Tim's Last Orgasm 28: Terry's Awakening

By the time Dr. Smith and Tim arrived in the recovery room, Terry was lying stone-faced, staring at the ceiling. As is usually the case when one recovers from anaesthetic, there is no time reference. Terry had assumed his senses were accurate and he had been out only a few seconds, having been too late to prevent the initial shot of the sleeping drug, but that his final scream had put a stop to the surgery. What he didn’t know until his hands went to his crotch was that he hadn’t screamed at all, but just thought he had as he lost consciousness. What he found with his hands was a thick bandage where a penis should have been, with a rubber tube exiting beneath the root of his scrotal sac exactly where Tim’s urethra exited his body. Like his brother, Terry no longer had a penis.

“They cut it off, Tim,” he said when he saw his brother. Then he burst into tears.
“That’s why we’re all here,” Tim reminded him. “I know it’s a bit of a shock when you first wake up, but...”
“I told them to stop, Tim,” Terry wailed. “I saw the doctor put the needle in the IV, and at that instant I knew it was too soon and I screamed at him to stop. But they went ahead anyway! I got no dick, Tim!”
“I’m deeply sorry, Terry, I didn’t know,” a shocked Dr. Smith said as he took Terry’s hand. “As soon as that anaesthetic got into your bloodstream you were paralyzed instantly, so you couldn’t speak even though you thought you had. We had no way of knowing, Terry.”
“It’s ok,” Terry said without looking away from the spot he was staring at, “I shoulda said something sooner.” Tears were slowly flowing from the corners of his eyes and down the sides of his face. “It’s probably for the best anyway.”
“You want me to get Laura?” Tim offered as he squeezed his brother’s hand.
“Please don’t, Tim,” a broken and trembling voice answered. “Just give me a minute or two alone, then I’d like to see her. But I can’t let her see me until I get my shit together.”

Tim kissed his brother’s forehead and promised he wouldn’t be far away. Then he went to assist the aides as they tried to get Jared and Nate on their feet. They were both still pretty shaky, but they knew they had to get moving or they’d never be stable enough to go back to the motel tonight. “What’s wrong with Terry?” Nate inquired.
“He changed his mind,” Tim explained, “but it was too late. He’d already had the anaesthetic and he couldn’t say anything. I think he’ll be ok though... at least I hope he will.”
“Maybe I should sleep with him tonight,” Nate offered.
“We’ll see,” Tim replied. In his mind he wasn’t at all anxious for any of the three patients to be alone, but unless Carlos stayed with them, someone was going to have to be alone. He shuddered at the thought that he might end up sleeping with Laura, and he wasn’t at all sure why that thought had made him shudder.

Dr. Smith admitted to Tim that he had never seen such a variance of emotion in the recovery room all at the same time. Jared was beaming, looking forward to a long life as a nullified eunuch, the realization of a dream he’d never thought he would achieve so young and so easily. He was a little annoyed at himself that he had opted to be put to sleep, but there were no regrets concerning the surgery. Nathan was ok with what had been done to him, but extremely apprehensive about his future. He was becoming quite a respected basketball player in his own right so he didn’t want to give it up; but there was that locker room confrontation he had to face, so say nothing of the sexual frustration that was now to be a part of his life. Terry was still devastated, still lying very still, staring straight at the ceiling, tears still streaming down the sides of his face.

“That’s what I meant when we were discussing minimum age,” the doctor said to Tim. “Fourteen is just too young to make a decision like that! His mind is too volatile and can change too quickly. That’s precisely the sort of problem we need to avoid.”
“He’ll be ok,” Tim insisted. “I can understand his shock, but he’s been looking forward to this day for long enough that I know it’s what he really wanted. I would never have signed that consent form otherwise, Doctor. After all he is my brother!”

Tim decided that it was time to get Laura, and the doctor agreed with him. Terry and Nate had been moved to another room, and had walked there, albeit somewhat wobbly and with a lot of help; but they were walking, and Tim was impressed. There was no way he could have walked that soon after his surgery. Terry was still in the recovery room. He had stopped crying but the expression on his face was still one of dismay and defeat, very much unlike anything Tim had ever seen before in his brother.

