The Secret Wish

I think June was shocked at first. She said nothing just silently listening as I explained that someday when she was ready and willing I wanted her to castrate me.

“What exactly do you want again?” June finally asked.

“I want you to cut my balls off. Leave my penis but physically cut them right off. Not now but maybe a year or so from now when you get used to the idea.”

“No way. I couldn’t do that.” She said.

I explained again that it was what I wanted. I showed her that I had a raging hard on just from the conversation. She was well aware of my problem and failure to satisfy her more than once or twice a year.

June immediately wanted to have sex while I was capable. It was the best time we had in at least three years.

A couple of weeks later June was horny again and as usual I was unable to perform. She mentioned our last time and asked if I were really turned on by the idea of castration. And I answered to the affirmative saying I hoped she would consider the idea. This again triggered a reaction in my groin and a second round of sex in two weeks an amazing feat for me.

Now with a tool at her disposal every time she wanted sex she would willingly discuss my future castration. Soon enough talk alone was no longer as effective. I suppose I didn’t believe that she would really do it. So we started to experiment with cock and ball bondage. Having my balls tied up again help with my ability to perform.

As this progressed the play got more serious. Over time June became a fairly sever femdom in bed. My balls were regularly tortured in order to force a hard on. She would start out with putting her thumb and forefinger around my balls, pinching them off from the rest of my body. In this position by merely closing her hand she could steadily increase the pressure around my balls. She would often threaten to crush them or pull them off while pulling down on them. The pressure combined with the threats worked for a while but as this started to loose it’s effect she tried other thing like all sorts of different ball stretchers. She tried things like parachutes with weights and those chromed rings. Again these worked for a while but like all the previous things started to loose their effectiveness.

I must admit June had extended our sex life for a couple of years but now it seemed that nothing worked.

One day after trying all her usual CBT tricks to no avail she announced. “Okay, I guess it is time to really cut them off your equipment is useless anyway.”

I was not sure if she really meant it this time or it was another of her play threats to get a reaction. So I asked.

“Do you mean that you have changed you mind and you will do it this time?”

“Yes. I’ve grown to enjoy torturing your balls this will be the ultimate.”

“Okay so when and how do we want to do this?” I asked still testing her sincerity.

“Not right away. I think in a month or so after we are sure about exactly how to do it safely. And besides I have a couple of friends that want to watch.”

“Well why don’t we just make a big production out of it?” I said sarcastically.

“Don’t get offended now. When you first suggested the idea I told Mavis and Cindy and how horrified I was by the idea. But they didn’t see it that way. As a matter of fact Cindy just about had an orgasm on the spot. She said it had always been a fantasy of hers to castrate someone and there was no way Ralph would let her. So it was their thinking it would be fun that started changing my mind.”

“I can’t believe this. How many of your friend now about my problems.”

“Look no one has ever said anything or embarrassed you. They now how and when to keep a secret.”

*

After a few days of thinking about it she asked me again if it was all right to have a few others there. I was still dead against it.

“Okay then I won’t do it. I don’t think I could without some help and emotional support.”

I was stunned. I didn’t know what to say. I just shook my head and walked away, but about a week later I agreed.

“Good!” She said all excited. “I was thinking that we should have a nurse just in case and I think we should tie you down in some manner so you don’t flinch or move at the wrong moment. And I want to record it with our video camera…”

“Hold on now.” I said.

“What’s the matter dear?”

“What’s with the video camera?”

“Well it’s like you are never going to be able to satisfy me again. So I thought I’d at least like to be able replay that moment again. On second thought if you really want me to do this I want permission to have lovers afterward. After all this isn’t just your future we’re talking about.”

“Oh shit” Was all I could think to say. Then I added “no way” and went away to pout.

*

I was miserable for a month stewing about my wife fucking other men. When I couldn’t satisfy her why would she stay. I would have her castrate me then loose her before a year was out.

One day she approached me. “Why are you so grouchy, because I want to have sex even though you can’t? It is not like I’m going to leave you or I would have years ago.”

“Why wouldn’t you leave? I can’t satisfy you any more. Once you start fucking some other guy, you’ll want him more and more until I will mean nothing to you.”

“No I won’t leave. I have had other lovers for about five years now and haven’t left you.”

“What?” I was shocked again.

“I’m sorry but you haven’t been able to do much and I do need sex from time to time. When we discovered that castration fantasies helped you perform again I stopped immediately, but what am I supposed to do for the rest of my life?”

“I don’t know. I’m sorry dear. I guess I haven’t been much of a husband.”

“On the contrary, you have been a very good husband. You have always given unselfishly anything I wanted, that’s why I thought you might be man enough to accept this to.”

“I don’t think I have much choice. You are doing it anyway. So I might as well agree.”

