Reflections of Nate II

Nate sat up until nearly 4:00 AM that morning chatting online as Devon slept. From time to time, he got up from his PC to get a drink, check on him, and just basically roam the silent house and think. His parents had called, asking if it would be all right if he would watch Devon while they took out a hotel room. With only a few weeks left until school started for the both of them, junior high for Devon and college for Nate, the teen had readily agreed. Besides, with having two teenage boys to raise, how often did they even get the chance or have the energy?!

It was, in fact, also the first time in a long time that he had had the courage to go back online since his trip to Mexico and he wanted it to last. The “ooo’s” and “ahh’s” of his online chat buddies, along with their congratulations, comments, and even indecent proposals ALMOST made it all worth it.

Of course, it had been well over a month since Nate had been able, physically, to have an orgasm. Before the fateful trip, he’d been trying to see how long he could go without masturbating, but after only a few days, he found that he couldn’t help but fail miserably. He would wake up each morning with a pounding erection, fight it down so that he could urinate without making a mess, then try not to blow as he showered and washed it. It seemed to Nate that he was always erect and horny over something, and it annoyed him. Frequently, his mind wandered and he often found it hard to concentrate when he was in such a state. More and more he had become convinced that something had to go, and eventually that something had been his penis.

Since his own beginnings of puberty some four years before, Nate had enjoyed his own male equipment. He had not discovered how to masturbate “properly” until the age of almost fourteen, and then after quite a few fiascos. He hadn’t been joking when he’d mentioned friction burns to Devon. After all, puberty didn’t come with an owner’s manual!

Nate got up from the PC once again and headed to the bathroom. He peeked in at Devon, asleep on his back with an obvious erection making a tent in his sheets. Nate smiled and headed to the bathroom, pausing for a moment as he stood in front of the “throne” and wondered when the last time was that he had been able to urinate in a standing position.

Stupid, it was right before the operation. In fact, it was like ten minutes before the operation!

He dropped his plaid boxers and sat down, still amazed after even a month or more at the feeling of his warm stream coming out of somewhere other than where it had been coming out of for the first seventeen years of his life. Then the door opened.

Reflexively, Nate’s hands shot over his groin, which was hidden by his knees anyway. Devon came in, naked as the day he was born, rubbing his eyes and shambling. Nate checked his watch and snorted. It was 2:00 AM. Then he began to wonder, in the dim light of the bathroom, if Devon were coherent enough to know that he was there or if he was about to become wet! Dammit, the last thing I wanna do is jump up and yell and let him see THIS! he thought. However, he also didn’t want to get peed on.

Devon wandered a bit, looked around and blinked. His penis was a bit red here and there, and it was beginning to go soft. Nate waited as Devon got a drink of water, not making a sound for fear that the boy was sleep walking, and began to sweat. Here I am with no dick and my naked little brother wandering the house with a half-hard on, he mused silently. God, I remember those days. What I wouldn’t give to …

Then Devon yelped and almost choked on his water, spraying a copious amount out of his nose and spitting it out. Nate got wet after all.

“Thanks,” he said in flat tone.

“What the hell are you doin’?” Devon demanded, now fully awake and fully soft, his erection seemingly frightened out of him.

“Well what does one usually do when one is sitting on the throne?” Nate replied.

“Aw, shit!” Devon exclaimed, heading for the door.

“We have a winner, folks. The boy’s brighter than he looks, naked or not!” Nate joked.

“Fuck you, asshole!” Devon retorted, “I’ll go to mom and dad’s. They back yet?”

“Nope. All yours, kiddo.”

Devon fled, and as soon as he had the door slammed, Nate wiped a bit, still amused at having to do so, and laughed.

Poor kid. That had to suck for him. Still, he’s lucky. Bet he whacks off before he goes to sleep!

Then he thought about his little brother’s penis, and tried to compare and contrast it to his own missing member. Was I that big at that age? Smaller? He couldn’t remember. Did my balls hang like that? DO my balls hang like that? Was I that circumcised, or is Devon cut more than I was then?

He paused at the word “cut.”

Devon still had a penis, and at the age he was, it was a nice one. Nate shuddered.