“We need you to come see Terry,” Tim said nervously in the waiting room. “Before we go in though, there are some things you need to know.”
“Is he all right?” Laura asked with concern.
“Physically, yes,” Tim replied. “Emotionally he’s a mess.” Tim then explained what had happened as well and as briefly as he could. To his surprise, Laura wasn’t at all surprised. “I was afraid of something like this,” she observed. “He’s just so doggoned young, and he takes everything so seriously!”

When they arrived in the recovery room they found Coach Masterson already there, talking with Terry. He was still clad in a hospital gown with a disposable robe over it. The sight was a significant shock to both Tim and Laura. Even though they’d heard Terry exclaim his name, it hadn’t really registered on them that the coach was here and a patient. Tim took Laura’s arm and signalled her to wait to see what was being said.

“You were so sure of yourself before the surgery,” the coach was saying. “What in the world happened, Terry?”
“I dunno, coach,” the distressed teen answered. “I guess I just began to realize all the hassles I’m gonna have, especially if I keep playing basketball. I don’t wanna get in trouble, and I especially don’t wanna get my brother in trouble. If my parents ever find out what we’ve done they’ll kill him! And then there’s Laura. If she ever changes her mind about having sex, we’re fucked! I’ve screwed up bad, Coach!”

“I don’t think so, Terry,” the coach replied. “Your brother has certainly done ok, and with the kind of determination you’ve got, I think you’ll survive. You just have to concentrate on the reasons why you did it in the first place.”
“I know, but I can’t help thinking, how could I have been so stupid?”

Laura started toward Terry, to comfort him, but Tim held her back. “Now you’re gonna see what kinda coach Masterson is,” he whispered. “That’s his specialty: dealing with kids who think they’ve screwed up.” Neither Terry nor the coach had seen their two witnesses, so they thought they were alone.

“Terry, you remember when you first started playing for me, how many times you fouled out?”
“Yeah,” Terry admitted. “But I was just so anxious, and I guess I was too determined to block every shot...”
“And every time it happened, you went back to the dressing room really beating yourself up. What did I tell you all those times?”
“You... you told me that the only screw-up that’s really a screw-up is the one where we don’t learn anything.”
“Exactly! Didn’t I tell you to analyze your plays, realize what you did wrong and concentrate on learning to do what you were trying to do without fouling?”
“Yes, sir,” Terry said. Tim and Laura could hear the change in his voice. He was beginning to understand what the coach was trying to tell him.

Coach Masterson paused and allowed Terry to think, then he went on. “I don’t know if what you have just done was a mistake or not, Terry,” he said quietly, gently. “Only time is going to tell us that. Frankly I don’t know if my castration was a mistake, but I’m a eunuch now and that’s never going to change, so the way I see it I only have two choices now. I can give up and die, or I can learn to live as a eunuch, and learn all the benefits of being a eunuch and take advantage of those benefits. That’s what you have to do now, Terry. What you did seemed a good idea at the time, you made the decision with your eyes wide open the same as I did. Now we’ve both taken what we considered the best course, and that course will only be a mistake if we convince ourselves that it is.

“When you try to pass the ball and an opposing player intercepts it, it could be said that you made a mistake attempting the pass. But you don’t head for the bench and sulk, you adapt to the new situation and go on the defensive. That’s what makes you such a great player, Terry. You can adapt to a new set of circumstances quicker than anyone I’ve ever seen! In basketball everyone has a specialty, something that they’re better at than anything else. For some it’s lay-up’s, others it’s free throws, still others are better at defensive plays or drawing fouls. You have it all, Terry! You immediately adapt to whatever is needed at that instant and you’re up for it. All you have to do is use that ability in your new life situation. Your body is changed forever and there’s no changing that. Whether that change was a good or a bad thing is entirely up to you!”

“Thanks, Coach,” a more cheerful voice said. “I hear ya. Actually I’ve also decided I’d like to play on your team next year, if the invitation’s still open.”
“You bet it is,” the coach said happily. “You just get yourself healed up and we two emasculated misfits will go get that championship.”

Tim was still aghast as his former coach, a new eunuch, turned to leave. When he saw Tim he smiled and shook his hand warmly, but he didn’t say anything, nor did Tim. The latter was still too taken aback to coax his lips to form words. Nevertheless he was grateful that the man was here and could do what Coach Masterson does best: inspire Terry into consider something other than the negative.

