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Hotel Incident by Kortpeel ___________________________________________________________________ "I wish to make a complaint." At 30 Janet Reid was young to be the general manager of the Grand Elizabethan Hotel but she didn't bat an eyelid. "Certainly Ms. Stoneway. Please step into my office and I will give it my full attention." Janet knew that Ms. Stoneway was incredibly wealthy. That was a pity. Usually the grandeur of the office overawed the very few who did complain. It made them easier to deal with. It wouldn't work with Ms. Stoneway for whom grandeur was an every-day fact of life. "Do please take a seat Ms. Stoneway. May I order anything for you? Sherry, perhaps?" "No thank you." Ms. Stoneway's voice was icy as she settled her slender, well-dressed, perfectly groomed fifty-year-old form into the visitor's chair. Janet sat, took pen and paper for notes. The idea was to impress the complainant that the matter was being taken seriously. Not that it would be easy to impress Ms. Stoneway. She had been everywhere, seen everything and done everything that she'd ever wanted to do. Janet suspected that the woman was simply bored. Finding something to complain about was merely a diversion for her. However it would be prudent to take the complaint seriously. Ms. Stoneway had once bought out a company when one of its employees had offended her. Such was her vengeance that the poor wretch had needed therapy. "Please tell me your complaint, Ms. Stoneway." And may I kiss your ass too? Janet added mentally. "There's a man here." "Yes?" "I repeat. There's a man here." So bloody what? Janet thought. "May I remind you that when the Feminist Federation International booked this entire hotel for our conference the complete absence of any human adult male was a specific requirement? It was written into the contract and emphasised at our preliminary meeting." How could Janet forget? They'd had to give all male staff paid leave and find suitable females to take their place for the week. That had been difficult. Waiters were easy to replace but the chefs in the kitchen weren't. Neither were the maintenance staff: those secret, invisible denizens of the hotel who fixed everything from a loose carpet to the plumbing and everything else that ever went wrong. Outside, Janet had decided to abandon the gardens for a week. The all-male ground staff had given the lawns a close trim and gone away. The hotel had even rented female security guards and arranged with the suppliers for deliveries to be made by women. "Really Ms. Stoneway? There certainly shouldn't be a man here. Where did you see him?" "He was lurking around the back of the swimming pool. Peeping at the ladies, I shouldn't wonder." There was a nasty glitter of triumph in Ms. Stoneway's eye. Janet could see a breach of contract lawsuit in her future. If the Federation refused to pay on this flimsy pretext � "Would you describe him to me, please." "Certainly. He was about mid twenties, five foot ten I'd say, slender build and fair-haired. And he was wearing hotel overalls. A workman of some sort." Ms. Stoneway paused then in a voice of smug satisfaction added "And he we was male." She sat back in her chair, and waited for the grovelling apology from Janet. Janet knew that grovelling would never be enough. If she grovelled the old cat would pounce and have her for dinner. Janet beeped the intercom. "Get Beddowes in here. Now." "You sent for me, Ms. Reid?" "Is this the person you saw, Ms. Stoneway?" Beddowes instant appearance, like a genie from a lamp, threw Ms. Stoneway. He had been in the secretary's office and simply walked through to Janet's office. "Er yes. That is the one." "Beddowes, what were the arrangements regarding the male staff for the Feminist Federation International conference?" "No men were allowed here this week, Ma'am." "What exceptions were there?" "None at all Ma'am." "Then why are you here?" Beddowes who'd been answering confidently enough clammed up and got shy. He was hanging his head and looking at his shoes. "Beddowes." Beddowes mumbled something that was inaudible. "Speak up Beddowes. I can't hear you." Janet noticed that Ms. Stoneway was interested in this scene. Ms. Stoneway was known to be rather an adept herself when it came to inflicting humiliation. She was intrigued by Janet's treatment of Beddowes. "Because I don't count as a man, Ma'am." Beddowes was still looking at the floor and was still mumbling. "Beddowes for heavens sake speak clearly. Ms. Stoneway has lodged a serious complaint against you being here and I want her to hear your explanation." Ms. Stoneway