Ok, so you want to know what it was like. Well, it sucked, what do you think it was like? Yeah, that ain’t much of an answer, so I’ll tell you about it.

So you know it was my second time. The first time was legit, I really was some dumbass who raped a chick…pretty blond with frizzy hair. Well, I got sent up and got my shit straightened out good. Spent 5 years in the joint, and I for damn sure wasn’t going back. Pretty much stayed legal after that, smoked a little dope after my parole was over, but nothing more than that.

Then that bitch Connie did me in. Decided I wasn’t paying enough child support…hey, that’s not my problem, the judge set the payments and I mailed her a goddamn check every week, just like I was supposed to. But she couldn’t get no traction with the law, so she took it from the family courts to the criminal courts. Came on to me, like, you know, let’s get back together and all that. Invited me over and showed me a good time, heh heh, a real good time. I musta nutted her three times, I don’t know how many times that bitch came. Probably gettin’ off on just knowing how bad she was going to screw me, or something. But around 2 o’clock she says she’s gettin’ the munchies and she ain’t go no potato chips. So, I’m all grateful for getting laid and all that, and I run down to the Stop’N’Rob for some munchies. Fucking potato chips, I’ll never forget that!

And when I get back, there’s these cop cars all around, and I’m going, "What the fuck…?" And I don’t even get the door open, and some law is in my face with his gun tellin’ me "Out of the car! Out of the car now! Let me see your hands!" You know, all that shit. Shit.

So, I figured it out since, soon as I left she got out a kitchen knife and stabbed herself in the tits a couple of times. Not real bad, just tiny little things with the tip of the knife like someone was using it to scare her or something. I knew that bitch set me up, used what I did when I fucked that blond chick. She came on to Billy and asked him about the time I raped that chick, and he spilled all the details I told him in the joint. Probably fucked him to get him to talk about it, the bitch. So gives herself a couple a little pinks in the titties, calls the cops, and says I raped her ‘cuz I was pissed about always paying her child support, and of course her pussy is just full of my cum. I was fucked but good.

So, I went to county, and couldn’t make bail, and my life was pretty much already fucked up. And of course I got a public defender, and he was worthless. We tried to show I was set up but that prosecutor bitch said I was just blaming the victim and that probably pissed the jury off more than if I’d just plead. But I was fucked either way because of that new law…the one about two sex offenses. And here I was, going down for my second aggravated rape…boy, was I screwed.

So, I knew what was coming, but we went through the motions anyway. I mean, when your nuts are on the line, why not appeal? It’s like death row, what have ya got to lose? So he appealed, and I got another stupid public defender, and he appealed it further, but I knew time was running out. I was just rotting in county, waiting.

Then one day, I caught chain. Now, a lot of guys what never been to prison are afraid of catching chain, but depending on what your in for and where you’re going, it can be a good thing. It’s like, you’re just a number in the joint, but like you’re not in county? And at least they put you to work in the joint (not that it ain’t shit work), but that’s better than sitting around playing dominos all day in county. You get tired of dominos after about the ten thousandth game, you know?

But for us sex offenders, at least us two-time losers, catching chain is about the last thing we want. Catching chain means it’s bye-bye, your appeals are over, and so are the boys. It had only been a year after they passed that law, and talk hadn’t gotten back out to the street yet, so about all I knew was they do it right after you get there. But like, I didn’t know if they did it right when you were getting off the bus, or if you got to keep ‘em for a week, you know?

So, it was like a big surprise when we caught the chain. Like, they had morning roll, and they called me out and marched me down to a holding cell. And after a while, they had like eight of us in there, and I hadn’t been in the same pod with any of ‘em. I guess most of them didn’t know each other, either. And they lined us up against the wall and stripped us. Now, that’s no big deal in county, they as soon look at you as strip search you. You strip to go to court, strip when you come back, strip for a visitor, strip for clothing exchange, and it’s spread your cheeks every time. No, they don’t stick a finger up there, just shine a flashlight up your ass. But you know, it’s like I didn’t know what I was there for that day, so I was a little worried.

