“Jesus, Oskar. I didn’t think you’d really do it. Why did you shave your pubes?”

“I don’t know; I just did.”

“Are you gay?”

Oskar shrugged. Was he? If Eli was a boy, didn’t that mean he was gay; but was Eli a boy? Even if Eli was, even if Eli had a penis, it wouldn’t have mattered, Oskar would still love her – him. Did he love Eli? Is that what he felt for her? Damn! It was all so confusing.

“Want to come over to my house. No one’s home.”

Oskar looked up in surprise. It had been months, since Juhan had invited him over.

“OK.”

He would rather see Eli; but she was never out and about this early. It wasn’t yet dark; he had never seen her before dark; and she wouldn’t be able to come over – if she did – until his mother was asleep.

At Juhan’s:

“What do you want to do?”

Oskar shrugged.

“I don’t know.”

“Want to go into my room?”

“Sure.”

Juhan lay across his bed.

“Sit down.”

Oskar sat down on the bed.

“What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

Oskar shrugged. His dick was hard. Something was going to happen, and he knew all along that it would. He knew why Juhan had asked him over, and he had come, even though he felt guilty, like he was betraying Eli.

Sitting up, Juhan took off his jacket and boots.

“Relax. Get comfortable.”

Oskar took off his jacket and boots and crawled up next to Juhan, lying with his head resting on the palms of his hands, his fingers interlocked behind his head.

Juhan seemed to absentmindedly place the back of his hand on the inside of Oskar’s thigh. Oskar didn’t move it or ask Juhan to move it.

After a moment, Juhan rolled over onto his side, his head raised, his face resting on his palm, as Oskar had, when he had looked at Eli. Oskar closed his eyes.

Once again, this time with the other hand, Juhan placed his hand on the inside of Oskar’s thigh. This time, it was his palm, not the back of his hand that touched Oskar.

Keeping his eyes closed, Oskar said nothing.

Juhan undid Oskar’s belt and unzipped his pants. Next, he hooked his thumbs beneath Oskar’s jeans and briefs and pulled them down. Oskar raised his butt to let him. He felt his hard cock pop free of his briefs. Feeling Juhan get off the bed, he opened his eyes.

Standing at the end of the bed, Juhan had Oskar’s jeans and briefs in his hand; he dropped them onto the floor.

He stared at Oskar, a look of anticipation on his face. He undid his belt, unzipped his pants, and in one motion pushed down his pants and briefs. Like Oskar and most boys, he wore white cotton briefs. He stepped out of them and took off his shirt and t-shirt, standing naked, except for his socks. His cock was bigger than Oskar’s, six – six and a half inches long.

“Take off your shirt.”

Oskar did. Like Juhan, he was naked, except for his socks.

Lying next to Oskar, Juhan place his hand behind Oskar’s head and pushed it down toward his groin – toward his hard cock. Oskar let him.

His face rested on Juhan’s stomach, his mouth an inch or so from Juhan’s cock. A clear drop of fluid hung from it.

“I don’t know how.”

“Just open your mouth.”

Oskar opened it, and Juhan pushed down on his head. Juhan’s cock slid into his mouth.

“Oh – shit. That feels good.”

Juhan pushed with his hand and thrust with his hips. His cock plunged into Oskar’s throat. Oskar gagged, but he didn’t pull away.

“Sorry.”

Juhan continued to thrust but not as hard.

“Oh fuck…oh fuck…I’m gonna come.”

Oskar felt Juhan’s hot spunk strike the back of his throat. He had tasted his own before, but spunk tasted different, hot out of Juhan’s cock. He swallowed it. He didn’t know why he did. It just seemed the right thing to do.

Lying with his head on Juhan’s stomach a few inches from Juhan’s shrinking cock, Oskar raised his hand to Juhan’s balls, cupping them in his hand.

“Did you ever think what it would be like not to have balls – or a dick?”

He felt Juhan shrug.

“I don’t know. Not really. It’d be weird, I guess.”

“Think what it would be like to be all smooth down here.”

Oskar’s dick throbbed thinking about it. He moved his hand over Juhan’s balls onto his dick, which grew in his hand.

“You have a nice dick.”

“You don’t think it’s too small?”

“It’s bigger than mine.”

“Everyone’s is bigger than yours.”

“You think?”

“Yeah.”

Juhan’s dick brushed against his mouth. Oskar licked it, tasting the saltiness of it. Juhan pushed down on the back of his head, and Juhan’s dick slid into his mouth.

It took longer – this time – for Juhan to come, but his hot spunk again spurted into Oskar’s mouth. After swallowing Juhan’s come, Oskar slid up, until his head was alongside Juhan’s.

“Want me to jack you off?”

Juhan didn’t offer to suck him.

Oskar shrugged.

“Sure.”

Oskar felt Juhan’s hand on his dick, jacking him off.

“Damn! You have a small dick.”

After Oskar came, Juhan wiped his hand on Oskar’s stomach. Oskar laid, his face turned toward Juhan, breathing onto his face.

“I wish I didn’t have it.”

“What?”

“My dick. I want to cut it off.”

“Are you joking?”

“No. I want to cut it off – my balls, too. I wish I was all smooth down there.”

“You want to be a girl?”

Oskar shook his head.

“No, I just want to be all smooth down there. That’s why I shaved off the hair down there.”

“You are weird, Oskar. You know that?”

