The most difficult part comes from obtaining your penises. You will not find very many men who are willing to give them to you just by asking. Most men are very attached to their penises so to obtain them you will need to do a little work. I typically venture to different towns and lure the unsuspecting men with a few winks and then flirting with them. After drinking with them and getting them drunk, I simply band the penis with an elastrator, trying to get as much length as possible. I then pull out my sharp little four inch knife and holding the penis firmly, I quickly slice the penis off with a back and forth motion. If your knife is really sharp, you can remove a penis in less than 20 seconds. It can be somewhat bloody, so have plenty of paper towels around. Once you're on your way, as a courtesy, call 911 for the man. Arriving home, I then wrap and freeze the penis until I have six to eight of them, that's enough for a quart jar most of the time. Penises on average are only about 6 inches long, I have only had two or three longer then that. Some are fatter or skinnier, but again, not by all that much. You must be quick at this and it takes some experience. I do not go to the same town more than once in a year. Well, once you obtain your penises, follow this recipe:

Things you will need: Large pot, 4 cups of water, 2 tbsp. salt, 4 cups of white vinegar, 6-8 penises, 1 quart size canning jar, 1 funnel, 1 oven mitt.

1 - Pull out one large soup pot from your pot collection. The pot needs to be deep enough to hold the ingredients, including all those penises.

2 - Pour the water and vinegar, along with the dashes of salt, into the large pot, and place on a burner with medium heat. Allow the mixture and penises to come to a boil, and then turn off the heat. Place the cover on the pot to keep in the heat. After 10 minutes, remove the penises and strip out the urethra, pulling from the cut end to the tip. It should pull out easily, cut it off from the tip and discard.

3 - Place the boiled penises in the canning jar. You may need to cut them into halves or thirds, depending on size. Place a funnel securely into the jar, and then pour the hot liquid mixture into the funnel from the soup pot. Use oven mitts, and pour slowly to avoid burning yourself. Replace the lid, and tighten it. Let the pickled penises stand in the liquid for at least two days before serving.

I typically refrigerate them after the jar cools and patiently, very patiently wait about a month before sampling them. Pickled penises are somewhat rubbery and they will not snap like a regular pickle. I'm a little bit more deviant, I'll wash one off thoroughly and use it in my nether region. They are dildo like after all, but once I'm done pleasuring myself, I'll take a sharp knife and slice off it's head, the glans is the most delicious part. Chewing it often arousing me. Well, enjoy all.