Tim's Last orgasm 21: Decisions

"I had a long talk with Valerie Seymore today," Virginia told her husband. It was Friday evening, and the boys' parents were having a quiet evening at home, sharing a drink. They had made it a practice to stay home when their boys were out, in case they were needed. Tonight, with Terry gone to the prom and Tim and Nathan staying overnight at Nathan's house, Jason out apartment hunting, they knew they would have the entire evening to themselves. That was a rare luxury lately.
"Nathan's mom?" Barry answered idly. "How's she doing?"
"She's making incredible improvements," Virginia replied. "They're even talking about letting her go home in a week or two, if she continues the way she's going."
"Does that mean she's getting better?"
"They're not quite ready to say that yet, but they're optimistic. She's really looking good, Barry."
"I'm glad," Barry said sincerely. "Nathan's already lost his dad, and he's too nice a kid to have to go through that again, especially at his age. So what were you two ladies talking about?"

Virginia tried to read her husband, tried to find some sign that this was the right time to share what she'd learned. She had spent two hours in the library Thursday afternoon, and most of Friday on the Internet at work. She had laid awake most of Thursday night thinking, recalling incidents, evaluating. She had come to a very definite conclusion regarding her sons: as hard as she and Barry had tried, as dedicated as they were as parents, they really didn't know their boys. She had lots of information, but she just hadn't processed it. It was as if she'd seen her children countless times, but hadn't seen them at all. She still hadn't come to any definite conclusions, but she had her very strong suspicions. She knew her husband was pretty well in the same situation, but without the benefit of the talk she'd had with Valerie, and given that Barry was very much a man's man, she was very afraid the information she now suspected to be fact would not go down as easily with him as it had with her. Nevertheless he was her husband and the father of their children, and he had a right to know. The boys also had a right to have a father who knew them for what they are.

"We spent a lot of time going over that custody thing," she answered Barry's question, thinking she'd work slowly into what was really on her mind. "You know, what kind of a boy Nathan is, how concerned his mother is about him, what a rough time he'd had a few years ago. One thing led to another until we were talking about some very personal things - things that would ordinarily be none of our business if we didn't have this odd relationship with Nathan."

"Like what kinda things?" Barry asked.
"Personal things, Barry. I guess I learned a lot more than I'd counted on. I learned about how much we've missed with our own boys. We just... I dunno, it's not as if we neglected them, but if you'd talk to her you'd know what I mean. She is so much in tune with Nathan... she knows him so much better than I know Tim and Terry, and you can tell just by seeing them together. They just seem so... so connected!"
"I think we know our kids pretty well," Barry defended. "We know they're both good kids, and we don't smother them. We let them make a lot of their own decisions, and they've learned from their mistakes. I think they both know we're here if they really need us, so I don't think they're doing all that badly."

The conversation wasn't going at all as Virginia had planned. She had hoped to at least begin preparing her husband for what she now believed to be true, that Tim was not only gay, but that he and Nathan were lovers. But so far she hadn't even come close! After over an hour of discussion she finally brought up the subject of homosexuality, in very general terms, and relayed some of what she'd learned from Valerie and from her own research. She told him that Valerie had done a lot of research on the subject because she suspected that Nathan might be gay, to which Barry scoffed. "I know Nathan, and he's a great little guy!" he said. "There's no way he's gay!" Virginia was discouraged. She knew she had a long way to go.

*****************

Laura and Terry had ridden with Larry and Christine, leaving Laura's parents' car in the school parking lot. There was very little conversation in the car going back to the school, each of the four deep in thought about what they'd seen and experienced at their impromptu party. Larry and Christine made no secret that they were heading for a motel room, but Laura and Terry were equally frank that they had no such intentions.

"I'm sorry I messed up your evening," Terry said when he and Laura were alone. "I should never have asked you to go with me."
"Are you kidding?" Laura admonished. "I've had a wonderful time! Why on earth would you say you ruined my evening?"
"Cause I'm not Tim," he said. "I was tryin' to take his place and that was dumb, an' I shouldn't have tried..."
"I know you're not Tim," Laura said. "It's over with Tim and me... well actually there was never anything to BE over! Tim and I are good friends and he's never said or done anything to lead me to believe there was any hope for anything more. I have never considered you or anyone else as a substitute for Tim, Terry! I went with you tonight because I WANTED to go with you! And if I have my way, it won't be the last time we go out. You're a lot like Tim in some ways, Terry; but in other ways you two are as different as night and day. I like both parts of you, Terry. I like the parts that are like Tim: the parts that are the perfect gentleman, that treat me like a lady and respect everyone. I also like the parts that are different too. I wish our ages were closer, but I can live with things the way they are. I was hoping you felt the same way about me."

Laura drove to the lake shore, the same spot where she'd sat with Tim a year ago. They sat in silence in the car for a long time, the radio playing softly, watching the moonlight on the water. "I suppose Larry and Christine are gettin' it on real good by now," Terry speculated.
"I don't think there's any doubt about that," Laura agreed. "I hope you understand why we can't do the same. And it's not because of your age."
"I know, Laura," Terry answered. "I figured you weren't ready yet, and I know I'm not. I think I'd feel weird anyway, bein' your first."
"I don't understand why," Laura said. "I think it'd be a real honor if we experienced that ‘first' together. But this isn't the right time. I assume you haven't had the same... err... ‘surgery' that Tim's had?"
"No, Laura, I haven't. At least not yet."

Laura didn't know exactly what Terry'd meant by his last comment, and he didn't seem anxious to elaborate. That was fine though, because she didn't even know what she thought about it. Did it really make any difference anyway? Terry was as nice a boy as she'd ever dated, but it would be a few years before they could take each other seriously. Or would it? Any girl about to go to college would be insane making long term plans that included a 13 year old boy, wouldn't she?