Laura was standing beside the gurney that was holding her lover, kissing him and holding his hand when Tim again turned his attention to his brother. “You’re so awesome,” he heard her say. “It’s gonna be all right, Terry, I just know it is. Someone as super as you can deal with this, and we’re gonna have so many young’uns around our house is gonna look like a YMCA playground!”
“You’re not mad at me for having it done?” Terry wondered.
“Why in the world would I be mad?” she asked. “We talked about this, Terry. You know how I feel, and how special you make me feel knowing you did it for me. I think it’s awesome!”

Laura didn’t think it was quite so awesome a few hours later when Carlos and Tim changed the bandages for the three patients. All three were bruised extensively, there were still traces of dried blood here and there that hadn’t been cleaned off, and there were all those stitches with their loose ends dangling. “You just wait,” Carlos promised the three of them. “My dad told me you guys were the best work he had ever done. I know it doesn’t look like much right now, but when the bruising fades and the stitches come out, you’re gonna be pleased.”

Oddly enough, Jared’s crotch looked considerably better than the other two even though his surgery had been more radical. Carlos told them that was normal too because his dad’s technique was considerably different when everything was being taken. “You want me to stay with you again tonight?” Carlos offered Jared after all the bandages had been changed.
“That’d be great,” Jared said, “but don’t you have school?”
“I do, but I can afford to miss a couple days,” Carlos replied. At that point Tim wondered if something was getting started between the two, but he decided he’d wait for one of them to bring it up.

“I’m sorry, Tim,” Nate said after Terry and Laura had gone back to their own room. “I had no idea it was gonna look so gross after the doctor finished. I’m sure not much to look at down there right now.”
“So I won’t look down there, and besides it’s all covered up with a bandage anyway,” Tim said as he gently crawled into bed. “Your face is just as gorgeous as ever, and your eyes are just as deep, your chest and shoulders are just as incredible. I think I’ll find some way to amuse myself while you’re healing, even if it’s just holding you.”

Tim noticed the tears flooding into his lover’s eyes. He had been lying very quiet, just reveling in Tim’s touch as he allowed his hands to wander all over Nate’s lithe, beautiful body. “You didn’t want to do it, did you?” he said tenderly.
“It’ll be all right,” Nate replied after a moment’s hesitation. “As long as you hold me and touch me, it’ll be ok.”
“But you really didn’t want to do it, did you?” Tim pressed.
“No,” Nate finally replied, “I didn’t. I didn’t want you to do it two years ago either, but I didn’t have a choice. Nobody asked me, Tim. But we’re bonded now. We’re two of a kind, and I’m ok with that. But I could kinda use a hug right now.”

“Are you having much pain?” Tim asked with concern. “If you are, I’ve got pain pills you can have.”
“Dull the pain and you’re gonna also dull the sensation of you holding me, and I don’t want that. I want to feel your every touch tonight, Tim. Just hold me and touch me, all over, even over the bandage. Knowing that it’s gone and we’ll always be together is all I need.”

Tim didn’t bother to share the dialog that had gone on between him and Carlos. He hadn’t done anything wrong, nor was he feeling guilty; but he knew that Nate felt a little threatened knowing what had happened two years ago, and he was certain that right now Nate didn’t need any more reason to feel he had anything to fear from their Mexican friend. He would tell him later, he thought, or perhaps never.

At the exact same time, there was very much the same conversation going on between Laura and Terry. Laura also asked about Coach Masterson and what he was doing in Cancun. “Was he really castrated?” she asked.
“I didn’t see it done,” Terry answered, “but that’s what he told me.” He explained the theory to Laura that some men tend to either have too much testosterone in their body, or overreact to what they do have, and that his coach subscribed to that theory. “Is that why you didn’t want to be castrated?” she asked. “Were you afraid you’d lose some of your aggression?”
“I guess that’s part of it,” Terry reflected. “Mainly though I’m hoping to do a little more growing and maturing, and I gotta keep my muscle tone if I’m gonna play college ball. Besides, without hormones I would never grow any body hair, never shave, actually I would always look... well, either immature or maybe even more feminine. Would you want to be married to someone who looks like your son?”

The last question shocked Laura a little bit. That was the first time she could remember that Terry had brought up the subject of marriage, uninvited. “What makes you think I’m gonna marry a man with no penis?” she teased.
“I guess I don’t know,” Terry teased back. “I just thought I’d give you first chance, before the line starts to form.”