Then it’s "Nose against the wall, hands behind your back". And oh, shit. Like, that’s what they always say, but we were all still butt naked. Usually they let you get dressed as soon as they look up your ass, at least if you’re getting back into your overalls. So I’m thinking, "They’re shaking us down? Why not a whole pod at once?", and I hear cuffs going on some guy. And another, and another. So, I glance out the corner of my eye, and they’re cuffing the guy next to me, hands behind his back, and he’s still butt naked. Well, I know I’m next, and sure enough, there I am, cuffed with my ass hanging out. And I’m thinking, "This ain’t good".

Well, we’re still staring at the wall, no talking, and I hear someone going, "What the…?" And of course, before he has time to say, "What the fuck?", the guards are all, "No talking!" And pretty soon, this fuck sticks a bag over my head. You know like in Iraq, in that Abu Graib place. Abu-something-or-other, I don’t know. And I can breathe, but I can’t see shit. And it’s got like a draw string, and my hands are behind my back, so I can’t get the damned thing off. Then I hear more chains and stuff, and pretty soon they got me in leg chains and a belly chain, and my hands behind my back tied to the belly chain, and I’m still butt naked with a hood over my head. Freaky shit. Then I hear some screw go, "Prisoners, turn around, face me."

And I turn around, and he waits, then he starts talking. "When I call out your name, answer present." So he calls roll real slow, and we go right down the line…guess they put us in order or something. When he called my name, I could feel someone checking my wrist band…you know, we all wear id bands in county, you get a write-up if you take yours off. And when he finishes roll, he’s talking. "All of you are two-time sex offenders, and you’re all going to PUC. Today. Wait for your escort and get on the bus."

And it’s like, aw, shit. I mean, you know it’s coming, but a little piece of you hopes, you know. And it’s like eight guys, and we’re all thinking, we’re all royally fucked now. And these two guys come up and grab me by the elbows, and they start leading me out, butt naked. I think they thought we were going to freak out or something, and they’d have to taze us to get us on the bus. So, hooded, naked, and hand cuffed, what are you going do? I think one guy was going, "No, no, no, don’t do this", but they shut him up quick. Pussy.

So they load us on the bus and chain us to our seats, you know, just like catching chain the regular way, except we’re all dicks hanging out and stuff. It was weird walking around outside naked from the jail to the bus, I hadn’t done that since I was in the joint the time before. They’d strip you coming in from work detail before you came inside, they didn’t give a shit if it was cold or shit. But I’d never ridden the bus in my birthday suit before.

So they check our bracelets and take our fingerprints with some little gadget just before we get on the bus, and once we’re chained in they call roll again, then they take our hoods off and away we go. Course the windows are all blacked out so no one can see, but it’s still weird riding around butt naked. Three hours from county to PUC. And it’s like I don’t want the ride to ever end, but I want it over right now, right? Like I said, I didn’t know if they were going to do me right after I got off the bus, and there I was, already nude and ready to go.

And we get there and they march us inside, and check our prints and call roll again, and strip search us again except we already had our clothes off. And here’s where it gets really weird. They run us through just like we were any other new guy, ‘cept they never issue us any clothes. I mean, they sit me down for an interview, and here’s this social worker chick asking me about my jobs and shit, and I’m there getting wood. I mean, usually, you jack off in front of a female there, you get a write up, even if she just catches a glimpse of you strokin. You can usually get away with shit in the showers, but you jack off in your cell, they call it "shooting the gun", you better not face the door. But this chick is typing into this computer and asking me questions like she talks to naked guys every day. At first, I kinda huched over in my seat and put my arm arcoss my unit, you know, cover up a little bit. But after a while, it was like, I got wood and I don’t care, you know? I think she was checking me out, you know.

But I knew shit was up when I got to medical. I was thinking they were going to do us right there, you know, like the doctor sticks his finger up your butt then tells you to go lie down on that gurney over there, and then they strap you down and put a needle in you and you go to sleep and wake up and they’re gone. I think all the guys were thinking that, and they kept us naked guys all together. You know, us "dangerous dicks", us menaces to society. But they just marched us in and didn’t even send a goon squad with tazers and shit. And the physical was all, like normal, and stuff, but I noticed they checked us all out real good. He was taking an x-ray of my groin when I realized, "Hey! He’s not supposed to do that!", and then I figured out that it wasn’t going to matter much anyway.

