Registered Sex Offender Part 14: Freedom's Challenges

So I’ll accept the rose tonight
The one you give with so much love
You’ve taken all the fear inside
And right before my very eyes, you’ve turned it into love.

There were no shortage of tears as Chip changed out of his prison brown’s for the last time into the new suit provided by the State. He could have made this change in a private little room provided for the purpose in the Admin office building, but Chip wanted to do it in the dorm that had been his home. He was terrified to leave here. This is where he had grown up! This is where he’d made friends, had lovers, learned who and what he was. This was a room he knew he would never see again. There were rumors of this ancient facility being closed down for good, but even if Chip screwed up next week while the prison was still open, he would not return here. He was an adult now, and he would go to an adult facility, not this one.

Half the inmates of the prison knew Chip now, well enough that they all came by to wish him well. Normally inmates were not allowed in any dorm except their own, but today that rule was waived so that Chip’s friends could bid him good-bye and wish him well. “You’re gonna make it,” Chip heard over and over again as he shook hands, hugged, even kissed the boys, the inmates, the scum of the earth that he’d called his friends, his family, his brothers for over four years. It was a truly sobering thought to Chip to realize that this was truly good-bye. Parolees were discouraged from maintaining contact with others they’d met in prison, he’d been told. They could be considered “undesirable characters” by probation officers and therefore grounds for terminating a parole.

“It’s time, Chip,” Sergeant Will Evans said finally as the never ending line of well wishers began to dwindle. Chip nodded and waved one final farewell and walked nervously toward the front gate. “We’re all gonna miss you, Chip,” Sgt. Evans said as they reached the Administration building.
“I’ll miss you too,” Chip answered. He had wanted to say more; he had a speech all prepared, but it was forgotten now. He wanted to tell the sergeant how he felt, how much he appreciated all the kindnesses, all the thoughtful deeds he’d enjoyed from this kind man and so many others, but he knew he couldn’t without bursting into a fresh volley of tears, and he didn’t want to do that. So instead he simply threw his arms around the astonished guard and hugged him warmly, then he turned and walked into the building without looking back, as much as he wanted to. That had been the Sergeant’s final word of advice: “Don’t ever look back,” he’d said. “Some day you’ll realize that this was just a minor glitch in your life, and one you had the strength to turn into something good. Get yourself focused on your goals, the things ahead of you, and make us proud.”

“You’ve changed this place, Chip,” the warden said. “You’ve turned this place from a sinkhole for throwaway kids to a place of hope; a place where those who want it can turn their situation around and make something beautiful out of it. We’ve got more applications for school, college, extra programs than we’ve ever seen before, and I believe it’s thanks to what you’ve done and what you’ve accomplished. When you get discouraged, when you come to the place where you don’t think your life amounts to anything, and believe me you WILL come to that place, just remember your time here. Think of all the people you’ve helped by your quiet example. You didn’t preach or treat the other kids with disdain, you just went about your business and showed us all that you weren’t gonna be intimidated or discouraged. Go get ‘em, Chip! Make us proud, just like you’ve always done!”

After getting a warm hug from the warden, Chip turned to leave and came face to face with the man who had been with him through it all, from the very first day; the man without whose help he wouldn’t be walking out of prison for at least another two years. “Ed,” he said weakly, “I don’t know what to say.”
“Then don’t say anything,” Ed directed. “Just put all this behind you and get on with your life. You’ve got yourself another chance, a very good one, and not everybody has that luxury, Chip. Just remember what we talked about. Things aren’t gonna be perfect, in fact it’s gonna be tough as hell at times, but you’ll get through it. You’ve already proven that you can.”

“You’ve done so much for me,” Chip said, this time not even trying to fight the tears that would no longer be denied.
“I didn’t do anything I haven’t done for hundreds of others,” Ed countered. “The only difference is that you had the intelligence, the guts, the strength to take what I had to offer and turn it into something. You told me once that you’d been called the Poster Boy of sexual abuse, of disgusting filth and degradation. Well, my young friend, you’re also the Poster Boy for all that’s good and seldom seen in the correctional system. You’re my proof that the system really does work, at least some of the time. I’ve been so ready to quit so many times, but now I have an unseen strength. Starting about two years ago, every time I’ve thought of quitting I’ve thought of you, and I’ve had the strength to go on. You’ll be my strength for years go come, Chip; you’ll be my incentive to find more like you in this sewer. Be well, my young friend. And please, if you have any feeling for me at all, keep in touch. Let me know how you’re doing, good or bad. Either way I need to know, Chip. I love you, man! And trust me on this one, eunuch or not, ex-con or not, you are a MAN, Chip, and I’ve had the privilege of watching it all happen. I’ve watched you grow from the trembling, terrified little boy who arrived here five years ago into a confident, capable, gentle man! You have already earned my admiration as one of the finest men I have ever known.”

