Interview with Paul

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Question: When did you discover you were gay?

Paul: Well, I knew I was different even when I was a little boy. I’d put on my older sister’s clothes and dance around the house (laughs). And I’d play around with the other boys.

Q: What do you mean play around?

P: We’d pull down our pants and touch each other. We were only 7 or 8 years old, so we didn’t really know what we were doing. By the time I was 12 years old, I was jerking boys off and sucking their dicks (smiles).

Q: How did you parents react to the fact you were obviously gay?

P: My father hated it. He’d smack me around if he thought I wasn’t acting butch enough. My mother wasn’t quite so upset, but she’d pray that God would make me normal. I guess God didn’t listen (laughs).

Q: What was it like for you at school?

P: It could be pretty bad. The butch boys used to make fun of me and push me around. I never got beat up though, because I was good at running and hiding.

But since I was so obviously queer, a lot of other queer boys came around and became my friends. So I had plenty of sex. I was one of the few latino boys in my school, so I was really popular with those white boys (smiles).

Q: Tell me about those early sexual experiences.

P: Well, I figured out pretty quick that I was a total bottom. I had no interest in fucking other boys or having them suck me. The first time I took a hard cock up the ass I knew what I liked! (laughs).

I guess that’s another reason I was popular. The other boys knew I was always good for a blowjob or a fuck.

Q: Your father caught you having sex, didn’t he?

P: Oh, God, that was awful. He came home early from work and heard a lot of moaning and groaning coming from my bedroom.

When he walked into my room, I was on my back with my feet in the air, and Mark, this white boy, was fucking me like a madman. I swear, I shot my wad just as my dad walked in.

It was crazy, my dad screaming and Mark trying to find his clothes. He ran out the front door just wearing his underpants. Then my dad started punching and slapping me, calling me a faggot and saying he wasn’t going to have a cocksucker living in his house.

Q: How old were you?

P: Fifteen.

Q: What happened then?

P: He tossed me out. Later on my mom let me back in to get some of my clothes, but that was it. My dad said I couldn’t come home until I repented. So that was that.

Q: Where did you go? How did you survive?

P: Well, I knew one way to make money. I was a pretty boy with a talented asshole (laughs).

Q: You laugh about it, but it must have been pretty difficult for you.

P: It could be. Some of the men were gross. And sometimes I’d get beaten up after I got them off. But I survived. I even got my own apartment.

Q: Tell me about meeting Michael.

P: He was one of my tricks, but he wasn’t like most of the others. He was good looking, and not too old, in his 30s. And he was nice. He treated me decently.

That first time, Michael picked me up from my usual street corner and we went back to my place. He was really gentle with me. A lot of tricks just ram their cocks into me but Michael took it slow, got me loosened up first. It was really nice.

Q: Did you start seeing Michael a lot?

P: Yeah, he was one of my regulars. I looked forward to it because he was so good to me. He’d buy me stuff like clothes and CDs. I started to fall in love with him.

Q: What was the sex like? Did you always bottom for Michael?

P: Oh definitely. I always started out by giving him head, getting him good and hard. Then he’d flip me on my stomach and work his fingers into my ass until I was loose. Then he’d fuck me. Oooh, I loved that. (smiles).

After he came, I’d take off his condom and lick his cock clean. Then I’d jerk off while he watched.

Q: When did you move in with Michael?

P: About four months after we met. He asked me if I wanted to stay with him, to be his boyfriend. It meant I wouldn’t have to turn tricks anymore. I was so happy! I was falling in love with Michael and wanted to stop selling my ass. It couldn’t have been better.

He had a pretty nice apartment. Michael had a good job so he bought nice things for the place. And he bought me lots of stuff, too.

Q: What kind of stuff:

P: He’d buy me clothes mostly. He loved it when I wore femmy clothes like tight t-shirts that showed off my belly button. He bought me sandals and flip-flops and told me he always wanted to see my bare feet.

Michael really wanted me to look like a girl. He bought me makeup and nail polish, and took me to salons where I’d get hair styles that made me look femme. And I got my ears pierced so I could wear these dangly earrings that he bought me.

