“Is it your birthday, then, Landen?” Dad grinned at me. I think he knew what I was going to ask. He always did.

OK, so I figured it had to be close to my birthday. I would be 13 when school started, and the 4th of July was past. It was summer, it was hot as hell, so I thought it was August. Back then, we didn’t have TV that told you the time, day, date, channel and ran spammy little commercials down in the corner all time! We had a routine, and we followed it, and didn’t get much TV time. I didn’t know it until just then, but I had NO track of time at all!

“It has to be close, sir,” I nodded at him. “I’ll be 13!”

“So, what do you want, son?” Dad asked.

“I want to get castrated,” I told him, trying to sound as sure as I could.

“Father, he just made a drop of precum,” Canyon put in, like he was accusing me of robbing the bank or something.

Dad just looked at me. He looked shocked.

“Are you SURE?” He asked me, “Because once they’re gone, they’re gone. You’ll be a eunuch for the rest of your life, Landen. Without hormones in later life, you’ll never become a man. You’ve studied all the effects, like Daddy told you?”

I nodded at him. Of course I’d studied it; it was homework.

“It’s a somewhat hasty decision, but I think your body is washing out those drugs your mother was giving you,” Dad said. He reached down and felt my balls. I was getting hard again. “I think they ARE a bit larger. I’ll have Dr. Kent take a look. It’s a somewhat rapid development, don’t you think?”

“I want it to stop, Dad,” I said, “I want to be like Canyon.”

“Is that ALL?” He asked me.

OK, no it wasn’t. There was more, and he knew it.

I shook my head. “I…I want you to be proud of me,” I told him.

And I did.

He hugged me. “I AM proud of you, son,” he said, “And I am even prouder now! But you have to be SURE?”

“I am, sir,” I said. “Scott, I mean, Jimmie, was all…you know? And I don’t wanna be like that. Not yet.”

“Someday?” Dad asked me.

I nodded. “Maybe? Maybe someday, I’ll grow up and want to have…I mean, find…a kid? Like you?” Dad smiled at me. He looked like I’d said the right thing.

Dr. Kent came up from getting Henry settled for the night, and Dad had him look at me.

“You’re sure?” He asked Canyon.

“Yes, sir, I KNOW what it tastes like!” Canyon grinned.

“Tell him,” Dad said.

“Sir, I want to get castrated, like my brother,” I told Dr. Kent.

Of course, I got the same speech. It was like they were making double sure!

“We’ll need to stop the process,” Dr. Kent said. “His testicles are larger, I think, and it’s beginning. We need to neutralize the testosterone he’s already got.”

I cringed.

Another shot. I just knew it.

Sure enough…

It was late already, so Dr. Kent came back the next day. He gave me a shot in the butt while Dad held me. I couldn’t watch. I hated needles. It hurt like hell, too.

Poor Kenny, I dunno how he did it every day with his insulin.

“A bit of this, a bit of that,” Dr. Kent said. So it was back to where I was – on shots to keep me OUT of puberty.

I didn’t realize it until right then, but hormone shots were needles too. Shit, I thought, Well maybe I can get used to it, if I ever want them? Maybe somebody will invent a pill for it someday?

“You also need to realize, Landen, that if you have surgery now, swimming is going to be out of the question for 4 weeks. In fact, moving around is out of the question for almost 4 weeks.” Dad told me. “You’ll miss a lot of the summer.”

I thought about Henry. He still had some time to go, but he’d also had his penis cut off. That was probably a lot more to heal up than just being castrated?

“I want you to heal up as close to perfect as you can,” Dad told me. “We don’t want a bunch of unsightly scarring?”

“Yes, sir,” I nodded.

“So, would you like to do it now?” Dr. Kent asked. “I’m here, Henry’s sleeping, so we might as well get it done.”

“I suppose he can recover in his new room,” Dad said, “Since Henry has the usual place?”

So that was that.

They were all looking at me.

Dr. Kent looked at his watch. “Have him skip lunch and let him play in the pool, Martin,” he suggested. “After all, it’ll be September when he’s healed, and it might be too cold by then?”

“Boys,” Dad told us, and it was a surprise. “You have the afternoon off, until nap time, that is.”

“W-we’re gonna do it TODAY?” I almost yelled.

“I thought you wanted to?” Dr. Kent asked.

“Having second thoughts, already?” Dad asked.

I was, but I wasn’t going to admit it.

I was going to be down for a month.

I was going to get castrated – in just a few hours.

Have my balls cut off.

I’d wanted it, said it, and now it was going to happen.

I’d finally look JUST like my brother.

(OK, so I was like 1 inch taller!)

It was going to be harder for me to GET hard, and it would be just as hard for me to cum as it was for Canyon. But I wouldn’t be in puberty. I’d still be a boy for longer. And Dad would be proud.

He took a picture of me and Canyon. I guess it was the last one of me with balls. Then we went outside to swim.

All the time, Dr. Kent and Dad sat and watched us. I kept thinking about when Canyon had told me: “I want to jack off, but I can’t.”

I was going to be just like that. I wondered how much I’d want to? We’d studied eunuchs, and some of them didn’t even think about sex anymore after getting castrated. But with the way things were, I mean, sex was a part of our life, in case you didn’t notice!

