Michael finds out what he's in for, and what kind of friend Sam really is.
A - E F - J K - O P - V W - Z Newest Files
For Your Own Good 3
Harvey was dead.
Quite dead.
The implications of his death were spinning through Michaels
head as he finished his shower and put his bloody gym clothes into
a laundry chute. He wasnt even aware of the fact that he was the
only intact boy in the dividerless gym showers, nor did he care.
He didnt even sneak any glances around at his classmates to see
who had balls, or lack thereof, or who had a penis and who didnt.
He put his white sweatsuit back on, and feeling very self-conscious
about his closely buzzed head, pulled the hood up. There were no
strings to tighten it, so pulled it as close as could and kept
looking down at the floor. There were specks of red here and
there, and his stomach was turning.
He felt something touch his shoulder.
Michael came up off of the bench between the rows of lockers
and screamed. He made for the door, not bothering to try and dodge
the puddles of water on the floor. When one of the burly black
guards who were helping to clean up the mess caught him, his socks
were very wet. Put him down, man, he heard someone say. It was
Sam.
Sam, his roommate whose order had killed Harvey.
Sam, the very strong, well built black kid who thought he was
a cute, if not puny, white boy.
Sam, who, thankfully, didnt have a penis.
Michael stared at the slightly hairy and dark legs in front of
his downward gaze. A bit of water dripped now and then, and his
socks were uncomfortably wet. He felt the strong hands holding him
up off of the floor begin to release him, and felt another hand on
the back of his neck. Mikey, he heard Sam say softly, you OK,
man?
The next thing he knew, Michael was in Sams arms which held
him tightly against the muscular youths wet body. He drew in a
sharp breath, and then his slight body was wracked by painful
sobs. Suddenly he felt himself spun around as Sam pushed his head
towards a trashcan, pulling his hood back at the same time.
Somehow Sam had sensed that Michaels mystery lunch was about to
make an encore appearance.
Cmon, get up, he heard Sam say when he was finally done
vomitting, Lemme get dressed and well go.
Michael felt Sams arm tighten around his slight shoulders.
He obediently followed Sam back to the bench, keeping his eyes
closed. After what felt like forever, he heard Sam say, Cmon
again and felt the pull of his strong arm. He kept his eyes shut
as they walked, his wet socks leaving small footprints on the
polished hardwood floor. He let Sam lead him, not trusting
himself. It was too much to believe.
All I did was steal some stuff, he choked.
They stopped. What? Sam asked.
Whyd they put me in here? Michael sobbed. Then he pulled
away from Sams grip. I stole stuff. I didnt rape anyone, I
didnt really hurt anyone, all I did was steal cause no one would
take care of me. And I sure as HELL didnt KILL anybody! And
with that, Michael broke and ran. He had no idea where he was
going, he simply ran. His mind raced from image to thought to
idea. There probably was no way over the fences. If a door were
locked, it would have to scan his ID. But he didnt know where
anything was. He wasnt even sure he could find his room.
Suddenly he wanted to be in his bed, where it was warm and safe and
behind a locked door and he wouldnt have to know anything. Then
he heard him again.
Goddammit, Mikey!
It was Sam.
Sam, whom he thought, would protect him.
Sam, who had just killed Harvey. Michael froze.
What if Sam told the Mainframe to detonate him?
Then he was there. Right in front of him. There was a
familiar guard behind him as well, the guard who had duty in their
dorm. They were both looking at him. Sams face was pained. They
stared at each other. Sam reached out a hand, but Michael took a
step back. A stab of pain shot through his forehead, driving the
slight boy to his knees. His hands were on him then, pulling him
up and into a tight embrace. N-n-no, Michael choked, as Sam
pulled him close again, Dont hurt me. P-p-lease dont b-blow my
head off too!
Its alright, man, I got im now, Sam said to the guard.
The guard nodded and said something unintelligible to his handheld
radio. The pain stopped. Michaels knees buckled, and Sam swept
him up in his arms. Lets get you somethin and put you to bed,
Mikey. Michael didnt answer. Wheres he gonn go anyway?
True, the guard agreed.
When they arrived back at the dorm room, Ned was there
waiting. Michael opened his eyes as Sam placed him on his feet.
He stumbled over to his bed, and Ned began to undress him. I hear
you had a bit of excitement, the physicians assistant
bantered, a run in with Harvey. Asshole. I wont miss HIM. Now
then
But Michael pulled back as Ned absently folded the white
sweatshirt and handed it to Sam. What give, Mikey? he asked.
Did they not know? How could Ned not know, if theyd summoned
him here? Then Michael heard a small sound. He turned and saw
Cheng, sitting up in his bed. His eyes were bright, and looked
happy. His short, black flat-topped hair was a bit smashed down,
but there was a definite sparkle to his strangely colored
eyes. Didja really SEE it?! the Asian eunuch suddenly piped up.
Michael began to tremble. He looked back and saw Ned filling a
hypodermic with something from a small bottle. He took a step
back, and yelped as Sams strong hands closed on his bare
shoulders. Did Sam really do him in? Cheng demanded, with a
broad grin on his face.
