“I got herb, smoke, some dust what you want?”

“How about some little blue pills.”

“You mean penis starch.”

“Yeah, you got the real thing?”

“Man I got the 100 m & m, fresh and up to date.”

“How much you want for six of em.”

“Three.”

“Like that’s expensive.”

“Yo, but I got overhead.”

“Fuck your overhead, I give you two for six.” Ned reached into his pocket for a couple of centuries.

“Hey be cool, I let you have em for two and a half.”

“Deal.” Ned carefully inspected the merchandise and they looked real, oval pills, had the right markings and seemed to be in good shape. Their business concluded Ned headed to the parking lot to ransom his car.

He knew he could pick up a street hustler or go to an escort service there in the city but that wasn’t what he wanted. Once he paid the over blown price for his parking he headed back up state, crossing the GW then up the Thruway. He got off at one of the mid Hudson exits and drove to the downtown area of an older city of about 40,000. There he drove down Broadway until he was almost at the river. There were two or three bars in this area he saw a likely looking spot to park on the opposite side of the street hung a ‘u’ turn and parked. His drive up had taken two hours because of traffic and it was 8:30 in the evening. That’s late enough he thought.

Parked and locked his car. The city had fallen on bad times, employers leaving, drugs, urban renewal had all hit what had once been a prosperous town hard. The bar was old, it had a long expanse of Mahogany Bar down one wall and high backed booths down another. Ned knew he was early there was only a couple of drunks left over from Happy Hour in the place. Grabbing a likely looking stool at the bar he ordered a short beer.

If Ned had a problem it was that he looked like a cop, tall, muscular, with his hair cut short, lots of people mistook him for the fuzz. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

Sipping his beer slowly, he had some desultory conversation with the bartender about the baseball season. ‘What the fuck.’ He thought. “Hey, tell me do any working girls hang out in here.”

The bartender gave him a strange look: “Yeah some of the clerks from the mall come in after nine.”

“Gimme a break, you know what I mean. You want I should show you my dick to prove I’m not a undercover cop?”

“Nah, some nights they come in, some times they don’t, you know how it is you can never find one when you really need one.”

“Ain’t it the truth.” Ned nursed his beer as long as possible, then ordered another. The TV above the bar had a ball game on and some of the regulars started drifting in and the place started to fill up. Ned was glancing at the ball game when the bartender nodded towards the door. In she walked just what Ned was looking for. No one would mistake her for what she was. She was exactly what Ned was looking for, she was young, and she had a pussy, his two most important requirements.

“Hey I been saving a seat for ya.” Said Ned as he pushed out the stool. “Whatca gonna have to drink?”

“Hey mister, you selling something?” She said kind of startled by his approach.

“No dear, I’m buying, now what do you want to drink.”

“Well since your buying how about a slo-gin fizz.” Ned went ahead and ordered her this obnoxious drink. After she sipped it a bit through the straw, Ned was certain he had made the right choice. She was nineteen or twenty years old, dirty blond hair. In four or five years she would be grossly overweight, right now she had the start of a nice little belly that at her age made her sexy.

She was careful with the drink, hookers that drink too much don’t last.

“You got someone looking out for you or are you independent.” Asked Ned.

“No, I’m all by myself.”

“How often do you come out here.”

“Couple times a week, I got this job at the warehouse down on the south side, but it don’t pay much, girls gotta eat?”

“You live at home.”

“Nah got my own place, but I don’t do any business there.”

“That’s smart. Now what do you want for an all nighter?’

They haggled a bit back and forth, Ned wanted her compliant so he didn’t push too hard and they finally settled on three hundred. She knew a friendly motel five miles north of the city that catered to her sort of speciality. So they finished their drinks and headed north on Route 9. North out of town five miles up was this little crossroads town, didn’t even have its own zip code. The motel was fair at best. Ned checked in and paid the going rate for a room in the back. The place was about deserted with only two or three cars and pick-ups out front. Ned picked up a six pack from the motel refrigerator and added it to the bill, made out to the famous Mr. Smith and wife.

Ned had swallowed his first pill back at the bar and he could already feel the tingling down his leg. Once inside the room with the door double locked, and just the night light on, he swallowed his second pill with a swallow of beer.

“Comere honey, want you to see this” Ned took down his trousers and show the girl his cock, “see no drip, no cankers. How about you?

“No I’m clean.”

“Good, now how many guys you done so far tonight.”

“Why you’re the only one, what do you think I am.”