(OK, you’re thinking by now I’d fell into some kind of trap. OK, maybe. You’re thinking “this kid is abused! This isn’t normal!”

So what’s normal for you?

No one did a thing to me that I didn’t want to do. Every time I got fucked, or gave someone a blowjob, I got asked first. I could say ‘no’. Sure, I tested it out once. One time, when Joe asked me, when he came to pick up Jeffie and we all got to fooling around, and I just didn’t want to. I told him why, and he said it was fine.)

The more I thought about it while we were swimming, I remembered Dad saying that whether I was his kid or not, they’d have still tried to get me. Canyon wanted a playmate, and he’d decided on me. He’d been watching me. Hell, he’d even been IN my house! I think, when I thought about it, that I was walking right into a setup back then.

But I didn’t care.

Mr. Poore and his kid, my new neighbor boy, were my real family. They’d tracked me down, or tracked someone they thought was his missing son, and found me. And they wanted me back. Even if I wasn’t his kid, they still wanted me. It was more than I could say for anyone else.

OK, so yeah…they kinda blew up my house, AND my Mom, and faked my death. No one knew I was even still alive, and the Smiths thought me and Canyon were the same kid.

It wasn’t like I could walk out and go home.

Ben was dead.

But I wasn’t Ben anymore.

I had a new name, a new life, and I liked it just like it was.

But thinking about having my balls cut off still scared me.

How much was it gonna hurt?

What if I got an infection? What if I didn’t heal good?

What if I couldn’t get hard again, or get off again?

But one thing I was sure of – I was happy.

OK, you didn’t have doctors and counselors back then passing out Prozaac and shit like it was candy, or talking about depressed kids. But I know now, and I didn’t know it back then, I was depressed at home with Mom. Hell, I was miserable.

Everyone made fun of me. I was little, soft, maybe kinda fat? Was that what Dad meant by ‘soft’? Even my friends made fun of me. I wasn’t a geek, or a jock, or even a nerd, really. I was just – Ben.

The dumpy kid nobody noticed.

Mom included.

I wondered what they’d all say now, if they knew?

I wondered what Scott/Jimmie would say?

Hell, he wouldn’t care. If I was thinking right, from what Dad and Mr. Anwar said, Scott was up to his eyeballs in harem girls he had to fuck, so they’d have mixed colored babies (hopefully boys) for Mr. Anwar…to do…something with?

(In case you’re wondering, every now and then we got a color photo of Jimmie and some girls, having a good time, doing this and that. Nothing illegal, since it was in the post, but those and letters to Dad and Canyon. Scott, or Jimmie…looked funny riding a camel in that white outfit. Jimmie of Arabia?)

But I wasn’t going to be having kids. That was for sure. I felt kinda bad about that, too. Like I was disappointing Dad, no matter what he said?

When it was time to get out of the pool, I was really hungry. But they said I couldn’t eat. Dr. Kent was afraid I’d puke when he was operating on me, and I was going to be awake for it!

“Dad, are you sure it’s OK if I don’t kids?” I asked him again.

“Landen, I told you before – there are plenty of boys out there who need good homes. Someday, when you’re all grown up, you’ll see a boy somewhere that needs you, and you’ll take him in – just like my Daddy took me in. Just like Joe took Jeffie in, or Dr. Kent took Henry in. Just like WE took YOU in,” Dad reminded me. He kissed me, and told me he was so very proud of me.

I was still scared.

“Are you SURE you want to do this?” Dr. Kent asked me again.

“Because you don’t HAVE to,” Canyon nodded. “If it’s just because you want to LOOK like me? It’s flattering and all, but honestly?” He asked.

“No, it’s not that,” I said. “I just want…I want…I mean, I don’t want to be…”

Stupid me, I started crying.

Dad picked me up and carried me in. I was shaking.

“I’m scared!” I finally got it out.

Dr. Kent made me a drink, just a little one, and gave me a pill. Dad just sat there in his chair and held me, rocked me, until I started feeling better. He put on a pair of sunglasses then, and told me to look at the TV.

A light started flashing at me.

“Landen, I want you to look at that light. Just watch it. I want to you know something – that light strobes at 30 pulses per second. It makes you go into a trance, almost, and makes you very open to suggestion. This isn’t the first time we’ve used it on you.”

“OK?”

I was staring at it, I know. I don’t remember it, so he told me this part later on. In fact, Canyon recorded it so I could hear myself:

“Landen, do you really want to be castrated?”

“Yes, sir,” I said, and I sounded all dreamy or goofy.

“Why, son?”

“I don’t want you to th-throw me out,” I told him.

“Son, how did you feel when you first met Canyon and I?”

“Scared. Freaked out. Some. But OK.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I saw how much you loved him.”

“And?”

“I…I wanted someone to love me like that, too.”

“Son, were you snooping, trying to set me up? Were you going to call the cops on me?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Why?”

“B-because it was so weird!” I was saying, “I heard you on the phone, and I thought…you kidnapped a boy! And then there was all the sex stuff!”

“So why didn’t you turn me in?” Dad asked me.

“I…I wanted to see more. I…I…liked it, sir.”

“And?”

“I…I wanted a dad!”

“And?”