Laura didn't push the issue, but as they sat in the car talking, kissing, petting, she did discover for herself that Terry was intact, and that part of him that his brother no longer had was evidently more than ready to embark on an adventure that neither its owner nor Laura were planning. They stuck to their plan, even though both were getting really close to giving in to some desires before they finally decided it was time to go home. "I had a great time," Laura said truthfully as she dropped Terry at his home. "Call me again, ok?"

****************

Nate Seymore lay on his bed, wearing only a pair of boxer shorts, listening to the goings-on in the bathroom. He had offered to help, but Tim declined saying he'd been through this process once before, and he'd rather not subject the one who was about to make love to him to all the smell and nasty mess that were entailed. "Do guys always have enemas before... you know...?" he asked.
"I don't think so," Tim had replied. "I just wanted our first time to be as pleasant as possible for both of us. I thought it might be easier if... well, never mind. I just thought it would be easier."

After a period of total quiet, Nate heard a shuffling, then the expulsion of the first enema followed by the toilet flushing. He wanted to go running into the bathroom, to tell Tim he wanted to be with him during the entire process, but he didn't. He was afraid his lover was already humiliated enough and would be more so with a witness, so he lay still. In spite of the heat of a warm evening, his body shivered as he thought of what was happening in the bathroom and what was going to happen after Tim emerged. He even prayed a short prayer that what they were going to do was the right thing.

Tim followed the instructions on the bottle to the letter. When he'd been in Mexico he had been flat on his back, but these little packaged enemas suggested he lie on his left side, so that's what he had done. He was pleasantly surprised that the insertion of the short nozzle had been far less unpleasant than he'd expected, and there had been no cramps; just an urgent need to go after about ten minutes. The second one was even easier, and Tim began to relax. Maybe, he thought, this wouldn't be so bad after all.

Nate heard the toilet flush a second time, then a third. Moments later he heard the shower. From the noise the pipes were making, he knew that the shower was hot and steamy. Again he wanted to join his lover, and this time he didn't resist. He hopped off the bed and slipped out of his boxers, then padded across the hall to the bathroom. "Need someone to scrub your back?" he offered as he stuck his head into the room. As he'd expected, the steam was so thick he could hardly see the figure behind the shower curtain.
"C'mon in," a muffled voice came from the shower. Nate didn't need a second invitation. He pulled back the curtain tentatively and stepped into the hot shower. He gently took the bar of soap out of Tim's hand as their lips met. "You're cute when you're all wet," he whispered as he began rubbing the soap all over Tim's body.
"And you're the horniest kid on the block," Tim retorted. "I've already done my front, ya know."
"I know," Nate said with a grin, "but you missed a spot."

Of course the spot that Tim had allegedly missed was triangular area covered with a thick bush of dark brown hair, accented at its apex by a pair of large hairless balls, which were now hanging quite low because of the heat. Tim moaned and sighed deeply as Nate rubbed the soap into his entire groin area, then switched hands and rubbed again with his bare hand. When he finally finished and allowed the water to rinse the soap off, there could be no doubt that he hadn't missed a single hair, nor did he miss a square inch on the rest of the body he had come to love so much.

As Nate's soapy hand arrived at Tim's bum crack, he made sure it was well soaped, then he ran his fingers up and down the crack, causing Tim's entire body to shudder. His phantom erection was so real to him now that he looked down to make sure the real thing hadn't materialized. He didn't see his own, but he did see a very inviting erect penis and he couldn't resist. He sank to his knees and took it in his mouth, swirling his tongue round and round under the foreskin until Nate's knees were shuddering like a leaf in a March wind. "I'm gonna cum!" Nate squealed. Tim made no move to stop what he was doing, but just nodded his approval. Nate's knees buckled and he sank to the floor of the tub as his orgasm gripped him. Still Tim did not release the spewing tool as he sucked and swallowed greedily.

Nate was on his back now, the hot stream from the shower splashing in his face as his climax waned. Tim was still on his knees, his face in Nate's crotch. "I... I think you're clean now," Nate said when Tim finally came up for air. "You're so bad!"
"I thought I was kinda good," Tim said with a grin. "I seem to be able to get you off without much trouble."
"What say we go to bed?" Nate suggested.

After toweling each other dry and spraying on some of Tim's favorite cologne, the two naked lovers crawled into Nate's bed and turned on the TV. They weren't really watching it, but it seemed somehow better if there was some kind of background noise. They lay on the bed for almost an hour, neither saying a word. Tim was gently fondling Nate's beautiful cock, his balls, his perineum. Nate was doing the same to Tim except, of course, there was no cock to grab. That was not an impediment for Nate; he was loving the vacant cockless area more every time he touched it. "You wanna forget it for tonight?" Nate suggested. "It's not like we're on any kinda schedule."
"Let's do it!" Tim said emphatically. "I think I'm ready!"

******************

Terry lay in his bed, thinking of his evening with Laura. She was so sensational! And best of all, she liked him! She liked Terrence Oliver Chandler, little brother to Timothy Christopher Chandler! Terry's already raging erection grew harder as he relished the concept that he was emerging as an individual; a boy... make that YOUNG MAN, who could attract a fox like Laura Matthews. She told me to call her! he said aloud. She likes me and she wants to go out with me again!

He started to stroke himself. He knew it would only be seconds till he was ready to shoot, but then he stopped. That's so juvenile! he scolded himself. But then he remembered that he was after all only 13, almost 14. It would be years before he would have any other avenue of release, even if things worked out with Laura the way he was hoping. He started stroking again, but then a chilling thought coursed through his body: a thought so sobering that the erection that had only seconds ago been ready to explode suddenly wilted as if it had already done its job. What if she doesn't like me once I've had my dick cut off? he wondered. Maybe I should forget about it, now that I've got a girl.