“Sweety I know exactly what you are and that’s why I brought you here. Now how many guys you done this evening”

“Three.”

“Now that’s better, did you fuck em or blow em?”

“I gave two guys a blow job in their van, then I fucked another guy in the back seat of his car down by the river.”

“Then lets his the shower, we will have a much better time if you are nice and clean. You need to pee first?”

“Yeah.”

“Leave the door open I wanna watch you.”

“Then gimee one them beers.”

“Sure thing.” Ned popped a cap and gave the hooker a beer. He removed the balance of his clothes, including shoes and sox and leaned against the door casing of the bathroom while she peed.

“Nice, you don’t shave, I like that.”

“You do, most girls shave now days.”

“Yeah well I like the natural look, a little brush is okay on the way to a picnic.”

Ned adjusted the water in the shower, and helped her off with the balance of her clothes. It was an old motel with full sized bathtubs, so there was plenty of room. Ned went to work immediately scrubbing all the surfaces of the girl that he was after. He noticed she wasn’t in shape, and was tending towards flabby, but for tonight she was his dream girl, as she had the one requirement he needed she was there. After scrubbing her tits and front he turned her around and began to work on her ass. This gave him an idea.

“You ever do it like that? By the way what is your name?”

“Its Linda, no I don’t do that.”

“Ah come on, let’s say your in the middle of your period, you still don’t do that.”

“Well, you know, I might if I loved the guy.”

“What’s the going rate for love?”

“Another hundred.”

“Consider yourself in love.”

“Oh my but it will hurt me, but I’ll do what you want.” Linda leaned her head against the corner of the tub and reaching behind spread her cheeks. Ned promptly entered her nether area and begin to fuck her. He had to get a purchase since the tub was slippery, so he put one arm around her waist and with the other began to finger her cunt.

“Right” Ned thought “she’s had half the Hudson Valley up her.” His cock went in so easily and she pushed back. He came quickly the first time, then he washed himself off Linda and got out of the tub. He helped her out, didn’t want her slipping, and together they dried each other off. There was a kit on the bath and he directed Linda to brush her teeth.

He went outside and took his third pill, then sat on the bed with a hundred in his hand to make her fall in love. She joined him shortly her mouth smelling of peppermint toothpaste, her body rubbed clean. She quickly made the century note disappear, and when she straightened up Ned tried to kiss her but she turned her head.

“Your in love remember, lovers kiss.” He chided her. This time she responded and they locked lips. She was a fair kisser. One thing Ned really like was her tits, she had really big nipples, and when the kiss broke he went after them sucking a biting them. He could feel them harden in his mouth which was a good sign, so he forced her legs apart, got down on the floor and began to eat her out. Not needing to be told twice she started to coo at him and held his head by the ears as he licked her pussy.

Ned knew she was faking the stroking of his hair and the cooing, but he thought he detected a change in her cunt, she was beginning to drip and her thighs were quivering and thursting up to meet his tongue and face. He tried little bites on her clit and that got her really moving. It was time. He got up and moved her completely on to the bed, reversed himself and laid down with his head in her crotch. He pushed his cock into her face and she eagerly began to suck him. She wrapped her legs around his head and fucked his face this time for real. He did the same wrapping his legs around her head and fucked her mouth and throat. She started coming for real and almost smothered him. A couple of quick thrusts and Ned felt her swallow his cum. As he was shooting he took her clit between his teeth and bit it, and she like to bucked him off she came so hard.

They slowed down a bit, she kissed and licked his cock clean, he gave her pussy a few more licks. “Wow, that was something.” She breathed.

“Yes it was.” Ned got up, took another pill with a swallow of beer. His cock even after coming twice was still hard. Crawling back into the bed up between her legs he mounted her and she let out a grunt. “Now for big time.”

“Yeah man, fuck me, big time. I can’t remember anyone fucking me like you do.” She grabbed his ass dug her fingernails in and they were off again. He came, she came, he rolled onto his back and she rode him like a cowboy, she was coming like a machine gun and couldn’t stop. Finally she fell forward in a faint.

They lay like that for a while, Ned finally rolled her off him and got up. He was still erect, taking a couple of swallows of another beer he offered her some which she greatfully accepted. Then he took another pill. He rolled over to mount her again.

“Oh god no, I’m to sore, I can’t take any more.”

“Come on, now, all night is all night.” Replied Ned.

“My cunt won’t take its worn out, I won’t be able to work for a week.”