Laura sighed. Sometimes it was hard, not being able to tease Terry without getting it back with interest. But at the same time she was thankful because she knew his mind was as bright as ever; it was nigh impossible to have the last word with Terry because that razor sharp mind of his was always in high gear, always ready with an answer. She was also to learn that beneath that strong, macho facade there lived a very tender hearted little boy who was more easily hurt than she ever would have imagined.

They were settling down for sleep, each making the occasional comment to the other about nothing in particular, when Laura suddenly noticed the glint of a tear on Terry’s handsome face. “What is it, Terry?” she inquired.
“What is what?” he asked back.
“You’re crying, Terry, and don’t even try to deny it. What’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing.”
“If you’re crying, it isn’t NOTHING! Now come on, out with it!”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Not if I don’t know what’s bothering you. Please, Terry? Let me share whatever it is?”

Terry was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling in the darkness. He was in a lot of pain, but he had refused medication. For a good five minutes he didn’t say anything, then at Laura’s continued prompting he started to sob. “I just didn’t think it would be like this,” he said. “If I had known, I wouldn’t have done it.”
“You mean the pain?” Laura questioned. “If that’s it, it’ll be gone in a day or so.”
“I don’t mind the pain really,” Terry said. “It’s not really that bad. But...”
“But what, Terry? Is it something I’ve done?”
“I just... well... I used to love it when you touched me all the time. You said you loved to touch me, but now I’ve ruined that.”
“How in the world have you ruined it, Terry? Believe me, I love your body now more than ever! How can you say...”
“If you love my body, why are you clear on the other side of the bed?” he demanded.

Laura carefully, gently moved closer to her young boyfriend. “Terry,” she said softly, “I know you’re hurting, and I’ve had surgery before and I know that every time the bed moves it hurts you. I just didn’t want to cause you any more pain. Believe me, I’m not staying away from you because I want to. I just want you to get better as quickly as you can, and I can’t bear to hurt you.”
“I’m ok,” he said as he pulled her to him. It did hurt, sometimes a lot, when the bed moved; but Laura now realized that the physical pain of the jiggling bed was nothing compared to the emotional pain of her avoiding him. She allowed one hand to roam over his young, hard body while the other went around his neck. Terry had stayed naked because it was a warm night, and it was just easier to deal with bandages, catheters and drainage bags. He didn’t say any more, but very quickly drifted into a deep sleep as Laura’s hand roamed over his chest, neck, then downwards to lightly touch his bandaged groin - the groin that no longer had the thing that most would say made Terry a man. “You’re more of a man than half the studs at school, with or without a penis,” she whispered; and then she too fell asleep.

The atmosphere in Jared’s room was a little strained as he and Carlos got into bed. Like his two buddies, Jared had refused the pain pills Carlos offered, so Carlos knew he would be experiencing some discomfort. Carlos had decided he would make an attempt to develop something with his new millionaire friend before he left for home, but Jared had made it very clear such advances would not be welcome. “I don’t understand your attitude toward sex,” Carlos said as they settled in bed. “I know you enjoyed last night, but still you seem perfectly happy being a nullified eunuch.”
“I guess I don’t understand it either,” Jared replied. “All I know is that sex never held any attraction for me. Ever since I first learned what it was all about I found it... well, not disgusting or anything like that, but just something that didn’t interest me at all. I just couldn’t be bothered.”
“Do you ever plan to fall in love?” Carlos wondered.
“I don’t think that’s something we get to plan,” Jared offered. “If it happens, it happens; if not, well, that’s ok too. But either way I don’t ever have to worry about all the things I see my classmates doing. Some of ‘em will sacrifice everything, even their grades, to get laid. I don’t like distractions, Carlos. Once I set goals I like to remain focused on those goals, and I can’t do that if I’m always taking time to jerk off or get laid or something. Now that I’m a eunuch I won’t ever have to worry about it. I had that one experience with you which was really great, but now I’ve satisfied my curiosity I’m quite content to just live my life as a eunuch.”

Carlos began to realize he had a lot to think about. He regarded his bed mate, now sleeping peacefully, and he compared the boy’s life with his own. While Jared was seemingly at peace with himself and with the world, having just been nullified, Carlos’ life was a total mess. He’d had what might have been a pretty great love with another boy but had turned his back on it, saying he wasn’t gay. His attempt at a love affair with a girl had ended in disaster, hurting both himself and the girl. Now he didn’t know what to do, nor what he was. “Maybe it’s time to have a long talk with my dad,” he mused.