He liked putting my makeup on me. He’d put on the mascara and eyeliner, telling me how pretty I was. He liked to put blush on my nipples, too.

When we went out together, it really looked like we were a straight couple. Or maybe a father and daughter (laughs). I’d have on my short shorts and tank top, all made up like a pretty girl. He loved it, and so did I.

Q: What was your sex like?

P: Pretty much the same. He wanted me wear girls panties around the house, which turned him on a lot. He liked fucking me face-to-face so he could see my pretty eyes and lips (smiles).

The only thing different is he didn’t like me to cum when he was around. I’d have to jerk off in the bathroom.

Q: Why was that?

P: He said it reminded him that I was a boy. He didn’t like to see my penis, and he never touched it or my balls.

Q: Did that bother you?

P: Not really. I loved Michael so much. He was so nice to me. This was just a small thing, really. When I was in his arms, his cock deep inside me, I was totally happy.

Q: When did he start talking about modifying your body?

P: (Pauses) About a year after we met. I had just turned 16 and I guess I was starting to fill out a little more. I was getting more muscle mass in my upper body, and sprouting hair on my body. Michael hated that. He made me shave everywhere except around my dick and balls. But he always kept saying how he didn’t like me getting all muscular.

It’s not like I was become really buffed or anything. But Michael wanted me to be femmy, and having muscles got in the way of that.

I noticed that he wasn’t as interested in having sex anymore. I asked him why but he didn’t really answer. I started to get scared, like Michael was losing interest in me. I couldn’t imagine what I’d do without him.

Q: What happened next?

P: We had a big scene. I was crying and asking why he was rejecting me. He said I wasn’t the same boy he met, that I was changing too much.

I began begging him, telling him I’d do anything he wanted. He said, “Anything? Would you change your body for me?”

I didn’t know what he meant, but I said yes. I was so desperate not to lose Michael that I’d agree to anything.

Q: When did Michael explain what he wanted to do to you?

P: That night, when we were in bed getting ready to sleep. I was crying again, and he cuddled me, stroking my hair and face. That’s when he mentioned castration for the first time.

Michael very gently told me that if I would agree to castration, we could stay together. That it would solve our problems.

I couldn’t believe what he was saying. Cut off my balls? It was crazy. But Michael explained that by castrating me, I would keep the kind of body I had when we met. I wouldn’t develop big muscles or get hair on my body. It would soften me, make me look more like a girl.

Q: How did you feel about what Michael was saying?

P: It shocked me and scared me. I was nelly fag but I was still a boy. Not having balls would mean I wasn’t really a boy anymore. It was one thing to wear makeup and dress like a girl, but castration was something else.

Q: Did you tell Michael no?

P: I did that night. But he kept holding me and stroking my hair. He said I should think about it, that I’d get used to the idea.

The next day, Michael showed me this website about eunuchs. It had stories about guys who got cut, and how it changed them. Michael kept pointing out the things that he said would be good about losing my balls.

He said my muscles would get softer, and my body would get rounder like a girl’s. I’d even grow breasts. I’d never have to shave my face or body. Since I already was a bottom, it didn’t matter that I’d stop having erections. I wouldn’t have the need to get off anymore.

The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I’d basically do anything to stay with Michael. So a week later, I told Michael I’d do it.

Q: When did he have you castrated?

P: A couple of days later. A friend of his who worked in a hospital came over and explained what would happen. It was a really simple operation. I could even be awake. So I said we could go ahead and do it right then.

Michael kissed me and held me while Dave got the table ready. Michael had this really big dining room table, and Dave said it would be perfect. Michael helped me undress and lifted me onto the table.

I was scared shitless as Dave tied my feet to the legs of the table, and then tied my wrists the same way. Michael stood next to the table, stroking my hair and face while Dave shaved my crotch and put this brown liquid all over there. I was trying not to freak out as I felt this pinch near my balls, then felt this numbness down there. A few minutes later I saw Dave holding up this small metal knife, and Michael told him to go ahead.