Chip was again speechless. He hugged Ed for the first time, then said weakly “I love you too, Ed. I’ll be in touch.” Then he headed for the door that would take him out of this place forever and into a world that was foreign, frightening, threatening. With every step he wanted to turn and bolt back to his dormitory, to the safety of life behind the chain link fence where he’d seen his second lover die. But then he caught sight of the young lady on the other side of the fence, on the side of freedom. He knew now that freedom carried with it some awesome responsibilities, responsibilities he wasn’t at all sure he could handle; he also knew that he was now ready for both, at least to try. He returned Kim’s warm smile and began walking to the gate. Without turning he waved behind him, following the Sergeant’s wise advice to not look back, but ahead.

It didn’t take Chip long to discover that freedom was not without its problems. The day he left the prison was one of the best days in his young life. Kim met him outside the gate, dressed immaculately as usual. She drove him directly to their new home; although he’d never seen it except in pictures, there was no mistaking their house as Kim turned the corner in the quiet subdivision.

It was a small, modest bungalow, sitting on a corner lot with perfectly manicured grass, flowers and shrubs. There were three large pine trees and two Bradford Pears in the front, all of which had yellow ribbons tied around them with huge bows. Another yellow ribbon with a huge bow decorated the mailbox, still another blocked entrance at the front door. “I put them up the day the house was ours,” Kim said happily, handing Chip a pair of scissors to cut the ribbon blocking the door. “I’ve been using the back door ever since I put the ribbons up,” she added excitedly.

Chip got another surprise after he’d cut the ribbon. Kim kissed him passionately and escorted him inside. The beautiful way she’d decorated it: the spotlessly clean interior, the color scheme, the way she’d arranged the sparse furniture, literally took Chip’s breath away. “It doesn’t look at all like the pictures,” he commented as he stood inside the front door and gaped in awe. “It’s so much bigger, and more... almost... like... elegant!”

There was the strong scent of roses inside the house, and for good reason. There were bouquets of yellow roses everywhere. Without a word, Kim went to the coffee table and picked up a small crystal vase holding a single rose; the largest rose Chip had ever seen. “Welcome home,” she whispered as she handed it to Chip.
“It’s... it’s so beautiful!” Chip stammered.

“It’s pretty small as houses go,” Kim said. “I figured there’d probably be no children for a good long time, if ever, so I couldn’t see us having a big house to look after as long as we’re both students.”
“It’s beautiful!” Chip said again. “And there’s so much room!”

Of course Chip’s frame of reference was a lot different from anything Kim had ever experienced. For over four years his space, the only real estate he could call his own consisted of a small single bed, a trunk, and a small shelf unit. He had no closet, nothing to put in it anyway; no doors that he could lock or unlock as he chose, not even a light switch that he could control himself. This little house, to Chip, was gigantic. And it was paradise. It was home!

When bedtime came, Chip was again very nervous. He had noticed instantly that only one of the three bedrooms had a bed in it, which meant that they would either have to sleep together or one of them would have to use the sofa. He shuddered as he realized that he knew which it would be. “Kim, you know I can’t... uhhh...”
“I know,” she said cheerily. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t lie close and try to make up for all the time we’ve been apart. I’ve missed you so bad, Chip!”

There was no more talk about who would sleep where. After they were both in bed, it took Kim only a second or two to cuddle so close they were more like one body, not two. They lay awake for over an hour, quietly, each savoring the touch, the warmth, the fragrance of the other’s body. And then they fell asleep.

A week later they were married just across the state line in South Carolina. Chip’s parents had made it very clear they weren’t interested in attending, that they thought this bond was just another of Chip’s totally sick ventures; but Kim’s Mom and Dad flew down from Boston for the occasion. It was a very simple ceremony in a tiny wedding chapel. There was no time for a honeymoon because the happy couple had classes Monday morning, so they all drove back to Raleigh together, the Nelson’s boarded a plane back to Boston, and everything returned to normal, except that Kim’s name was now Stockdale. “We’re gonna have a big wedding for you kids when we’ve all got more time,” Kim’s dad promised as they said their good-byes at the airport. “I would have insisted on it now, but Kim explained that you couldn’t wait because of the parole board.”
“We don’t need a big wedding, Daddy,” Kim said as she hugged him. “Just being married to Chip, and knowing that you’re behind us is enough.”

When Chip showed up for class the following Monday, he wasn’t wearing his ankle bracelet; he wasn’t wearing the drab prison uniform that had been his trademark. He had donned some clothes Kim had bought for him: khaki cargo shorts, a very colorful red and blue T-shirt, white athletic socks and new sneakers. He looked like the thousands of other male students on campus, except he was the youngest looking student ever to set foot on the grounds of NC State. This was going to be a cinch, he thought.

Well, perhaps not quite a cinch.

Things went well for a week or two, then Kim and Chip realized that life would be a whole lot easier if Chip had his own wheels. By now they had different classes, Chip and his band had got really intense with their practices, their performances having expanded to areas beyond the campus now that he was free to come and go as he pleased. One car, one driver, was simply not going to cut it.