The next few days were uneventful. By morning none of the patients was in much pain as long as they didn’t try to move around too much, so they all gathered in one room and lay on the bed, bandages off to expose their wounds to the air, and watched TV or read. Tim and Laura never strayed far from the motel, but Tim did take the opportunity to have another long talk with Dr. Smith, who said that he would stand by his earlier decision to lower the age of consent in his clinic to 16.

When the three patients felt well enough, they began venturing out of the motel. Tim and Carlos wanted to take Laura to meet some of the scholars who’d helped them with their project, so Jared, with the help of Dr. Smith, rented a van so they all could go. By the end of the first week they were all enjoying their vacation, as much as they could with three of them having leg bags attached to their catheters. Finally on the 9th day it was time for the stitches and catheters to come out.

As he’d done with Tim, Dr. Smith provided each of his patients with a pair of disposable incontinence pants, declaring that it wasn’t the least unusual to lose bladder control for a few days. Jared and Nate had no such problem, but Terry was quite another matter. Before the end of the first night, he had to change his disposable garment because the one he was wearing was full to overflowing. “Why me?” Terry moaned as everyone walked back to the clinic next morning. “Why does everything have to happen to me?”

Tim didn’t say anything, but he thought plenty. In his mind he went over all that had happened to Terry during the past two years. He was extremely bright, a super and talented athlete, had the sensitive nature of an angel; but he was also one of those people who always seem to have something bad happen to them. Tim wondered if there might be some connection.

“Your control will come back,” Dr. Smith promised. “I’ve checked you thoroughly and there is nothing wrong physically. I’m going to teach you a few exercises that will help, but you might just have to be patient. If it hasn’t cleared up in a year or so, we’ll have to do more surgery.”
“A YEAR!” Terry exclaimed. “You mean I gotta wear diapers for a freakin’ year?”
“I seriously doubt it will take that long,” the doctor said, “but it’s possible. Just do the exercises I’m going to teach you as often as you can and try to relax. Get back into sports, but don’t exert yourself to the point of pain. Let your body set your limitations and obey them. Your biggest enemy right now is your fear, Terry. As long as you THINK you’re going to remain incontinent, you probably will.”

Dr. Smith presented each of the 4 penectomized boys with a little device he called a “pee-pee.” There was a short tapered piece of soft rubber, a little flange, then a longer piece of tubing. “One of my patients developed this thing,” he told them. “I don’t recommend using it all the time, but there are those times when sitting down to urinate is just a little more inconvenient than anyone wants to tolerate. I think you’ll find at those times that this little thing works quite well. Just be sure to keep it absolutely clean or you’ll get an infection from it.”
“Fat lot of good it’ll do me,” Terry said ruefully.
“It may do you more good than the others,” the doctor told him. “I suggest you use it when you’re alone. Go through all the motions of urinating even if you don’t get anything. It’ll help to retrain your sphincter and all the other muscles you use when you relieve yourself.”

Tim was quick to tell the others that indeed it would be a handy gizmo, if it worked. When he tried it he was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was to insert, and how well it worked. He didn’t even want to use it all the time, but as the doctor had said there were times when it would be handy.

Terry did learn to live with his new handicap, albeit reluctantly. They only had 4 days left in Cancun, and they were four fun-filled days in spite of Terry’s “special” undergarment. They spent a lot of time at the beach where they swam and danced, made some new friends and concentrated on getting the tan that would be expected when they returned home. For those four days it was as if the surgery had never happened; they were just five teenagers having a wonderful vacation in a wonderful place.

It was their last night in Cancun when Nate took the initiative with Tim to discover what their new sex life would be like. Tim had been fondling Nate gently ever since that first night, but they had both understood that it was just that: fondling and gentle caressing. Tonight, Nate announced that he had no pain and was anxious to see if they could have a repeat of the night before the surgery. They were not intense, nor were they desperate for an orgasm, but they were curious and more than a little tired of their celibacy over the past two weeks. They both had phantom erections that felt so real they wondered if their penises had miraculously reappeared, but such was not the case.

