying orgasm. He had said that some men even preferred to cum that way! Well, he no longer had a penis and he couldn't use his own anyway, but he had ten perfectly good fingers!

Tim slowly, tentatively moved the index finger of his right hand to his crotch. He lifted and spread his legs to give himself better access and then moved his finger to his anus. This was going to be so great! But as soon as that finger touched his anal opening he knew it wouldn't work! No matter what the feelings and stimulations he managed to achieve, they would be overpowered by the feeling of absolute disgust and shame at what he was doing. No matter how hard he tried, how much he wanted an orgasm, it would not be done by anal stimulation. The good news was that Tim was so disgusted with himself for even thinking of such a thing, he had lost all sexual desire, at least for the time being.

Tim had exhausted himself in his efforts, so he pulled his boxers back on and soon was asleep and dreaming. He was on the beach in Cancun, and all the friends he'd made were there. Like all dreams, this one was devoid of some important details. He would later recall that he didn't know if they were at the nude beach or not, and he couldn't remember noticing in the dream whether or not he or any of his friends were nude; but that wasn't important. What was important was that it was warm and sunny, and they were all having a wonderful time. Life was good again, and Tim moaned softly with pleasure in his sleep.

When he awoke at 6, Tim realized instantly that his entire crotch was awash with his semen. He'd had his orgasm, but he had slept through the whole thing. Nevertheless he felt more or less relieved and rested, so he hopped out of bed and cleaned up the mess, then headed for the shower. He knew that, in spite of the turmoil and frustration of his efforts last night, he was glad he'd had the surgery. He knew now that there would be times he would absolutely hate himself for what he'd done, but in the long run he was satisfied. As he lathered himself and enjoyed the steaming hot shower, Tim also realized that he loved his body just the way it was now, no matter what!

Terry's basketball game was, to quote Tim, spectacular! Also quoting Tim, the game itself wasn't bad either. Tim and Laura both sat, hardly saying a word as they watched Terry and his teammates literally fly up and down the court. His arm and shoulder muscles rippled, their firm, definite shape enhanced even more by the perspiration that covered his body and made it shine. His knees and ankles seemed to be on springs as they propelled him to dizzying heights as he jumped toward the basket, more than making up for his less than ideal stature. They lost the game by three points, but Terry had certainly done his part. But win or lose, the little guy had grown about four feet in his brother's eyes. He was starting to develop a killer physique, a grace on the basketball court that rivalled the biggest of the big stars. Several times during the game Tim had to shake his head to clear it; his mind had undressed Terry and all his teammates, and Tim found himself seeing the entire team playing the game naked! He had a phantom hardon that was so urgent and demanding that he was thankful it was only a phantom. If it had been real, he was sure it would have been visible to everyone in the gym. I gotta do something about this, he told himself, I'm turning into a freakin' pervert!

Tim was beginning to get more comfortable with himself now, as were those around him. He had visited the downtown Y two more times, and both times the results had been the same. He had noticed the odd man or teen staring at him, heard a few comments that he was convinced had been about his vacant crotch, and heard laughter coming from aisles adjacent to his. All of these were to be expected, he thought, but Tim was getting to take them all in stride now, which made him feel absolutely empowered. If these strangers had a problem with his body, it was indeed THEIR problem. He would just ignore them, admire those parts of them that he no longer had, and perhaps someday even meet someone special. But then he met Todd again.

Tim had decided it was just too much trouble going downtown to the Y, so he had gone to the East Side, which was only two miles from his home. On this particular night he had borrowed his mom's car so he could get there and back in less time. He was quite surprised to see Todd in the showers, naked, almost as if he'd been waiting for Tim. "Hi, Tim," he said cheerfully as if to confirm Tim's suspicions. "I thought I saw you coming into the building."
"Hey, err... Todd," Tim responded. He had hesitated on the name as if he hadn't remembered at first. He had, but he didn't want Todd to know that.
"Tim, could I speak to you for a moment, alone?" Todd said as he glanced around.
"We're alone now," Tim replied. He was sure now that he was about to get propositioned, and he wasn't at all sure the advances were not welcome. Perhaps it was time he started to be more receptive to such things, and Todd still had that very inviting protrusion hanging from his groin.
"Yes, I suppose we are," Todd said, again glancing about the empty shower room. He turned off the shower he was under, then turned on the one next to Tim and began rinsing the soap off his body. Tim's apprehension grew. His mind was racing, trying to decide on a response before the proposition was out.