Michael nodded. He couldnt find his voice.
He felt as if he were dreaming. Sam pushed him gently back
towards Ned, who caught his wrist and pulled him back to the bed
where he sat. He could hear Cheng chattering about Harvey, but he
couldnt make it out. He felt dizzy and his stomach was churning
again. Fast as it came on, Ned was faster. The needle fell to the
bed and in an instant, Michaels head was in a small bucket. He
retched for quite some time.
Always be prepared, Ned muttered, pulling the badly shaking
boy back up into a sitting position. But he then pushed Michael
back over onto his back and rolled him. He pulled Michaels white
sweats down and stuck the needle into his left butt cheek. A
strange feeling of warmth and relaxation spread quickly through the
boy, and he felt himself going limp. Ned continued to strip him,
then tucked him into bed. He found that he couldnt move, but that
his head seemed to be clearing a bit.
You can talk about it tomorrow, Mikey, Ned said, absently
rubbing a hand over his stubbly scalp.
Mikey, Sam offered, You dont know the WHY on why I did
it. Harvey had it comin. Been comin a long time. There was
anguish on the black youths face, and his eyes were
sincere. Before you judge me, hear it out.
Michael nodded, feeling his bed warm under his skin. He was
relaxed. The trembling had stopped, and Ned offered him a drink of
water. Why, then? he asked.
Sam sighed and sat down on his bed. He glanced at Cheng. It
all started when me and Harvey got here, he began, We came at the
same time. You know what I did, well, Harvey did more. See, he
didnt use to be like he was. He got put in here for rape. He
liked boys a LOT. After a while, we got to be buddies. The
problems started when they told us about our cuttin options. Sam
paused and wrung his hands. He was beginning to sweat. Anyway, I
was better built. Harvey was solid, but he wasnt as strong as
me. We had a while, we did some tests, took some exams. I
qualified for guard training and early graduation, Harvey didnt.
That pissed him off, but, when he found out that he was gonna get
castrated, he freaked out. Guess he didnt believe the stories.
He wanted the early graduation thing bad, but then when I told him
what they were gonna do to me, he really lost it. See, Mikey,
thats why I dont have a penis. To stay strong and grow up into a
big man like they wanted, and the docs said I would, I had to keep
my balls. Harvey kept his cock, for all the good it did him. I
got a penectomy, Harvey got castrated. Sam paused again. He
glanced from Michael to Cheng then back down at the floor. Michael
noticed that the guard had left the room and closed the door.
Go on, Cheng added anxiously.
It took me and Harvey a while to heal up. I mean, once you
get your cock cut off, its pretty much over. No sex, no matter
how bad you want it. Like I said, it used to get me in a lot of
trouble. But Harvey had just lost his balls, and the effects of
that werent right off, you know. He healed up fast, but he could
still get it up and all. You know, he liked boys. For a while he
could still whack off. He got caught fuckin other guys a few
times, got punished, but it didnt seem to phase him. Then, bout
two months or so later, he started havin hot flashes. He couldnt
get it up good very often, and he got mean.
Neds laughter interrupted Sams story.
Michael felt himself beginning to drift, but he forced his
eyes open. He wanted to hear it all. A terrible suspiscion was
beginning to dawn on him.
Sam continued. He couldnt understand why Id wanna get out
early, since my sex life was over. He was jealous of that, but
pissed cause no one warned HIM. He could have been in the same
way, and that really got to him. But when his cock started to fail
him, he got even harder to get along with. The flashes got worse,
and he started gaining weight. You loose your balls at our age,
and things start to go backwards, man. He lost a lot of his body
hair. He started to get fat after a few more months. He was
always lookin for a fight, it seemed. He was always reminding me
that I didnt have a penis, I think, cause he was jealous of my
body. Sam flexed his biceps, and Cheng laughed.
I gotta pee, he added, climbing out of bed. To Michael, he
looked a bit unsteady as he made his way to the bathroom. His eyes
sought out the Asian eunuchs smooth and empty groin, and looked
back at Sam. He also caught the haunted look in his eyes, as Sam
watched Cheng as well. Ned placed a hand on the blanket over
Michaels chest. They waited until Cheng had come back and settled
in, then Sam continued.
Over time, he got fatter and weaker. And frustrated. I got
frustrated, bad, but I had other things to vent on. Harvey just
got fat and stupid. It was, I dunno a few more months hell,
you cant keep track o time in here. Im just goin on what Ned
told me. I was thinkin about going into medicine, and spendin
time with him. Thats when Cheng showed up. After hed been here
a while, his time came up. Sam paused. It was almost as if he
couldnt go on.
Then what? Michael murmured, forcing himself to stay awake.
Ned checked me over after Id been here a while and told me I
had to be castrated, Cheng supplied, And Sam was studying with
him. He helped Ned castrate me.
THAT got Michaels attention. Sam was now looking down at the
floor. He felt his head growing fuzzy again, but he had to hear
more. What all was Sam into?