“You feel like you’re gonna cum?” Nate inquired after they’d been kissing, nuzzling, touching for about a half hour.
“Not exactly,” Tim panted a reply. “Sometimes I think I feel it building, but that’s not unusual. How’s about you?”
“Same,” Nate said. “I can’t believe how real my hardon feels, but of course I can’t touch it. That’s kinda frustrating.”
“Believe me I know what you mean,” Tim agreed. “But frankly I don’t think I’m gonna cum.”

Tim was right; he didn’t have an orgasm, nor did Nate. It would be inaccurate to say they weren’t a little disappointed, but they agreed that they had a whole lifetime to experiment and try different things. In the meantime they were together, and that was really all that mattered.

Laura wanted to see how Terry was healing, but Terry was reluctant. “I know I’m wet again,” he protested. “You don’t wanna be fooling around with my pissy crotch.”
“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?” Laura retorted as she gently pulled Terry’s incontinent pants down. They were indeed wet, but she found to her surprise that the area was not foul smelling as she had expected. The two lovers embraced and kissed, Laura using one hand to gently caress the area that was now free of the appendage that had been there since birth. “I love it,” she whispered as her fingers lightly roamed over the soft stubble that was just beginning to grow. “Once the hair grows back you’re going to be irresistible!”

They got a little more intense. She rubbed a little harder as Terry’s hand began to do the same with her. He loved the soft bush that was Laura’s pubic hair; he couldn’t wait till his was the same. His testicles were a lot closer to his body now and he knew Laura liked that as well. They continued to kiss and explore each other’s body when all of a sudden Terry’s entire frame began to shudder. “Are you all right?” Laura inquired with alarm.
“Uh-huh,” Terry grunted. “I’m... I’m cummin’!”

Quickly he grabbed his padded underwear and shoved it into his crotch to catch the boy semen that was erupting from his new pee hole. As Laura held Terry’s quaking body, she went over the edge as well in her very first orgasm.

“I didn’t know that was possible,” Laura exclaimed after they had both come down off their high.
“Sometimes it isn’t,” Terry replied. “Tim can’t do it, at least most of the time. It’s gonna be interesting to see if Nathan can or not. Maybe now I’ll get some control back.”
“I seriously doubt there’s any connection between the two,” Laura surmised. “But that reminds me, handsome, you’ve still got those exercises to do before we sleep.”
“Not tonight, Laura,” Terry whined. “Please?”
“Tonight, Terry!” she ordered. “And every night, and every morning until you get your bladder control back!”

When they finally boarded the big jet that would take them home, Terry was still incontinent and wearing his disposable incontinent underwear, wondering how on earth he was going to get away with this added complication at home. Carlos was there to see them off, as were Roger and Miguel. “Take care of yourself, Gringo,” he said to Tim as he gave him a lingering hug. “You know I still love you.”
“Believe it or not I love you too, Mex,” Tim replied. “You be well too, and don’t be a stranger.”

“What was that all about?” Nate asked suspiciously as they boarded the plane.
“I’ll tell you all about it once we’re in the air,” Tim said. He had already decided that it would probably be best not to share what had happened, but having been asked a direct question he changed his mind. He hadn’t done anything and he knew Nate would believe him, so why not be completely honest?

To all their total surprise, Coach Masterson was on the same plane. No one in the group had seen or heard from him since the day of their surgery, and they had all assumed that he was long gone back to Chicago. Then as soon as the plain had leveled out at cruising altitude and the seat belt lights were turned off, the coach was leaning over Terry and Laura, who were of course sitting together. “May I borrow your champion for a few minutes?” he asked Laura.
“Long as you promise I can have him back,” Laura said brightly. Naturally she knew who he was, but she didn’t really know him aside from what she’d heard from Terry, and what he had told her was all good. It seemed that Terry still admired his coach as all boys should in spite of all that had happened. So Terry got out of his seat and joined the coach further back in the plane.

“Ok, now we’re in the air, what as all that with Carlos?” Nate demanded. “I saw that look in his eyes, Tim, and it wasn’t just the look of a good friend. I also saw the tears. Is he still in love with you?”
“Yes, Nate, he is,” Tim admitted.
“And?”
“And what?”
“And, what are you gonna do about it?”“I don’t see that there’s anything I CAN do about it, Nate. I admit I care a lot about Carlos, but I don’t love him...”
“But you told him you did love him!”
“Yeah, you’re right, I do. But I don’t love him that way. He’s a good friend, Nate, and that’s all! Do you think I’d tell him I love him right in front of you if there was anything to it?
“I dunno, Tim, but... well... he’s still got all his parts, and I know that’s gotta be tempting for you...”