“No problem,” Kim said with her characteristic sweet smile. “We’ll just go get you a car. We’ve got the money to pay cash, so we’ll just go back to the same guy that sold me mine.”
“I’d rather have a pickup truck,” Chip said resolutely. “We’ve got a nice car, we’re buying more furniture, so it’d be better if we had a pickup, don’t you think?”
“That’s fine,” Kim said as she hugged her new husband. “Whatever you want, long as it doesn’t cost too much. We do have to be careful, you know.”

“It says here you’re on parole,” the driver examiner said as he eyed the two very young looking teens suspiciously.
“That’s right, sir,” Chip said with a smile.
“Then you have to get a permission slip signed by your parole officer before I can test you,” the officer said neutrally.
“But why?” Chip questioned. “All I wanna do is get a drivers license.”
“Because that’s the law,” the examiner said forcefully. “For all I know you could be wanted somewhere for motor manslaughter.”

Chip wanted to tell the SOB that he’d never driven, that this was his first time applying for a license, but he knew it would only serve to make things more difficult when he’d got the required permission slip, so he said nothing. It would be another three weeks before he could get to see his parole officer.

Chip was home alone when he saw his father’s car pull into the driveway. He didn’t even know how he knew it was his father’s car, but he did. Kim had gone to an evening class, had wanted Chip to go with her, but he had declined saying he was tired and had some studying to do. In truth he was feeling a little depressed, perhaps even missing the comfortable routine of the youth prison. There he didn’t have to think, had no decisions to make, none of life’s problems to deal with. In prison there was no ringing phone, no telemarketers, no mailman bringing stacks of bills and advertisements. In prison he was told when to eat, shower, dress and undress; there he had a set time to study. It was as if someone was living his life for him, taking care of all his basic needs.

It wasn’t his father or mother in the car though, it was Janet. Sitting in the living room he watched as she got out of the car, then walked up to the door and rang the bell. There was no sign of little Scott, who would now be four years old.

“Chip!” Janet said cheerily when her brother opened the door. “It’s good to see you out and free again.”
“Hi, Janet,” Chip said with little feeling. “Where’s Scott? I thought you two were inseparable.”
“Funny you should ask,” she said as she made herself home in the living room. “That’s why I came to see you. You and Kim have a real nice place here, Chip. I like these small cheap houses.”
“It wasn’t that cheap,” Chip said defensively, then wondered why he’d said it. He really didn’t care what she thought about their home, it was certainly better than anything Janet had, and it wasn’t any of her business anyway. “But that’s not important right now,” he went on. “I know you didn’t come here just to welcome me back to the world of the living. What’s up?”

Janet ranted and raved about the house, demanded that Chip take her on a tour. Chip complied, knowing that his sister would never get to the point until she’d had her way in everything that she wanted. He knew she wanted something, but he had no idea what it was.

“Two of the bedrooms have no furniture at all,” she remarked as he led her down the hallway.
“We have to be a little careful about money,” Chip explained. “I still don’t have a license to drive, and until I do I can’t look for a job.”
“A job? But I thought you were going to State?”
“I am, Janet,” Chip said as patiently as he could. “But we don’t have an endless supply of money. If I could drive so I could work, things would be a lot easier.”

“So that means you and Kim are sleeping together, in the same room, right?” Janet inquired.
“I don’t think that’s any of your business, Janet,” Chip answered irritably. “But yes, we’re sleeping together. We are married, you know.”
“Is she as good as she was when she was 12?” Janet asked slyly.
“You’re ‘way over your head here,” Chip said, finally unable to hide his anger. “I think it’s time you told me why you’re here.”

Seated back in the living room, Janet again started talking in circles. Chip noticed with disgust that every second question was about sex: How could he have sex when they were both eunuchs; how was it knowing that his woman could never get pregnant; could he even get hard; did he ever think about getting it on with a real woman any more; was he a real man; could he prove to her that he could still satisfy her as he used to. Chip was about to throw her out when she finally got to the point of her visit. “Scott’s got AIDS,” she said as if she was announcing that he’d had a minor ear infection.

“AIDS?” Chip questioned. “At four years old? How the hell did that happen? What have you been doing to that little boy?”
“Me?” Janet retorted, “why are you so quick to blame me?”
“I have no idea,” Chip said sarcastically. “Where would I ever get the idea that the mother of a four year old boy has some responsibility for him? How silly of me to think that you would have any idea where your son came in contact with AIDS! Knowing you as I do, the possibilities are endless.”
“Well, he didn’t get it from me,” she said haughtily. “But now that he’s got it he’s gonna need a lot of care, and it’s gonna cost a lot of money. It’s time you stepped up to the plate, little brother, and saw to the needs of your son.”

“HE’S NOT MY SON!” Chip screamed.
“Would you like to try and prove that?” Janet challenged.
“How’s about you go ahead and prove that he is?” Chip countered.
“That’s not the way it works, little brother,” she said with a nasty grin. “Your name is on Scotty’s birth certificate. You’re the con. You’re the one that has to prove himself, not me. You’re the one with the dick, and the dick’s guilty until proven innocent. My God, I thought you’d know that by now. And I wouldn’t get too high and mighty if I was you, ‘cause I know who your parole officer is. He already knows you knocked me up and haven’t done shit to support your son. So if I was you I’d watch who you piss off.”