was developing a grudging admiration for what Janet was doing with Beddowes. "I don't count as a man, Ms. Reid." "That's right Beddowes. You aren't a man any more are you?" "No Ma'am." "Show Ms. Stoneway why you aren't a man." Beddowes eyes stared at Janet in mute appeal. "For goodness' sake Beddowes! What have you got to be shy about?" Janet had seen that by this stage Ms. Stoneway was enjoying the charade. Slowly the wretched Beddowes undid the buttons down the front of his overalls. He took his arms out of the sleeves and the garment dropped to his ankles. He was in his shorts. There was a look of anguish on his face. Janet thought he might be about to cry. Beddowes kicked of the boiler suit and stood there looking ridiculous and pathetic in his under-shorts of scarlet satin with white polka dots, shoes and socks. He must have hoped Miss Reid would tell him to stop there. Instead she and Ms. Stoneway were just staring at him. Jane knew that Ms. Stoneway would be taking in the soft, hairless quality of Beddowes body. She would be wondering whether the fat on Beddowes chest was just fat or could it be mammary development? Were the nipples more developed than on a normal male? "Get them down Beddowes." Beddowes seemed reluctant to comply. "Do hurry up. We don't have all day." Slowly Beddowes slid down his shorts. Ms. Stoneway gave a gasp of amazement. She stared at Beddowe's smooth pubic area, fascinated. She got up from the chair, walked over to Beddowes and lightly ran a hand over the featureless, nullified pube. It was apparent that Beddowes didn't qualify as a man. She pressed her index finger onto what was presumably the wee hole and smelt it. Beddowes merely stood there hanging his head. "I'll be damned!" Ms. Stoneway exclaimed. "I've never seen anything like that before." "Beddowes, tell Ms. Stoneway how you come to be in this state." "It was an accident in the substation Ma'am." "Really Beddowes? " Ms. Stoneway said. "What happened?" There could be no doubt of Ms. Stoneway's genuine interest. "I got too close to the live bus bars," Ma'am. "There was a flash over." "Tell Ms. Stoneway what you were doing." Again Beddowes' look of mute appeal was met with icy hostility. "I was � I was masturbating, Ma'am. � And my ejaculate went on to the bus bars." "And what was the voltage on the bus bars?" "11Kv Ma'am." "Did you enjoy your last climax, Beddowes?" Ms. Stoneway asked in the tone of one making a polite enquiry. "It was as if the Earth moved, Ma'am." Ms. Stoneway turned to Janet. "Thank you Ms. Reid. I am fully satisfied with the explanation and that there is no breach of contract. Perhaps that glass of sherry at this stage � ?" "Beddowes, ask my secretary for two glasses of sherry." Beddowes stepped out of his shorts and looking more ridiculous than ever in just shoes and socks walked to the secretary's office. Ms. Stoneway actually chuckled when she heard the secretary's astonished gasp. Beddowes returned bearing two crystal sherry glasses on a tray. He served them with an amazing dignity, considering the circumstances. "Thank you Beddowes. That will be all." Beddowes collected his shorts and overalls and withdrew to the secretary's office again. "What a remarkable person!" Ms. Stoneway said after he'd gone. She was a different person from the hostile complainant she had been. She seemed very happy and pleased with life. "He is," Janet told her. "As well as being a qualified electrician he's also a trained butler. Sometimes we hire him out to guests." "I noticed how well he served the sherry." Ms. Stoneway emptied her glass. "There's something rather intriguing about having a naked nullified butler. Would it be unethical if I tempted him away from you?" "You can make him an offer if you like. It would be completely up to him." Ms. Stoneway was like an excited, happy schoolgirl when she left the office. "Okay Stan," Janet called out. Beddowes, now dressed, came back, sat in the visitor's chair and waited while Janet counted one hundred dollars in tens from the wad in her drawer. "Well done, Stan. That was brilliant." Janet handed him the hundred which disappeared into an overall pocket. "One aims to please, Ma'am," Beddowes said in his best butler's voice. "Tell me, Stan, being like that: does it bother you much? Do you ever miss what you lost?" "Not at all, Ma'am." Beddowes was rising to leave. "I have lots of friends. And in an emergency there's always the vibrator." End Safety Notes: 1. It is dangerous to squirt your ejaculate on to live busbars. 2. A substation is not a good place for a wank, unless spiders turn you on.
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