Terry's active imagination fast forwarded to his 18th year. Laura would be 23 now, and probably be finishing college. That wouldn't stop Terry though. He would still be in love with her, and he would marry her the day after he graduated. He certainly wouldn't be the first college man to be married, and the fact that she already had a degree would mean she could support them until he finished. Then he could take over and support them both in a life of luxury for the next 40 years. But what about their wedding night? What would she say when she found out he didn't have the equipment to do his duty as a husband? Would she still want him? Would she be so horrified she would run home to mama on that very first night?

Maybe I should reconsider, he said to himself. That's fine for Tim, ‘cause he's gay and he doesn't like anal sex. He's never gonna have to father children anyway, but wouldn't that be expected of me? Terry decided then and there that he would have to discuss the whole thing with Laura. He still wanted the penectomy, but he would give up the idea if Laura said that's what she wanted. But how does one tell a prospective wife, or at least a girl friend, that one wants one's prick cut off?

************

"Tim was lying on his back, his knees tucked up under his arms. They had engaged in a lengthy discussion about which position would be best for their first attempt at anal sex, and Nate had won. "I think most guys start out doggie fashion," Tim had observed.
"I want to see your face," Nate had insisted. "If this works the way I hope it will you're gonna cum, and I don't wanna miss that." Tim acknowledged that Nate had a good point. He wanted to see Nate's face too, so they had finally agreed that they'd try it with Tim lying face up. "Let me do it," Nate said as he took the tube of K-Y from his lover when Tim started to lube himself.

Tim watched as Nate applied a handful of the watery grease to his penis, then braced himself as he felt himself being rubbed around his anus. "I'm gonna shove my finger in and grease the inside," Nate said as a warning. I could've gone all night without hearing that, he thought to himself, but he didn't say anything. He shuddered slightly as he felt Nate's finger pushing gently at the opening, then grunted as that finger slid into him. "Almost done," Nate commented. Remembering the few stories he'd read about anal sex, he pushed his finger in as far as it would go, then twisted it around and slowly, gently pulled it out. Gathering a little more lube, he repeated the process. "Ok, I think you're ready," he commented as he pulled his finger out.

He's gonna do it now. Tim thought to himself. We've both fucked around all we can and there's nothing left now but to do it. He's really gonna fuck me! I've gotta smile at him. I've gotta make him believe I'm enjoying this! It was my idea and he's trying his very best to make it good. All I've gotta do is lie here and enjoy it. Lots of guys do it all the time and they love it, and I can too!

Nate lubed his cock again. Get into this! he told himself. Tim's doing this for you, you stupid shit! The least you can do is get into it and do the best you can. But what if I can't cum? If I don't shoot he'll know I don't wanna do this. Maybe I can tell him it's too soon after what we did in the shower.... nahh, he won't believe me. He already knows I can cum four times without even thinking about it. I gotta do this, NOW!

Tim felt the pressure as Nate began to push. "Yeah man, do it!" he murmured.
"Hurt?" Nate questioned
"Nahh," Tim replied. "You think you can hurt me with that tiny pencil dick?" Encouraged, Nate pushed harder and felt himself starting to slide in, "Tell me if it hurts," he said.
"I'm fine," Tim replied. He felt a bit of pressure, but there was no pain. Nate was pushing harder now, trying to get past the wall that was Tim's sphincter. He remembered something he'd read and pushed back as if he were taking a crap. It worked! Suddenly he felt the sliding motion of Nate entering him.

"I'm in!" Nate exclaimed. "I'm all the way in!"
"Yeah," Tim grunted. "Now fuck me, Nate! Fuck me hard!"

Nate didn't move. Instead he looked down at his lover, a strange look on his face. He cocked his head to one side. "What story did you get that line from?" he asked.
"What d'ya mean by that?" Tim said. "You're all the way in and it didn't even hurt! Now all you gotta do is..."
"All I gotta do is find out how much you're enjoying it," Nate interrupted. "All you gotta do now is look me right in the face and tell me you loved it when you felt me sliding into you. You tell me that and I'm gonna start giving you the fuck of your life. Did you, Tim?"
"I'll be ok, once we get into it. Just go ahead, Nate!"

Still Nate didn't move. He had his entire hard cock inside his lover, but he just stared into Tim's handsome face. "I can't do this, Tim," he said. "I can't rape you, and that's what it would be. This was supposed to be an experiment, and I think we've already found out what we wanted to know. Can I pull out now?"

To Nate's total astonishment, Tim started to laugh. At first it was just a little giggle and Nate thought it was just Tim's nerves; soon he was howling with laughter, tears running down the sides of his head. "What's so funny?" Nate asked. He was confused and more than a little annoyed, after having tried so hard to make this work for them.
"Think about it," Tim gasped as he tried to get hold of himself. "You got your cock buried in my ass as far as it will go. There are lots o' guys out there that would think this is about as hot as it gets, and the expression on your face couldn't possibly be more serious if you were about to execute me! We got over the hard part, and neither one of us wants to finish!

Now Nate was really annoyed. He was just about to give Tim hell when he noticed something he hadn't counted on. He was starting to go soft and slip out. Tim was right! When he thought about it, he started to giggle too. As he felt himself slip completely out of Tim's anus, he collapsed on top of him and he too was laughing. "Only thing I wanna know is, did that count?" he said. "Did I fuck you or not?"
"I think it's the other way ‘round," Tim chortled. "I think we just fucked you out of a penis!"

Both boys got very serious at what Tim had said. Nate hugged him tightly. "Does that mean you're ready to go along with it?" he asked.
"Next spring," Tim replied. "I think we ought to try this again between now and then, and we should also try anything else we can think of. But if you still want it done next spring and things work out so we can, I'll set it up. But for now we oughta get some sleep. It's almost 3 and I gotta be to work at 7."

**************

It was after three when Larry and Christine decided it was time to go home. They'd had sex three times and had enjoyed it, or so they would tell you. It had been Larry's first time going all the way, Christine's fifth. In truth, both had been somewhat disappointed. Neither could honestly say what they had done was even close to making love; it had been a pure mutual desire to satisfy a curiosity, a desire for a sexual encounter. Both Larry and Christine had gone to the prom alone, had met there and agreed to spend the evening together. But neither had any expectations beyond having a good time together. Neither could know as they left the motel, nor would they find out for quite some time: Christine was pregnant with Larry's child.