“They’d take Canyon away if I did and lock him up in Blanken Center!”

“Do you still like it here, Landen?”

“Yes!”

“Do you want to stay here?”

“YES!”

“Do you still want to be castrated?”

“YES!”

“Don’t do this for ME, son,” Dad told me. “IF you do it, do it for YOU. No matter what you do, I’ll still love you, Landen. And who said anything about throwing you out? You’re not going ANYWHERE for another 5 years, at least!” Dad laughed, and he tickled me. THAT part I remembered.

“Why do you really want to?” He asked me.

“So you’ll be proud of me, Daddy.”

“But I already am, son?”

“Really?”

“Yes. I love you, too. You know that. Daddy will always love you.”

“Landen, tell me one more time why you want to be castrated?”

“Because I won’t be a boy anymore! I’ll grow up too fast! You don’t want someone like Scott! And…and I don’t want to be like him!”

“I’ll still want you no matter what,” Dad told me.

Then the light went out.

“W-was I crying?” I asked him.

“You had a sneezing fit, son,” Dad told me, and gave me a hanky.

(I wouldn’t find out about this until months later, either. When I listened to the playback later, I was still crying.)

Dad had my balls cupped in his hand, next thing I knew.

If I did this, that was something I’d never feel again.

“Canyon,” Dad then asked, “Are you quite positive there was no sperm in that drop?”

“No, sir!” Canyon answered him at once. “I’d have tasted it.”

I was getting light-headed, but not sleepy. I was feeling limp, or floppy, and when Dad got up, I almost fell over.

“Now you’re all relaxed,” Dr. Kent told me.

“Landen?” Dad asked. “I’ll still love you if you say ‘no’?”

“You can get shots, like you were on, Brother,” Canyon reminded me.

“You don’t have to do this, boy,” Dr. Kent nodded. “We have drugs for chemical castration, just like you’re used to.”

I started to say something, but Dad stopped me. He touched my lips with 1 finger.

“Think about it just a little while longer, son,” He told me. “Castration is forever, you know.”

I know they were testing me, trying to talk me out of it.

We went down to the basement. I didn’t know what to say. I got cleaned out with the usual enema, got a bath, and the more I was thinking about it, the harder I got.

I had to give them an answer.

“You know,” Dad said, and I thought he’d ask me again if I was sure, “They say that orgasms are different once you’re castrated. We can’t put the catheter in while you’re hard, son, so that has to go down first.”

Then he started jacking me off. Dr. Kent was turning lights on, and he was getting another table of some kind set up for me.

IF I said yes.

Then Dad was touching me, jacking me off, pretty slow, too.

He held my balls, rolled them around, kinda squeezed them some. It felt really good. I wanted to get off. It didn’t take so long, and I was looking at Dr. Kent when it felt different.

Dad was kissing me DOWN THERE! Then he started sucking my dick.

It was the best thing I’d ever felt!

I was almost crying when I got off, it was so good. He had all of me in his mouth, and when he was done, he just held me tight.

“You were right, Canyon,” he said.

Then he looked at me.

“You’ll never feel that exactly the same way again, son,” he told me. “Are you sure you want to this?”

Canyon just watched us.

I nodded.

“Say it, then, boy,” Dad told me.

“S-sir, I want to get c-castrated!” I told him. “Please?”

Dad nodded. He kissed me again, on the mouth.

“Daddy is so proud of you, Landen,” He told me.

Canyon came over, and he kissed me too. He was hard, but he didn’t say a thing about it. He was holding a ball gag.

Dad put it in my mouth and tightened it up.

He took off all my weights, and the only thing I had on was my collar, my earrings, and the gag.

He picked me up and put me on the table.

I’d said ‘yes.’

I was gagged, and I couldn’t say ‘no’ now.

I was going to get castrated.

They were going to cut my balls off.

No way out.

Dad and Canyon got me strapped down so I couldn’t move, but I had a pillow so I could be leaned up and watch. Dad set up the movie camera, and that didn’t bother me. The lights flashed a couple times, and looking back, I needed calmed down. It didn’t matter that I knew I was probably getting hypnotized or something, like Scott- Jimmie- had been. I relaxed.

I’d never had a catheter before, and I didn’t like it either. That lube being shot up my dick was weird as hell, and the tube going in was worse. I felt like I was peeing all over, had to pee, couldn’t, but couldn’t stop peeing. It was confusing.

I got a plug put back in me, and it was different. It had a tube coming out of it, and something cool was going into me. Dr. Kent taped my dick to my belly to keep it out of the way, and he rubbed me down with brown stuff to sterilize my skin. Then he started playing with my balls.

Dad put his hand over my eyes, and I felt the shots. Things started getting numb down there, and it wasn’t long before I couldn’t feel a thing. It was like I was already done, or had nothing down there. I wondered if that was how Henry felt, or Kim, or Ty? But I wouldn’t be like them.

I was going to be like Canyon.

I would still have a dick, even though I might not be able to use it for much.

Dad had the sponges and stuff, while Canyon held my hand. He kissed my cheek and told me he was there, that he loved me and he was proud of me too.

There was some blood when Dr. Kent touched the scalpel to my sac.

I gasped and bit my gag.