“It won’t be that bad. I know you don’t like to give me oral sex but that helps. If you would do that more often I would go out less.”

“Okay, I’ll try. I’ll do that for you anytime you want. As often as you want.” I agreed just to keep her away from other men.

*

About a week later we were discussing about how we would actually do it when she said. “Do you remember when you said ‘Why don’t we just make a big production out of it?’”

“Yea?”

“Well, that got me thinking and I want to make a big production out of it. I think instead of have a few friends we sell tickets and later sell the video too.”

“What?”

“This is a big deal. It is not every one who voluntarily gets it done and if it turned on Cindy and Mavis then why not others on those porn sites that you got the stories from.”

Again I didn’t know what to say. Now that I had agreed to castration, to having her friends come, to lovers afterward this didn’t seem like that much more so in the end I agreed to that wish as well.

*

“Since were going public I think we had better do everything legal in case the authorities find out.” She said a few days later.

After some discussion we decided what should be in writing to protect her from charges and had a lawyer she knew draft it up. Basically I was stating in a contract that this was my idea. That she was against it but was doing it at my request to ensure I got proper medical treatment.

We also agreed that I should be the one to post the announcement on several bondage and torture news groups and web pages. This way the interested people would see the posting and hopefully some busybody would not.

My posting an announcement of my intentions created quite a stir in the SM communities. We were selling tickets at $100.00 each thinking we might have thirty or forty people interested but we ended up with so much interest that we had to book a hall for the event. In the end thirteen hundred and seventy three people came to watch my private parts get publicly removed. All this public attention made me more and more nervous about the impending event.

I had insisted on control over certain aspects. I agreed to be tied into a sort of box arrangement where I was on my knees which were widely spread and leaning back against a rest to which my body was also strapped. This meant I would see what was happening to me. After the even became a public June suggested a hood so the spectators would not see my face, to which I readily agreed. I would also be gagged so as not to cry out but she agreed that nothing would proceed unless I gave a final nod of consent. If for any reason I should change my mind she would stop it.

When the day came we went to the empty warehouse, which had been arranged for the event. We slipped in the back door while the paying guests were coming in the front. I undressed and knelt in the box frame arrangement. June started strapping my legs and chest to the frame while I put on the gag and hood. A cameraman filmed even this portion to show I was fully cooperating and doing this of my own accord. Once I had the hood on June strapped my arms down and the frame to which I was so tightly strapped was pushed on its casters out into the viewing area.

Bleachers had been set up in a circle around a four-foot area similar to an operating theatre. I was greeted to wild howls and cheers. My nerve started to run out. I tried to get June’s attention but she, also in a mask, was busy showing the crowd the needle and razor sharp surgical knives. When she was done one of the cameras zoomed in on my dangling testicles, which were instantly displayed on a jumbo-tron screen above and behind me. This brought on a new cascade of cheers, hoots and hollering.

Again I tried to get June’s attention. I was scared. My gut hurt. Hell even my balls ached knowing what was in store for them but June was still playing to the crowd.

The nurse she had arranged came over with the needle, a local anaesthetic. She injected it several places in to the skin of my scrotum making sure not to go to deep. Behind me I could hear June on the PA system.

“The pain killer will only work on the outer skin. After all we want you to get your moneys worth today. We wouldn’t want our victim to pass out with the first cut we want him wide eyed with terror as our lucky contestant and I take turns cutting each of the exposed cords.”

I had been assured this was only for the show that in fact I would feel nothing. Indeed I had only felt the first pin prick of the needle the ones after that had been into numbed skin. But I was still nervous and trying to get June’s attention so I could shake my head rather than nod. I needed more time.

June came up to me from behind where I couldn’t see her face and whispered in my ear. “I hope you are okay because we don’t have the money to refund to all these people if you back out now.”

Oh God! Now what had I done. June picked up the surgical from the little table, showed it to the crowd once more and turned to me kneeling down in front of me. She pulled down on my balls with one hand the scalpel in the other. She looked up into my eyes.

It’s true your whole life flashes before you. I wondered how I had let myself be talked into this, and then realized I had talked myself into and my wife as well. I had put myself here I couldn’t back out now. I nodded my head. She reached forward and neatly sliced around in a circle above my balls as the nurse had instructed her to do.

The crowd went wild. While I looked down in amazement as the skin peeled away. A couple of small spots were still attached and she sawed them off. I felt nothing as my scrotum dropped into the sterilized pan. Two small almond sized globes dangled by small tubes about as big around as a ballpoint pen refill tube. They were creamy coloured but somewhat coated with blood and a clear fluid that was dripping into the pan.