****************

Tim didn't go to sleep right away despite his being totally exhausted. He thought of the evening he and Nate had experienced, and all that it meant. They had established once again their love for each other, to say nothing of the love of four of the best friends they could ever ask for, one of whom was Tim's brother. But still there was more. Tim had told Nate repeatedly that sexual gratification wasn't that important to him any more, but he hadn't really thought about what he was saying. Now he had to! Now as he held the sleeping boy who was willing to give him everything, including his life if necessary, he realized that a change had come over him. He realized that, as important as it was to him to get off, to experience a sexual climax, that importance paled in comparison to his desire to live with, love, take care of Nate, and to make him happy. Tim drifted off to sleep, the last thought in his mind being If my last orgasm was in Mexico last summer it's ok. I've got something so much better!

Tim's graduation was one of the most profound, if not one of the best days in his life. Laura had ended up with very slightly higher grades and was therefore valedictorian, which was fine with Tim. To come in second in a class of over 300 wasn't too shabby, his parents both told him, and the day of his graduation promised to be very special for him. But the thing that made it most special would be the event that no one but Virginia and Barry Chandler knew about. When Tim paraded into the crowded auditorium with his fellow graduates, he saw his parents, Terry and Nate, but he took no notice of anyone else. It wasn't until after the ceremony, the traditional cheer and mortarboard throwing, that he greeted his family and... and Valerie Seymore!

"Mom Seymore!" Tim exclaimed as he saw Nate standing with his mom, beaming more brightly than he had ever seen before, "you're out of the hospital!"
"Of course!" Valerie said with a smile. "You didn't think I was gonna let one of my boys graduate without being embarrassed by my hugs, did you?"
"The doctors think she's cured," Nate said excitedly. "I mean, we're not talking remission here, we're talking CURED!"

Two boys embraced and cried. One was wearing a cap and gown and holding a diploma, the other wore his best suit. Just a few short months ago neither would have given fifteen cents for Nate's mom's chances of recovery, but here she was, congratulating one of "her boys" as enthusiastically as the family Tim had known his entire life! Tim wasn't happy and thankful FOR Nate, he was happy WITH him! Valerie had become as important to Tim as she was to her own son; indeed before the day was over Tim would learn that she had been perhaps more important to him! And it certainly didn't take a rocket scientist to realize exactly what the boys' embrace meant.

There were all the introductions and socializing that usually accompany graduations, and it was during all these happy meetings that Tim got his first piece of bad news. "I've enlisted in the Navy," Larry announced when Tim's dad asked about his plans.
"The... the Navy?" Tim questioned. "How long have you known that?"
"I've been talking to them for a couple months," Larry replied. "I finally signed up last week when they promised to put me through college and send me to Top Gun school. I've gotta report for boot camp on July 5."
"When were you gonna tell me?" Tim demanded, fighting his tears, "July 4?"
"I just did, Tim," Larry said. "I know this is hard for you, man. It's hard for me too! All the time we were in school I thought we'd be together forever, and I know you did too. But we all have to find our own way, Tim, and we all have to do what we gotta do. But we're always gonna be brothers, no matter where we are or what we're doing. You have a brother by birth, and a pretty great one too! But you and I, we're brothers by choice, Tim! We'll never be separated, really. We'll always be together on some level."

Tim wasn't real thrilled at Larry's revelation, but he had to admit the time would come sooner or later when they would have to say good-bye. That was just life, a part of growing up, the price we all have to pay for being individuals. Larry had a little more than a month before he was to leave, and it was to be a month during which the inseparable friends would spend every possible moment together. They decided that during that month they would work together to give the Seymore home a much needed paint job while Terry, Nate and his mother worked on the neglected landscaping. But Tim's day of surprise was not even close to being over.

Tim's parents left for home with Terry while Tim was still greeting friends, meeting their parents, and generally socializing. He didn't think too much about it, in fact he wasn't thinking much at all he was on such an emotional high. Not only had he and Nate regained their "second mom," but he had finally graduated! He had been acknowledged for his accomplishments and embraced by his friends. Some knew he was gay, some didn't. Some were aware he'd been nullified, some not. But today it seemed to make no difference. He was just Tim Chandler, graduate, and it felt incredibly good to be dealing with an issue other than his sexuality.

When Tim, Nate and Valerie arrived at the Chandler home, all that confidence and elation suddenly evaporated. There, over the front door, was a huge banner, undoubtedly produced by Terry on his computer. It read simply "CONGRATULATIONS TIM!" The banner itself would have been fine, except that as soon as he saw it, Nate threw his arm around Tim's waist and hugged him. "You're so awesome!" he said.
"Not here!" Tim scolded. "There's still the issue of my being gay, and Dad's in the doorway."

Barry welcomed his son home and waved the trio inside. There were all the Chandler clan, some of the neighbors, and Larry and Laura. Virginia immediately took Tim's hand and led him up the stairs, away from the rest of the gathering. "I've got a little surprise for you," she said as Valerie joined them in the Chandler master bedroom. "Before we embarrass everyone in the house, I have to confirm something. Please be honest, Tim, and don't be afraid. Are you gay?"

Tim felt his heart stop. Surely his mother wasn't going to choose this moment, his moment, to make an issue of his sexuality! Surely she wouldn't do that to him! He realized that this may well be the last time in his life he would be honored as his parents' child. Would she really take that away from him? On the other hand, he was so incredibly tired of leading a double life, and he'd had enough. He simply wasn't going to lie any more. This wasn't the time and place he would have chosen, but once confronted with the evidence he wasn't about to back down any more. If his mother chose to destroy this moment, then so be it. He wasn't going to mislead anyone any more. "Yes, Mom," he said as he looked into her searching eyes, "I am. I'm sorry, Mom, but I'm gay and I always have been."