“Prove it!” Chip challenged again. “Prove he’s my son and I’ll do what I have to do. But I’ve got a very large feeling that dealing with Scott isn’t why you’re really here, is it? It’s about YOU, isn’t it? You’re not where you thought you’d be in your little agenda, are you? You’re all fucked up and I’m startin’ to make a life, and you can’t stand it, can you? I start payin’ child support and you start living on easy street. We both know if you were getting child support Scott would never see a dime of it.”

“Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” Janet demanded.
“I think I’m talking to my sick bitch of a sister, that’s who!” Chip hissed back, “but not for long. I think it’s time you left, big sister. And don’t come back! I’m not supposed to be hanging out with undesirable characters.”

When Kim arrived home, Janet was long gone; but she had left her indelible mark. Chip was little more than a basket case: grieving for an innocent little boy who was facing a horrible disease, tearing at his own guilt for having been so stupid as a young boy and allowing himself to be seduced so thoroughly, and even feeling guilty for not stepping up to the cause and taking little Scott away from a mother who obviously cared nothing for him. “You did what you had to do, Chip,” she told him. “There’s no way on earth we can take care of a little boy with AIDS! We’ve got to concentrate on getting your life back together. You can’t do it all, Chip!”
“That little guy didn’t ask to be born to all this,” Chip countered. “I know he’s not mine, but he coulda been.”
“But he’s not, Chip! He’s not your responsibility! He’s NOT!

What Kim didn’t know was the phone call Chip had received shortly after Janet’s departure. It was his father and he was livid. “What in the world have you done to Janet?” he asked calmly, coldly into the receiver without so much as a ‘hello.’
“I didn’t do anything to her, Dad,” Chip replied. “I just let her know I’m not her stupid little puppet anymore. Do you know she tried to get me into the sack while she was here? Did she tell you that?”
“Why wouldn’t she?” his dad shot back. “She certainly didn’t have any problems in the past.”
“Dad, I was...”
“I don’t want to hear it,” his dad said firmly. “Your sister made some mistakes, you made mistakes, and so did I. But this is about a little boy who needs you, Chip!”

“Dad, hasn’t anyone bothered to tell you?” Chip said in his frustration. “Scott is not my son. Look at him, Dad! Look at all the family pictures of your father, your uncles, all your ancestors. Have you ever seen a Stockdale with black hair and brown eyes? He’s not my son, Dad!”
“I know that,” his dad said. “I also know it could very well be yours, so what’s the difference? The point is your mother and I can’t take care of him, and it’s obvious your sister can’t either. That leaves you, Chip. Are you ever going to stand up and face your responsibilities, or are you going to be just an ex-con the rest of your life?”

“What would you like me to do, Dad?” Chip asked honestly.
“I’d like you to do your duty,” came the stern reply. “Take that little boy away from your sister before she kills him. Care for him. Help him to get better.”
“He’s not gonna get better, Dad,” Chip answered. “He’s got AIDS. Kids with AIDS don’t get better, they die. But I still don’t know how he got it.”
“You know your sister better than any of us,” his dad said. “You know what you should do; the only question is, are your gonna do it?”

“What about his father?” Chip defended. “Why doesn’t he step up? I’ve got no money, Dad! If it weren’t for Kim and some others I wouldn’t even be a student. If it weren’t for Kim I’d still be in prison.”
“But you’re not. You’re free as the birds, going to a fine University as if nothing had ever happened. Jesus, Chip, don’t you have any remorse?”
“Remorse for what, Dad?” Chip demanded angrily. “I have a lot of remorse, but not for that little boy. I still want to know how the hell he got AIDS at four years old. And I don’t know what I can do about it. And you still haven’t answered my question. What about Scott’s father? Who is he? Where is he?”
“Janet could sue you for child support,” his father said, ignoring the questions.
“I hope she does,” Chip answered, a lot more coldly than he was feeling. “Maybe if this goes to court we’ll learn some things we still don’t know. Maybe if we got back in a courtroom some of the truth would come out. I’m not the whimpering little kid I was five years ago, Dad. I’ve learned some things, and next time I’m in a courtroom I’m not gonna just cower and plead guilty like I did the last time. Next time I get in front of a judge is gonna be a whole lot different than it was the last time.”

“You can’t do anything,” Kim lectured. “What can you possibly do that Janet can’t? You’re trying to go to school, trying to make something of yourself and she’s lying around all day, screwing anything that’ll have her, and collecting welfare. How can you possibly believe that you can do something she can’t?”
“But that little boy...” Chip protested weakly. “He didn’t ask for all this crap.”
“No he didn’t,” Kim agreed. “But you didn’t ask for all your crap either. You didn’t ask to give up five years of your life; you didn’t ask to be accused of ten times the things you did; you didn’t ask to be where you are now, not even able to drive because some bureaucrat can’t be bothered with you for another month. It’s a tough life, Chip. It’s a rotten shame that little Scott has to find that out when he’s so young, but there’s nothing you can do! NOTHING, Chip!