"I saw you again downtown last week," Todd said. "I had been downtown on business and stopped in for a swim, but when I saw you I decided to just watch, so you probably didn't see me." Lecherous SOB! Tim thought to himself. "I've gotta say, I really enjoyed watching you swim," Todd went on as Tim's mind went back and forth between being angry and flattered that he'd been watched. "I'd like... well, I'm gonna just lay my cards on the table, Tim. We need you on our swim team here at East Side. I think it could be a mutual benefit. Would you consider joining the team?"

"The... the swim team?" Tim stammered incredulously. "You want me on the swim team?" Was this some ingenious new line, or was this guy for real? "You're a swim coach?"
"I'm sorry, of course you would have no way of knowing. Yes, I'm the head coach here at the East Side Y. I think you have real potential, Tim," Todd went on. "Your back stroke is one of the most natural and graceful I have ever seen. You obviously enjoy swimming, and I believe you could be a real asset to the team."

Tim's first impulse was to fly into a rage at this man. Here he thought that he'd been lusted after big time, and all the time Todd had been checking out his swimming ability! But before he did or said anything, he realized that Todd hadn't given him the slightest suggestion that he wanted him sexually, that had just been Tim's imagination, his fantasy, perhaps his desire. Tim wanted to say yes so bad it hurt, but there were all those other commitments. He knew from his friend Doug that swimming competitively demanded a lot of time - time that Tim simply did not have. "I'd really like to, Todd," he said after a few minutes deliberation. "I'm afraid I'm pretty well booked right now. I couldn't make half the training sessions. I've got a part time job that's really important to me, and I'm involved in a research paper that's taking a lot of my time. I really appreciate the offer, but..."
"It's not so much an offer, Tim; it's a plea! We really need you. If you could somehow rearrange your schedule..."
"I just don't have the time," Tim said again. "I'm also in a soccer league this fall and that's important to me too. But after Christmas..."
"Actually that's what I had in mind," Todd said. "That's when I'll be losing a few of my top swimmers, and you'd really be doing me a favor by helping me fill the void they're gonna leave. There really aren't that many important meets this fall anyway. Do you think it'd be possible?"
"Well, yeah! I think in January I'll have a lot more time... Can I think about it?"
"Absolutely! After the swim I'll meet you in the locker room and give you my card. I think you'd enjoy it, Tim, and I know you'll be an asset to the team."

Tim swam that evening like he'd never swum before. This would be the first time he had actually been recruited for anything athletic, and he was elated! He was doubtful if he would accept Todd's offer, but still it felt really good to have been asked. He knew Todd would be watching him tonight, so he made an extra effort to look good, and he did. Todd was indeed watching him, and he really liked what he saw. Naturally there were things about Tim's technique that were less that perfect, and Todd mentioned them to him in the locker room. Tim appreciated the constructive criticism and promised to work on improving over the fall, then promised to let Todd know as soon as he had decided.

The time seemed to fly by, and soon it was snowing in Chicago. Tim had secured a spot on the fall soccer team and played, predictably, as well as he ever had; which is to say, not the best nor the worst. He probably could have played much better had his interest been a little more on the big ball on the ground and not some smaller ones he never saw but knew they were there just the same. There were three or four really cute guys on his team, but Tim, as usual, waited for them to approach him and they never had. Nevertheless he enjoyed watching them as much as he enjoyed watching Terry and all his teammates on the basketball court.

Gym class at school was quite another matter. As the other boys became accustomed to Tim's body they stopped paying particular attention to him, which allowed him to watch them all the more intently while his own phantom hardon throbbed undetected in his groin. Within a few weeks he could recite from memory who had the biggest cock, the smallest, who was cut and who was not, and who usually had an erection in the shower. He was developing a real obsession for cocks. He desired them all, admired them all, envied them all. He didn't particularly wish they were his own, but he would gladly have put his hands on any one of them.