You wanted it, you planned it, you did it to yourself, asshole, and got just what you wanted. No more dick, no more hard-ons, no more whacking off, no more stained sheets or covering up! he told himself. There’s no going back now, other than SRS and you sure as fuck don’t wanna be a woman, do you?

And Nate didn’t.

Still, he mused over Devon’s nice little member as he wandered back to the chat, stripping back out of his boxers and aiming his webcam at his lonely set of balls.

The cheers resounded on the chat page.

Nate smiled.

“Bet you’d love to jack off, wouldn’t you?” someone asked.

“Yea,” he replied, “But I sorta have this problem, you see!”

The reply came back after a few minutes, and Nate envisioned this “wanaBdickles” chat person whacking off to the image of his fine pink line that ran from the upper center of his scrotum up to just where his pubic hair was kept neatly and daily shaved off. This chatter was obviously a newbie.

“Man, that’s too hot!” WBD replied.

“I am hot, WBD,” Nate replied, and others commented, some luridly. Nate smiled.

“But how do you CUM?” he asked, followed by a confusion emoticon.

Nate’s smiled broadened, and sudden feeling passed over him.

“BRB,” he typed, “I think my little brother’s jerking off again!”

“CUT IT OFF!” came the cries of applause from the room.

“MORE LESSONS!” someone else said, one of the regulars that Nate had talked to for years.

Nate got up and pulled up his boxers and tiptoed down the hall to Devon’s room. He pressed an ear to the door and heard the telltale sounds. Without warning, he burst into the room and threw himself on the startled boy’s bed.

Devon screamed.

“Get off me, you pervert!”

Nate laughed, taking the boy into a mock headlock and rubbing at his crewcut.

“Stop it, freak!” the boy squeaked, and his erection, suddenly unattended, poked Nate in the ribs.

“What did I tell you?” Nate demanded, “About wearing it out?”

A light came on, and Devon’s face was beet red. So was his adolescent penis.

“Can I get some privacy here?” he demanded.

“No,” Nate replied, “I’m gonna sit here until you go soft and make you work for it. Won’t take you long anyway, you know, horny as you seem to be. You know what you need? A wank-partner.”

Devon stared at him, his hands going over his erect member.

“A what?!” he demanded.

Nate sighed, remembering his buddy Lee and how they’d discovered masturbating together and how much fun it could be. “One of your little friends to help you do that. You jack him off, he jacks you off, then you do it again!”

Devon’s face flamed redder, and he pulled back.

“I’m not a fag,” he announced.

“I didn’t say you were. In fact, it’s textbook material that most boys go through a homosexual stage and engage in mutual sexual exploration to further their own future heterosexual adventures later in life. Didn’t you know that?”

“So jacking off with another boy is gonna make getting chicks easier for me later in life?” the boy asked, his face confused.

Nate nodded.

“Didn’t work for you. You never even date. You must be a loser with chicks, or you’re gay.”

Nate got up slowly, Devon’s words stinging him to the core. Am I gay? Is this why I’m so interested in my little brother? Is that why I always looked at boys and didn’t really care for girls other than just being friends? AM I gay? Did masturbating with Lee make me gay, or was I gay from the onset?

Then he thought about it some more as Devon covered up, still staring at him. Lee doesn’t date either, or not much, and he never brags. Then his eyes widened a bit as he thought about it. He hadn’t seen nor called Lee in more than a month. Not since … not since … he’d come home from the trip! Lee had to be wondering where he was!

He cleared his throat and turned to go, switching off the light. “If I WAS gay, YOU’d be the first to know, sweetie,” he teased, hiding the hurt that the boy’s words had done.

Devon threw a pillow at him.

“I love you too, shithead,” he called from behind the closed door, “And remember, lube! Friction burns!”

“Fuck you!” Devon replied, but his voice had lost it’s edge and everything was all right again as Nate headed back to his PC.

When he got back online, Nate explained to the crowded room what he had done, once again aiming the camera at his strangely and semi-empty crotch. The room went wild again.

“You, sir, are evil,” one chatter said.

“You jumped on his bed?”

“It poked you in the ribs?”

“So is he doing it or not?”

