Christine XVIII: Christine's Revelation

The first thing I saw was a man’s bare butt, which quickly disappeared as its owner jumped to his feet and pulled up his pants. On the floor, lying on a blanket and scrambling as she tried to find her clothes, was Judy, one of the computer assemblers. She was completely nude, and from her position on the floor and the flushed look on her face, she and her male friend had just finished, or perhaps not finished, making passionate love.

Perhaps it was because of all the interviews and therapy I’d had in the past two years, or maybe things like that are instinct; but whatever the reason, I knew instantly what was going on. I was so shocked I didn’t recognize either participant at first, until I heard a familiar voice.

“Christine!” a male voice said in a scolding way, “What are you doing here?” The figure turned. “Unnn...” I stammered. “Uncle Dan?”
“What the hell are you doing here?” he repeated. “I thought you were offsite all day.”
“I... Uhhh...” I stammered. I could not speak. I couldn’t breathe. My legs felt like rubber. “Uncle Dan?” I said again.

The next thing I knew I was sitting in a chair with Josh and Justin and my dad all hovering over me, with Justin holding a cold wet towel on my head. Gail and Adam’s mom were looking on helplessly. “What in the world happened?” Dad said urgently.
“I... I dunno, Dad,” I replied weakly. “What did happen?”
“You went weak, honey. I think you would’ve fainted if we hadn’t got you into a chair. Josh came looking for you and Justin told him you had gone to get him a new computer. When Justin found you, you were on your knees in the store room doorway, muttering ‘Uncle Dan’ over and over. What in the world happened, Christine? Is Dan in some sort of trouble?”

“Where is he?” I said with a vengeful anger that surprised even me.
“Dan? He’s in his office as far as I know.”
“I’m right here,” Uncle Dan said as he came running to the growing group surrounding me. “Don’t you people have anything to do?” No one moved. “What’s going on?” he asked innocently. “They said Christine had some sort of a spell. Pre-surgery jitters, I suppose? Just relax, Christine honey, you’re gonna be fine.”
“You know very well what’s going on,” I said as my head cleared and I stood to face him. “I may be just a little kid, but I’m not stupid. Don’t tell me to relax, and DON’T TREAT ME LIKE A STUPID KID!” Suddenly it had all become clear what had happened, and I was furious. I think I was more angry at that moment as I caught a glimpse of Gail’s face than I had ever been in my life. “Why, Uncle Dan? Why? What did Aunt Julia ever do to you? Or Gail?”

I have to give the man credit. The act he put on was worthy of an academy award. He looked at me with a combination of confusion and contempt, and then repeated the question he’d asked earlier, which made my blood absolutely boil. “What are you doing here anyway, Christine? I thought you were at your client’s all day.”
“That would’ve been better for you, wouldn’t it, Uncle Dan? But the fact is, I was doing my job, which sometimes entails coming to home office. Perhaps you should’ve been doing your job too,” I said vehemently.
“Conference room,” Dad ordered. “There’s something going on between you two and I hardly think this is the place to discuss it. Christine, you and Dan, come with me right now.”
“You come too, Josh,” I said, then wondered why I’d said it. No matter though, he wouldn’t have left my side anyway. I had started crying again, but this time not so much from happiness as pure rage.

By the time we were all in the conference room with the door closed, I was sobbing almost hysterically. Uncle Dan kept up his act, which for some reason caused me to sob all that much more. “All right,” Dad said as he sat in a chair, “I want to know what happened. Dan? What do you know?”
“She’s probably just nervous,” Uncle Dan said as he shrugged. “She’s facing some pretty heavy surgery next week.”
“She’s not THAT nervous,” Josh answered as he rubbed my shoulders. “Christine doesn’t fall to pieces like this unless something pretty serious happened. You know it and I know it.”
“I... I saw them...” I managed to get out. “I saw Uncle Dan and Judy...”
“Judy?” Uncle Dan said. “Judy who?”
“Joyce, get Judy in here, NOW!” Dad barked over the intercom. He simply never talked to his secretary like that, so she had to know something serious was going on. After a five minute wait, Judy was ushered into the room and the door closed again.