Tim was swimming more now and thoroughly enjoying it. On more than one occasion he caught himself staring, even salivating at the sight of some well shaped penis. He would have accepted any and all, from the tiniest to the largest, if he could somehow reconnect it to his own body, or even better, play with it where it was. He was always the first into the shower and the last to leave. Of course he and Laura were working long hours on their project. He was also working long hours at the computer store again, having been asked by Mr. Nelson to get involved in more than just building computers. This suited Tim just fine, because he had pretty well decided that his career would somehow involve computers.

It was mid November when Laura came running up to Tim after school, tears fairly gushing from her eyes, and threw her arms around him. "Is it true?" she wailed as she hugged him tightly. "Is it true what they're saying? Why didn't you tell me, Tim? How could you go through all that and not tell me?"
"Tell you what?" Tim said. The novelty of a cockless boy at school had pretty well worn off and the boys at school had moved on to other interests. Even Tim had got used to his new body and was now regarding himself as being perfectly normal, for him. Larry's revelation to the boys in Tim's class had worked perfectly; so perfectly that the rumors had not even spread beyond the boys in the senior class.
"Your... your penis!" Laura sobbed. "One of the girls just told me you had to have it cut off last summer. Is it true, Tim?"
"Yeah, it's true," Tim replied. "But it's ok, Laura. Really, I don't mind at all."
"But... are you all right now? I mean, did they get it all?"

Tim's mind was working overtime now. Did he dare tell Laura the truth? Did he even want to? But he knew he really had no choice. Laura's parents and his were not exactly kissing cousins, but they did know each other and there was always the chance that they would talk, and Tim didn't want the issue brought up again at home. He had been very fortunate, thanks to Terry, and he wasn't about to jeopardize his brother's efforts. "It's... it's not as bad as you think, Laura," Tim finally said. "I guess I need to explain a few things to you."

Tim did. He was a little uncomfortable, not at all sure he could make a girl understand his feelings, and she didn't. But as usual Laura understood what she could and accepted what she couldn't. She told him that she thought he'd been rather foolish to take such a drastic measure without first having had the benefit of counseling, but she would do her part to keep his secret now that it was too late to do anything about it anyway. She asked all the usual questions: Was it anger at his genitals because he was gay? Did he want to be sexless rather than be gay? Had he imposed some sort of self-punishment because of something he'd done or wanted to do? Tim answered the questions patiently as best he could, which only left Laura more confused.

"I got it!" she said suddenly as her face brightened with the revelation that had come exploding into her head. "You were reading and learning all about all the genital mutilation that the Mayans were doing, and we both already know that you are really beginning to relate to those people. You did it so you could experience a small part of their culture, didn't you?"
"No, Laura," Tim said with a laugh. "I guess it would be easy to say yes, that was it, and maybe I could help you understand a little better, but that is simply not the case. I've been planning this for years, and I cannot for the life of me explain why, it's just something I had to do. Those rumors that are spreading around school are just something that Larry started in hopes it'd be easier for me in the locker room. The only ‘condition' I had was the NEED to have my penis off, so in the literal sense Larry didn't lie, he just chose his words very carefully and let people draw their own conclusions. When he suggested I did it to save my life, he was referring to the fact that I might get desperate and resort to something less than a real medical clinic and wind up bleeding to death."
"Would you have done that?" Laura asked with shock.
"I can easily say now that I would never have done anything so dumb, but... well, the truth is that I was starting to get pretty desperate, and I was communicating with a man in Atlanta who wanted to do it, and he had no training at all. So yes, I think it is possible. I might have gone that route."

Tim didn't particularly enjoy shocking Laura like that, but he had resolved to tell the truth and answer all her questions. The worst part, though, was that Tim realized to his horror that Laura was still very much in love with him; so much so that she stated very clearly that she would gladly accept him as a lover or husband, even now that it would mean a life of celibacy for her. Tim also realized that he had come to the point that he loved Laura almost as much, even though he could still never imagine himself living his life as her husband.