It was only two weeks later when Chip got his next big surprise. He and the band were scheduled to perform as an opener for a rather successful country singer, and they were all very excited by the prospect. They had already been told that they’d been seen and heard by a number of producers and recording scouts, and that if they did well at this event there was a good chance a recording contract would be in their future. They had practiced endlessly and tirelessly, even sacrificing their study time for the first time. There would be lots of time to study, and lots of money as well, after they had landed that contract.

Things went far better than well. The crowd was appreciative, even the star that they’d preceded commented on what a wonderful job they’d done, that any recording producer who had any taste at all would plainly see that this was one of the best groups to come along for years! It seemed that he was not the only one to come to the same conclusion. The jubilant youngsters were visited immediately after the show by one of the scouts for a large recording studio, excitedly waving a contract in their faces.

“You were so good!” the man gushed. “If you’ll just sign this contract, I’ll have your faces plastered all over every magazine and TV screen in the country within a few weeks.”
“We’re students,” Brad pointed out. “Our first priority is our studies.”
“Forget it,” the man said forcefully. “When my boss sees the videotape we made tonight, he’s gonna be kissing your feet to get you to sign a contract. You’ll be making millions! Then after you’re established you can go back to school - any school in the country!”

They did sign. It seemed so easy! It was as if there had never been any doubt about their destiny. All six members of the group loved their music, and now they would be performing all over the country in their own shows, not opening for someone else. There would be no money worries, no need to ever finish their degrees unless they wanted to. Chip wanted to, but he also wanted to be financially independent; still the thought nagged him that this was just too easy. He had done things in the past that had been “too easy,” too good to be true, and look where it had got him! “You’re just paranoid,” Adam scoffed. “It really is that easy when you’re good, and we’re good!”

“I’ll be back to you within a week,” the agent promised after he’d secured the signatures of all six members of the band. “There are a few legal formalities we have to work out, but I suggest you all plan a trip to Nashville in the next month. We’ll want to record the material you already know, but we’ll be wanting you to learn some new stuff as well.” He even went to the trouble of setting the date for a meeting, then he left.

The week turned into two, then three. The time came for Chip’s first meeting with his parole officer. Once again Chip learned that not everyone in the world was committed to Chip Stockdale making a go of his new freedom. “So how’s it been going?” John Ewing said after he’d introduced himself.
“Fine,” Chip replied. “I think I’m finally starting to get it together.”
“That’s good,” John said with little feeling. “You’re still in school, right?”
“Yes, sir,” Chip replied. In spite of his agent’s promises, he had managed to keep up his studies.
“Any problems?” the probation officer quizzed.

“Only one,” Chip replied. “I went to get a drivers license, and the examiner said I had to have your permission before I could take the test.”
“Ah, yes, the all important drivers license,” John returned, not even trying to hide his disdain. “I don’t understand what it is with you young bucks. Here you have a chance to get your life together, and all you can think of is getting behind the wheel. After that it’s joy rides, your grades take a hit, new friends, and not the kind you should be seeing, and pretty soon you’re in trouble again. It happens all the time. You should be thankful you don’t have a license so you won’t have all that temptation in front of you.”
“It’s not like that,” Chip defended. “It’s just that... well, sir, Kim, my wife, is finding it kinda hard to drive me everywhere I have to go and keep her own schedule going too. It’d be just so much easier if I could drive my own car.”
“But it’s not that easy,” John pointed out. “Where are you going to get the money for a car?”
“We already have the money,” Chip replied. “Kim’s saved enough money for me to buy a brand new truck, soon as I get my license.

“Kim?” the officer questioned. “Would that be the same Kim that sent you to prison in the first place?”
“Y-yes sir,” Chip admitted. “But she didn’t send me to prison. She just told the truth, and the court did the rest.”
“Are you saying you’re innocent?” John challenged.
“No, sir. I was told that I should not discuss whether I’m guilty or innocent with you, that our only purpose is to be sure that I’m adjusting well to being on the outside. But Kim and I are...”

“I know exactly what Kim and you are!” John exploded. “You’re two sick kids, that’s what you are! You’re two spoiled little brats that still don’t understand the consequences of what you’ve done. You’re trying to pick up your sick affair from where it was when you were children, and you’re expecting everyone else to go along with it. Well, I’m sorry mister, but real life isn’t quite that easy. Frankly I think you’re better off without a car, so I’m not gonna sign your permission form. We’ll wait another three months and see how you’re doing then.”
“But if I could drive...” Chip tried to protest.
“Three months!” the probation officer repeated. “Parole’s not a free ride, Stockdale. You haven’t learned that yet, but you will before you get any more privileges. If I had my way you never would have been paroled, especially considering you’re doing the same thing you went to jail for in the first place. I gotta tell ya, that little gal of yours must be some kinda slut!”

Chip opened his mouth to explain that he and Kim were both eunuchs, that they weren’t doing anything because they couldn’t, but he decided better of it. He could feel his face flush when John called his beautiful wife a slut, but Ed’s advice and counseling held his temper at bay. Every fiber in his being wanted to deck this bastard and set him straight, but he knew where that would get him. He could clearly see that all he’d be doing by defending his position, saying anything at all really, would only dig his hole deeper. So he simply thanked the officer for his time and left.

