Matthew led Lukas into the bedroom by the hand. He knelt down in front of him and put his hands on the waistband of Lukas’ jeans. Matthew remembered how Lukas had used to wear the diapers, before his accident. He remembered how Lukas had used to get around the house in the diapers and his sandals, though ever since Matthew had woken in the hospital, Lukas hadn’t been wearing them. There had been no bulge under his jeans. Matthew remembered how anxious he had been to see Lukas, how interested he had been to see his groin, and how he had wanted it to look perfect.

Now, he was frightened.

It wasn’t going to be possible for Lukas’ groin to look the way Matthew had imagined it, and he knew this, because Lukas was so frightened about it.

Lukas never said anything, but he didn’t want Matthew to see it. Not really. Lukas often had his hands in his groin, or one hand. He was always trying to cover the place, particularly when they were out places. He walked awkwardly, turning his hips, and doing something with his legs, as though these things would cover what wasn’t there.

Over the past few weeks, when Matthew didn’t know about what he had done, he had wondered why Lukas did these things. And once or twice, he had looked at Lukas’ groin, and wondered how the guy could have anything, any cock or balls, when there seemed to be nothing there.

Now, he unbuttoned Lukas’ jeans, and tried to keep his hands from shaking.

There was obviously nothing there, and Matthew knew that now. When his memories had flooded back towards him, on the boat, the first thing, the overwhelming thing, was what he had done to Lukas, and how he had forgotten that.

During the past week or so, since Matthew had remembered, Lukas had talked about it once or twice. He had said that he wished it hadn’t happened, but had said, also, more than once, that he forgave Matthew.

Matthew couldn’t understand this.

If he could explain to Lukas about the tablets, then that might have been something. But he couldn’t. How could he say to Lukas that it wouldn’t have happened, any of it, if Matthew hadn’t been taking something that Christian gave him, and that made him crazy?

Matthew pulled the zipper on Lukas’ jeans down. There was nothing underneath it.

Lukas had said, yesterday, had asked Matthew if Matthew thought he ought to wear a prosthetic cock and balls. Matthew hadn’t known what he meant, and Lukas had gone had gotten the thing they had given him at the hospital. It was like a jockstrap, with a cock and balls at the front of it. Soft and loose like a real cock and balls. Strap on genitals that were much bigger than Lukas’ had ever been. And they looked obscene, like a sex toy.

Matthew said no, that he thought Lukas shouldn’t, but he knew, as he was saying it, that it was because he liked the idea of Lukas having nothing, and liked the idea of walking around with Lukas, when you could tell, really, if you looked.

Lukas turned his head on one side and looked at them, holding them up, and then he had put them away.

He hadn’t been wearing them anyway, Matthew told himself, and swallowed.

Now, Matthew tugged Lukas’ jeans over his hips, and down to his thighs, and let them fall.

Lukas was wearing the Superman jocks. Matthew recognised them instantly, the jocks that he, that Christian, had worn on his head, to get the smell of Lukas. The jocks that Matthew had worn, one day, to Lukas’ place, when he was on the tablets.

Lukas must have found them, amongst his stuff in the boxes, and known that they were his. He hadn’t said anything about it, and Matthew didn’t say anything now. They had been rewashed, obviously, and had regained some of their shape, though it was pretty odd, this thing of Lukas’, about keeping his old jocks, so that even when he found a pair that someone had stolen, and worn, and stretched, he had to take them back, and resurrect them, even if they were falling to pieces.

They were faded, and the pocket at the front, which had been stretched over years of use into the shape of Lukas’ gear, was empty. Matthew could even see, as he looked, the outline of Lukas’ cock and balls, where they had used to sit, though they were deflated now like a flat tire.

The S was rumpled. And Matthew couldn’t help smiling a little. It would pretty funny, in a Superman film, to see that, the guy playing Superman with no gear.

He put his hand out and touched the S. Behind it, there was nothing, where a cock should have been.

Slowly, he raised his hands to the waistband and tugged. He slid the jocks over Lukas’ hips, and onto his thighs, and stared in amazement as he revealed what was underneath.

There was nothing there. Just a smooth patch of skin. A little mound. Perfect. Hairless. And just as though there never had been anything there. It didn’t look as though Lukas ever could have had a penis.

Matthew slid the jocks down to Lukas’ ankles, though he kept his eyes locked to the place. Already he was hard, and as he stared, Matthew could see a faint line of pink, running down the centre of Lukas’ groin, and about the width of a hair. His scar. Invisible.

Lukas stepped out of his jeans, his jocks, and Matthew held his hips and pushed him backward onto the bed, so that he was sitting. He pushed further, pushing Lukas backward so that he could open his legs.

And there it was, Lukas’ pisshole. A perfect little eye, like the eye of a cock, down where the back of his sack had been. And around it, the same perfect skin as on his groin, like the skin of Lukas’ thighs.

Matthew had thought, when he had tried to imagine it, that they wouldn’t have been able to do this. He had thought that the skin around Lukas’ “eye”, which Lukas was having so much trouble with, when he was wearing the diapers, would be like the skin of his sack had been, all puckered, like gooseflesh. But it seemed as though the plastic surgeon had cut all of Lukas’ sack away. There was no sign of it.

Matthew breathed deeply, as he looked at it. It was worth it, he thought to himself. All of it was worth it, for this. Just like he had imagined.

He moved forward, and wrapped his mouth over Lukas’ mound, covering it with his tongue, and sucking, and licking. And as he did so, he felt it become hard underneath him. Firm. And solid. What was left of Lukas’ cock, inside him, had filled with blood, and hardened.

Lukas groaned.

Matthew moved his head forward and grated his teeth gently over Lukas mound. He sucked, and licked, and then suddenly, without him expecting it, a burst of warm liquid shot into the back of his throat, and he swallowed it. It had tasted sweet, he thought, though he was half-afraid it wasn’t come.

He stretched his arms up, along the length of Lukas’ body, moved his body up, and lay on top of him.

‘Did you come?’

Lukas nodded.

‘Can I fuck you?’

Lukas nodded again. He rolled over, onto his side, and moved one leg up a little.

Matthew unbuttoned his jeans.

Lukas’ hole was just as he had always had it. He had gone and prepared, obviously, before he had even asked Matthew. There was lubricant all around his hole, and inside it.

Matthew pushed himself in, slowly, and Lukas groaned. He was so big, so much bigger now than even he had been when he had first started fucking Lukas. His cock was just over ten inches. Almost ten and a quarter. And it was six inches around.

Lukas groaned, half in pleasure, and half in pain.

Matthew reached around, slowly, walking his fingers over Lukas’ hips, and into the hollow of his groin. It was his dream. Just as he had always imagined it. He put his hand down, into Lukas’ groin, where there was nothing, just a firm patch of skin, and he dug his fingers into it, while he fucked Lukas.

Afterwards, the two of them lay looking at one another.

Matthew took a deep breath. ‘I think I love you,’ he said.

Lukas nodded, staring deeply into his eyes.

Matthew put his hand out, and touched Lukas’ groin, gently grabbing it between thumb and forefingers. He stared at it, fondling it, and then he looked up at Lukas again.

‘Are you sorry about it?’

‘What do you think?’