Tim saw his mother look back at him as he refused to take his eyes off her. The look he saw wasn't judgmental or harsh, it was the look of a loving mother. He saw the compassion, the love, the understanding, and he saw the hint of a tear. "You're also in love with Nathan, aren't you?" she asked.
"Yes, Ma'am," Tim answered, his eyes still locked on his mother's. "I love him more than I ever thought I'd love anyone, and I won't hide it any more. He means too much to me."
"I'm glad to hear you say that, Tim," Virginia said as she embraced him. "If you really love someone you owe it to that person to be honest with the world. We're going to go downstairs now, and I'm going to announce to everyone that Nathan is your lover, and I'm behind you one hundred percent! No more secrets, no more sneaking around, no more fear. Anyone who can't deal with it, well, that's their problem."
"But... but Dad..." Tim protested. "I don't want to hurt him. I mean, he's so happy today, can't it wait?"

"Your dad has come a long way," Virginia said. "Thanks to Valerie your dad and I have both learned a lot about life and about ourselves. He's so proud of you today it'll be a miracle if he doesn't explode, Tim; but you owe it to him to tell him the truth, and he owes it to you to let you know his true feelings. He's not a bad father, Tim. Perhaps he's a little misguided sometimes, but make no mistake: he loves you, and he wants you to be happy. Have faith in him!"

What Tim didn't know, nor would he ever find out, were all the knock ‘em down, drag ‘em out fights Virginia had with her husband to lead up to this point. She had started with a husband who was adamant that all ‘queers' should be strung up, burned at the stake, doomed to a life of slavery and death. They were, according to Barry, a curse on humanity, a perverted lot, a threat to every little boy in the world. With the help of Jason and her friend, the mother of her son's lover, she had brought herself and her husband to a point of tolerance and understanding. During all the talks, discussions and fights, Barry had understandably inquired why such a subject was so important anyway. "Because," she had finally said when she thought he could deal with it, "I suspect that Tim is gay! I don't know and I won't take the word of anyone but Tim himself, but I have my suspicions, and before I ask him I'm going to be sure I can deal with the answer, and you need to do the same, Barry."

Barry Chandler had gone totally ballistic. He had ranted and raved, questioning Virginia's love for Tim. How could she talk that way about her own son, he had demanded. As calmly as she could, she had simply replied that he should look at the evidence. "You absolutely cannot look at Tim and Nathan together without realizing that there is a lot more between them than mere boyhood friendship," she had said.
"Oh, so now you're saying Nathan's a queer too," Barry had accused. That revelation had not gone down any easier than what he'd heard about Tim, because Barry had come to love Nathan as if he were his own son.
"I refuse to use that word," Virginia had responded. "I'm not saying anyone is gay or not; that's not my place. All I ask is that you look at the evidence that is very obvious, but look at it as a parent, a loving father. Look at what's all around you, but with a loving eye, not a critical one. And while you're interpreting all the evidence you see, keep in mind what kind of a son Tim has always been, what kind of a person he's turning into."

When Tim and Nate descended the stairs to rejoin the party, they were holding hands. Yes, it was something of a display, but it was more. It was also a form of fortification, of mutual support and commitment. Tim's father met them at the bottom of the stairs. Tim braced himself, stood as straight and firm as he could, and tried to push Nate to stand behind him. Nate refused to move. Barry stood looking into the eyes of his handsome son, then looked at Nathan, his surrogate son. He saw in both faces a solidarity, a defiance, a beauty he'd never seen before. He also saw respect. He knew that whatever happened from this moment would happen to both, not one. "I know, son," he whispered to Tim. "I know, and I'm so very sorry you've had to bear it alone all these years."

Tim didn't answer with words. He threw his arms around his father and cried. Barry pushed him away and scolded him, telling him that there was nothing to cry about, the ordeal was over. "You're no longer in this thing alone," he said. "Your mom challenged me to watch you two together, think about all you've been through even as young as you are, and when I did I realized she was right. There are a lot of heterosexual couples who could learn a lot from you guys. I'm proud of you both!"

The month of June flew by a lot faster than Tim would have liked. With ample support from Terry and Nathan, he got through saying good-bye to his lifetime friend. It was harder than either of them would ever have believed, but Larry assured them all that they hadn't heard the last of him. The Seymore home was sporting a fresh coat of paint and a yard full of fresh flowers and shrubs, thanks to Larry and his initiative. Tim could not look at the house without thinking of his best friend and how great a friend he'd been over the years. "I wish I'd had a friend like that," Nate said on more than one occasion.
"Yeah," Tim always agreed. "They don't come any better than Larry."

The summer continued. Tim and Nate were a well accepted item now. Those who couldn't deal with it had gone their way, but for the most part their friends remained their friends. Valerie Seymore discovered that jobs were not that available, so Tim decided to put off going to college for a year to help support Nate and his mother. Tim's parents weren't all that thrilled at his decision, but they understood and supported him. Mr. Nelson, whose health was failing, was overjoyed that he would have the one he trusted more than any other to help run the business for at least a year. Tim expressed a desire to sign over his custody of Nate back to his mother where it belonged, but Valerie refused. "Give me a year or two to make sure I'm ok," she implored. In the meantime it didn't matter what the papers said, Valerie's word was still final where Nate was concerned.

It's strange how things work out sometimes. We try to consider all the facts, all the feelings and emotions involved, and then we try to make decisions based on all that we know. Sometimes all those facts are simply not enough. That's how life seemed to be going with Terry. He continued to date Laura and could easily see himself spending the rest of his life with her, but still his desires for a penectomy stayed with him. He couldn't understand it, didn't even want it; all the same, he couldn't shake it. Nate had pretty well made his decision and now had Tim's support. Unless something changed over the winter, Nate would travel to Mexico next March to have his surgery. But neither Tim nor Terry could find any justification for his doing the same. Still the urges persisted.

