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*****
She's only cried once in her 20 years. She was born perfect, she has grown to be the perfect goddess of a woman. Her narcicism isn't narcisistic, just realistic. Correction. She did have one flaw. But even that was corrected correctly. Her teeth are perfect beyond perfection now, but at 13, the year she started on The Pill, she had teeth that were slightly imperfect. Raised by a single mother of ways and means, Erin had everything, and was taught everything. The secret of her mother's means was the way she had her ways. She bartered by balling. She covered her finances by uncovering and fucking. Wherever. Whenever. But with standards. Erin's mother would never, still never does, fuck a man or woman to obtain what she wants if subject fuckee man or woman doesn't measure up. She just barters with a different vendor, one that does measure up. And her mother loves fucking for a living. After all, she had to raise Erin correctly. Sex education for instance. Erin and her school friends were frequent witnesses to the mother fuck. The mother fuckers came to their house to cum. In the living room. In the kitchen. In the TV room. On the lawn. In the pool. In the car. On the car. Under a tree. In a tree. Even in the sandbox, and even if Erin and her little friends had to move aside a little while her mother was "at work." To return to the lone cry that Erin ever had. She knew she was perfect, and even the experienced judge of women-flesh, Mr. Howard Stern, has recently seen the equisitely nude Erin and agreed that she was Playboy material. Some (the most astute) say even better than Playboy. For example, there should be perfect wax duplicates of the perfect nude Erin placed in the Louve, the Guggenheim, all the National Galleries, even the god damn Cistene Chapel. Speaking of religion and sex, Erin has fucked in church. In a confessional booth. She's not Catholic or any religion, and she sure the hell has never confessed anything. And she didn't fuck the priest. She just had to get out of the rain one time, and there was the church, and there she was with one of her pretty girlfriends wearing just a wet t-shirt. So they just followed the direction the hard nipples were pointing, as if divinely led, went in and got it on. Again, to the cry. Erin's mother almost backed out of the barter-for-braces balling. The orthodontist almost didn't measure up. The test at that time was a pack-and-a-half of Marboro 100's, with cock measured correctly. Not from the bottom of the balls for those guys who claim to be 9 inches, for example, but only from the point on the penis at which it penetrates a pussy completely -- also known for the many who don't measure up, as the Cut-Off Point. In simple terms, you take two packs and pull the hard cock down a little and place the two cig packs atop each other, with the bottom pack at the prick base on navel side -- full astern, no port or starboard, and no bowing. If the cock tip goes at least half-way up the second pack, then it measures up (or at least when the now out-dated standard was the pack-and-a-half). The first time Erin's mother measured the orthodontist's cock, Erin was watching hopefully from the den. Her mother rejected the guy (only a pack and about one-quarter), making flacid Erin's only hope for perfect choppers. She cried. But not for long. As the tears went out, the grand idea came in. Fortunately, the orthodontist said he was extremely tired from emergency surgery all the previous night and felt he wasn't at his hardest. The mother, in a rare gesture, offered that he could come back that evening for a second try at measuring up. Erin sprang into action. She spiked her mother's water. Her mother is a drinker, but only in excess. As a mother, she is responsible that way. And to avoid any hangovers ever, her mother balances water ounce-for-ounce with the hard stuff, and she pops a lot of Vitamin C. So Erin spiked the ounce-for-ounce glass that was the water with some kind of really strong Vodka. Then Erin replaced the two cigarette packs with normal-size Marlboro's instead of the 100's. The 100's are exactly 4 inches, and the regulars are about 3 and 3/4 inches. Then she crunched the boxes a little, just to be extra safe. The plan worked. When the Ortho came back for his oral, Erin's mother was in the bag sufficiently to not notice the cig pack switch. The doc passed this time. Not by much, but he passed. He got his blowjob, and Erin got her tinsel teeth. Fortunately, Erin's mother never rechecked the cock measurement when the Ortho was regularly paid in this slightly irregular way for Erin's checkups. This was all a great lesson for Erin. Just past puberty, which was probably like four years old for Erin -- just kidding, I'm not into kiddy stuff at all -- she learned how to suck cock. Her shemale girlfriend taught her. But the only cocks they came close to had to pass the test they learned of a pack-and-a-half of Marlboro 100's. So if you do the math, the cocks had to be at least a true 6 inches to measure up. Then two dramatic things happened. First, Erin's mother walked in on Erin sucking off a couple black college studs. Her mother was not shocked that Erin was having sex, and certainly not shocked (in fact was actually delighted) that her little white bitch was into black dick. But her mother put her foot down on the cock sucking. As she put her foot down, the black guy with the big balls saw it coming. He was way into CBT and he quickly slid over and got beneath the razor-sharp forcefully-plunging stilleto heel to get his gonads gored. Fun for all. And Erin learned, by her mother's helpful scold: "Pretty Girls Don't Suck Cock!" Sucking cock is for sissy-boys, fags, and female's below an eight rating. Pretty girls do pretty girls, and occasionally let a cock that measures up briefly fuck a pretty ass or pretty pussy. But no cum and no return fucks. One chance to make Erin cum, and that better be done, and then out the door never to return. Cocks are boring. And most are way too small. Erin learned later that the pack-and-a-half test only measured to see if a cock was at least "average," with 6 inches being widely accepted as the statistical average of like 10 million cocks worldwide when measured navel side base to tip in the standard way. What Erin learned (and actually then had something to teach her own mother about fucking) was that: "Average Is Not Normal!" The absolute standard now is at least two packs of Marlboro 100's, or at least 8 inches. For a cock to be a cock, ya got to have at least 8 fucking inches to fuck with. Or you'll be fucked with by Erin. If you don't measure up, then get rid of the pathetic thing. If you were meant to have a cock you would have a cock, not some 6-inch microscopic wart. Get a Sears Craftsfman belt sander, and grind the damn thing off. Erin will even do it for you, has done it for many, but she also, but rarely, offers a more humane alternative. She'll give you all the information you need to have the orchidectomy (technical term for testicle removal because "orchid" is the Greek work for testicle) done quick -- chop, chop. Then you quickly get rid of the teenee weenee wienee. No fake pussies. The current look is the total nullification -- so nice and smooth down there, with nothing down there. Then you are smooth, smooth, smooth. After after the perfect tit job, your new life as a Classy Bitch will make your sex life -- finally -- smooth, smooth, smooth. It is completely up to you, for those who do not measure up. There is no choice about If "it" has to go, just How "it" has to go. Erin will help -- she is an altruistic narcisist. She has the specs on which sander to use, what grit grade of grinding paper, and all that techie stuff. For expenses, she'll even fly to any site and sand herself, if need be. For those that don't like the erotic S & M sand-off-my-cock-and-balls-please scene, then instead of sander specs, Erin can refer you to Dr. Spector's specs. Method, then, is not as important as speed. If you don't measure up to the 2-pack test, then clip the prick pronto. Erin asked me to pass this along because she has found so many pseudo men debating about their inadequate balls and other pseudo equipment. With Erin's simple perform-at-home test you can now rest assured whether or not you should quickly let your little cock and balls begin their rest in peace (or in pieces, depending on how you want to use the little remnants, and Erin can give gourmet advice on this topic too). Erin reads the Eunuch Central forum on this web site, so leave her a coded or cold-blooded message. She'll get back to you if you need some advice or assistance getting de-dicked. Hopefully, you can now finally and happily rejoice that you meet her no-brainer standard -- the little thing is definitely at the Cut-Off Point.
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