So the rest of the day was all normal ‘cept for we were all naked, and eventually they gave us bedding and put us in a dorm by ourselves. Eight guys in a dorm made for 24…last time that would happen! And they no sooner said, "Lights out!", and I had my dick in my hands. I looked around, and I wasn’t the only one. I figured I might not get to do this for a long time, and I was going to enjoy it as much as I can while I still could. Well, I shot my load right there on the sheets, then damned if I couldn’t get to sleep. So after a while, I got hard again and did it again. You had to be careful to not get caught. I mean, it’s fucked up. People fuck and jack off all the time in the joint, but you damn sure better not get caught. And you know the goons be checking up on you every hour or so. Well, sometime after my third come I finally got a little sleep.

Well, it’s still early in the morning and it’s lights on and roll call and all that. We line up in front of our bunks, and they tell us "Hands behind your backs!", and they cuff us again. Ok, now we’re really nervous and shit, this ain’t good. And this sergeant gets in front of us, and here it comes:

"You all know why you’re here. You all know what you’re sentence is. You all know what’s going to happen. You’re all a bunch of pervert sex offender baby fuckers, and you’re all going to get what’s coming to you. Is there anyone here who wants their balls cut off?"

Of course we all just stared at the ground and shook our heads a little bit. Hell no, what kind of a question was that?

So he laughs at us, and says, "Every time, nobody volunteers. Well, let me explain something to you about this procedure." He walks up to a guy a couple of places down in line, and grabbed him by his balls before he had time to do anything. The guy stiffened up, you could tell the fucker was squeezing his nuts enough to hurt. Course he couldn’t do anything, his hands behind his back. You could tell he wanted to pull away, but the guy had a hold of his nuts and was pulling them the other way. So, the Man’s talking:

"Yeah, nobody wants their nuts cut off, so we need a little incentive. Usually, one of you bastards gets out of line, we gotta pamper your little candy asses and not put too many bruises on you. And God forbid we fuck up your testicles, that’s got ‘lawsuit’ written all over it. But today, you give us any shit, so help me, I’m just going to squeeze ‘em till they turn to mush. They we chain you to the bed and let ‘em swell up until they’re as big as softballs. Hurts like a motherfucker. Then, maybe, if you’re real nice, and you can stop moaning and groaning enough to ask, we’ll take you to the doctor so he can cut ‘em off. We leave you there for a few hours, you’ll be begging to get ‘em cut off." He gives us a big shit-eating grin. "And the best part is there’s no lawsuit, because the evidence is destroyed." Then he stops for a moment, and we’re all thinking, "Oh, shit, this is it."

Then he goes, "Now, you can all march across the hall and get neutered like brave little perverts, or you can give us shit and give us some fun. You decide."

Yeah, now that’s motivation! Like the last thing any of us want to do is march across that hall, and it’s just become the second to the last thing any of us want to do. And that’s just what we do. Hey, we’ve all been in there before, and we know what happens when you piss off the goons. You can only go so far, and that’s it. I mean, they make guys lie down on that gurney and get a needle in their arm, right? They really want you to do something, you do it, even if it means donating your nads.

So they take us to a room with toilets on the far wall, and make us all get down in a row on our knees, then bend over with our asses in the air. Then this guy in scrubs comes in, and we all get the finger up the ass again. I mean, I ain’t no faggot, but he’s feeling around in there and my dick starts getting hard. Just a little, you know, I ain’t no fag. Then he sticks this balloon thing up my ass and starts blowing it up inside me. I think maybe there’s another balloon just outside my asshole spreading my cheeks apart, I really can’t tell what’s going on back there. Then he starts giving me this enema. I mean, I never had no enema before, but I think that’s what this had to be. This water or medicine or something starts going up my ass, and that shit is cold. My belly hurts, I start getting cramps, and it’s like I really gotta shit. And it’s getting worse and worse. So, I’m trying to keep my ass shut, no way do I want to shit all over the floor with these mother fuckers standing over me, they’ll make me lick it up with my tongue or some weird shit. And I’m feeling like I’m going to pop, and the guy at the one end starts going, "Sir, sir. Please sir, I gotta go…"

And the guy starts laughing and says, "Prisoner, go ahead and go. Go ahead and shit." And you could tell the guy was all embarrassed, like he didn’t want to shit in front of everyone with his ass up in the air like that. And for an instant, you could see him relax, just for an instant, then you could see he was getting all afraid, like in his face. And he saying, "Sir! Sir! I can’t go…!" And the guard starts laughing. "Not when your ass is all plugged!", he says. "You’ll shit when I pull the cork, not before!" And they all start laughing at us, all of us in a line like that. And I figure it out. Those balloon things won’t let you shit. Not a drop of that ice water shit you have in your belly. So, I relax my asshole, you know, kinda slow since I really didn’t trust it. But nothing comes out, and I’m just there on my knees, cramping like a motherfucker. Now I know what it’s like when a woman has a baby. You just keep cramping and cramping and cramping, like your belly has one big charley horse. They just let us lay there until we’re all just moaning and stuff.