“That’s no problem at all,” Murray Evandale said when Chip told of his latest problem with the parole officer. “If you can’t get a ride with one of the band we’ll arrange to have you picked up and driven to practices and recording sessions as soon as you sign this contract. It’s basically the same as the other one except it’s a little more binding. The rest of the band has already signed, so all we’re waiting on is you. I suspect after we get this project off the ground, you can go through life very nicely without ever driving yourself if you want to.”
“I don’t know...” Chip said doubtfully. “It all just seems so easy.”
“It is easy, Chip,” Murray crooned. “Just sign and you and your band are our property. We’re going to fast track you into a platinum CD. Before you know what’s happening your name’s gonna be a household word all over the country.”

Chip looked at Kim. She merely shrugged. “I don’t know how you can lose,” she said. “All you’re doing is signing a contract that says if you make a recording it’s theirs, and in return you’re gonna get a lot of money. If that’s what you want, then I don’t see why you shouldn’t sign.”
“But... but college...”
“There’ll be lots of time for college once you’ve made a CD or two,” Murray said calmly. “There’ll be a lot more money then as well. You can go to any college you choose.”

Chip signed the contract, but for reasons he didn’t understand he didn’t feel good about it. Murray had directed him to stop all classes immediately and get ready to do some traveling, but Chip didn’t follow his advice. First there was the matter of his parole, and he knew any sudden unplanned moves would be frowned upon no matter how innocent. But there was another reason. Chip was thoroughly enjoying being a State student, for perhaps the first time in his life being comfortable with who and what he was, doing well, and making friends. He had gone through High School in isolation, so being in a room full of other students was a real treat for Chip, and one he was not anxious to give up.

It was two weeks later when Kim’s parents came for a visit. They arrived unplanned, unannounced. Chip had been studying while Kim was out taking a night class. When Chip opened the front door, he almost fell over with shock. “M-mr. and Mrs. Nelson!” he exclaimed when he got his breath back. “Come... come in! Kim’s not here right now, but she’ll be here in an hour or so.”

“Hello, Chip,” Mrs. Nelson said as she offered her hand. “I hope our turning up like this is not an inconvenience. We were passing through and thought we’d drop in.” Mr. Nelson didn’t say anything, but he shook Chip’s hand when he offered it.

“You’re fine,” Chip said as he struggled to regain his composure. His own parents had visited on two different occasions, but they had selected their time carefully so that Kim wouldn’t be there, and their only reason for coming at all was to chastise and harass their son for not taking charge of little Scott’s care. Chip had never dreamed in a thousand years that Kim’s parents would ever darken their door, especially without calling or writing first.

“So how are things going?” George Nelson inquired after they were all settled in the sparsely furnished living room, the coffee pot brewing.
“We’re doing fine, Sir,” Chip replied. He was lying, he wasn’t doing fine at all. His grades were good, so were Kim’s, but he had some news that even Kim didn’t know yet. Today had been the day that Chip was to declare his major, and his counselor had told him it was unacceptable. “You can’t take medicine,” the man scoffed. “Next you’re gonna tell me you want to be a pediatrician.”
“Actually, that’s exactly what I want to be,” Chip had said confidently. “I’m planning to transfer to Duke once I get my undergraduate degree, and I’m planning on taking pediatric medicine.”
“Out of the question,” the counselor had declared.

When Chip demanded an explanation, the counselor had looked at him as if he had two heads. “I won’t even mention all the money,” he said smugly. “To be a pediatrician, any kind of a doctor for that matter, you’ve got to spend years as an intern, a resident, all that sort of thing. Where in the world are you going to find a hospital to accept you as an intern?”
“I won’t have any trouble if my grades are good,” Chip argued.
“Are you kidding?” the counselor said with a smirk that irritated the hell out of Chip. “You’re a registered sex offender!” he went on. “No one’s gonna take a chance on having a patient undress in front of you. No one! I suggest you find another major, or maybe just forget the whole thing. You’ve fucked up your life, my man, and the sooner you face it, the better for everyone.”

“I can overcome all that,” Chip said defiantly. “That’s all behind me now.”
“Some of our past follows us wherever we go,” the counselor pontificated. “Believe me, no hospital in this country is going to accept a registered sex offender as an intern, especially in pediatric medicine. Actually, looking over you records, I see that you were very successful as a computer technician while you were in. Why don’t you take Computer Science?”
“Because that’s not what I wanna do,” Chip replied. “I want to be a doctor, and my professors have already told me they think I’d make a good one.”
“Not possible,” the counselor stated flatly. “It’s not going to happen, Chip. You might as well forget it now. How about Engineering?”
“I don’t WANT to be an engineer.
“What’ve you got against engineers?”
“Nothing. I just don’t want to be one. I want to be a doctor.”
“Well, the only way I’m going to approve you as a science major is if you agree your ultimate goal is engineering or computer science. Medicine is out of the question for you.”