"What happened to the man in Atlanta you were talking to?" she asked. "What was his reaction after you did it?"
"I wish I knew," Tim answered. "I've never seen him online again. I even tried to email him but the note came back. I don't think he's on the Internet any more, or if he is he's changed his provider and I don't know his new address." Mercifully, Tim would never know what had happened to Eric. The truth is that Eric had been very angry at Tim for having gone to Cancun instead of coming to him for his surgery. That anger had consumed him to the point that he had gone into downtown Atlanta and picked up a hustler - a male prostitute. He had chosen a pretty 19 year old, and on the promise of more money than the youth had ever dreamed of making, took him back to his house. There he had introduced the boy to his dungeon, at first subjecting him to mild whippings followed by wild sex that they both had enjoyed.

Over a period of a few weeks, the abuse sessions became more severe, with the young victim being kept restrained in Eric's cage in between. Eric showed him the emasculating machine he had built and explained its intended use. He even convinced his young lover to allow the amputation of a finger as punishment for some contrived sin. Finally, when he thought his victim was ready, he proposed the ultimate sacrifice. They would play a game of mutual masturbation and the loser would sacrifice his genitals: all of them!

Needless to say the game was rigged. The handsome teen never had a chance of winning, but it didn't much matter because by this time the boy was as anxious to reap the benefits of his emasculation: the promise of more money than he'd ever seen before. To further assure his compliance, Eric had spiked the boy's drink with a mild narcotic. The boy had allowed himself to be handcuffed and restrained without a struggle, then he was led willingly to the small machine sitting on a table and strapped to it. Eric had then abused the boy's entire body, including his genitals, with a whip and cane. He had raped him violently, then just as he was cumming inside him, he flipped on the converted meat slicer which had worked with deadly perfection.

Eric wasn't even close to being prepared for the amount of blood that gushed out of the screaming boy's wound, and as hard as he tried, he could not stop the flow. When the boy lost consciousness and was very obviously going to die, Eric dialed 9-1-1. Miraculously the boy recovered, but Eric was doomed to life behind bars. The semen in the boy's rectum, the marks of torture all over his body, Eric's fingerprints on the various implements of torture including the emasculator were all used against him. The boy, it turned out, was the wayward son of a wealthy businessman in Atlanta; consequently the entire incident was hushed. Had Tim known of it, he might well have felt responsible. Fortunately he had been spared that possibility.

Laura began spending more and more time in Tim's bedroom, the two of them working very hard on their project. As November faded to December, everything else in their young lives took a back seat. They were to present their finished paper on December 15, three days before school was dismissed for the winter break. Tim's net surfing, swimming and working out, even his favorite passtime these days, cock watching, faded to insignificance, as did whatever activities Laura usually involved herself with when she wasn't with Tim. Soccer had of course ended when the snow began to fly, so Tim's life consisted of school, work at the computer store, and working with Laura. His mother noticed and wondered if something was developing between them. Or should the verb be "HOPED?"

The day the paper was finally finished was the day Laura made her move. She and Tim were in Laura's bedroom on a Saturday afternoon and had been working feverishly all day. Laura's parents had gone downtown on a Christmas shopping trip and wouldn't be home till late, so the kids were on their own. "There!" Tim exclaimed as he slammed the finished document down on the desk. "I dunno how Simmons is gonna like it, but I'm damn proud of it anyway."
"We did a good job," Laura agreed. "Thanks for letting me help you with it, Tim."
"Are you kidding? You didn't ‘HELP' me with it, Laura. If it wasn't for you, it wouldn't be half the paper it is. Get it in your head, girl, if anyone needs to thank anyone, it's ME that needs to thank YOU! I owe you for this one, Laura!"
"Really? You really feel that way, Tim?"
"Course I do! I wouldn't lie to you, Laura!"