Oskar shrugged. He wanted to tell Juhan about Eli, but he dared not. For some reason, he didn’t dare tell anyone about Eli. Why he shouldn’t, he didn’t know; he just knew he shouldn’t.

“You want me to leave?”

“No. I want you to blow me again.”

“How bad do you want it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you want it bad enough to kiss me?”

“Fuck you.”

“Kiss me, or I don’t blow you.”

Turning his head toward Oskar, but keeping his lips closed, Juhan kissed him. Oskar held the kiss, until Juhan parted his lips. Oskar stuck his tongue through them, but it was stopped by Juhan’s teeth.

Why had he required a kiss of Juhan? He hadn’t wanted one from Eli; but then he remembered. He had later kissed Eli. Next time, he would kiss her – long and hard.

“OK, I kissed you,” Juhan whispered into Oskar’s mouth.

“I want some tongue.”

Juhan parted his lips – his teeth. Placing his hand behind Juhan’s head, Oskar pulled, pressing his mouth against Juhan’s, sliding his tongue into Juhan’s mouth, feeling Juhan’s tongue against his. It was his first French kiss. It wouldn’t be his last – not if Eli came over again.

After the kiss, he slid his face across Juhan’s stomach, opening his mouth to admit Juhan’s dick.

“Oh fuck. That feels so fucking good,” Juhan said. He humped Oskar’s mouth. Oskar gagged at times, but he rapidly became better at it – at cock sucking. Sometimes, Juhan’s cock slid all the way in, sliding down Oskar’s throat.

Juhan came.

Afterward, they lay on the bed, interlocked hands behind their heads. Jumping up, Oskar stood beside the bed. He reached down, tucking his cock and balls between his legs, closing them, hiding both cock and balls. Looking down, he saw nothing but smooth flesh. Cool. He was glad he’d shaved the hair down there.

“Fuck! You look like a girl.”

“You like it. Your cock is getting hard.”

“Only because you look like a girl.”

“Would you let me suck your cock, if I didn’t have one?”

“Yeah. You don’t have much of one, anyway.”

Oskar grinned. If Juhan had said that a few days ago – yesterday even – he would have been hurt; but he knew – someway – somehow – he would get rid of his cock and his balls. He would be smooth like Eli.

“Wouldn’t you miss jacking off?”

Oskar shrugged.

“I don’t know – maybe.”

“You like it, don’t you?”

Oskar shrugged again.

“Yeah. I guess.”

“How often do you do it”

Oskar thought a minute.

“Once or twice a day. Sometimes, three times. You?”

“At least three times a day. Sometimes more. You really want your dick cut off?”

“Yeah.”

“Your balls, too.”

Oskar nodded.

“Yeah.”

“You’re fucking weird, Oskar.”

“I know.”

He opened his legs, letting his dick and balls slide through. Looking down at them he said:

“Fuck. I like it better the other way.”

“Fucking weird, Oskar. Are you really going to do it?”

Oskar shrugged.

“It’s hard. I tried it once, but I could only cut it a little. I got scared, and I didn’t even try to cut off my balls. Would you help me?”

“I’m not helping you cut off your balls. Jonny would probably do it, but I won’t.”

Fuck. Jonny probably would cut off his dick – and maybe his balls – but not if he thought Oskar wanted them cut off.

“Suggest it to him.”

“To Jonny? You want me to tell Jonny you want your dick and balls cut off?”

“No, don’t tell him I want it. Just put the idea in his head. I don’t know. Tell him I came onto you, and I should have my dick and balls cut off – or something.”

“I don’t want anyone to know what we did. Don’t tell anyone. I’m not gay.”

“You let me suck your dick.”

“But I didn’t suck yours.”

“You jacked me off.”

“That doesn’t make me gay. Lots of guys jerk each other off.”

“You don’t have to tell him what we did. Just tell him I came onto you. He’ll believe it. He already thinks I’m gay.”

“You are, aren’t you?”

Oskar shrugged.

“I don’t know. Maybe. It’s not like all I think about is sucking cock. I wouldn’t care if neither of us had cocks.”

It was Eli he thought about, not Juhan. It was right for Juhan to have a cock. It wasn’t right for Eli to have one, and the more he thought about it – it wasn’t right for him to have one either.

Eli wouldn’t be able to jack him off anymore, but wouldn’t that make their love better – purer, somehow? Eli couldn’t come. Why should he be able to come?

“Well, I want to keep mine.”

“That’s OK. You have a nice cock. Maybe, if mine was as big as yours, I’d want to keep it.”

“Yours is pretty fucking small.”

Oskar grinned once again.

“Yeah, isn’t it?”

“You don’t care?”

“Not anymore; I did; but I’m gonna have it cut off; so it really doesn’t matter, does it?”

“You really want me to suggest to Jonny that he cut off your cock?”

“Yeah – and my balls, too. Don’t forget my balls.”

“They’ll be afraid you’ll tell.”

“Tell them you’re gonna meet me in the old warehouse we used to sneak into. Tell them to wear ski masks or something.”

“You might bleed to death or something.”

“Bring a sock or something in your pocket and give it to me, and I’ll hold it down there to slow down the bleeding. After you leave, call an ambulance. They’ll come before I bleed too much.”

“You really want me to do this?”

“Yeah. Don’t you think I’d be cool?”

Oskar tucked his cock and balls between his legs again, looked up at Juhan and grinned.

“Yeah.”