Now, my shoulders are sore, my wrists are sore, my knees hurt, and my gut is my worst enemy. Then one of them goes, "Anyone ready to shit?", and we all just moan. So two of them grab us by the shoulders, and walk us over to the johns. Then they push some button or do something back there, and the air goes out of the balloons. Oh, God, did that feel good! I mean, my belly hurt each time I shit some of that water out, but it felt so good to get rid of all that pressure. Took forever to get it all out, I just shit and shit and shit.

So, we’re still handcuffed, so they all wiped our asses. I think they used sandpaper or something, damn, did it hurt. And they’re all laughing about how we can’t even wipe our own asses, and they make a big deal about throwing their gloves away and getting new gloves and all that. Then they take us to another room, and we’re all so tired from that ordeal we just don’t care anymore.

I knew this was the end of the line as soon as I saw the next room. It had a row of, like doctor’s tables, with the backs up so you could sit and lean against them. And they had these U-shaped things about where women put their feet when they get their pussy checked. But they had lots of straps, I knew those were to hold us down, and the part where you sit was split up the middle, with one ass cheek on one pad and the other on the other, and a breeze blowing between. Anyone who couldn’t figure out what was going on here deserved to get his nuts cut off.

So one of the goons grabbed the first guy in line by the balls and led him to the first chair, then four of them takes his cuffs off and straps him in. The U-shaped things went under the knees, and they spread his legs wide. Oh shit, this was it. Then they take the next guy, and the next. I mean, ain’t none of us stupid enough to put up a fight, it’d just delay the inevitable.

Then it’s my turn. The one bastard reaches for my nuts, and there’s another one right behind my ass, so when I pull away my ass bumps into him and there’s no place to go. Ow, fuck, he was rough, he was pulling hard enough that it really hurt. I remember I wanted to walk slowly to the chair thing, but he didn’t want none of that. He pulled me over there like he was in a hurry, and I had to walk real fast with my legs spread out to keep him from pulling my nuts off. Then they like grab me, and pick me up and sit me in the chair, and it’s real fast. My cuffs are off and I’m strapped in before I know what hit me. They got my hands tied up at my sides, and I’m staring at my package wishing I could jack off just one last time, and I’m starting to get a little hard again. Damn that lying bitch! She needs to go to hell for this!

So they get us all strapped in, and some guy in scrubs comes down and shaves us, one by one. And it’s "No talking" the whole time. Nothing to do but watch guys get their crotch shaved, until it’s your turn. Now, I never shaved my dick, so it’s all weird for me when it’s my turn. I mean, I wanna pull my balls up into my stomach when he goes to put that razor on them, which is weird, since their gonna get cut off anyway. And I know he’s just gonna shave me, nothing else. So pretty soon he’s done, and it’s like cold air all over my balls. You know, when you walk around butt naked, how you can feel the air on your butt? Well, it’s like that on my balls. And he goes to do the next guy, and it’s like you feel really naked up there. I mean, more naked than butt naked, if you can imagine that. And, I mean, you know what’s coming next.

Well, I sure as hell didn’t expect what was coming next. I thought they’d just give you a shot, cut ‘em off, and sew you up or something. But instead, this hot chick in a white nurses outfit and this good looking guy in white clothes comes in, and right behind them comes the doctor who gave us our physicals.

The doctor, he’s this older guy, and he starts talking. "Is there anyone here who is not a two-time convicted sex offender who has been sentenced to have his testicles removed?"

Now, if this was their first time in the joint, there might be some guys who were stupid enough to try to say it was all just a mistake. And I guess some two-timers might be dumb enough to try it. But none of us was that stupid…just stupid enough to loose our balls. I just looked at the floor and said, "No".