“Christine says she saw you and Dan,” Dad said abruptly. “What’s she talking about, Judy?”
“They know, Dan,” Judy said. “Good God, she saw us both naked.” Just then Gail opened the door and walked in. She opened her mouth to ask what was going on, I opened my mouth to tell Gail to get the hell out, but Judy beat us both. “We might as well tell them the whole story, Dan, ‘cause they know. I’m tired of sneaking around anyway.”
“We... Uhh... We were in the store room taking inventory,” Uncle Dan said. “I’ve been suspicious that someone is stealing equipment, so Judy and I have been keeping our own tally of what comes and goes out of that room. I guess Christine got the wrong impression.”

For a moment, I forgot that Gail had come in. I forgot who I was or where I was. All I could see was the man’s bare butt staring at me as I opened that door, and a flood of rage came over me the likes of which I’d never felt before. “You’ve got to get naked to take inventory?” I screamed.

For the next two minutes the only sound in the closed conference room was my sobbing. I think everyone there eyed everyone else, assessing, trying to read faces, wishing they were anywhere else on the planet but where they were. “Dan?” Dad said in a questioning tone. “You and Judy? In the store room? Naked?”
“You have GOT to be kidding,” Uncle Dan scoffed. “Me? And Judy? An assembler?”
“Dan,” Dad said quietly, “Christine doesn’t lie. And why in the world would she tell a story like that?”
“Who the hell knows?” Uncle Dan said with a shrug. “She’s just a kid, and a transsexual freak at that. You’re gonna believe that I would take up with a... with some gal in the assembly department? You’re gonna believe that half-girl, half-boy over me?”

That was the wrong thing to say. I had never seen Josh move so fast in all my life. Actually, I didn’t see him move at all, really, but in less than a heartbeat he had Uncle Dan pinned against the wall, his left hand holding a handful of Uncle Dan’s shirt up under his chin, his right a fist about to take his head off. Josh had grown a lot, but he was still only 12 and a lot smaller than Uncle Dan, but that made no difference to him at that moment. Dad was behind Josh, trying with all his might to hold Josh back, but it was obvious to me that he wanted to help him. “If you ever, EVER talk about Christine like that again,” Josh said as he shook his fist, “I’m gonna rearrange your miserable two-timing face. Both of them, you son of a bitch!” I doubt that Josh could have followed through because Josh was simply not a fighter. He hated fighting, thought wrestling and boxing were barbaric, and had on several occasions simply walked out of the game when his teammates got into a fight. But he was also very angry, and right at that moment I’m sure what he lacked in skill would have been more than made up by pure adrenaline.

Under different circumstances I suppose it would’ve been almost comical to see my pint-size hero pinning a rather large man against the wall, threatening with full confidence to clean his clock; as it was no one saw the humor in it, nor did anyone doubt that Josh could and would follow through.

Judy was there too, screaming “Just an assembler, huh? Well this ‘just assembler’ seemed good enough for you to shoot your seeds into for the past six months. This ‘just assembler’ is good enough to be carrying your baby!”
“B-baby?” Dan said as Josh released him. We all looked at Judy. She certainly didn’t look pregnant. “Yes, baby,” she exclaimed. “I was gonna tell you today. You were supposed to tell your wife by now that you were leaving her, remember?”
“You allowed yourself to get pregnant?” Dan said in shock.
“Allowed myself? You should’ve thought of that when you were pounding my tail off in that store room. And in the parking garage. And my apartment.”

“Daddy?” Gail said in the most plaintive voice I have ever heard. Gail worshipped her father. In her eyes her father could do no wrong. He was her idol, and she mimicked his every move and always had. She had been so proud of him during my difficult times. He had seemingly been behind my every step, even before my own father was. I went over to her and embraced her. She pushed me away. “What’s going on, Daddy?” she pleaded. I could tell she wanted more than anything in the world to be told it was all a mistake. She would have readily accepted whatever story her father told her at that moment, but with all these witnesses, and now a baby to consider, there was simply no way he could tell a story.

“It didn’t mean anything, Gail,” Uncle Dan told her. “I know I shouldn’t have done it, but it was just a fling. I’m sorry you had to find out this way, but...”
“Just a fling?” Gail screamed as she burst into tears. “You were having ‘just a fling,’ and you made a baby? You are always telling me how lucky I am to have a good family and a super mom. What about you, Daddy? You always told me how lucky you were too. And you got someone pregnant in a relationship that didn’t mean a thing? How could you that, Dad?”
“Honey, I didn’t...”
“Don’t call me honey. Don’t call me anything. Don’t even speak to me!”