“Are you talking about the warehouse or hooking?”

“Both, I’ don’t think I can stand.”

“Well if you are that sore, just do this.” He gently took her by the head and pushed her into his crotch, “Blow me again, your mouth can’t be that sore.”

So she sucked him off, not wanting to be left out, Ned leaned down and gave he cunt a kiss. “What the fuck, in for a penny, in for a pound.” Her cunt was sloppy, open and full of cum but he went ahead and licked it, eating himself by proxy. This time it took her a good long time to get him off, and she was flinching from his tongue. But she lived up to it, sucking his balls, rimming him and finally he came in her mouth. She got greedy and sucked him deep.

At this point they both kind of passed out. Ned awoke and was still hard, and it began to hurt. He got up on shaky legs, he seemed to be dizzy and light headed, and walked into the bathroom. His cock was a mess, rubbed raw from her cunt and asshole, with bite marks up and down it and still so hard a cat couldn’t scratch the surface. The foreskin was torn and tattered, in later years Ned would often contemplate what made him do what he did next. After rinsing his mouth out with some beer he swallowed the last of his six pills, 600 mg of sidenafil citrate was now in his system. He tried to urinate, but his erection prevented that. So what is a boy to do, he got back in bed and spread the girls legs and mounted her.

“Wha fuck?” She mumbled.

“Shush, one more time for luck.”

“Oh no, it hurts, don’t, it hurts really bad, I’m worn out.”

“Maybe this will help.” Ned stuck another hundred in her teeth.

“It hurts so good, do it, do it.”

Ned pumped away and sure enough Linda responded, whether out of enjoyment or trying to get him off quickly was not clear. By the time he finally shot a load she was crying with pain and he wasn’t much better, he rolled over and blacked out.

By now it was 4:30 AM. Ned came to and tried once again to get to the bathroom, his bladder felt like it was about to burst, but when he tried to get up, he couldn’t walk.

“Damn, damn, damn, I think I’m having a stroke, call the paramedics!” He whispered to Linda. It took a bit more of his mumbling to finally awaken him.

Coming to her senses she got up and looked at Ned crumpled up by the bed. “Love doesn’t include nursing you back to health.”

“Just call the fucking paramedics.” Ned whispered.

“Well be that way, I’ll call from the office where I can get a cab.” Picking up her clothes she prepared to leave. This was the sort of situation a working girl like Linda wanted to avoid, so old fucker dying on her. On the way out she emptied Ned’s pockets of the balance of his funds, just as a sort of tip. “Hang in their fella, I’ll get the ambulance here.”

It seemed like an eternity to Ned, but soon the paramedics with their ambulance were at his door which Linda had left conveniently open. On the two way Ned heard: “We got a white male, mid 50s, bp is 80 over 30, pulse a weak 35, and he has an erection you could park in a garage.”

Ned couldn’t hear the response. They bundled him on to a stretcher, covered him with a sheet and sped away to the emergency room. The er doctor made a quick examination and asked Ned a few questions. “You didn’t happen to be taking a little something to increase your erections were you?”

“Yeah, I got some pills from a guy in the city.”

“How many did you take.”

“Six, 100 m & m.

“Good grief man, what were you thinking. We may have to put you on a respirator if your bp goes any lower, but time is what you need to get that out of your system. In the mean time you have a classic case of priapism.”

“Whasat.”

“An erection that won’t go away. How long have you had it?”

“Had what.”

This erection.”

“Since about 10:30 last night.”

“Oh shit, I’ll get a urologist down here to take a look at you. Mean time your bladder is distended, you probably need to relieve yourself and can’t, I’ll have the nurse catheterize you to give you some relief.”

In a couple minutes a voice said: “Hi there, I’m the urology nurse, you need some help, I’m gonna put a catheter in you to so you can relieve yourself.” With that she started to thread a long plastic tube into Ned’s penis. Soon his full bladder was running out of the tube like a small fire hose. “How’s that feel better, is that uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, thanks, but that hurts like crazy.”

“It will only hurt for a short while, when Dr. Paige gets through with you, you won’t feel a thing down there.”

“Really?”

”Yeah, she’ll fix you right up.”

They pushed Ned into a corner of the ER and surrounded him with a curtain. He drifted in and out of consciousness. A nurse came by every 20 minutes and checked his pulse and blood pressure. It stayed very low. “Hello there.” Said a cheery voice, “I’m Dr. Paige.” Ned opened his eyes and saw a large woman in a white coat standing beside his bed.