So then he says, "You boys are in for a treat." And I’m, "WHAT? Some fucking ‘treat’!" But he goes, "Before we start the procedure, we’ll be collecting a semen sample. That’s the way we take DNA samples from sex offenders now. You can choose to have the sample collected by the male or female assistant." The chick in the nurse outfit waved. Then the doc holds up this gizmo that looks like some weird pliers or something. He takes this rubber ring and holds it up to show us. "As soon as you’re done, I’ll be using this tool to place a rubber band around your scrotum, you know, your sack. It goes on above your testicles, not on them, so it doesn’t hurt like you think it might." Then he slips the ring on the gizmo, and squeezes the handle, and it opens up like one of those tools they use to work on cars, and the ring makes a triangle shape big enough to put your dick and balls into.

Then they go to the first guy in line, and I figure he must have picked the chick ‘cause I see her arm going back and forth. After a while he gets his nut, I figure ‘cause he’s breathing real heavy and she’s not jacking him off any more. Then, as soon as the nurse finishes wiping off his dick, they put this big mirror on the floor in front of him, and the doctor does the thing with the gizmo. I couldn’t see the guy’s balls because of the angle, but I could tell from his face that he thought it was really going to hurt but that it didn’t hurt that bad. Then they went to the next guy.

Most of the guys picked the chick, but a couple must have been faggots and picked the guy. Whatever. I didn’t care, so long as they took their sweet time. I mean, I wanted to stay a whole man as long as I could. I think I was like sixth in line.

They got to the guy next to me, but because of the way his legs were up in the air and his nuts hanging down, I couldn’t really see what the rubber thing looked like on his balls. The expression on his face was all I needed to see…it was bad, but it wasn’t really that bad. Then it was my turn.

I started to say something, but they’re like, "Male or female?" And of course I wanted the hot chick to jack me off for the last time. I was already hard when she laid hands on me, and she put lube all over my dick and started to jack me off. She had this thing over the tip of my dick for me to shoot into. What the fuck, it’s not like I would ever rape anyone again, and thank God, I’d only done that one chick before I straightened out for good. I started talking some trash to the nurse chick, telling her how good she was, and they’re all like, "No talking". Fine. I might be getting my balls cut off today, but for now, I was the only one in the room getting a hand job from a fine looking filly. I mean, I was probably the only guy in the whole prison getting a hand job from a chick, unless the warden was up doing his secretary or something. So I just laid back there and let her stroke, stroke, stroke me, I was going to hold out all day if I could. But I guess they had to deal with that before, ‘cause after a while she took out this metal thing that was like a real slim probe or vibrator or something, and told me I’d like this too, just relax and enjoy it. Then she lubes it up and slide it up my ass real slow like, while she goes back to work on my dick with the other hand. Up to that point, I think I preferred her two-hand technique. But then she did something down there, and Jesus! It was like she tasered my dick or something. I got as hard as I could possibly get, right now!, and I had never felt so good. Next thing I know, I’m just coming and coming and coming and I just can’t stop. Then she turns the thing off, and I feel like I just fucked 10 women in a row. My balls might be coming off, but they sure were coming off empty! I think I blew every last load they had in them.

So I’m all relaxed from this "just got laid" afterglow thing, and there’s that doctor putting that thing on my balls. And I’m not too worried about it, since I know there’s at least a little more time until I get cut. He says my name and my crime and "This is his punishment", like he’s making a recording or something. Then I see this huge rubber band, all stretched out like a triangle, and he slips it over my balls. He feels me up real good down there, then closes it back up. It’s a little uncomfortable, mostly with the skin of my sack all scrunched up, and just a little "achy balls feeling". I look down into the mirror, and I’m amazed at how tight the rubber band is. It’s like they’re already cut off and just hanging by a little thread or something, with a rubber band wrapped around the thread. And my nut sack is all bulging and full, and the skin is pulled tight and smooth over my balls, not wrinkly like they usually hang.. Except for the bit where they look like they’re going to fall off, they’ve never looked better. And I’m thinking like, "At least the boys are going out in style", and I’m hoping like hell that whatever the next part is doesn’t hurt too much. The last thing the nurse does before she goes on to the next guy is to slip a little condom thing with a hose coming out of it over the end of my dick "for me to pee in". How considerate.

