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Chapter 4: Rudrasunananda
Meeting his priestly brother Shaktidharadas in the Inner Temple, Rudrasunananda said, "I go to a new novice in whom I have strong hope. Prepare me." Together they stripped naked, prostrated before the towering image of the Lingam, the Zephas of the Lord, and recited in unison: "Lord and Master! You Who before Time were perfectly serene I worship You! Self-aroused You violated Yourself With aggressive kindly cruelty That gave birth to Time, to Life and to me I worship You! May You Enter me with Your Anger May You Enter me with Your Love May You so guide my hands and heart and mind That I bring another slave for You to take As You took me I worship You!" Rudrasunananda felt the fear he always felt in the Inner Temple. Here he had suffered the torment of his Initiation. Here he regularly received nearly unbearable pain and was totally abased. The fear charged him with pleasure. It was a pleasure that would have found a home in his zephas if his zephas had not been sacrificed to the Lord. Homeless, the pleasure grew and Rudrasunananda's entire body vibrated with the pleasure of his fear. Rudrasunananda climbed a step set against the wall of the Inner Temple on which a bench stood; and Rudrasunananda sat on the bench. His thighs, spread wide, rested on the seat of the bench, his legs along its sides so his feet stood on the floor; but his huge, loose balls hung below through a hole in the bench. Shaktidharadas bound Rudrasunananda to the bench and wall with straps around the chest, arms and legs. A collar was fitted securely around Rudrasunananda's balls and wooden blocs were fastened around them with thongs on all sides. Rudrasunananda could not move at all. Fear rose from his balls through his spinal column that had been made wide and clear and open by the meditation practices up to the top of his head. The fear sounded in Rudrasunananda with a musical tone of exquisite purity. He looked directly into the eyes and face of Shaktidharadas. Shaktidharadas' smile widened with cruelty and love. Their lips met and opened and they breathed together, each inhaling from the other's exhalation. Shaktidharadas slid his left arm around Rudrasunananda's shoulders and held his head tightly as they gazed into each other's eyes, kissed and breathed together. Even though he could not see it, Rudrasunananda knew what happened next. Shaktidharadas lifted a club with his right hand and, from the side, struck the wooden bloc below the bench. A wave of pain pulsed from Rudrasunananda's balls up through his immobile spine and carried his mind into the embrace of the Lord. Again Shaktidharadas struck and another wave of pain lifted Rudrasunananda. Rudrasunananda could not count the blows. Only the love that shone from Shaktidharadas through his eyes and streamed with his breath through his lips anchored Rudrasunananda to the Earth. His balls were in hell but his spirit met the Lord in heaven. The Lord possessed him and he became one with the Lord. Afterwards, Rudrasunananda and Shaktidharadas lay side by side in a tender embrace, kissing lightly, while Rudrasunananda recovered from the ritual. Rudrasunananda said: "I am well prepared, brother. I thank you." As Rudrasunananda crossed the courtyard, he meditated again on the great principle of life. The oyster requires a stone to make a pearl. The bush must be pruned to yield the flower of spice. Fail to hurt, or hurt too little, and the attempt will fail. Hurt too much and the life is destroyed. It is a balance that must be achieved. Cruelty can generate love and love can generate cruelty; only when each gives rise to the other does consciousness develop. Bound to the wheel of samsara (cyclical repetition) by spokes of pain and pleasure, attachment and repulsion, pride and shame, fear and anger, discipline and affection, we are carried forward by craving from life to life until we find the final release of moksha (yogic liberation). Most travel aimlessly or seek, like the family of Varila and Dinadi, for a tepid bath of soft wealth, ease and pleasure. But the consciousness that comes from the Lord draws others to Him. Training the novices required care. Each was supervised by a guru (teacher). Rudrasunananda was now to become the guru of this new initiate. Would he embrace the Lord and guru who nearly destroyed him while supporting him with total love, and thereby become a full priest? Those who failed the test were castrated and sold as slaves to the Arabs or the Mongols. Unable to love the lesser cruelty they were annihilated by the greater. The oyster that rejected the stone was smashed and discarded. But the oyster that was born again around the stone grew a pearl of breathtaking size and luster. The ache in Rudrasunananda's balls subsided, leaving only a joyous memory, as he entered the hall leading to the room where Uvana awaited him.
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