**********************************

“I wanted to talk to you to tell you I want to be as much help as I can,” Coach told Terry as soon as they were seated. “Dr. Smith noticed you and me talking, so he asked me what our relationship is. As soon as I explained, he told me about your... your problem with the incontinence. He said he usually doesn’t tell one patient about another, but he thought I might be able to help. I think it might work to our advantage, Terry.”
“Advantage?” Terry echoed with surprise. “How it the world can it be an advantage to be almost 15 and still peeing my pants all the time?”
“It’s simple, really,” the coach said. “Believe it or not incontinence is not that uncommon with boys your age, and bedwetting is even more common. You never know about it because we take steps to protect those boys from the humiliation of having their peers find out. You will not have to shower or dress with the other kids, and it will be done in such a way that no one will even notice. Of course they’ll know you’re not showering with them, but usually they think nothing of that because lots of boys don’t at one time or another.”
“Except that’ll make me different, like I’m being treated special,” Terry pointed out.
“But you ARE different, Terry! And if you’re still wearing your... err...”
“Diapers,” Terry offered. “The doctor has all sorts of special names for them, but they’re really diapers made not to look like diapers. But it don’t matter ‘cause I’m not gonna be wearin’ ‘em by next fall.”

The coach went on to explain that he was hoping to get the team together as soon as he got back, and even if he didn’t there was baseball, and he had also decided to put together a summer open air basketball team if he could get enough players. He told Terry there was a whole league in the inner city who were always looking for more teams, so he knew they’d be welcomed with open arms. “That all sounds great,” Terry said stubbornly. “I dunno how much I’ll be able to play ‘cause my dad says we’re gonna be busy with the business and all, but even if I do play I can handle all those situations. Only thing I’m concerned about is when the regular season starts in the fall, and I don’t plan to be wearin’ freakin’ diapers by then!”

The coach tried again to get Terry to agree with what he called “special treatment,” but Terry stubbornly refused. “I knew this was gonna be a problem when I signed up to have it done, and I’m gonna deal with it,” he stated flatly. “As for the diapers, I’m just not gonna wear ‘em much longer, even if I have to put some sorta plug in. I’m just not gonna wear them!”
“I hope you’re right,” the coach said sincerely. “The doctor seems to feel that your control will come back if you just keep up your exercises, but I just wanted you to know I’m here for you. Anything I can do...”
“Let’s just get that team back on track,” Terry said. “I think we’re gonna have a really good team next year. Most of the good players are gonna be back, an’ we might get a few new guys out of the freshmen. I just wanna play basketball, coach.”

***********************************

Tim began his dialog with the climax. “We didn’t do anything, Nate,” he said. “Before I tell you what happened I want to be sure you know we didn’t do anything.” Then having secured Nate’s assurance that he believed him, he jumped in with both feet and told Nate the entire story. Nate sat and listened with wide eyes, imagining Tim and Carlos together while he was unconscious on the operating table. Tim noticed his bright eyes begin to cloud as the story unfolded, but it was too late now so he forged ahead. When he had finished he repeated his earlier statement that he hadn’t done anything, nor had he encouraged Carlos. Nate sat for a long time, just staring at Tim.

“You went back to the motel with Carlos?” Nate finally said, “while I was in surgery?”
“He wanted to talk, Nate,” Tim said defensively. He didn’t know why he was being defensive, but he was.
“He wanted to... he wanted you to...”
“I know it sounds terrible, but it wasn’t like that, Nate,” Tim said. “I don’t think that was why Carlos took me back there. I honestly think he just wanted to talk, but once we were there...”
“I know,” Nate said. “I know only too well what it’s like bein’ alone with you in a bedroom. But I was just wondering, Tim... Did you want to?”