“All right,” Dad said. “I think we’re getting nowhere here. This is obviously a family matter, and we’ve still got an office to run. Judy, take the rest of the day off. I want to see you in my office on Monday morning. Hopefully by then we’ll have figured out what to do. Dan, I think it’s better if you go too. Julia is gonna find out, so if you’ve got any guts at all you’ll go home and tell her before someone else does. Christine, honey, I wish I could give you and Josh the rest of the day off, but the entire staff are expecting you in the open area just about now. I hate to do this to you, but if you possibly can I’d like you to put in an appearance. I know it’s gonna be hard...”

“Do I still have a job?” Judy wanted to know.
“That remains to be seen,” Dad answered. “But please do me a favor and show up on Monday to discuss it. I promise you if we decide you shouldn’t work here any more we’ll take care of you. I’m not my brother and I won’t see you high and dry, ok?” Judy looked relieved. She shot Uncle Dan in icy look that would kill any mortal man, then left.

“I’ve gotta say, you don’t seem very surprised, Dad,” I said after Judy was gone. “Did you know?”
“No, I didn’t know,” Dad said quietly. “There have been rumors, but I chose to ignore them until it slapped me in the face. I guess I didn’t want to believe it. I’m shocked and disappointed, but I can’t honestly say I’m surprised. After all it’s in the genes. Our father has fooled around for as long as I can remember, and his father before him.”
“He did? But Grannie...”
“You know what my father’s like, Christine. The way he runs his home, he is the king, and anything he does is just fine. Mom really had no choice but to go along, or at least that’s what she thought.”
“But you’re his son too. Does that mean...”
“No, honey, I haven’t and I won’t. But that doesn’t mean the tendency isn’t there. I’ve had to fight it all my life, but with the great wife and kids I’ve got, affairs like that are simply not an alternative.”
“Aunt Julia and Gail are pretty great too, Dad. So why...” This time when I put my arms around Gail, she accepted. She hadn’t said a word since her altercation with her father, and she was still very quiet.
“Yes, they are,” Dad said. “They’re the greatest. And that’s why right now I wish I didn’t have a brother. But right now I think we’d better get on with things around here. Christine, Josh, do you think you can face the whole staff? I wish I didn’t have to ask, but...”

We did face the whole staff. I guess I didn’t really think about it at the time, but I have often thought since what a good job my dad and Uncle Dan did hiring staff. They were all dedicated and hard working, and they all worked together as a team, and everyone cared for each other. But every last one of them was ready for any sort of social function on a Friday afternoon, and the upcoming surgery of the boss’ daughter was just such an occasion. So we spent the last two hours of the working day drinking coffee and soda, eating pastries and muffins, and everyone wished me well. I got more hugs that afternoon than I can ever remember getting before in my life. There was no mention of the earlier incident; there would be plenty of time Monday to deal with that.

“As the office manager, I guess it’s my very pleasant duty to do this presentation,” Mrs. Williams (well, Auntie Jen to me now) said as everyone gathered together in the common office area. “I must also say that this is one of the best parts of my job, especially when the subject of the presentation is so pretty and so well loved by one and all. Christine, would you please come here? We have taken a bit of a collection and got you a little something.”

A little something was the understatement of the year. First there was a package containing about ten books they knew I’d like to read. They had been told that I would be stuck in bed for at least a week and probably more like two, so they wanted to be sure I didn’t get bored. Next there was a bouquet of red roses because, Mrs. Williams pointed out, “roses are a symbol of love and everyone in the office loves you.” The third gift totally blew me away. They presented me with a brand new laptop computer, and a really good one.

“This computer is for your entertainment, not for work,” Mrs. Williams said. “There is a network adapter for it, but you won’t get it until you’re good as new again. We left the modem in so you could get connected to the Internet. But we have suspended your network id here so there’s no possible way you can be working while you’re laid up. Enjoy your... er... vacation, sweetie. We’ll be visiting you during your recuperation, but you’re not welcome back here until your doctor says you’re fully recovered.”

Finally at four Dad declared the work week over, so after they had cleaned up everyone went home, leaving Dad and Mrs. Williams, Gail, Josh and me. Adam was coming over to our house later for a sleepover with Gail and me, so Mrs. Williams left to get his things ready. “You comin’ over later?” I asked Josh as we dropped him off. The ride home had been very quiet, each of us with our own thoughts concerning the day’s events.
“If you want me to,” he answered.
“Why wouldn’t I want you to?” I snapped.
“I dunno, I thought you were still upset. I even thought maybe you were mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you,” I said; but I knew when I said it that I hadn’t sounded very convincing.
“Ok, I’ll be over at seven or so,” Josh said. I somehow knew without his having to tell me that he would be wanting to talk with his dad about what had happened.