“I assume we’ll remove the entire scrotum, Martin?” He asked.

Dad nodded. “Make it nice and smooth!”

‘Nice and smooth’. Like my brother. I’d look like I’d never even had balls when they were done, if I healed good.

I just watched. I didn’t puke like I did when Henry had got his dick cut off. This was me, and I wanted to see it.

I wanted to see my balls.

Dr. Kent got the sac cut open, down the middle, and he got one of my balls out. Dad kept it sponged off down there. It was gray, my ball. It looked weird, too – not round like a ball. The doctor pulled it down with a clamp, hard, and I could feel something tugging up inside me. He put a stitch in the tube that came off of it, and tied it off tight. They he did it again. Then he picked up something else, and it smelled hot.

Dad had a little pair of scissors, and he cut the ‘cord’, he called it.

Dr. Kent touched that hot thing to the cut end, it smoked, and I almost freaked out! Then he let go of the cord, and it disappeared up inside of me.

One of my balls was out. He held it up and showed it to me.

“I think they’re bigger than mine were,” Canyon sighed.

Then dad put it in a bottle of water or something after he rinsed it off.

Dr. Kent got the other one out.

Dad gave the scissors to Canyon.

He looked shocked.

I know I was!

“Go ahead, son,” Dad told me. “You’re his brother, it’s only right.”

I was biting my gag, hard.

My own brother, who I just met after 12 years, was going to cut my other ball off.

I think he was more surprised than I was.

Canyon looked at me. “I love you, Brother!” He smiled.

He cut the cord.

Canyon held my cut out ball up and he almost looked sick – or like he didn’t know what the hell to do. He’d just castrated me.

“Congratulations, Landen, my little friend,” Dr. Kent said, “You are now a eunuch!”

I guess I fainted.

My nose was burning with the smelly salts, and when I woke up, Dr. Kent was cutting my empty little sac down to size and stitching it up. When he held it up, it just looked like a big flap of skin.

“Nice and flat,” he told me, smiling. He held up a little mirror so I could see the row of stitches under my dick.

I must have passed out again.

I don’t know when I woke up.

But when I did, I still couldn’t move. I couldn’t see or hear. I wondered if I’d died, bled to death, or something.

But I could feel, and my crotch hurt. Kinda. I must have had drugs, because it wasn’t as bad as being hit in the balls, and I thought it should have hurt more.

I just laid there in the dark, warm, and just limp. I wasn’t covered up, I could feel it. But I was warm.

“I’m castrated,” I thought, since I couldn’t talk either. Something was in my mouth. “I got my balls cut off!”

OK, I panicked.

I made a fist, and something was in my hand.

My panic button.

It wasn’t a minute later and Dad was there, taking off my blindfold. He pulled off my headphones, which hadn’t been playing music either.

“Look who’s awake!” He smiled at me, and he was almost crying when he leaned down and kissed my nose.

He took my gag out, and held up a little squirt bottle of water.

I was thirsty! I knew it then, and I sucked on the bottle like I was lost in the desert!

“Easy now, son! Easy!” Dad laughed.

“mmm-I-OK, Dad?” I asked, and my voice was like rough.

“Must be nice to sleep for a week,” Dad told me, and he put his hand on my tummy. It was cool on me in the warm room.

I looked down, and he nodded. I could see bandages down there, and just a tube coming out of them. Being plugged, I was used to. I just stared at the bandages.

“Brudd-dder?” I kinda slurred it.

“Canyon is getting our dinner ready, Landen,” Dad told me. “But no solid food for you, yet.” He pointed.

I had an IV in my arm, and I was so glad the Dr. didn’t wake me up to see THAT go in!

“How do you feel?”

“Sleeeeepy,” I groaned, even though I just woke up.

OK, a lot of this is from what he told me later, and watching the movie they made of me getting cut. I didn’t remember a lot of it.

He gave me some juice, and I sucked that down pretty quick. I remember that. It was orange juice.

“You’re doing very well, Landen,” Dad told me. “But it’s important that you not move and heal up some more. You’re going to go back to sleep, soon, but you have a visitor first. OK?”

“Oh-Kahhhy!” I kinda laughed. It was funny for some reason. I looked up, and there was a boy standing in the doorway.

It was Canyon.

He came over and kissed me, touched me where he could, and was almost in tears. “You’re healing up VERY well, Brother,” he said. “I’ve been helping take care of you!” He said, and he looked proud. He also had a fat lip.

“Jeffie’s getting much better at scrapping, what?” He laughed. I guess it was the look on my face? I laughed at him. “And when you’re all healed up, I’m going to teach YOU, too! I won’t be around to protect you forever, you know!” He smiled.

But he still had tears on his face.

“I love you, Landen!” He sniffled, and he kissed me again.

“wuv yooo tooo,” I told him.

And I did.

I loved him.

I looked at Dad.

I wanted to hug him so bad, but I couldn’t move.

And I was so sleepy again.

“Daddy is so proud of you – both!” He told us. “I’m probably the only father in the world with twin eunuch boys!” He smiled.

I went back to sleep, I guess, with them right there.

When I woke up again, there was someone talking to me in my headphones in Spanish. I guess it was ‘learn while you sleep’? I pushed my panic button, and I felt funny. My plug felt weird, I wasn’t so loopy, and I could feel my catheter.