Of all the questions Tim had anticipated, this one had escaped him. He should have known, should have realized it was a perfectly logical question, but it took him completely by surprise, and he did not know how to respond. He knew that Nate had felt threatened by Carlos from the moment they met, and the fact that he no longer had a penis and Carlos did certainly hadn’t done anything to allay his fears. And now he had to make a decision. Should he take a chance and lie to shore up his young lover’s much needed self confidence, or should he trust him and tell the truth, as he’d always done? Obviously the decision was truly a no-brainer, and fortunately Tim realized that before he did something stupid. “I... I was sorta tempted in a way,” he finally answered.
“That’s not what I asked you,” Terry said evenly, the most searching, penetrating look in his eyes that Tim had ever seen. “Did you want to, Tim? Did you want to make love to Carlos?”
“Nate, you gotta understand,” Tim stammered, “Carlos and I... we... he was my very first lover. I had never known what it was to have someone I loved, who loved me back... And I was so... so totally destroyed when he said he had figured out that he didn’t want to be my lover...”
“So what you’re saying is you DID want to make love to him?” Nate pressed.
“Not exactly,” Tim answered, trying desperately to find words to describe how he had felt, and how he still felt about Carlos.
“Then what?” Nate demanded. “What exactly ARE you saying, Tim?”

Now Tim was really desperate. He had dug a hole for himself that there was no crawling out of. He had to be infinitely delicate; he had to say exactly the right thing or he would hurt the one he loved more than anyone, anything in the world. And he had no confidence that Nate would survive that hurt. It occurred to him that they were still sitting on a jet plane, some five miles above the Gulf of Mexico, and over a hundred other passengers could see, if they so chose, what he was doing, any display of affection, anything he did. But mere moments after he’d had that thought, he had another. To his absolute astonishment, Tim realized that he didn’t care! There was only one thing in the universe that was important to him at that moment. It wasn’t the other passengers, nor was it the flight attendant who was trying to offer them drinks and stale peanuts; nor was it his brother, his former coach, or anyone else in the world he could think of. It was of utmost importance at that moment that Nathan Seymore know, in no uncertain terms, that he was the only thing in Timothy Chandler’s life that was really important! And it was time to make sure that he did know.

“What I’m saying, exactly,” Tim said as he wrapped an arm around Nate’s neck and pulled him close so he could kiss him, “What I’m saying is that Carlos and I had a brief two week affair two years ago, and it was great! But it cannot even come close to what we have, Nate! I admit I was tempted to go back in time because I have so many good memories of Cancun, but then I remembered how many memories you and I have, going back even before I went to Cancun the first time, and I knew that what’s really important to me is you, Nate. YOU! I told you before and I’ll tell you again, you’re stuck with me, like it or not! That’s what I’m saying exactly, Nate!”

Nate sat quietly, looking Tim directly in the eye, trying to read his face. Had he just been conned? Was Tim’s long dialogue just so many words meant to mask some deep desire he had for Carlos? Nate had never known Tim to say something he didn’t mean and he didn’t doubt his love, but still, there was that nagging doubt. Nate also knew how much Tim had loved that part of him that was no longer there. Suddenly he was very aware of the vacancy in his groin, and he was overwhelmed almost to tears with a desire to have it back. Carlos still had all his parts, as did most of the male population in the world! Could he hope to compete with that? How long before Tim would feel temptation again? How many times would he be tempted before he yielded? What about the other males in Tim’s life who still had all their body parts? What about that tux guy? Nate tried to think of Marvin’s name, but it completely escaped him. I bet Tim remembers it he thought to himself.

When Terry returned to his seat he was grinning widely. “What in the world put that devlish grin on your face?” Laura asked.
“Baseball,” Terry said happily. “Coach Masterson wants me to pitch for the team. He said he’s got some ideas that’ll turn me into a really good pitcher.”
“But I thought you’d have to go through tryouts first,” Laura questioned.
“Coach isn’t gonna do tryouts any more for anyone he already knows,” Terry announced. “He said it’s time he showed his boys the same loyalty that we show him. So from now on the only ones that have to go to tryouts are the new kids, and even then it’s only gonna be to try to find the right playing position. He’s really changed, Laura. He’s always been a great coach, but now he’s gonna be even better!”

“Do you think his... his surgery had anything to do with it?” she asked.
“Not directly,” Terry speculated. “I think it’s too soon for that to have had any effect yet. Actually I didn’t tell him but I don’t think he needed to be castrated at all. He’s already changed more than I would have thought possible.”
“So you think it’s psychological?”
“I dunno, Laura. All I know for sure is if all eunuchs are like Coach Masterson, it should be a requirement for all teachers. He’s really great!”
“What about your... err... problem? Does he know about that?”
“Uh-huh. He just said I won’t be the first kid in diapers he’s ever worked with, and I probably won’t be the last.”

Next: XXIX Adjusting to New Lives