No, they had no idea that they had been saved in my fantasy.

Why were you struck on Hilary?

She was so well formed.

How well formed?

She was of average height for a girl of 14, but was still completely undeveloped. She had good legs, well muscled and tight, but rounded hips. But above the waist. She was like a boy. She even behaved like one. Her hair was cut short and she ran around just like a boy would. She strode and moved in a boyish, rather than a feminine way. Also, she never seen to be phased by her lack of development. I think she was as physically big as most of the girls and that made it easier. I was quite small, and the other girls, who developed late were also smaller than the average. I think it might have been a year that Hillary remained undeveloped, while all the other girls had moved into puberty. I envied her. She did not have any of the inconveniences of adolescence.

However, she did make me jealous.

How?

One day, I was walking in the park and I saw her striding along. She was dressed in her typically boyish way, she was wearing slacks, lace up shoes and a shirt, which I think might even have buttoned in the masculine way. I was pleased to see her and wanted to be her friend. However, she did not notice me, and walked past to the fountain in the middle of the park, where another girl, was waiting for her. This girl was auburn haired and was wearing a short dark green dress. This girl was clearly past puberty, and had round well developed breasts. However, she was of the same height as Hillary. She smiled as Hillary approached and they embraced. I had been walking to catch up, but suddenly stopped and looked at them. They kissed. They then walked on, holding hands. Anybody looking on would have thought that they were girl and boy.

I hesitated and then began to follow them. They only had eyes for each other. The girl, who I later found out was called Rebecca put her arm around Hillary's waist. They came to a park bench and sat down. They looked at each other and began to kiss again. Rebecca put her left hand on Hilary's knee and began to move it up her thigh until her thumb reached Hillary's crotch. Hilary straightened up. Rebecca motioned that they should move into the bushes. They were going to a circle of bushes, which I used in the evening as a cover for my sessions of masturbating before I went home.

So, somebody else knew of hiding place. I followed them again. They lay on the ground, entirely surrounded by these thick, rhododendron bushes. They thought they were unobserved. However, I knew how I could peak at them. Rebecca got hold Hillary's hands and put them on her breasts. She was smiling and saying that it's so nice. One of Rebecca's hands was holding her own head up. Her other was working between Hilary thighs. Then she stopped and pulled Hillary's right-hand down and put it between her own legs. Hilary said, 'You're not wearing knickers,' and then 'You're so wet!'

Rebecca said, 'That is how women react. Keep rubbing.' Hilary did. I could see her hand, moving back and forth. Rebecca used her free hand to unbuckle Hillary's belt and then to unzip the front of her trousers. She then put her hand inside, Hillary's knickers.

Hilary said, 'I'm afraid that my reaction is not as dramatic as yours.'

Rebecca replied, 'But you still like it'

'Oh yes, it's very nice.' All this time Hillary's right-hand was moving between Rebecca's labia.

Suddenly Rebecca, convulsed and said, 'I've come' both stopped moving.

I was horrified. I was so jealous. I crawled away and then ran home. When I got in, my stepmother was in the kitchen. She came into the hall, and looked at me.

She said, 'Is something wrong?'

I looked at her and said, Yes, I need you to punish me. Now. I am having a must, terrible thoughts and temptations.'

She said, 'Are you sure?'

I nodded.

'Very well,' she said. She put down her dish cloth, and went into the dining room. She said to me to come down on five minutes.

I went upstairs, took off my clothes and washed myself between my legs. He came downstairs in a dressing gown. I went into the dining room, and there was the dining room table upside down, and two stools set between the legs. I lay on the stools and undid a dressing gown. My stepmother tied my knees to two of the legs. She then got out her cane. She held it in her right hand and parted my labia with her left. She felt, how aroused I was. She gave me six of the hardest blows that she ever had. The swollen state of my sex, made it all the more painful.

However, I didn't think I was being punished. I was my stepmother had Rebecca was me. She was suffering this pain, and I was inflicting it. My stepmother took a long time to deliver the six blows, and this gave me all the time to fantasise that I was punishing Rebecca. And that Hillary was bound and watching. She was seeing what was being done.

After the six blows, my stepmother moved to untie my knees. I asked her not to and to leave me for a while. She did this and went to prepare tea. During this time, I imagined that again I was Rebecca. And my punishment was not yet finished. With Hillary still watching. I, as Rebecca, was going to have my clitoris excised. This was the ultimate punishment for making me jealous. I was of course, the excisor and this was to be done after a short time. I would first massage Rebecca's bruised clitoris until she was at that point of orgasm. I would look at her and say, 'Are you about to come.'

She would reply, 'Yes.'

And then I would say, 'Oh no. And never again'

And at that moment, I would slice off her clitoris. I would then hold it up in front of Hillary and say, 'You'll get no more fun out of this.'

After a while my stepmother came back and untied me. She put some cushions on the seat when we eat tea and that evening, she was very gentle with me. We watched television, together, and I kept a cushion between my knees to stop me putting my sore parts together. That night she asked me if I wanted to sleep in her bed. And I said, 'Yes'. She put her right thigh between my own to reduce my pain. However as I went to sleep I could see her erect nipples protruding through her nightdress.. In the morning we got up, as if nothing had happened. She asked me if I wished to go to church with her and as usual, I refused. She left, and I continued my normal Sunday morning practice of masturbating. My sex was very sore so I had to do it with a wet sponge. Nevertheless, I ran through my fantasy off putting off Rebecca's clitoris again and again.

As a result of my attempts at at self control, as my stepmother saw it, I got my own room back and no longer had to share a room with her. I took care to keep my hands out of the bedclothes when I went to sleep, but in the mornings. I always woke up with my left hand between my legs.

What is more, I was now complicit in my twice weekly punishments. I no longer sulked or tried to avoid them. My masochistic fantasies and tastes would grow.