“Can we have the lucky winner?” June said standing up and presenting a new clean scalpel to a gorgeous young lady that I had never seen before. The young lady now knelt down in front of me. I looked down again and saw that my testicles were trying to retract but were still exposed. I looked up at the lady who was leaning forward in a low cut top. She wiggled her tits. I suppose to give me one last little pleasure or maybe to make me think about what I was giving up. But rather than watch her gorgeous body I watched her hand as it moved in what seemed like slow motion toward my testicles. She took one in her hand pulling it downward to expose the cord.

Suddenly I was in pain and shock. I could feel the cold of the air and a dull pain from being exposed to air. I could feel the slightly warmer sensation of her hand as it pulled down on my manhood. I tried to shriek into the gag but nothing came out. As she sliced through the tube I felt a sharp hot fire in my groin. June and the nurse had lied to me about the pain. What they told the crowd was the real truth.

The young lady stood, lifting her arm high displaying my right testicle to the crowd, which had been in a constant state of noise so loud one could hardly think far less be heard even if I wasn’t gagged. Then she threw my testicle to the floor and stomped on it hard crushing it. It popped under the pressure and when she lifted her foot it looked like a crushed grape, a small orb that had popped at one end spewing out its liquid.

The nurse retrieved it as June knelt down to finish my other one. She closed her eyes leaned forward and kissed me hard on my gagged mouth, probably getting more gag than lips. Then she quickly looked down and pulled the last testicle away from it’s attempted hiding spot. She turned to the camera displaying her prize and sliced through the cord from the back toward the camera. I nearly passed out from the pain. I felt myself getting woozy and wondered if they would let me bleed to death. This made me fight for consciousness.

When June stood up to show the crowd my last vestige of manhood, the nurse stepped in behind her and gave me a shot of something that lessened the pain. I was then wheeled out of the area into the back where the nurse set to work stitching me up which I tried not to watch.

That was a year ago. It only took a few days to recover. It was like I had a deep two-inch cut. After a couple of days I was mobile but sore. After a couple of weeks it was like nothing physical ever happened. Emotionally it took a little longer. I kept checking what I looked like. I kept wondering if I had made a foolhardy mistake that I would regret for the rest of my life.

My wife was like an angel. She paid lots of attention to me to make sure I was all right and long before I was fully recovered she made me keep my promise about servicing her orally. Even though I didn’t like it at the time it has become a regular and pleasurable task. She does see other men on occasion but not as much as I was afraid of. My oral administrations are mostly enough.

I have a prescription for testosterone patches, which has kept my penis its original size. June controls the dosage. At fifty-five I am retired now and her sex slave. Any time she wants sex I licks suck and tongue her until she is satisfied. I’ve come to enjoy it and it makes up for my failure as a man for the previous five or six years.

*

June read this story before it went to publication.

“There are some details that aren’t quite right, dear.” She told me.

“What? Are saying my memory is faulty in some area?” I asked.

“I have a confession to make. I planned this for about five and a half years.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“It has always been my fantasy to castrate someone, not Cindy’s mine. Even before we were married. That someone became you when we married. I lived with it as simply a fantasy until you started having your little problem, performing. When you came home and told me the doctor had said there was little chance of improvement and that was only if you quit your job I started to see that my fantasy could come true.”

“But it was my idea. You didn’t even like idea at first.”

“Not true. I just pretended until I was positive you would actually go through with it. For example where did you get the idea of castration from?”

“I started reading stories on it and found them exciting, far more so than our sex life at the time.”

“And you started seeking those kind of stories out. You used to write to a femdom named Ms Kaye. She sent you many of those stories. As a matter of fact she is the one that started you on them. Right?”

I blushed. I didn’t think she knew I had been corresponding with femdoms on the web. I had been trying to revitalize my sex drive.

“How did you know?” I asked.

“I hope you won’t be too upset.” She paused. “I know because I am Ms Kaye. I planted the seed.”

“But…but… You can’t be.”

“Okay do you remember the story about a woman with her spray of virus that made men’s testicles swell and get immensely sore. She would then tell them the only cure was castration. She castrated a whole town that she first infected. Or how about the one where the serial killer goes to hell and they castrate him and his equipment grows back and they do it over and over again more and more painfully for ever. Or the one where the vicious woman crushers her son’s nut when he gets a bad report card.”

I stood there dumbfounded. I did remember each of those stories as some of the earlier ones I had read.

“I sent you those stories. I wanted to castrate you and I made you come up with the idea. I made you write an ironclad contract so I wouldn’t get convicted of operating without a licence or manslaughter in case something went wrong. I talked you into doing it publicly bit by bit, by starting small with a couple of friends. I make about twenty-five thousand per year from the sale of the video. Hell, between the sale tickets to the event and the even more expensive raffle to cut off one of your testicles I made nearly two hundred thousand dollars profit the day we did you.”

“Oh my God.”

“That’s right. I see it’s sinking in now. So you have a choice. You can leave or you can get down on your knees and start licking. All this talk is making me horny.”

I got down on my knees.