|
Would my life be different now as a eunuch? In just the last few weeks since I have learned about eunuchs I have asked this question about my life. I submitted my story about my desire to be a eunuch even now in my 40s. I do not know if my life up to now would have been any different except for the fact my sex drive would be gone and my body would be smooth and looking like I was at ten years old. My voice might be a higher pitch like I was at that age also. I would not need to shave my face either for that matter. So, what would my life have been like? Being a eunuch since age ten would mean the boys of junior high and high school would know that I would not be like them is sport activities which I did not like any way. I would not need to be worried about getting kicked in my groin also of which my brother and I fought a lot while growing up. I could have been allowing my brother to use me which he did not for his sexual pleasure. I could have ended up being used for sex with any boy that knew I was a eunuch for that matter. I would be having them in my mouth and up my ass and would not care for I had no sex drive of my own. Should the girls find out I could not get them pregnant I would most likely be giving them sexual pleasure as well. But I am still intact and sexually frustrated like in my story. I have desired sex from anyone and not getting any sexual pleasure except by my own hand. All this has kept me from getting STDs and AIDS even though I did have several one night stands with both men and women. I am HIV negative and no STDs found in the many doctor visits I have had in these last five years or so. What if I did not become a eunuch until after my early 20s would life be different? Most likely the girlfriend I had at that time could have married me and would have given her all the sexual pleasure she wanted for she would know I could not get her pregnant. But I was still intact then also and still frustrated. What about while I was in the VA ward thinking about suicide and asked them to remove my testicles before I was released? Would my life have been better? Maybe, and the woman I met after that who was deaf would have maybe married me knowing I was a eunuch and I would still be in USA enjoying life with her as her companion and travel with her wherever she wanted to go being her ears to let her know what was going on around her. I wanted to be this for her even as an intact man but she did not want a husband or companion. Now she is alone in USA without her parents around for they have both died while she has lived with them all her life and now must try to live alone and doing well she tells me. How about now while in Honduras since I arrived just three months ago now? Would things be different with the woman I am currently with should I have become a eunuch while in college? Most likely it would be the same as it is with me intact, sharing her apartment by day, cooking, cleaning, washing laundry and dishes and living near by. But at least I would not be sexually frustrated at this point in my life and can begin doing the video work that I came to Honduras to do. In ways now this woman that is my friend is my master now and myself her slave except for sexual pleasure for her which she does not desire. She is a kind master and not forcing me to be submissive to all her desires or needs even though I would enjoy doing all her desires or needs. I would enjoy shaving her legs, bathing her, giving her full nude body massages and the like but we do not do any of these things at all. She lets me stay here at her apartment even when she goes to her home town for the weekends and sometimes on business for the people she works with and makes sure I have money for food until she returns. Our relationship is friends only and not much body contact allowed for she says friends do not do these kinds of things with each other like massages or being nude together. She feels I should stay intact and wait to see what may happen in this relationship or maybe find the woman that wants to be my wife for she does not want to be my wife as yet. So as I look at these questions and what I have said, only if I was a eunuch as a child would things be different possibly and that my current life even made a eunuch after age 20 would be about the same possibly. For all I know I could have become the missionary I wanted to be soon after getting done with high school instead of joining the Navy first and then years later finally try to be a missionary. Being a missionary is of course a whole another story that the eunuch group would not be interested in most likely. But becoming a eunuch as a child and then pursuing the desire to be a missionary as an adult would have been different also for then I would have been able to keep my mind on the work of a missionary leading people to God like I want to now. Well these are my thoughts about desiring to be a eunuch and thinking about would my life be some how different or not. |