Nate went back and double-checked. Sure enough, he could hear Devon’s soft moaning and breathing. At least the bed was quite since he’d moved it, and his hand went down to his own crotch to explore and tease at the soft pink line.

God, I’m horny!

He returned to the chat, much to the approval of the others.

“If you cut it off, he wont’ do it anymore,” someone offered.

“That’s mean. This isn’t the Victorian Era, shithead!”

“I was teasing. This is a castration chat isn’t it?”

“Sorry. My bad.”

“NP.”

“But Nate cut his off!”

“No,” Nate replied, “A doctor in Mexico did it.” Nate posted the name and address and website information. Dr. Ortega was in a nice city near the border, and he had even given Nate some JPG images of his place. Nate shared those as well.

“Nice place!”

“A beach view, Oceanside?”

“NUDE beach?!”

‘Yes,” Nate replied, “Nude beach, nice hotel, great view! Classic travel brochure place.’

“It cost how much?”

Nate told them.

“That’s IT?!”

“That’s it,” Nate replied. “Cheap. US Dollars to pesos and you’re rich in a minute!”

“I’m going there!” someone said.

“Me too!” someone else said.

However, Nate noticed that WBD had left the room. Even his private chat window was dead. “Fantasy,” Nate mused, imagining this person, a kid most likely, jerking off like it was doomsday and just growing stronger and stronger in his fantasy.

He sighed and sat back, watching the others chat while he “rested.”

You got what you wanted, he reminded himself, Can’t do it. They can all sit there and see the real thing from your webcam, get horny, jerk off, but YOU, Mr., not YOU! No more spanking the monkey for YOU!

And it was true.

Nate knew that his hand, the same hand as always, still spent a good deal of time rolling his balls around and touching the tender tissue where the incision had closed over. Dr. Ortega had been thorough, and true to his word. There wasn’t even a trace of a stump.

He remembered, as he watched the chat and file transfers going in and out, how amazed he’d been when it was all over. He had gone back to his hotel room, taken a pain pill, and gone to sleep. He’d awakened several hours later to find a note from the good Doctor’s young assistant, whom he had been informed would be making routine checks on him while he rested for the first few days. The note had said something like ‘checked your catheter, fine. Bandages, ok. No fever. Good. Be back later again.’

His assistant! Nate breathed, suddenly feeling the need to tell the room about HIM! The familiar sensation was rising within him once again, and he reached down, out of habit. However, his anxious hand found nothing other than his balls. He grimaced.

The room, of course, in chat, went wild again.

“That’s gotta SUCK!”

“No wankin’ fer you, buddy!”

“HAHAH!”

And of course, the inevitable, “That’s just toooo fuckin’ hot!”

Nate typed furiously, describing the Doctor’s assistant as he felt a wet spot beginning to form on the rolling office chair upon which he sat. He quickly sat up and folded his boxers under him to catch it. This, naturally, brought even more comments from the room!

“Gonna have to start usin’ pads!”

“Precum still comes out?”

“He’s still got BALLS, dumbass!”

“Oh.”

“And he’s still horny too!”

“But how do YOU CUM?!” the same one asked again.

Nate smiled.

“I don’t,” he replied, But God, how I want to!”

“Back to the assistant!” Someone ‘yelled’ in all caps.

Nate thought, and typed: ‘He was a guy, Mexican. Looked like he was a kid though. I mean, he was tall and all, but he just looked, well, so youthful! You know, he had to be out of school and all to have had the training, unless the Doctor trained him himself. That’s what I don’t get. Anyway, he was the one who came to the room to keep tabs on me when it was done. Once they had me all bandaged up, this guy drives me back to the hotel. He tells me to take one pill every eight hours, and to get some rest and not worry about the catheter or anything, that he’ll take care of all of that! So I did.

‘But what got me was how soft his voice was, how perfect his face was. He had these dark eyes, thick black hair, you know, the typical Latin Lover type! Shit, I was worried I’d start to bleed or something by how horny he got me! He had this haircut in gel and it was almost spiked and shaved up in the back. He had a nice diamond earring, and he looked to me like he should be in a tux with a rose in his teeth dancing rather than in green scrubs!’

“Stop!” someone said.

“Man, I gotta wank on that one!”