Now Laura was sitting at her desk, fingers idly flipping through the pages of their report, giving Tim the strangest look! That look was making Tim very uncomfortable, because he had no idea in the world what it meant. He felt somehow as if he were being scrutinized, sized up for some event as yet unknown to him. He wanted to say something to break the tension of the moment, but he couldn't think of anything to say. He was beginning to think that Laura was going to try to kiss him, and he had already decided he would kiss her back without resistance. "You really think you owe me?" she finally said without taking those penetrating eyes from his.
"Yeah, Laura," Tim said honestly. "That's really the way I feel."
"Then... Tim, I don't like debts. I'd like to collect." Ok, she's gonna be polite and ask me to kiss her. I can live with that. Tim thought to himself. But he was so very, very wrong!
"Fine with me," Tim answered. "What did you have in mind?"
"I'd... I'd like to see your... errr... I'd like to see where you had your surgery," Laura said, her eyes still boring into Tim's.

Tim was aghast. Other than Larry and his own brother, no one had asked to see his surgical site! At first he'd been disappointed that no one seemed curious, but then he had realized that most teenage boys would probably be afflicted with the same sympathetic pains that Terry had suffered the first time he saw it. But to his knowledge, Laura had never seen a whole male her own age, and it had never occurred to him that she might be curious. As he tried to imagine what was about to happen, he could feel his phantom erection spring to life like never before. This would mark the first time Laura had ever invoked an erection in Tim, even if it wasn't real. "Well... Unhh... Sure, Laura, if you want to," he stammered. He felt his face burning a bright red. He thought that the blood that would have been engorging his penis if he had one must have decided to fill his face instead. Fearing he'd lose his nerve if he waited too long, he stood and unfastened his jeans, then slid them over his hips and let them fall to the floor. He and Laura were both breathing hard now. With shaking hands he hooked his thumbs under the elastic waistband of his boxers and slid them down, then stepped out of the pile around his ankles. Laura gasped and swallowed hard.

"It... it's beautiful!" she exclaimed. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but it's downright beautiful!"
"Really?" Tim said with surprise. "You really think so?" Laura answered with a slight nod of her head. She reached out her hand, her trembling hand, and gingerly touched the area. Tim sighed loudly. "Is it sore?" she asked as she pulled her hand back. "It doesn't hurt at all," Tim replied as he took her hand and gently pulled it back to him. "It feels incredibly good to be touched there."

He opened his mouth to explain to her that the doctor had covered the area with some of the very sensitive skin that had been the upper part of his scrotum, but decided that was a piece of information she probably didn't need to know. Laura's both hands were touching now: exploring, feeling, manipulating his balls, lifting them so she could see the doctor's handiwork around his pee hole. Tim's hardon, the one that Dr. Smith said would go away in time but seemed to be getting more pronounced instead, was really aching now. Tim thought he could even feel phantom precum drooling from his phantom hard cock. Laura stood and faced him, her right hand never leaving his crotch.

"Now I understand," she whispered. "You have made the one improvement to your gorgeous body needed to make it perfect! I absolutely love it!"
"You do?" Now it was Tim's turn to be surprised.
"I do," Laura replied, and then she kissed him as her hand continued to drive Tim crazy. "I dunno why, I can't explain it, but I have always thought a man's penis looked... well, kinda silly. Of course I might feel different if I ever saw a real one up close, but I've looked at lots of pictures on the Internet, trying to convince myself that they are a beautiful and necessary part of a man's anatomy, but, well, I always end up laughing. But this!" she exclaimed as she gently scraped her long fingernails up and down the vacant hairy area. "And your pubic hair is so soft!"
"But Laura," Tim protested, "without a penis, a man can't... you know..."
"Yeah, I know," Laura said. "But you've told me you couldn't anyway. So as far as I'm concerned you've made a change for the better. But... I mean... can I see the whole package? Please?"

Tim was again shocked at her request, but he complied and took off his shirt, then stood before her stark naked except for his white socks. He almost had a heart attack when Laura reciprocated by doing the same. This was a development that Tim would never in a thousand years have requested, but it was a welcome one nonetheless. Now he could examine her as she'd done to him and determine exactly their differences and similarities.

It would be pretty easy for one to conclude what would happen when two healthy teenagers, especially two who had special feelings for each other, presented themselves naked. But these were not your average teenagers. Not only was Tim not the least inclined to penetrate Laura, he was unable anyway. They both found the encounter very erotic, but they were both satisfied with looking, touching, groping. Tim's phantom erection was driving him absolutely crazy and Laura's wetness was making it abundantly clear that her body was ready; even so neither felt robbed or deprived as they finished their explorations, kissed again, then got dressed. Each thanked the other and offered a repeat performance any time, but both doubted that it would never happen again. Even so, Tim's relationship with Laura had reached a new level.