Terry was the first of the boys to celebrate his birthday. His turning 14 was, to him, a major milestone. His voice had finally settled down and decided it would abandon once and for all its soprano pitch. Terry had been growing so fast he seemed to be taller each day, but the growth had not left him skinny and lanky; he had also filled out into a very handsome, muscular and lithe young man. He had a slight fuzz on his upper lip which he shaved faithfully and proudly. But to him, the most important aspect of being 14 was that he could now make his own negotiations with Dr. Smith in Cancun. Obviously there was the problem of getting there, but Terry was every bit as resourceful as Tim so he wasn't the least concerned about mere transportation. What was worrying him, though, was the approval of the two most important people in his life: Tim and Laura, and he was no longer sure if that shouldn't be expressed as Laura and Tim.

Terry's party was a joyous but somewhat simple affair. It was held early on a Saturday evening at the Chandler home. There were his mom and dad, Tim and Nate, Laura, Valerie Seymore, and Uncle Jason, who had recently moved into his own apartment. Virginia had fixed her son's favorite for dinner: her killer homemade lasagna. There was a cake with candles, then everyone presented their gifts. The whole thing lasted a little over an hour and a half, then the four teenagers retired to the family room to dance and hang out while the adults sat upstairs and talked.

There was a waltz playing on the stereo, and two happy couples were dancing close, no one saying a word. Tim was deep in thought as he held Nate close, thinking of all that had happened in the past year, how much progress they had all made in the business of living. Out of the corner of his eye he saw his mother and Nate's appear in the doorway to watch. His first impulse was to push his dance partner away, but then he remembered he didn't have to do that any more, at least not in this house. Instead he just pulled his lover a little closer. Their two bodies melted together as they danced.

Tim also noticed that Terry had Laura held just as closely, just as passionately. He was happy for them, even envious in a way because their relationship was so expected, so normal! They didn't have to remember where they were all the time, didn't have to modify their behavior to match their environment. But Tim was also concerned for them. He knew that even he and Nate were very young to be making lifelong commitments, but Terry was so incredibly young! Could what they had possibly last a lifetime? In only three months Laura would be a legal adult, a college student while Terry was still legally a child. A child! Tim was not in the habit of praying, but he'd learned something about faith as he watched Nate pray often and faithfully for his mom. So he prayed that night as he danced with Nate. He thanked his God for Nate and their families; he thanked God for Valerie's recovery; and he prayed that God, if at all possible, would help and guide Terry and Laura to develop and keep the same lasting happiness that he knew he had.

Laura announced she wanted to dance with Nate. That left two brothers, who looked at each other and grinned, then shrugged and began to dance. "Happy birthday, brother," Tim whispered. "Guess I really can't call you little brother any more. By the feel of those muscles, maybe I should start calling you Sir!"
"You can call my by my name," Terry answered. "But just remember to watch yourself, or I'll demote you to calling me MR. Terry. But I got a question for ya, Tim. Can we go upstairs for a minute?"

Terry's proposition was fine with Tim. They had spent far too much time apart lately, so he jumped at the chance to talk privately with his brother. They told the others they'd be right back, then they scrambled up the stairs to Terry's bedroom. "Ok, Sir Terry, what's so important?" Tim asked in a light, joking tone.

"This is serious," Terry said. The expression on his face confirmed that this was indeed one of Terry's more serious moments. "Do you think I'm old enough to... you know..."
"No, Ter, I'm afraid I don't know. I've got no idea. Old enough to what?"
"You know... I mean, Laura and I... we're kinda gettin' pretty close, and..."
"You're... you're planning to SLEEP with Laura?"

The shock of hearing the words, of realizing what he'd just shared, jarred the new 14 year old to his very toes. Tim regretted immediately having said what he had, and none too sensitively. As he watched helplessly, Terry began to shake. The tremors became almost violent, but his gaze was firm and strong as he looked directly into his brother's eyes, searching for the answer that didn't exist. "I'm sorry, Ter," Tim said softly, "I didn't mean that the way it sounded. Why don't you just tell me, ok?"

"I think... I mean, Laura..." Terry stammered. Then he saw what he'd been waiting for. He saw understanding in his brother's eyes, and he relaxed. "Laura whispered to me when we were dancing," he said, a little more sure of himself now. "She told me she's got a big surprise for me back at her house. Her... her parents are away, Tim! I think she wants me to... to..."
"It's ok," Tim soothed. I know what you mean. You think Laura's planning on getting you into bed tonight, right?"
Terry nodded.
"And you're not sure you're ready, right?"
"I don't know, Tim," Terry wailed. "I just... I mean, I'm supposed to be the straight male, the macho guy, and I'm 14 now! Most guys 14 years old that got a chance to get it on with a girl like Laura would fall all over themselves to do it! But I..."
"C'mere, brother," Tim ordered. He led Terry to his bed and they both sat down, Tim's arms around Terry's shoulders.

"If this is about how you feel about Laura," Tim began.
"I love her, Tim," Terry sniffled. "I love her so much! But shouldn't that mean I'd want to..."
"It don't mean any such thing, Terry. If you love her, then that means you love her, and nothing more. Just tell her how you feel, Ter. Believe it or not I went through that same thing with Laura. I think you'll find her a very understanding lady. She knows you're a lot younger than she is, Terry! And she knows because of that age difference there are other differences. Just tell her how you feel. She'll understand."