“Hot!”

“Eating Raoul?”

“I’d eat that!”

“Is he single?”

Nate laughed. ‘You wouldn’t believe it, but I’m gonna tell ya’s!’ he typed.

“Tell us!”

“I can’t wait!”

“Get on with it, dude!”

And Nate did: ‘When I woke up the second time, he was there and said he had to help me change the bandages and show me how to do it. I mean, shit, I was nervous. This Mexican kid, guy, whatever, was going to see me with no penis! I mean, I only wanked with ONE other buddy growing up, you know. I never … well … anyway … he takes the bandage off really careful, and he just stares.

‘All my hair is shaved off, I’m bald as a baby down there. My sac is all expanded from the heat, and my balls are really hanging low! So he looks for a minutes, then shows me where the catheter comes out. THAT is one strange feeling! You feel like you’re peeing non-stop, but it’s all going out the tube! This clear tube full of piss is coming out of me just about a few centimeters above my asshole, and it goes down under my leg off the bed to a bag on the side of the bed! Weird!

‘So then he shows me how to swab the area, put cream on it to prevent infection, and he rubs it over the stitches real soft and easy like he’s done it a hundred times before! But then he reaches down and starts playing with my balls, feeling them, rolling them around, and I swear, I thought I was gonna cum right then! I felt like I was getting hard, but there was nothing there! I could still feel it, and if I closed my eyes, I could have swore it was still there!’

Again, a flurry of comments and Nate paused to collect himself.

True, there wasn’t even a stump. There was not a trace, other than a fine pink line, that he’d ever had a penis at all. Even the core had been taken out, somehow, leaving his scrotum and balls intact. He reached down and moved his balls aside, showing the webcam the pink puckered hole that was his new urethral opening.

Again, a flurry of comments and Nate waited … again.

They’ve gotta be all cummed out by now,

‘So he shows me, after almost making me cum, how to clamp the catheter off and empty the bag. Of course, HE did it so I didn’t have to get up. Then he made sure I was taking my pills and ordered in dinner. Part of the package, he said. Then, as he’s getting me bandaged up, I think of something else – I look up at HIS crotch, expecting to see a tent, you know, since most guys get hard out of reflex when you think about it! And guess what?

‘He didn’t have a tent going on. Not hard!’

I used to be hard 24/7, he thought, thinking about all the years, all the times he had masturbated alone and then later with Lee. I should call Lee. Shit, I can’t call Lee! I can’t let HIM find out?! What will he think?! What will he do?! What if he tells?! Then he thought of his own penis again, and of Devon’s.

For some reason, as he typed on and on about his bandaging and dinner with the Assistant, he mused over his little brother. He always looks hard, even though I don’t see him naked that much. He’s at that phase, maybe I can help him through it. But he went flaccid in the bathroom didn’t he? Scared him soft? And it was still looking like it was about half up but limp at the same time?! And he’s got more of a circ scar than I do … did. Shit.

Maybe it’s the way he’s circ’d? Maybe they cut more off of him that normal?

Nate realized that he was indeed jealous of his little brother, and amazingly, realized that he really loved the little twerp. That brought him up short.

I just hope YOU don’t get any crazy ideas, too, Devon, he thought.

He realized that he’d stopped typing and the room was going wild.

‘Sorry,’ he entered on the screen, ‘I was thinking about my little brother.’

This, of course, only set off a bevy of comments about whether or not penectomy was indicated in cases of teenage masturbation gone out of control.

After a about half an hour, Nate looked at his watch. It was 3:30 AM already!

‘Where was I?’ he asked the room.

Everyone answered with a different Spanish name.

‘What’s-his-name wasn’t hard!’ they all said.

‘Right,’ Nate went on, ‘he wasn’t. And when he noticed me noticing, he blushed bad! But can you get THIS? He told me this story and it was fucking incredible!’

“OUT WITH IT!” the room erupted at once.