The completed document was turned in a day early, on December 14. Mr. Simmons, who had not seen the paper since the nervous twosome had begun to organize and document their findings, was delighted to receive it early. "I'll do my best to read it tonight," he promised. "It's pretty thick though, so I might not get through it all."
"That's ok," Tim said nervously. "Take all the time you want." Tim was not anxious to have the paper graded because he felt he had failed in his objective. He had set out to prove that the Inca's, Aztec's and Maya's all shared the same ancestors, but he could find no such proof. He had documented his efforts, but he had changed the emphasis of the report to the Mayan accomplishments instead: their calendar, their alphabet, and their trading activities with the other tribes. This, or course, was not new material but merely a documentation of what was already known, written from the viewpoint of two bright high school students. Laura had convinced him to include a somewhat detailed but brief description of the Mayan religion, which of course included discussions about the gruesome sacrifices and emasculations that were a part of their regular worship practices. Tim was reluctant at first, but this information was after all included in his findings, and was relatively unknown. He had found himself becoming quite aroused as he and Laura documented their findings. The one point they had made that had impressed Mr. Simmons, was that the brutality of their sacrifices should not be held against the people. The Mayan people were gentle and peaceful, the report stated; it was the gods they worshipped who were brutal.

The rest of the class had not done a research paper but were simply writing a midterm exam, and Tim and Laura chose to write it as well. Mr. Simmons agreed to give them the better of the two grades for the term, although he had no doubt that the paper would win that competition hands down. He was not disappointed. He ended up reading most of the paper while monitoring the exam, and was truly pleased with the contents. After he had marked all the exams, he took great pleasure in handing out the grades on the last day of school, including an A-plus for Laura and Tim, the first time in his career he had given such a grade. The excited teacher announced the unusual event to the entire class, then asked his two star students to remain behind for a few minutes.

"I wanted to get your permission before I proceed further," he explained when the three were alone in the empty classroom. "I would like to submit this paper, plus a few recommendations from other teachers, to the scholarship committee. With your general school records and the quality of this paper, I think you have a really good shot at an academic scholarship."
"To what college?" Laura questioned.
"You may well have a choice," Mr. Simmons replied. So the happy teens gave their permission, then ran to Tim's house to email Carlos the good news. "We could never have done it without your help and connections," Tim typed as Laura watched over his shoulder. "We both owe you for this one, Carlos!"

To Tim's surprise and disappointment, there was no immediate response from Carlos. He checked several times every day, but still no response. He began to wonder if Carlos and his family had gone away for the Holiday, but Carlos had not mentioned any such trip. No matter, now that the paper was completed, submitted and graded, Tim had plenty to do. He had computers to build for Christmas delivery, shopping trips to take with Larry and Laura, and no end, it seemed, of parties to go to. Everyone at school knew of Tim's condition now, and almost all were totally astonished that his relationship with Laura, if it had changed at all, was enhanced. Of course everyone had assumed that they were romantically involved and probably sexually active, but they certainly knew now that the latter couldn't possibly be true. Nevertheless the happy platonic couple were invited to just about every party that took place that Christmas season.

Tim's sex life was at an all time low. Terry's enthusiasm for getting involved with his brother sexually seemed to have waned, much to Tim's relief, even though he had to admit he was also a bit disappointed. He also began to wonder if it had anything to do with his one missing body part, but he really didn't think so. The truth was that Terry was developing an interest in girls, even having a steady girl friend of sorts. He still wasn't prepared to admit that he had a girl friend, but Terry was seldom seen around school without Marlene by his side, and the gift he had bought her had set him back a lot more than he could afford. No, Tim was sure he had been right on this one: Terry had incorrectly assumed that he was gay, probably in an attempt to emulate the brother he adored. Tim was happy for his little brother, even envious in a way. It would have been nice to be "normal," socially acceptable, politically correct, but Tim knew that he was indeed normal, for him, whether the rest of the world knew it or not.