“Studies going well?” Andrea Nelson asked with a nervous smile.
“Fine, Ma’am,” Chip replied, equally nervously. “Kim’s really getting into college now. She’s hoping for a 4.0 this term. She’s planning on being a doctor.”
“And you?” George asked. Chip had the very distinct impression he was on trial again, only this time there was no judge, no jury; only his accusers.
“I’m... I’m doing ok,” Chip replied. “I’m finding it a lot easier to study here in the house than it was in... uhh... last term.”

“I should think so!” Andrea exclaimed. “Kim told us about pr... about where you were. That must have been terribly hard for you, Chip.”
“It was ok. I guess I got to the point that I realized I was better off there than at home.”

Having heard the words come out of his own mouth, Chip wondered where in the world they had come from. He couldn’t remember ever having had such thoughts before, but now that it was in the open he knew it was true. Not only had he been disowned and abandoned by his parents, he was being pressured to take care of his sister’s little boy - the very same little boy that had been part of the reason he’d gone to prison, and it wasn’t even his son! As he sat there eyeing his parents-in-law, trying to think of something to say, his entire body shuddered violently as he imagined what it would have been like living at home and trying to get through school - or at least where he used to call home.

The good news was that Chip had never been invited to live with his parents. As far as they were concerned, their son was dead - or perhaps they’d never had a son in the first place. Maybe he’d just been a stray little boy his parents had bred as a living toy for their daughter. Maybe, he thought...

When Kim arrived and saw her parents, her first reaction was one of absolute joy. But before she’d given them more than a brief acknowledgment she threw her arms around her husband and kissed him warmly. “What’s wrong?” she asked with concern as she pulled away from him and looked at him. “You’ve been crying, Chip! And your whole body is stiff as a board!” Then before Chip even thought about answering, Kim had attacked her parents.

“What did you do to him?” she demanded. “Have you been sitting here badgering him? Is that why you came, to destroy him?”
“Kim, don’t...” Chip pleaded weakly.
“The hell I won’t!” she screamed. “We’re having enough problems without you two coming with your holier than thou, judgmental attitude. If that’s all you came for, to upset my husband, then you’re not welcome here!”

“They didn’t,” Chip said as he grabbed Kim by the shoulders. “They didn’t do anything, Kim. I guess I just kinda... I dunno...”
“We were talking, just making conversation,” Andrea said. “Chip was fine, and then he seemed to go into some sort of a trance or something. He was staring into space, a million miles away. We could see his body tense up and begin to tremble, and the tears were rolling down his face. Kim, we came here to try to make up, to get to know our son-in-law. We didn’t want to hurt him. We want to be a family again!”

Now it was Kim’s turn to dissolve into tears. She clung to Chip as if someone were trying to tear him away from her again and she sobbed hysterically. Her mother and father came to her and put their hands on her - her mother stroked her back lightly as her father ran his fingers through her silky hair. They both looked at Chip, a questioning look on their faces. “The tension,” he explained. “The tension is incredible! Sometimes it gets so bad we just don’t know if we can go on. I should never have married her. I shoulda stayed in jail and served my sentence. She deserves so much better!”

After Kim had recovered, the Nelson’s offered to take them out to dinner. “I appreciate it, Mom,” Kim said, “but I don’t feel much like going out tonight. I’ve got a lot of homework to do, so if you don’t mind could we just order a pizza or something?”
“Anything you want, Honey,” George said as he stroked her slender neck. “Maybe staying here would be better anyway. If we’re going to be the kind of parents we’d like to be, we need to know what’s going on in your lives. I don’t know if I can help, but maybe it’ll do some good to just vent. You’re not alone, you two. We’re family!”

Perhaps understandably, perhaps not, Chip wasn’t at all sure that “being family” was a good thing. To Chip, being family had never been a positive concept. Mom and Dad were just there... they made the babies, paid the bills, laid down the rules, and then they got gone. Chip’s only family, in his mind, had been his big sister, and she had proved to be interested only in her own agenda. Chip now realized that this had been the case long before his world had collapsed and he’d been arrested. So once again he clammed up, and so did Kim. The Nelson’s would get no more information than they’d already got, and they didn’t understand at all. Chip had no way of knowing, but if George Nelson had realized his son-in-law had just been told he couldn’t become a doctor, he could have helped; but neither knew of the other’s situation.

Chip had three days to endure their visitors; three days in which Kim would learn just how terrified her husband was of the two people she had loved and trusted for most of her life. It hurt her to keep her parents at arm’s length, but she knew she had to for Chip’s sake. Somehow she knew that getting too close to her mom and dad, which she sorely wanted to do, would cause Chip to feel even more threatened, so she treated them as Chip had done: politely, kindly, but certainly not intimately.

“We’ve only got one bed,” Kim said apologetically as the evening wore on. “I’m gonna run up to the K-Mart and get a couple sleeping bags for Chip and me.”
“You’ll do no such thing,” George Nelson ordered. “We’ll go get you a bed.”
“It’s ok, really,” Chip said. “Even a sleeping bag on the floor is better than I had... unhhh... before we moved in here. We don’t mind, really.”
“Well, I mind!” George said in an authoritative tone that Chip had learned years ago not to defy. “We didn’t come here to put you out of your own bed. Come on, kids, it’s getting late. Let’s go find us a bed.”