When my blindfold came off, there was Dad.

I asked him what day it was.

“Friday, why?” He smiled. “And you have a visitor!”

I looked and saw a boy in the doorway.

OK, not really a boy.

A eunuch.

He didn’t have anything down there.

“H’ennn-weee!” I grinned.

I didn’t know how long I’d been asleep again, but Henry was up and moving around. He still had a catheter hooked to a bag on his leg, and there was a pink line where his dick used to be. He looked like he was healing up really good, too.

“Hi, Landen!” He grinned, and waved at me.

“You up?” I said.

“Yeah! Been up for a few,” he smiled. “You OK?”

“Yeah.”

How long had I been out?

“Well, you’re vacation is over, son,” Dad told me. “Starting today, you’re staying awake.” He pointed.

There was a small TV at the end of my bed, and some books and stuff on the little desk that I could reach, if my arms were freed. Dad showed me a bed tray that fit over me, and he propped me up so I was almost sitting up.

I was still bandaged down there, and couldn’t see a thing.

“Hungry?” I asked, and my butt felt funny.

“Only liquids and soft food,” Dad told me, “You have a larger plug in you, connected to 2 lines now, since you can’t get up for your nightly cleaning out! One of the lines washes and gives you a stool softener, while the other keeps you drained out.”

“Oh!”

That explained that. I had some kind of automatic enema system in me, then?

“You’ll wake up every morning, now, like usual. You’ll have lessons, if not exercise, so you can catch up. You can watch tapes on your homework, and Canyon will have his lessons in here with you for a while,” Dad told me.

That sounded good to me. I wondered how long I’d still be in bed?

I didn’t ask him, either. It was enough that they were taking care of me, and I was just there.

Dad let my arms loose, and told me NOT to move around so much, and not to touch anything. My IV was out, too!

“Don’t fidget,” he said, “We’ll bring breakfast up here in a bit, and then you can study some, OK?”

I nodded.

Dad and Henry both kissed me.

“Daddy loves you, Landen,” He told me.

I finally got to hug him.

So that was the new routine for I-dunno-how-long.

I woke up, Canyon brought me a liquid breakfast. I was living on shakes and stuff. I’d study with the TV or books while he worked out, and sit there doing my work. Dr. Kent and Dad checked in on me a lot, and I had visitors every single day. Everyone came to see me, and Jeffie was his usual excited self. The first time he came, I saw he had on some kind of medical collar so he couldn’t move his head at all, and his hands were in padded cuffs behind his back.

The kid was getting weirder by the day, I think.

They all brought me presents, too, but I wasn’t allowed to open them until I was up again. That was just torture!

But Jeffie looked a lot firmer than he did before. I knew I had a lot of exercise to catch up on, too. If I laid in bed too long, I’d get soft again. And I’d just started to look good.

One thing that drove me crazy was the itching.

I noticed that right off. I couldn’t scratch, and I wasn’t allowed to watch when Dad changed my bandages and put stuff on my dick to treat my catheter. And I wanted that damn thing out! I could really feel it, and it was still confusing. I always felt like I was peeing the bed!

That, and the funny nozzle in my butt that kept me washed out was getting to me. It was bigger, you know, and if I clenched my ass on it, I’d get hard and feel like I wanted to cum so bad. But I couldn’t do a damn thing about any of it!

I still had my 4PM nap, and all I could do was study.

Canyon was sleeping in the new room with me, now, though, and that made it a lot better. Just knowing he was there made me feel good. He called me ‘the invalid’, too, and we both laughed about that.

And he took care of me.

One day, when Dr. Kent was looking me over down there, he decided that it was finally time for me to get up.

I was ready to go, too!

Homework or not, I was bored out of my mind! I felt like I’d been in bed forever.

“You mean it?” I almost yelled.

“Yes, I think so, Martin, what do you say?” He asked Dad.

Dad nodded and smiled.

They let me loose, and took the nozzle out of me. Man, I felt … weird! It was like I was wide open, and emptier than before. Dr. Kent was taking care of that stuff, and I didn’t pay attention. Dad got my catheter hooked to a leg bag.

“Take it out?” I almost begged. “Please?”

“Not quite yet, son,” Dad told me.

Then he picked me up, hugged me, and kissed me for a while. He touched me all over, and when his hand touched me under my taped up outta-the-way little dick, I stiffened up all over.

It was so different!

His hand was touching where my balls used to be, and it was something new to feel!

I gasped.

Being hard with the catheter in kinda hurt, too.

“Come and see, Landen,” Dad told me.

He put me on my feet, and my knees kinda gave. He had to help me walk to the bathroom. I mean, how long was it since I’d walked? I didn’t have a clue. It felt funny, but I figured that was because I’d been in bed so long.

I looked in the long mirror on the back of the door.

There wasn’t anything under my dick anymore.

No sac, no balls. It was like I’d been born without balls. The skin was kinda pink, still, but the scar line wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. The stitches were all gone; they must have took them out while I was asleep.

“Go ahead and touch it,” Dad smiled at me.

I did that.

“Whoa!” I said. It was wild! I’d never felt like that before.