Terry still continued to nag his brother about getting a penectomy, but Tim was even more determined that he wouldn't. "Sooner or later you're gonna need it," he insisted. "Mom and Dad are still looking for grandchildren, and you're their only hope, Terry."
"Never gonna happen," Terry countered stubbornly. "Even if I do get married, I don't want to have kids."
"Your future wife may well have something to say about that," Tim pointed out. "Actually you might change your mind anyway. You're still only 13."
"I keep telling you I'm not a little kid any more, Tim," the boy insisted. "I know what I want, and no kids is at the top of my list. No dick is a close second." And so the battle raged. Terry was quite willing to bide his time, knowing that Sanchez Clinic wouldn't accept him at 13 anyway; but his birthday was coming and Tim knew he would then have a real battle on his hands.

Tim would have enjoyed a bit of a romp in the hay with Larry and he was confident that Larry wouldn't mind, but he knew his friend would be doing it only to accommodate, not because he really wanted to. So Tim's sex life involved trying to stimulate himself to orgasm every week or so, but he never succeeded. Sometimes his efforts would be rewarded with a wet dream in the middle of the night, but more often than not the only reward he received was a few minutes of pleasurable feelings followed by an hour of heart wrenching frustration. Then it was Christmas Day, and Tim forgot about his sexual frustration for a few hours.

Christmas was very special to the Chandler household, and this year was no exception. The company the boys' dad worked for, a large brokerage firm in Chicago, had not been doing very well as the previous new year dawned. They had offered their employees generous stock options in lieu of pay raises as a way to save money, and Barry Chandler was one of the few who had accepted the offer. The company had thrived, had beaten the odds and survived the hard times in a big way, and Barry suddenly found himself a very wealthy man as a result. He had chosen to share all this newfound wealth with the most precious possession he had, his family, at Christmas. Virginia received a huge diamond ring to replace the somewhat spartan one she'd been given as an engagement ring; Terry had got a state of the art digital camera, a stereo and a CD burner for the computer that he and Tim had built. Tim, to his total and absolute astonishment, had got a combination Christmas and graduation gift: a new car! "You'll be needing one when you start college," his father explained. "I decided I'd rather have you in a new, safe car instead of some old jalopy that might fall apart on the Interstate." But in spite of the joy these fabulous gifts provided, nothing could compare with the surprise that was in store shortly after the family had got up Christmas morning. Their uncle, Jason Chandler, was here! And he was to be here for at least a month!

Tim and Terry adored and admired their uncle Jason more than anyone else on the face of the earth. Actually they didn't know him very well, had only seen him briefly four or five times in their entire lives, but he was their unadulterated hero! Jason was a true free spirit, having travelled the world in search of... well, no one really knew what he was seeking, including Jason himself, but he had no doubt whatsoever that he would know when he found it. When they were small, Tim and Terry had received small trinkets and souvenirs from all over the world, most of which still adorned their bedrooms. As they got older, their doting uncle never forgot a birthday or special occasion, always sending a card with a few lines of encouragement written inside, and those lines were always very personal, ample proof that in spite of his absence, Jason knew his nephews very well.

The Chandler family always made it a point to stay home on Christmas day, which gave the boys ample time to listen to the many stories Jason had to tell, and they hung on every word as their uncle related some of his experiences. Although Barry loved his brother, he didn't exactly approve of his lifestyle and was somewhat concerned that his sons would be so attracted to the stories and adventures that they would want to follow in his footsteps; but Jason, always sensitive to the feelings of others, was careful to relate the bad as well as the good. Tim and Terry both knew that his lifestyle would never be theirs, but that did not make the tales of danger and glory any less interesting. Finally, a little after midnight, their mom suggested that her two bug-eyed teen sons had better go to bed. "Jason will still be here in the morning," she pointed out. "You can worry him to death all day tomorrow with your questions."

Tim had not had his computer turned on for two days, so he decided he would check his email before getting in bed. Besides, he wanted to send a note to Carlos to tell him of the little red sports car sitting in the driveway, a big white ribbon still wrapped around it. Terry was going to sleep with his brother tonight so that Jason could have his room, but right now he was in his own room getting a start connecting his new PC hardware. Tim had promised he'd help in the morning, but Terry was anxious to get started.