“What’s going on?” Kim questioned when they were finally settled in their own bed, Kim’s parents in the new bed they had just bought in one of the other bedrooms.
“Nothing really,” Chip answered. “I guess I’m just a little shell shocked that your parents arrived so suddenly. I thought... I mean, well, I just didn’t expect them to show up like that.”
“They really do want to love us, you know,” Kim lectured. “They’re trying, Chip. You’ve gotta give them a chance.”
“I know,” Chip agreed. “It’s just that... I dunno Kim, I’m just... I guess I’m not ready to be the perfect son-in-law. Hell, I don’t even know how to be the perfect son! I can’t even be a husband!
“You hear me complaining?”
“Kim, getting married was a mistake. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this. I just can’t, Kim. I love you so much, but you deserve better than what I can give you. I’m never gonna amount to anything. And since we’ve never... uh... you know... never done anything, I think we can probably get our marriage annulled.”

Kim propped herself up on one elbow and eyed Chip closely, almost critically. “What’s happened, Chip?” she demanded. “You felt so good about school! And now you’re saying you’ll never amount to anything. I take it your major declaration didn’t go that well?”
“You might say that,” Chip said evasively, fighting hard to hold the tears from coming in a torrent yet again. “He wouldn’t let me declare my ultimate goal as Medicine. He as much as told me I should quit.”
“But why? Your grades are good, the professors like you, you’re...”
“I’m a registered sex offender,” he spat back at her. “He said no hospital in this country would give me an internship. ”

“I don’t understand what that’s got to do with anything,” Kim said haughtily. “Your parole will be over long before you graduate.”
“The registry stays,” Chip informed her. “Once a sex offender, always a sex offender. I’ll never get my name off that registry.”
“We’ll see about that,” Kim said with determination. “My dad can...”
“NO!” Chip said so loudly that Kim’s parents in the next bedroom heard him. “He can’t do anything, and I can’t ask him anyway, Kim. Dammit, I raped his daughter, got her pregnant, and then married her! I can’t ask him for help!”
“You never raped me!”
“That’s not what the record says.”

“My dad knows people,” Kim pleaded. “He can find out if there’s any way around this. Maybe you could tell the whole story, and then...”
“No, Kim!” Chip said vehemently. “I got myself into this, and I’ve gotta get myself out.”

Kim knew there was no point in arguing further, so she quietly tried to comfort her husband, massaging his neck and back, trying to relieve his tense muscles. She knew that she had to somehow help Chip to learn to relax, or he was going to break. Then she remembered the recording contract he’d just signed. She reminded Chip softly as she worked his neck. “Maybe you’ll be so busy making CD’s you won’t have time for school anyway,” she whispered. “To hear that Murray guy talk, it’s only a matter of time till you’re gonna be singing all over the place.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Chip replied doubtfully. He had tried his very best to respond to his beautiful wife’s efforts to calm and comfort him, but tonight it just wasn’t in him. So he just whispered “I love you” almost inaudibly, then took Kim’s hand in his and drifted off into a fitful sleep.

Two days after Kim’s parents had left, discouraged but determined not to give up, Chip got a phone call. Kim answered the phone, then handed it to Chip with a questioning look on her face. “Chip!” the male voice on the other end exclaimed as if they were long lost friends. “You’re a hard man to track down, my friend. This is Alan Whitcombe. How have you been?”
“Wh-who?” Chip answered absently. “I’m sorry sir, but are you sure you have the right number?”
“I’m sure,” the voice said. “Alan Whitcombe. Andy’s father. We met in...”
“Mr. Whitcombe!” Chip exclaimed with a sudden recognition. “I’m sorry, I guess I’m a bit brain dead these days. Of course I know who you are. How are you and Mrs. Whitcombe, sir?”
“We’re fine,” Alan answered. “We’ve been a little distressed since we lost contact with you, but we’re fine. We’d like to come see you, if that’s all right. We’ve heard you have a lovely wife now, and we’d love to meet her if you don’t mind. May we come visit you this Sunday?”
“I... well... I guess so... I mean...”
“If that’s a problem, we can choose another time,” Alan offered.”
“No, sir, Sunday will be fine,” Chip finally managed to say. “It’ll be good to see you and Mrs. Whitcombe again, sir.”

If there was one person in the universe Chip didn’t want to see right now, it was one or the other of Andy’s parents. Now, it seemed, he and Kim would be entertaining both of them in just four days. Kim, on the other hand, was delighted after he had explained who they were. “They obviously like you a lot,” she exclaimed. “We’ll have to ask them to stay to dinner. Maybe we can grill some steaks on that new barbeque we’ve never used.”
“Do we have to?” Chip groaned.
“Yes, we have to,” Kim said firmly. “They’ve financed your college education, Chip!”
“Yeah,” he replied ruefully, “the college education that’s not going anywhere.”

To be continued...