Then Canyon was knocking on the door. “I want to see!” He was yelling.

I was still staring in the mirror with him by me, his arm around my shoulders. He touched it, too. I shivered.

“My beautiful boys!” Dad told us, and it got sorta stupid from there. I’d never seen him really cry before, but he did. I didn’t know what to do. It scared me. “I must be the luckiest man alive!” He told us. Hugs and kisses, and then it was breakfast.

Man, I was hungry!

Solid food never tasted so good.

“We’ll take the catheter out after lunch,” Dad told me. “I want you to be awake and moving around, so you can know how it really feels!”

“Yes, sir,” I told him, and it was all I could do to not keep a hand on my ‘empty spot.’

It felt different to walk. It wasn’t because I’d been in bed, either. I felt lighter, and with no plug in me yet, it was so…weird. That’s all I can say about it. When you walk, you feel your balls, I guess. I had nothing down there to feel now. There was like – open space.

I liked it.

“It’s just smashing, isn’t it?” Canyon grinned. “But you get used to it pretty fast.”

And I did.

The catheter came out that night at bath time, and that sucked! Dad deflated the balloon, and it took a minute for it to slide out. He had to help it a couple times, and it was just awful! It was like the inside of my dick, up inside, was on fire.

“It’s going to be bloody awful when you have a pee,” Canyon warned me.

“Bloody?” I asked him. I know THAT scared me!

“Not as in ‘I’m cut and bleeding’ blood,” Canyon grinned, “I mean, very, very awful!” He laughed.

That was such a confusing word.

So, it was a bath and an enema, back to business as usual. The only problem was, I had a little accident on the way to bed. Just a little one.

“Your bladder has been held open for a month,” Dad told me, holding up a diaper from the drawer. I just nodded and sighed and put it on. “You’ll get full control back in time, son,” he told me. “It’s OK.”

I was wet the next morning, and Canyon was right. The first accident hurt some, but when I peed for the first time, I screamed! It was like peeing fire. I was begging Dad to never make me wear a catheter again! I made him promise.

(I can’t believe he agreed to that, either. To this day, I’ve never been cath’d again.)

I figured we were back to our normal routine. I was anxious to go outside, too. I mean, looking out the window just don’t get it.

It was sunny when we went to go out. The grass was still green and all, but it wasn’t hot. It wasn’t cold, but it was enough to make me notice. Canyon laughed. The concrete of the patio was still warm, though, so we could lay in the sun and study.

The water in the pool was cooler, too!

Way cooler.

THAT woke me up fast! Talk about your dick shrinking!

“Just wait until there’s snow,” Canyon smirked at me. I just stared at him. “You’ve never been naked in the snow?” He asked. I didn’t know if he was kidding or not. I didn’t think he was.

(No, he wasn’t – I found that out in December! You ever run laps in 6 inches of snow, naked, barefoot? Dad said it toughens you up.)

I got a surprise that night, too.

Everyone came over, and we had a small birthday party. I wasn’t even sure what day it was, but Dad said we were both 13 now. We even had a cake with 26 candles, and blew them out at the same time. There were lots of presents, and even though I had to wear a diaper because I was having accidents, it wasn’t so bad. Hell, poor Henry still had his catheter in with a leg bag, but he was up and about.

(Yeah, Mrs. Smith sent the cake over – chocolate fudge with fudge icing. Dad was in a panic, too! It was mowing the lawn in boots with the old manual mower to work it off!)

“So, who’s up for the next step?” Dr. Kent asked us.

Me and Canyon just froze. The cake fell off my fork.

We were shaking our heads ‘no’! They all just laughed. I’d never seen Henry laugh like that before, either. It was good to see him changed so much.

I think Jeffie was thinking about it, though. Then again, that was Jeffie, and Henry sure seemed happy, sitting there on his daddy’s lap with frosting on his face.

OK, if you remember our last party, it was pretty much a repeat of all that, and I was sure ready for it. By the time I went to bed that night, I was so fucked that I figured I’d stay that way for a month! Me and Canyon had been doing what he called that ‘69’ thing when we’d finally gave up and almost fell asleep. I wasn’t getting all that hard after the first few times, and it was sure easier to cum when I was getting fucked and not trying to be jacked off or sucked.

Dad was the first one to make love to me that night, alone in the family room we hardly used. He wanted it to be something special, since it was my first time as a eunuch, and he made it just that. I won’t tell you about it, because that’s just for me and him.

I didn’t think I’d ever get used to giving blowjobs, though. I brushed my teeth at least 5 times before bed. That was just gross.

The good thing about being castrated, Canyon said, was that WE wouldn’t do that-shoot out all that junk. I had to agree with my brother on that one.

“I never had a blowjob,” Kim told us, while him and Henry were cuddling. We were all just worn out. I mean, how often did you have twins turn 13, and both of them castrated? It was big deal, everyone said.

Maybe that’s why they were all so damn horny?

Then again, I was too. I hadn’t done ANYTHING in a month, and I was finding out just how hard it was to get off – now that I was a eunuch too. When Joe was done with me, and said he needed a drink, I wasn’t done! That didn’t seem fair at all.