So, we castrated Cheng. He didnt say anything, but it
turned out that on Harveys good days, he was uh FOND of
Cheng. He went wild when he found out what Id talked Cheng into
later, after he healed up. Again, Sam paused, and rested his head
in his hands.
And? Michael probed.
Sam was my roommate, Cheng supplied, and he wanted me to
get finished. You know, cut it all off. He said I wouldnt ever
be able to use it, so why keep it? So I let him.
Michaels mouth dropped open. He stared at Sam. Ned placed a
firm hand on his chest, but Michael found that even though he
wanted to, he couldnt sit up. He was too limp, and the bed was so
warm and soft. He thought of how Cheng looked down there, with
only very light and small scars. The Asian eunuch had
nothing. You let him? And you didnt have to?
Cheng nodded.
He was young, he didnt know. Hell, I didnt know. I did
most of the job after he healed up from his castration. Ned let me
do most of the cutting. I took care of Cheng while he healed up.
I worked out, studied, but Harvey just got more and more mean. We
got in one hell of a fight when he saw Cheng after I cut his cock
off. Harvey got demerits, punished, and I got higher marks and
more credit. He couldnt take it. I guess he saw the same thing
comin wit you, white boy, and he just went over the edge.
But you killed him, Michael choked, shocked to the core that
Cheng had surrendered his genitals so calmly, AND even now he
didnt seem to mind.
YES! Cheng said fervently, and none too soon. I HATED
Harvey. I wish Id seen it!
No, you dont, Sam said softly, It was awful.
I dont get it, Michael admitted, fearing what they were
going to tell him, Sam, you got your penis cut off, not your
balls, so you could go into early release as a guard?
Sam nodded.
But Cheng, you got castrated. They didnt MAKE you get your
penis cut off, but you LET Sam do it anyway?
Cheng nodded.
WHY?
Because I talked him into it, Sam admitted. I told him he
wouldnt even hit puberty, hed never have a sex drive, and no one
was ever going to let him have HRT after they found out he was an x-
IO boy. He was marked for life by his record. What I didnt know
was why he was here. Sam sighed, and paused. Perhaps
subconsciously, a hand went to his own crotch.
It was Ned who concluded the story. Cheng was placed here
because he was an orphan. No one wanted him, but he was up for
adoption. Oh, he had some petty theft and curfew violations, but
nothing too severe. Somehow, an error in records put him in this
ward and we couldnt straighten it out fast enough. We knew he was
in danger from some of the other boys, so Sam was supposed to
protect him. Cheng got into some trouble here, but nothing too
serious. His castration order came via regular channels, since he
had spent so much time here already. BUT, unlike Harvey and most
of the boys here, Cheng would have been eligible for release and
specialized adoption anytime. Even though he had to be castrated,
he would have been allowed HRT qualification in later life. He
could have been released and had a relatively normal sex life, just
no children of his own. He wasnt really dangerous or anything,
you understand, just a victim of circumstance. If wed gotten it
straightened out in time, its also possible that he wouldnt have
had to be castrated. Then he and Sam got close
And you talked him into it? Michael asked Sam.
The black boy didnt look up, but nodded. I didnt know.
Then Harvey found out and he said the same thing, Ned
finished, and he flipped. He spent a lot of time asleep and
undergoing some uh shall we call it therapy. He just
couldnt stand the fact that someone other than him would have been
allowed to develop normally, be adopted, and leave. Chengs choice
on a full nullification made him crazy, especially since Harvey was
impotent then and couldnt do him any more. He made it a point to
remind Sam what he had done every chance he got. I guess he
figured Sam would try the same with you, Mikey.
Michael was stunned. Cheng had had it ALL cut off. Sam had
not only talked him into it, but he had helped to do it as well.
And Cheng didnt HAVE to. That was what confused Michael. Sam had
befriended him in much the same way. It was because Michael was
still intact that had set Harvey off. In a way, as the fog in his
head grew thicker, Michael realized that he was somewhat
responsible for Harveys death as well.
I wont hurt YOU, Mikey, Sam said, I promise. Man, Cheng,
I didnt know. I really didnt. I thought you were like everyone
else.
Its OK, Sam, I dont mind, the Asian eunuch replied.
You know I think about it every time I see you, Sam
retorted, his voice full of shame, I guess since I didnt have a
penis anymore, I thought you shouldnt either. I
I dunno, maybe
I figured if you were a total eunuch and not a
a real boy no one
would want to adopt you, ever. I
I dint want you to leave.
And it took you this long to admit it, Sam? Ned asked.
But Sam didnt reply.
Its alright, Sam, Michael heard Cheng say, It doesnt
matter. You dont miss what you never had. Im OK with it,
really.
Ned, Michael whispered, his eyes falling shut, am I gonna
be castrated too? It was a struggle to stay awake, but he had to
know.
He had to hear it.
Yes, Mikey, you are, he heard Ned reply from far away, Very
soon, in fact. Itll be for your own good, you know. Now go to
sleep like a good boy. Youve had a rough day.
And then the darkness took him and Michael knew no more.