‘He was shy at first, but then he tells me his story. While we were replacing bandages and setting up a tray for dinner, he tells me in pretty good English that when he was little, his family was very poor. He had been sick a lot, and his father owed a great deal of money to Dr. Ortega. Seems they lived nearby, well, an hour’s walk or so from the office, and his father knew the Doc or some such. They agreed that the boy could help work off his medical bills by running errands and doing odd jobs at the clinic. The father agreed, and in no time Ramon was working for him. But get this – when he was about eleven, he said, he got caught in an exam room that he was supposed to be mopping up. And you know what he was doin’?’

“Playin’ with it!” the whole room exploded.

‘Right,’ Nate went on, ‘ he was up on an exam table trying to jack off when the Doc caught him! Ramon said he was pissed off! The poor kid had never even had a real orgasm, much less a wet cum or anything, but there he was, pants down, little ol’ penis straight up in the air and the Doc walks in. Ramon told me the next thing he knew, Doc was strapping him down to the exam table and cutting his clothes off of him! He said he screamed and cried, he was sorry and so scared, but Doc didn’t listen to him. He just stuck a gag in his mouth and went to the phone to call his parents!

‘He told them that Ramon had complained of some pains, and he’d examined him and didn’t like what he saw. Fearing a relapse into illness, he recommended that he treat the boy right away, free of charge, since he was such an asset to the office and that it was a simple thing, really and wouldn’t take long. But this is the kicker – he didn’t tell the parents what it was, and neither did Ramon! I guess he was too ashamed. I mean, shit, I’m not exactly telling the whole neighborhood here that I left my dick in Mexico, you know!’

“So he castrated him?”

“I bet he did!”

“Did he cut his dick off?”

“I bet it was just his balls!”

‘You’re right,’ Nate replied, ‘Castrated the boy right there in his office. Just hung up the phone and said something to him like “Ramon, you are a bad boy. We can’t have this sort of thing. You will run yourself out of energy and be sick again if you continue to do this, and as you get older, it will only get worse! We have to stop this right here and right now.”

‘Ramon said he begged and cried, but the gag muffled him. By the time dinner got to us in my hotel room, he’d told me how Doc had shaved what little fuzz he had off, and totally embarrassed him. Poor kid. Then I guess he just swabbed him down and gave him a shot or two and opened his tight little sac up and took the cajones out, right then and there!’

“Then what? What next?” the room demanded.

Nate smiled, that familiar frustrated feeling rising up within him again.

I wish I were you, Devon, he mused.

‘Ramon told me that Doc said, “This is better for you, son. This way you don’t get all hairy and horny later in life, no voice changing, you get taller, no beard to shave! Trust me, ol’ Doc knows. You’ll be happy in the end!” He said Doc put his balls in a little bottle full of fluid, formaldehyde, I think, and labeled it “RAMON, 11, date,” and gave it to him!’

“No way!”

“He didn’t!”

“Does he still have ‘em?”

“Is he that cute?”

“Is he single?”

“What’s his phone number?” the room erupted again.

Nate laughed aloud, literally. It was near 4:00 AM.

‘Ramon said he carefully stitched him up, and then gave him a gown. He took him to a clothing shop, IN the gown, and made him try on new clothes! He said that by the time they got him dressed and ready to go back, he thought he was gonna die and called his parents and said that Ramon needed to spend the night with him for observation! I guess in Mexico, you don’t’ get as paranoid as here in the USA. So anyway, Doc gives him a pain pill, checks him over in the car again, and get this! He takes the kid, castrated and bandaged, not two hours after, to this jewelry shop in the strip near his office and has his right ear pierced with a nice diamond! Ramon says he’s never taken it out!’

The room was in an utter state of chaos at the story, some not believing it until Nate called up the JPG image and sent it out. Accompanying it was a nude close up of Ramon’s small and limp penis, with nothing at all underneath of it.

Poor little guy, Nate mused, And what a pair we were! A hot Latin boy with no balls, the body of a young God, and me with no dick to use on him!

‘Well folks,’ Nate typed in, ‘It’s 4:00 AM here. I gotta go to bed. Wet dreams!’

And with that, he logged off and got up, finding that his boxers that he had been sitting on had a huge wet spot on them. He checked on Devon again, found the boy sound asleep, and went to his own room. He got into bed, his thoughts of Ramon …

Nate really felt like jerking off, and again his hand wandered down there and he said one word: DAMMIT!