“Ah.”

“Cat got you tongue? Well don’t worry I’m a urologist and am here to help you. Seems like you were a bad boy and took too many little pills. Lets have a look at you.” Lifting the sheets Ned felt a cold breeze on his genitals. “Oh my that is bad, they tell me you have had that erection since last night is that right?”

“Yeah.” It was taking all Ned’s strength to focus on the doctor.

“This is serious, may I say life threatening, you are in danger of a blood clot being sent straight to the heart from your penis. Lets try to take care of that swelling thing before it kills you.” The doctor left and returned with a tray. “Here this is an antihistamine this may take of things. Mean time I am going to draw a little blood from your penis to examine.”

Ned dutifully swallowed the pill the doctor gave him with some water. Then she stuck a small needle in his prick and withdrew some blood. “Be right back.” She said.

Ned drifted off again; the antihistamine put him to sleep.

“Wake up there.” Said the doctor. “Your blood doesn’t loot that good and the antihistamine didn’t work. I’m going to perform a couple little procedures on you surgically.”

“Whasat?”

“Oh just some routine stuff we do to males like you. I’ll use a laparoscope’s to go up inside you and relax those muscles that are holding blood in your penis, then I’ll do a bilateral oriectomy to make sure this never happens again, do I have your okay.”

“Okay, I think.”

“Well now it beats the alternative, now sign the release. The nurse is going to give you a shot to relax you and something so you won’t feel any thing down here.” Pointing to his crotch.

Ned signed the release as best he could.

The doctor returned with her laparoscope. “Go ahead and remove the catheter and put the topical xylocaine in his urethra.” The nurse yanked the catheter out, then took a long tube of a substance, clipped the end off and stuck it in the end of Ned’s penis and emptied the contents. Ned was in pain from the catheter’s quick and violent removal.

“There you go dear, you won’t feel a thing while the doctor works on you.” The nurse then gave him a shot in the hip. “That’s to keep you calm while the doctor works on you. I know you think I was a little rough removing the cath, but don’t worry it won’t hurt for long.”

Ned found he could only move his eyes, all feeling was gone and he was paralyzed.

The doctor began threading the long thick tube into Ned’s penis. The nurse leaned over and whispered in his ear. “I know you didn’t understand the doctor. She confuses people because she likes to do this. She is gonna take care of your little problem with you penis permanently, when she cuts those muscles and the blood flows out, you are never gonna get hard again, just soft and harmless.”

Ned panicked, but he couldn’t move or find his voice. His eyes had the wild trapped animal appearance.

“Don’t worry dear, you won’t miss them, because when she gets through with little Mister Happy, she’s gonna castrate you. You know nut you, so in a few day you won’t miss getting hard at all.”

Meantime the doctor had the scope deep in Ned close to the prostate. “Here we go fella.” She threaded a small surgical knife into the scope and cut the muscles that controls blood flow to the penis. “That takes care of that, the swelling is going down already. Hope you don’t throw a clot. Now for the other part. You wouldn’t want to be frustrated, you’d be back in a short while asking for my help, so I’ll just fix you right now, and remove the cause of your problems.” With that she sliced open his scrotum and removed his balls.

Ned couldn’t even cry.

It took close to three days for all of the penis starch to work its way out of Ned’s system and his blood pressure return to normal. His groin burned like crazy under all the bandages. His first thoughts were to sue everyone and anyone close to this place. Then the nurse who had assisted the doctor came for a visit. “Well how is our new eunuch?”

“Shitty.”

“Oh don’t be an old poop.”

“Why not your have ruined me.”

“Actually we saved your life, and made sure you will never act so foolishly every again. Your castration was the best thing that could have happened to you. Now you can live out your life in serenity not out chasing something you should have given up long ago.”

“I’m gonna sue.”

“Naw, I don’t think so, you’d have to leave the country afterwards. We’d put out the story on you and you’d be laughed out of court. Now accept your fate and make the best of it.”

“That’s blackmail.”

“Yes I guess it is from your point of view. Tell you what if your really nice to me I’ll get the doctor to prescribe female hormones for you. You can have a sex life then taking it up the ass or sucking off truckers at some rest stop.”

“Stop it.”

“You’d be best off healing and going home.”

In the end that’s what Ned did. He spent hours being bitter about his lack of judgment. He never did adjust, and is still angry to this day.