A little behind him comes another crew, and I see them putting an IV into the guy next to me. I relaxed a little bit, ‘cause I thought that was for drugs and that we’d be high as a kite when they cut ‘em off. I mean, shit, ya get a good hand job, then do some good drugs…I was beginning to regret that I hadn’t really raped Connie. You know what I mean? Like if I was gonna pay the price, I might as well have had some fun getting there. Well, at least I got to nut her a few times before that bitch did me in.

So I get my IV, and the doc finishes up the last couple of guys. So we’re all just sittin’ there, wondering what comes next and not really wanting to know. He stands in the middle of the room and says, "The offenders will now be informed of the nature of their punishment." Yeah, like I think I figured that out when the judge said I was gonna lose my nads! And then he says, "Some of you are probably wondering how the castration process works. Well, it’s already started. The elastrator bands around your scrotums…the bags that holds your testicles…have completely cut off the flow of blood to your testicles. In about an hour, permanent damage will begin. By this time tomorrow all tissue below the bands will be dead, and you will find you will have no objection to it being removed. There will be considerable discomfort tonight, but I’m sorry to say that I’m not allowed to give you anything for the pain. You will receive fluids through your IVs, though, and there will be a nurse monitoring your condition overnight. Good night and good luck, I’ll see you this time tomorrow."

Then he just walks right and everyone except the fag male nurse walks out, too. And, like, I was in shock, and so was everyone else. Nobody said nothing until they were all halfway out the door, and then one pussy starts screaming, "No! No! Take it off! Please sir! Please!", you know, all that shit. Probably one of the fags that had the fag jack him off, you know? So guys are all yelling, "Shut up, dumbass", and "Won’t do you no good, stupid", and some other pussy starts begging the nurse to do something, and he just pulls up a seat and watches us. Doesn’t say a word, but the goddamn faggot just smiles at us. So all the yelling and shit goes on for about a half hour or so, but it starts dying down because everyone’s balls start hurting. After a while it’s less "Please, please", or "Shut up, asshole!", and more "Oh, my balls! Fuck, that hurts!". And there’s this clock on the wall, and we figure out it was about nine o’clock when the doctor left, and I’m just watching the clock tick down. I look in the mirror and my balls are turning deep red and starting to hurt bad. ‘Bout ten o’clock the pussies start getting desperate again, but most of us are just moaning and groaning ‘cause our balls hurt so bad. By then it was like getting kicked in the balls, you know, when you get kicked in the balls and your belly hurts so bad for a few minutes that you just gotta lie down? Well, it was like that, only it didn’t go away after a few minutes. It just hurt and hurt and hurt. After about an hour, my nut sack was dark purple, and I figured I’d be shooting blanks from now on even if I got a call from the governor.

After about two hours, I was about out of my mind from the pain. I didn’t want them to cut my balls off, I didn’t care about that, I just wanted to lay down and die. I looked in the mirror and they were turning black. I wondered if they would still hurt once they were all dead. I sure as hell hoped they didn’t. After the first couple of hours, we all just layed there and moaned every now and then. And that’s how I spent the most miserable mother fucking day of my life, watching my balls die. The faggot nurse came around and checked us out once in a while, and I’d piss and piss down that hose, and that’s all I did that day. Round about nine-ten o’clock in the evening, it wasn’t hurting so much, and some of the guys were starting to doze off. The nurse fag would come around, and when he saw someone sleeping, he’d go over to them and start playing with their nuts. I started calling him a faggot, not too loud ‘cause I was all tired and shit, but he musta heard me anyway. He comes over to me and says, "You think I’m a faggot, right?", and I didn’t say nothing, just looked at him. I mean, he could really fuck me over if he wanted to, right? So when I didn’t say anything, he acts all mad and yells, "Answer me!", and smacks me real hard right on the nuts. And like, I see it coming and I jerk, you know, just habit, but I can’t go anywhere ‘cause I’m all tied up. I mean, straps on my belly, straps on my knees, I can’t move damn thing. And he smacks me on the nuts and I don’t feel a thing. I mean, I can feel stuff moving, but there ain’t no pain. It’s like they’re completely numb. And the fucker laughs at me because, you know, he just knows I can’t feel nothing. Then he just starts playing with my balls, and I’m just looking at him, ‘cause I’m so pissed at him but I can’t do nothing. And he says, "They’re still in there, you know. I can feel them. Of course, they’re as cold as a body in the morgue, ‘cause that’s what they are…dead! Face it, man, you’ve just been de-nutted!" And I call him a mother fucker, and he says, "No, your daddy maybe, if he’s cute", then he walks away to check on someone else. God damn faggot.