I started crying as I felt Dave tugging at my sack. It didn’t hurt, but I could feel him manipulating my balls. A few minutes later, Dave held up his hand and I could see this bloody round thing. It was my ball! He dropped it into the dish and went back to work. Then he dropped my second ball into the dish. Michael bent over and kissed my cheek, and whispered, “Thank you.”

I couldn’t stop crying. Dave was stitching me up and Michael kept kissing me and trying to calm me, but I kept looking at my bloody balls lying in that dish. I thought I had made a huge mistake.

Q: How long did it take you to recover from the castration?

P: Just a couple days. My sack was all swollen and it looked like I still had my balls, but then the swelling went down. Michael said my sack would shrink and I wouldn’t notice it much.

Q: What changes did you notice?

P: The first thing was these hot flashes. They came on really fast, and I felt like taking off all my clothes. It was awful. Michael told me that was normal, that my body was adjusting to the change in hormones.

Another thing was I didn’t wake up with hard-ons anymore. I’d still jack off in the morning but it took a long time to get hard. And when I came, it was different now. My cum wasn’t as white, it was kinda clear. And there wasn’t a lot of it.

After a few months, I could tell my body was really changing. My dick was smaller. And I didn’t really feel like jacking off anymore. I still liked it when Michael fucked me, but I didn’t need to cum afterwards.

Just like Michael said, I noticed my muscles were getting soft, and I didn’t have hair on my chest anymore. I just got some peach fuzz on my face, so I didn’t need to shave much.

Then I noticed my shorts were really getting tight around my hips and ass. He had to buy me new ones that would fit my new body.

Q: How did Michael react to all these changes?

P: He loved them. It was just what he wanted. He especially got off seeing my breasts grow, watching my nipples get wider and more pointy. He sucked on them a lot before fucking me.

I really looked like a girl now. When I put on my makeup and girls clothes, you couldn’t tell I had a dick. Not that my dick was really there anymore. It was this little thing that I pissed out of, that’s all.

Q: So did your life with Michael get better than it had been before your castration?

P: Yeah, Michael was really happy with the way things turned out. He loved looking at me naked and touching my body. He fucked me a lot, just the way he used to.

Q: Did you regret being castrated?

P: Just a little. I kind of missed seeing my cock get big and hard and watching my cum shoot. But after awhile that didn’t matter anymore. The hot flashes slowed down so they weren’t a big problem now. The important thing was that Michael and me would stay together now.

Q: But that’s not how it turned out, is it?

P: No. (eyes fill with tears).

Q: What happened with Michael?

P: About a year after my castration, his sexual interest began to fade again. I was almost 18 now, and I think Michael liked younger boys than me. I caught him looking at young teen boys and I knew he wanted to fuck them.

Then came the worst day of my life. Michael came home and told me he had met this boy, I think he was 14. And that he loved this boy and didn’t love me anymore. And that I’d have to move out.

I was totally crushed. I cried for hours. But Michael just said I needed to pack my things and leave.

I thought about killing myself, but that wasn’t something I could do. So I just left and stayed at a friend’s house until I could get back on my feet.

Q: What has your life been like since then?

P: Well, I got my old apartment back. Michael gave me some money for the deposit, but it wasn’t enough to live on. So I went back to turning tricks.

I was surprised how many guys liked me now. I was more girly than before. I guess they could pretend they were fucking a girl. It made them feel like they weren’t fags or something. I hated them but I don’t know how else to make money.

Q: You’re 19 now. What do you want for your future?

P: I’m thinking of going back to school. I’d like to go to college someday. I know I can’t turn tricks the rest of my life. I have to find something else.

Q: Paul, tell me your feelings now about being castrated.

P: Well, I wouldn’t do it if I had a chance to go back. Especially because Michael was going to dump me, that prick. But honestly, it’s not so bad being a eunuch. I’ve always been more a girl than a boy anyway. It doesn’t bother me so much. Maybe I was born to be a eunuch. It’s possible.

Q: Thank you Paul, for telling your story. And good luck with your life.

P: You’re welcome. And thanks for listening to me.