When the party was over, and we were ready for bed, I saw something on the shelf. There were 2 little bottles. One said “Canyon” on it, and the other one said “Landen” on the label. They both had dates, and Canyon’s smaller set was 4 years older than mine.

It was our balls.

Our balls were on the shelf in bottles!

That made us laugh for some reason.

It was like, “This is a model space shuttle I made, and a rocket that flies, and model 1980 TA from that movie, my balls, a cool rock I found, and what? Yeah, my balls are in that bottle. Wanna see?”

Tired as we both were, it took us a while to kiss each other goodnight.

Canyon told me how much he loved me, and cried again when he said he was sorry it took 12 years to find me.

“I love you too, little brother!” I told him.

Then Dad was hugging us, telling us again how proud he was of his twin eunuchs. He put us in the same bad that night, and that was something new.

I woke up the next morning with a damp diaper, but with a warm little body cuddled up next to mine. Our hands had been cuffed around each other’s backs, and our ankles cuffed so that we’d went to sleep stuck in an all-night hug.

We couldn’t see or hear each other when we woke up, but we could feel each other’s bodies.

I held onto my brother so tight, and I could feel him laughing. I knew he could feel me too.

I didn’t ever plan to let go of him.

There was a swat on the butt just then, and it was back to business as usual.

We had a schedule to follow – for the next 5 years.

“Good grief, boy, you need a haircut!” Dad greeted us that morning.

Epilouge

What, you thought I’d just leave you like that?

If you were paying attention, you’d know that it was back to the routine, right? Dad had to toughen me up after a month of bed rest, you know! It WAS back to the routine, weights and all. I learned how to fight, too. Canyon was a good teacher, and he’d learned from the best. We always went to the mall when Joe was on duty, and he got a kick out of seeing a couple of “angelic little eunuchs all in white kick the shit out of older, loud-mouth hooligans.”

Rain or shine, winter or summer, we worked out and exercised outside, too. A pool is a lot of work, and so is a house that big on 2 lots. Yes, we did exercise naked in the snow! You should try it – it’ll wake you up! We had a lot of field trips, too, and I even talked Dad into letting us join a soccer team the next summer. Canyon said it certainly wasn’t rugby, but that it was a “bleedin’ lot better than American football.”

(That’s where we met Andre, but he’s another story!)

I could be mean and just say that we all lived happily ever after, but it’s not like it’s a fairy tale, now, is it? So here’s what happened:

No, Jeffie never got his stump removed. By the time he was 16, he had to go on shots. He was getting too ‘stringy’ and had ‘monkey arms’, and by the time he was 19, he had a thick 6” dick, about like his Daddy’s. He said he’d never trade it for the world, the first time he got to fuck someone. I guess it was as good for him as it was for me? It’s funny, somehow, like Joe knew all along how he’d turn out. Just like his Daddy…

Mrs. Smith died when we were 15, and Mr. Smith didn’t last a year after her. We took turns checking in on him from then on out. He said she’d fell over right there in the kitchen, mixing up a batch of cupcakes – for us, no less. The wake was a neat trick, but we managed it. Before he died, we went to see him in hospital. Together. He told us he always thought there were 2 of us. Sly old guy-but he never told.

I never ate cupcakes again.

We learned how to drive in the van, and since Mr. Fred had “real” identities for us, we got our licenses when we were tall enough to reach the pedals.

Mr. Thomas died of a massive heart attack when Ty was 20. Ty never got shots, so he still looked like he was just a taller kid. I guess the drug abuse and being neglected so long stunted his growth, and Dad and Mr. Fred took care of him and his trust fund until he graduated college. Right after he graduated, he got on a plane with Mr. Anwar and his boy and went to live with him. Mr. A. said he’d have a brilliant career, since he was a ‘nullo’. That was the first time I’d ever heard him called that, but it fit. I liked it.

(Ty became a pediatric urologist, by the way. Just so you know. He stopped growing at 5’2”. He hated being called “Doogie,” too, but since I seldom watched prime time TV, I had no idea who that was.)

Jimmie (Scott) didn’t ever come back, and like I said before, I wouldn’t see him again until we were like almost 30. Mr. Anwar assured us he was healthy and happy, though, and that he’d fathered more children than the biggest Sheik on the peninsula. Mr. Anwar’s boy, when he came to get Ty, was named Siddig, and he had dishwater blond hair and gray eyes that contrasted his dark tan-brown skin. He had his father’s nose, I think, even if he DIDN’T have some other things!

I lost track of the rest of my friends, and since they hated soccer, we never saw them again. We played out of town, you know, where no one knew that Canyon and Landen Poore weren’t really who they were supposed to be.

I guess, in time, everyone forgot about Benjamin Daniel Pence, the boy who’d died in the house fire.

Evan Simonson, Scott’s little brother, if you remember him? He became a dentist, married Margaret, and had about 18 kids, I think. I used to see him sometimes, when I went out to get the mail, getting on the school bus. He was only a few houses down, you know. He thought I was Canyon, and the whole neighborhood knew that “he”, or “I”, was a sickly boy who didn’t go out much. Evan’s mom never did get over Scott going missing, though, and I guess Evan was kinda overprotected. It was a big thing for him to come over sometimes, but we NEVER let on like we did Scott. I guess Dad didn’t want Evan, and it was nice that he had at least 1 friend. Talk about strategy for hiding twins when HE came over!