Well, he doesn’t fuck with me no more, and after a while I get to sleep. I wake up the next morning, real late like. Usually you wake up at four o’clock in the joint, but they let us sleep in for some reason. Anyway, by nine o’clock we’re all awake, and I’m all sore and stiff and everything ‘cause I was all tied up and couldn’t move all night. I looked in the mirror, and my nut sack was all completely black below the rubber band. My belly was still sore and stuff, but it wasn’t nothing like the day before.

After a while, the doctor comes in, stands in the middle, and tells us all that it’s time to remove any "excess tissue". Yeah, like my family jewels were now fit for disposal. And he goes down the line just starts cutting ‘em off. It takes him a few minutes to do each one. And they make a big deal of taking each one around, nut sack and balls, and showing each of us. You know, so we really know what’s coming. I mean, it was kinda freaky and shit when they brought the first set around to show me, but I really didn’t need to see that four more times after that. I pity the last bastard in line.

And then I’m watching them do the guy next to me, and pretty soon it’s my turn. He just puts a fresh pair of gloves on, and wheels up to me on a little stool. They put a pan under ‘em to catch ‘em, and he just takes out a scalpel and starts cutting into my nut sack just below the rubber band. He just cuts it right off, and Plop! There they go in the pan, bye-bye forever. He holds it up so I get one last look at them, then they take ‘em away to show the last two guys. Nuts on parade. I don’t know where they ended up. I’d a-been pissed if they sent them back to Connie, but they never did. At least if they did, she never told no one.

So then he dabs some shit all around the stump of my nut sack, and he tells me, "Do NOT mess with that rubber band under any circumstances. Just leave it be, and it’ll fall off by itself in about a month. Let it fall off, and what’s left of your scrotum will heal up nice. If you play with it or pull it off by yourself, you might start bleeding and we’ll have to take skin from your penis to fix it. Believe me, son, you do NOT want that to happen!"

Then he goes and does the next guy, and I was listening for it. Plop! Right into the pan. Then the pussy starts crying, and I’m thinking, "What you crying for? You shoulda cried last night when you had something to lose!" Found out later the prick was a child molester. Like he didn’t have that coming, you know? Try losing your balls when you’re innocent, now that fucking hurts. And I wasn’t doing no crying, either.

So he’s got us all de-nutted, all ballless wonders now, and he talks to us for the last time. He says, "If you have any trouble healing your wound, call sick and I’ll take a look at it. So long as you don’t touch your elastrator bands, you shouldn’t have any problems. The other thing you’ll notice is lack of erections. Some of you might notice this right away, some of you might still be able to get erect for a month or so. And once you guys are limp all the time, you’ll probably notice your penis get a little smaller. That’s because you don’t have erections at night, so it doesn’t get as much blood flow. You shouldn’t have any other trouble with your penis, though, so long as you stay out of trouble. Don’t do another sex offense, not even in here, or we cut that off, too. That’s right, the penalty for a third sex offense is amputation of the penis."

Well, he left us with that one, and walked out of the room. Then the goons came, and helped us off the de-nutting chairs. I was so tired I almost needed help walking to my cell. They took us out of the dorm and single-celled us for about a month, until the doctor said we could go into general pop. And you can bet I shot my gun as much as I could in there. After a couple of weeks though, it got harder and harder to get it up, and after a while, I just lost interest. Couldn’t get my dick up, didn’t care. Shit happens. Then I did ten years in that fucking place, and you know what sucked the worst? Every time I got strip searched, they get to the part where they say, "Lift up your dick…pull your foreskin back…now lift up your balls’. Then they say, "Oh! You ain’t got any!", like it was the first time they didn’t know and all, and laugh. Fucking got to me after a while, assholes didn’t have to remind me about it, you know?

Then there was the time they figured out how to get testosterone patches in the place. You know, like those stop smokin’ patches? People get stuff like pot, blow in there all the time. Pay for it with clothes and radios and shit, stuff you get from the commissary. Well, we got hormone patches, made our dicks stand up like we never got cut. Hard to keep ‘em from finding those, ‘cause you gotta wear them all the time for them to work. But we had some fun while they lasted!

But I’ll tell you about that some other time. You got a smoke?