Terry had never taken his eyes off his brother. Now he did. He looked down at his toes, seemingly inspecting them in some minute detail. "I don't understand, Tim," he mumbled. "I been beatin' off 2 and 3 times every day, and every time I do I think of her and when I do I shoot so hard sometimes I think I'm gonna explode. I love to touch her. Her perfume makes me dizzy I love it so much! When we dance I feel like a king! When she kisses me I can't even breathe! But when I think of... of THAT, it scares me half to death! It's like... like I was gonna violate her in some way. It's like takin' a beautiful flower and pouring garbage all over it!"
Terry, it's not like that!" Tim pleaded. "If you were to rape her, or just fuck her and not make love to her, that's exactly what it would be. But making love..."
"Have you ever done it, Tim? Have you ever had your... your cock inside anyone else?"
"I think you already know the answer to that one," Tim said. "No, I've never done it, and of course I never will now."
"I don't want to either, Tim," Terry said. "I don't want to, ever!"

"Go with her tonight," Tim said. "You don't have to make any decisions right now. If the time comes and you still don't want to do it, just tell her. She'll understand, I promise. I think the night I took her to the prom I coulda done it if I'd wanted to. Instead I told her that I'm gay. She's tough, Terry! And she's understanding."
"You think she's gonna think I'm gay?" Terry asked as he again turned a frightened face to look at his brother.
"She might ask," Tim replied. "If she does, tell her the truth. Tell her how you really feel. She loves you too, Terry! And she'll keep right on loving you, long as you're honest with her, the same as she still loves me. She's an awesome girl, Bro! You just go with the flow, man. Just do what you feel comfortable with, and the rest, just tell her you're not ready. She'll understand."

Terry thanked his brother, then they went downstairs to join the others. Without a word, Tim took Laura's hand and threw his arms around her and started to dance. "Where did you two go?" Laura asked happily.
"Brother talk," Tim answered.
"Like girl talk, only it's guys, right?"
"Yeah, something like that."
"He adores you, Tim," Laura said seriously. "I've never seen anyone love a brother the way he loves you."
"No more than I love him," Tim said pointedly. "He loves you too, Laura. He loves you so much it's hurting him bad because he's so confused."

Laura pulled her head away from Tim and looked him in the eye. "I've got to ask," she said, being careful that they weren't overheard, "have you and Terry... I mean, before you and Nathan..."
"Once," Tim replied. "The night I got the note from Carlos, we... I mean I was feeling so..."
"I know," she said. "You've told me all I need to know. And for the record I would've been very surprised if he hadn't that night, knowing the way he feels about you. But don't you worry, Tim, your brother's in good hands with me. I'd rather die than hurt him."
"I know that, Laura," Tim said with relief. "I just had to..."
"You just had to do what you've always done. You had to look out for your little brother. You two are so different, but in all the ways that count you're exactly the same!"
"Just don't hurt him," Tim pleaded. "He's only 14 and he's in over his head and he knows it. I think you and he could be really great together, but you're the first female he's ever been involved with and he's scared. You've gotta take it slow, Laura."

"I'm getting ready to go home," Valerie said as she came into the room. "Are you coming, Nate?"
"I'm comin'," Nate replied. "Tim's got to work tomorrow morning. Nite, everyone." He wished Terry a happy birthday again, then kissed Tim and they were gone. They would see each other in the afternoon, after Tim was done work. Tim said he had something special planned for Nate, but he wouldn't tell him what it was.

"We're going to bed," Virginia announced a few minutes later. "Tim, remember you have to work tomorrow."
"Yeah, Mom, we're just breaking up too. I'm going to bed soon as we clean up here a little."
"Nate's trained you well," Virginia quipped.
"I guess," Tim agreed. "He's a real clean freak and I guess it's rubbing off."

"I'm goin' out with Laura for a little while," Terry announced.
"Terry, it's awful late," his mom said.
"Mom, it's his birthday!" Tim offered. "They want to be alone for a little while." Virginia opened her mouth to protest, but Tim shook his head slightly and gave her "that look" - the look that said "trust me!" Laura shot him a look of thanks, and Terry gave him a look of... of what Tim couldn't be sure, but at least it wasn't terror.

Terry was shaking by the time Laura pulled the car into her own driveway. "Come on in," she offered brightly. Terry followed her, looking very much like a slave boy going to his doom. Laura didn't even stop to turn lights on downstairs, but led her boy friend up the stairs to her bedroom. Terry had never seen her bedroom before, and he was suitably impressed. "Come on in and close the door," she said, "and don't look so damned scared! I'm not going to kill you."

Laura's bedroom was like something right out of a magazine. The walls were covered with a pale pink wallpaper with a very feminine border around the top. The window curtains were sheer white, with pink valances and drapes. Her bed sported a luxurious pink bedspread, with covers over the pillows of the same material as the bedspread. There was a small desk where she kept her computer and other school work, but the remaining furniture was all very feminine, covered with various perfumes and other potions, neatly arranged jewelry racks and decorative dolls, articles of china and other female ornaments. Of course everything was spotless and in perfect order.

"Pretty room," Terry commented as he gazed about, thinking of the rat's nest he called a bedroom.
"Thanks," Laura said as she deposited her arms on Terry's shoulders. "You ready for your present, birthday boy? She leaned to him and kissed him gently."
"Laura, if you're planning to... to..."
"Don't look so scared," she said with a smile. "I'm not gonna hurt you. I just want to talk, and get some things cleared up between us. I guess I don't have to tell you what an awesome guy you are." She kissed him again, a little more passionately.

Terry was half expecting what came next, but still he gasped as she grabbed the tail of his T-shirt with both hands and peeled it over his head. "You've never had a sexual experience with a woman, have you?" Laura asked.
"No, I haven't," Terry replied shakily. "And I don't think..."
"You're not gonna tonight either," she said with a grin. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him deeply. Terry responded and kissed her back. He wanted this kiss to go on forever. "I'm sorry, Terry," she whispered, "but you looked so terrified I just had to tease you a little. I just thought it'd be nice if we could... well... talk I guess. I know you're thinking of having the same surgery Tim had. I want to see you, all of you, before you do it, if you do, and I want to help you be sure it's what you want."
"It's not what I want," Terry said as he watched Laura undo her blouse. "I've just got to do it. I guess I caught whatever Tim had because I feel like I won't be complete till I have it done."