It was almost a half hour later when Terry came bursting into Tim's room. He had long since stopped knocking before entering, and Tim really didn't mind. "Tim," he said happily as he bounced into the room, "I'm not sure how to set these jumpers. Can you help me, please?" Then when he saw his brother's face, he froze. Tim was sitting at his computer desk, staring at the screen, seemingly in some sort of trance. The look on his face was the most stricken, the most shocking, that Terry had ever seen in his life! "What, Tim?" he demanded. "What's wrong?"

Tim didn't answer. He gave no indication that he'd even heard his brother come in. He looked to Terry like a wax figure of himself, similar to the ones he'd seen in various museums. He wasn't blinking, showed no outward evidence that he was even breathing! Terry was really getting frightened now, and as his Boy Scout training kicked in, he felt his brother's neck for a pulse. It was there, strong and powerful, though a bit faster than Terry thought it should be. Still Tim made no move, no sound, no response. Finally in desperation, and against his better judgment, Terry looked at the email that was on the monitor.

Dear Tim,

Sorry I haven't answered your note before now, but I have not had my computer turned on for literally weeks! But tonight I wanted to send you an electronic Christmas card, and I found your last three notes to me. Anyway, before I forget, have a GREAT Christmas, my friend!

Things have been happening so fast and furious around here I hardly know where to begin to tell you all about it. We have 4 weeks off school and believe me I am ready for it. But before I get into all that I want to congratulate you and Laura on the success of your research paper. I knew it would be a big success, and so did all the professors you met when you were here. They all told me they could tell by your enthusiasm and the questions you asked that you would do a great job on it. And yes, I would love to have a copy of it, and thanks for offering.

Now, about what's been going on here. As you know, I have been spending a lot more time with Gina since you left. I guess at first we were together because of our mutual friend - YOU! But as time went on we started to get closer and closer until about two weeks ago when we finally realized that we were in love. I know that you and I talked about the possibility of being together in College, but Gina and my dad have convinced me to stay in Mexico for my undergraduate degree, and then I will probably go to California which is where my dad went.

I am really glad we had those long talks when you were here because I know you will understand. I really do love you, Tim, but my love is more like that of a brother than a lover. It was stupid of me to think I was gay, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that I thoroughly enjoyed our time together - ALL of it! I wanted to tell you as soon as I was sure because I know the longer this goes on, the more you would be hurt. I want to be your friend, your best friend, but I can't be your lover.

Please keep us informed about your scholarship applications, and your whole life for that matter. Gina and all the gang said to say Hi and give you their best wishes. Bye for now,

Your friend always, Carlos

Terry felt the tears flood his eyes as he read the note, then looked again at the stricken look on Tim's face. Tim still had not so much as twitched since Terry came into the room. Terry slowly turned his brother's swivel chair until his back was to the computer, then knelt in front of him and looked directly into his gorgeous eyes. He hooked his index finger under Tim's chin and pulled upward, then kissed his brother lightly on the lips. Still Tim did not respond. "I'm so sorry, Tim," he said softly. "I know you were really counting on Carlos to..."
"It's ok," Tim whispered. "He said from the start that he wasn't..."
"Doesn't change the way you feel, big brother," Terry interrupted. He stood slowly, his finger still hooked under Tim's chin, and pulled him up with him. Tim didn't resist. Terry threw his arms around his brother's neck and kissed him again, this time not so lightly, this time more intensely than he had ever kissed anyone. This time Tim responded.

No more words were spoken; there was no need. Terry slowly undressed his brother, then himself, then guided Tim to the bed and turned out the lights. For the next two hours the two brothers were the only two people on the face of the earth as they made passionate love. They both knew that this was a one time event that might never be repeated, but they both also knew that right now it was what was needed just as surely as a drowning victim needs CPR. Before they finally dropped off to sleep Terry had had three orgasms, Tim none; but tonight it didn't matter. Tonight all that mattered was that Tim had learned just how intensely his brother loved him, and his little brother was no longer "little."

Next: XVII Another Letter