Circle of Grace

Just like a circle of grace - with humility, knowledge becomes wisdom. With compassion the wisdom becomes love. And with love - everything is renewed.

When Royce shared with me his desire for castration, only for a brief moment did I want to retreat.

To me, his manhood was everything. It embraced me, brought me to new acceptance of my own desires and solidified all that I had searched for in my great yearning to give love and be loved, living out all the fantasies that a hearty woman craves but squelches because it's not the white picket fence way.

Royce shared pictures and videos of those who chose to be castrated. They were not an affront to me or something out of a mad scientist's laboratory. Slowly, I began to grasp all that he was revealing. It is sort of like gaining access to a secret society or private club. Perhaps together, we seemed like an anamoly. He would always be considerate of my feelings, asking me if he were going to far or how much I could withstand. But, with each story, each picture, each whispered fantasy, I became more and more eager to be a part of him. I spent time daydreaming of that day that moment and how our relationship would be solidified through his dreams and wishes coming true.

I found myself reading everything available on the history of castration through the years, articles on body modification and seeking out others on the net who were living loving and productive lives in the aftermath. It set me more at ease.

Royce was moving closer to actually committing himself to having the procedure. Our lovemaking incorporated all different scenarios of him not having his balls and how we would please one another without them. The testosterone patch was also discussed. Science is Amazing! I told Royce that I'd never be selfish enough to require that he pursue the patch option. It must be solely on his terms.

Someone we chatted with on the internet, while sharing wine and cheese, called us to personally offer the name and number of a veternarian who had done several castrations on the q.t. I decided to investigate and believe it or not, it was a woman - Leslie.

I called her to set up a "meeting." Over a bottle of chardonnay, and munching on dim sum, she revealed that during her marriage, her husband came to her and admitted he was gay.

Leslie was stunned with that revelation, and he even went further to say that he wanted to have the full surgery to become the "total" woman. Leslie was crushed. The social ramifications could be devastating to her career and her reputation in the community.

She explained that her husband was getting emotional support from certain clubs and groups. Leslie loved him so much, but realized his mind had been made up. He came to her and asked her to begin the process by castrating him. It was actually very healing to them both. He did eventually have full transformation surgery over a period of years in Amsterdam.

Leslie soon received calls from his other "friends" who wished for both monetary reasons as well as embarrassment issues, to have her castrate them and start them on their way to "freedom."

After food and conversation, we went to Leslie's office. It is in a completely rural setting. Her fee was minimal, as compared to the touted surgeons adverstising their services; the theatre was completely sterile and almost pleasant.

I met with her before I talked to Royce because, I felt that a woman-to-woman talk was essential. I wanted this done lovingly and with great care for his mental and physical health.

Leslie was gracious and beautiful. She answered all of my questions without being rushed and I found they were thorough. I took a liking to her instantly and we were completely at ease with one another. We talked about her men, our jobs and this significantly private procedure. I shared the photo of Royce with her and she was completely taken with his startling eyes and chisled features. As she put it, "He's quite a specimen." We shared a laugh at the doctor perspective.

There were paperwork issues. Leslie said I would have to sign a non-disclosure form as well as a hold-harmless release. We would also have to find a local hotel within which he could recouperate for a few days. She would check on him and if any infection or other issues arose, she was prepared to deal with them.

After a hug, I left knowing that the day of reckoning was at hand.

Royce was pleased that this woman was legitimate and that my level of comfort with her was enormous. He then agreed that this was where are circle of grace would be completed.

We made love for hours, him putting his balls inside me until I ached from their full pressure. I would miss this part of our little repetoir, but at least could say that when I had it -- it was deep and enriching. Royce was fantasizing about the lovely doctor Leslie, asking me to describe her in detail. I knew he was visualizing his own revery of being castrated by a woman veternarian.

Plans were made, a hotel secured and we would have four days alone together to work up to the whole process. We were quiet and peaceful and made love as much as we could, savoring the taste and scent of each other. It was extraordinarly touching and I knew he was ready.

TBC