Mickey and Bobbie didn’t like college, and they took over for Bob when he got too old to hoist shingles. They both went on shots, and turned into things that looked like “The Incredulous Hulk, only not green,” or so their boys called them. Another long story, but Petey was an orphaned cousin of Bob’s from his niece, and Dev (short for Devlin) lived up to his name! Neutering a dog might calm him down, but it did nothing for the Terrible Twosome, as their dads called them. A lot of the time, they had both hand and ankle restraints on!

Henry and Kim eventually took over the law firm from Mr. Fredericks. Mr. Fred didn’t do so well and started losing cases after his partner died. He never got another boy, and I thought that was sad. The boys never had boys of their own, but they fostered a lot of little girls in care over the years. I mean, it’s not like they could molest them, or anything! Still, they spent some time with Mickey and Bobbie, too, so I guess their sexual needs – if they had them – were being met. Neither one of them ever got hormones, either. Being nullo’s, why would they? You’d just be horny, and nothing you could do about it? Henry plumped up some by the time he was 15, but at least he had some meat on him. Poor kid liked to eat, and I can’t blame him, being dumped in a shelter and homeless for so long.

As for me and my brother?

Well, we didn’t study Spain all that time for nothing, you know.

That was where we went to college, and Dad sold the house in Kingfisher’s right before we turned 18. I guess you could say we had a close call, and it was time to disappear. Kinda like Andre, though, that’s another long story! Dad’s ‘network’, as he liked to call it, kept us all in touch despite the distances, and we all managed to get together at least once a year with our old friends in the USA.

In case you’re wondering, no, it’s not hard to spot “boys like us”. You just have to know what to look for!

We both got hormones after we got out of college. Dad let us live on campus, but we had to drive home when school was out. That, and you know he heard every word we ever said.

Yes, the collars were bugs, and he recorded it all. He always had.

My dick only made it to not quite 6”, even though Dad was huge and said I was ‘normal’ for a white boy. We were both totally impotent by the time we were 14, too. One thing about it, we weren’t distracted by sex and got top honors when we graduated. Canyon studied computers, and he got rich off of them, too. I went into writing, and my first novel (about a kidnapping, no less!) was a best seller. My plot about the exploding house, though, kinda pissed off some critics. I sold the movie rights for a LOT of money.

If only they knew!

I have a son and a nephew, of course, and Dad is the worst sort of Grandfather ever. He warned us – he’d get even for every gray hair we gave him. The boys come home from his place, and it’s always “Well, Miguel has this, Miguel does that!” (He’s their cousin. I guess you could say he’s our step-brother?). Maybe I am a bit strict, but then again, structure is everything to a growing boy.

It was for me.

For as old as he is, Dad certainly keeps Miguel hopping. Most times when we see him, he’s got that stupid grin on his face. (Yeah, he’s castrated, too. It was his 9th birthday present.)

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, no, I never regretted my decision to get castrated. Even after I found out I’d had a lot of hypno-therapy, it didn’t bother me. See, I was loved back then, even spoiled, and I knew it. I was castrated, and it was clear that I WANTED it. If I’d even hinted at saying no when the red light was on, Dad would not have allowed it.

Being able to get hard and jack off, or fuck someone, isn’t all there is to life and sex. My best feelings were when I was a teenager, and had to be fucked long and hard to be able to cum. And those hour-long, frustrating sessions with my brother were priceless, whether we got off or not. It wasn’t that we never thought about it – it was that sometimes, we just COULDN’T! And that was the best part, funny as it sounds. We could make love forever, and sometimes never cum. It was so nice.

Even after hormones, I never had an interest in girls. But I was right when I was 12 – I was gay. No doubt about it. I had zero interest in girls.

The first time that Canyon and me had sex, after the hormones and our dicks were big enough to penetrate each other, was something else so special that I still tear up when I remember it.

I wouldn’t change it at all if I could. If I hadn’t been castrated, my life might have been a lot different and I might never have found little Diego when I did.

Hearing the words “Papá, te quiero,” every morning reassures me that we all did the right thing. Diego is my whole world, even if he’s not of my own blood.

I understand my father much better now.

Canyon is convinced, too.

“We had a happy childhood,” he always says.

And we did.

I think so, at least, despite how ‘weird’ it was. If our boys have it half as good, and we’ll do everything to make sure they have more, then we’ve succeeded.

My nephew Felipe (lover of horses, and he’s aptly named, too!) is, you guessed, Canyon’s son. Perhaps we ‘grabbed’ them a bit early, but scavenging around highway exits and living next door to each other on the edges of a slum isn’t a life for a little boy.

Besides, no one missed them.

I knew they wouldn’t.

It just seemed right, spiriting away two little neighbor boys in the middle of the night.

As I said, there are other stories, and Canyon and I certainly did have more adventures ‘growing up eunuchs’. But there’s not time for that now. Just this morning, I’ve been really distracted, and Canyon is almost beside himself.

It seems that Felipe asked him last night, just like Diego did me this morning, “¿Cuándo voy a ser un eunuco?”

I wonder if they’re too young?

Devious little things, they are…

I blame this all on Miguel!

THE END