Laura didn't answer. Terry hadn't moved a muscle since he had arrived in her bedroom, but now Laura encouraged him with hand signals to follow her lead. So he started fumbling with fasteners on Laura's shorts as she did the same to him. Before long they were both naked, each regarding the other with awe. "You're so beautiful!" Terry exclaimed. "May I touch you?"
"You better," Laura said, "I sure plan to touch you! That is, if it's all right?" Terry nodded slightly. His mouth went dry and he licked his lips as he gingerly touched Laura's firm, perky breasts with trembling fingers. The touch was unlike anything he had ever experienced and completely defied description. He shivered as she slid her hands down his bare sides, then brought them together at his groin and grasped his erect penis. "I've never touched a penis before," she panted. "It... it's fascinating!"

In spite of what Laura had told him only seconds before, Terry was convinced that what would happen next would be that Laura would assume a position on her back, on the floor or her bed, with her legs spread. He thought of all the fantasies he'd had about this moment: his first sexual experience with a girl. He had never dreamed it would happen so soon, and once again he realized that he wasn't even close to being ready. It wasn't that things didn't work because he knew his equipment was in top shape and eager for anything. He just wasn't sure he was ready to take that last step. In fact at that moment he wasn't sure he would ever be ready! But Laura saw the doubt in his eyes and assured him once again that all she wanted to do was to explore his body and allow him to explore hers.

They spent over an hour touching, looking, exploring. Eventually they lay down on the bed and embraced, savoring the delicious sensations of their naked bodies touching as they kissed repeatedly. Terry's nerves had settled down to the point that he never wanted to stop what they were doing, but he knew he shouldn't be out too late. "I should go soon," he said as he ran his hand up and down Laura's soft, slender back. The feel of her soft skin was nothing less than intoxicating. A little nervously he took the initiative and kissed her, then let his hand wander to her groin and sighed deeply as he slipped his fingers between her legs.
"Not till I tell you something," Laura said. "I've been trying to find a way to tell you this for a few weeks now, so I'm gonna just put it out on the table. You deserve to know, Terry."

Terry pulled his hands away from Laura as if they'd been burned on a hot stove. "You... you found someone else, right?" he inquired, "someone your own age?"
"Nothing like that," Laura answered as she hugged him. "I love you, Terry! But you might want to find someone else after you hear what I've got to say. Just listen, ok? And whatever else you believe about me, believe this: If anyone breaks us up, it's gonna have to be you because I've got what I want. You're my dream come true, and I don't care if you're 14 or 94 or only 10. I love you, Terry Chandler!"
"But... what were you gonna tell me?"

"It's just... Dammit, Terry, this is a lot harder than I thought it would be!"
"Just say it," Terry said. "If you're not gonna break up with me it can't be that bad, so just say it. Is something wrong? Are you sick or something? Is it something I've done, or maybe haven't done?"
"Terry," Laura said after she had paused to gather her thoughts, "dammit, maybe I am sick. My mom has offered to send me for therapy, but I've never gone because I don't think it's any kind of illness, it's just me. The truth is, Terry, ever since I was a little girl, maybe 7 or 8, I've been terrified of sex! I guess I found out about it too early, or didn't process the information correctly or something, but every time I think of what I would have to do if I ever got married, or wanted to get pregnant, it sends me right into a panic! Then along comes Tim and has his penis cut off. He was the perfect mate for me, except that he's gay and I didn't really love him, although I thought I did at the time. But he has this really great brother and before I know it I'm falling in love with you, Terry! I just wanted you to know that I love you, and dick or no dick, I always will. But the thought of... well, of what men and women do, it just scares me to death!"
"Were you raped or abused or something?" Terry asked. "I mean, I've heard that sometimes messes girls up that way."
"Nothing like that every happened to me," Laura replied. "And I don't honestly think I'm messed up. I just... it's just something I don't think I can ever do. At least I'm pretty sure I'll never enjoy it. I keep telling myself it's normal, and I know some of my friends are doing it already, but... well, maybe I was just meant to go through life without a husband. Or, a husband who can go without that kind of sex."
"You mean someone with no penis," Terry offered.

"Terry, please don't get the idea that I'm only interested in you because of what you might not have. I love you for YOU! It's just that sex, other than cuddling and touching like we've done tonight, isn't important to me. I know you're only 14 and that's awful young to make a lifelong commitment, but, well, once I learned that you were thinking of a penectomy, I had to tell you this. If you do keep it and we stay together I'll try my best to be a sex partner for you, but I can't make any promises. I really wanted to try to seduce you tonight, but I couldn't. I couldn't do that to you, and I was too afraid anyway. What you got tonight may very well be all you ever get from me physically. That's your birthday present, Terry. My body is yours, long as you don't try to stick anything in it. I'm not gonna try to pressure you one way or the other, but if you do decide you want a penectomy you've got my full support."

Terry's head was still spinning when Laura dropped him off at home. Could this possibly be happening to him? He still couldn't decide if what he'd just heard was good news or bad. He had tried so valiantly for the past few weeks to suppress his urge to have a penectomy, but now it seemed almost as if that's what Laura would prefer. She had told he that she'd fondled Tim just as she did Terry tonight, and that frankly she liked the smooth look and feel of Tim's groin. But what about Terry? Could he live his life with no penis?

There was no doubt in Terry's mind that he could survive quite nicely without intercourse, and that fondling, touching, perhaps a little oral action were all that he needed if he could be with Laura, but he did dearly love to beat his meat. He had only been doing it a little over two years; was he ready to give it up forever? But whatever his future, the overriding force right now was to have no penis just like his brother. Now it seemed that one major problem was solved for him. Sex with Laura, according to her, would be no different with or without a penis. So Terry began to put together a plan of his own.

Next: XXII Tim's Eighteenth Birthday