Josh didn’t show up at seven, which was unusual for him. Finally he phoned at 7:30 to tell me that something had come up with his family and he had to go visit his grandmother. “Are you coming over tomorrow?” I asked, a little disappointed that he wouldn’t be spending the evening with us.
“I don’t know,” Josh answered. “It just depends on what happens at Grandma’s house.”
“Is she ok?” I asked. I knew that Josh absolutely worshipped his grandma, and I was afraid she was sick or something.
“Yeah, she’s fine,” Josh said. “She just called and said she needed me over there tonight. I’ll probably be spending the night. I’ll call ya when I get home.”

An awful lot happened in the next few days. Some of it I didn’t know about at the time, of course; but I have reconstructed some of the events from what I learned later... in come cases much later, in order to make this story complete.

Josh slammed the phone down and stomped up to his room. “I hope you’re happy now,” he muttered to his father on the stairs.
“What did you say, Josh?” Robert inquired. “Were you talking to me?”
“Nothin,” Josh answered without stopping.
“Come down here, NOW! I want to know what you said, and to whom you said it.”
“I already told ya, it was nothin’.
“That may very well be, young man, but if it’s worth saying once, it’s worth saying in a way that you can be understood. Now get your tail down here right now, and look me in the eye and tell me what you said.”

“I just said I hope you’re happy, Dad. I mean, I broke a promise to Christine, an’ I think I hurt her feelings. She was pretty upset this afternoon.”
“We’ve been all over this, Josh,” Robert said with a sigh. “I know Christine had to be upset, given what she saw and what it meant, and that’s why I felt it was a good idea for them to have some time alone with just the family.”
“But it’s not gonna be just the family,” Josh argued. “Adam’s gonna be there.”
“I seriously doubt that,” Robert replied. “I have already talked with John and he told me that there was going to be a big family conference at their house tonight. I’m sure he has called Adam’s mother by now and told her to keep him home at least until tomorrow.”

Dan Elliot arrived home about 6 PM. He had very obviously been drinking, but from all Julia could tell he wasn’t drunk. He didn’t say anything to her, but went straight upstairs to Gail’s room and knocked. “May I come in, Princess?” he said softly.
“Go away!” a small voice came from inside. “And don’t call me that.”
“Gail, honey, you don’t understand,” Dan said as he tried the door. It was locked. “You’re far too young to understand. Now please unlock this door and let me come in. We need to talk.”

“Go away!” was the reply, a little more forceful this time. There was no more response.

“Leave her alone,” Julia ordered as she came up the stairs. “You’re right, she doesn’t understand. Neither do I. But if you have any hope of salvaging what is left of our marriage, you’ll leave Gail alone and come downstairs so we can talk. There are a few things we have to settle between ourselves before we go next door.”
“Next door? Fat chance. The last thing I need is any more lectures from my pompous little brother.”
“Is that all that’s bothering you? That your brother is angry with you? Well I’ve got news for you, kiddo. You’re not exactly my hero right now either. Now come on downstairs. I’m not going to upset Gail any more by arguing with you outside her bedroom door.”

I had a very uneasy feeling about Josh’s mood. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but the tone of his voice on the phone was different than I’d ever heard from him before. Was he mad at me? Was he just sick to death of our screwed-up family? Of me? I wanted to talk to Mom about it, but tonight wasn’t the night to talk about anything heavy. We hadn’t had any dinner and no one even wanted any. Gail and her parents were due any minute, and Dad had asked me to take Gail upstairs and keep her occupied while they talked out the situation. I protested and argued, but he insisted, saying it was no place for two young children.

“I think we’ve ironed out all the details we can,” Aunt Julia stated. The four adults were seated in our living room, and Gail and I were parked in my familiar place at the top of the stairs, listening. I was always astonished that Mom and Dad never caught on that I could hear every word from my “secret” place; in fact I have later figured that they probably knew the whole time. But they never let on to me. I guess that’s because my parents really never had any secrets from me. Never!

“Dan says he is leaving me,” Julia went on. “To his credit he is signing his half of the business over to me, so Gail and I will not be left high and dry. I told him that if he could just show a little remorse, and promise not to do it again, that we would try to patch things up. He says he can’t do any of those things.”
“You’re not sorry?” Dad said incredulously.
“That’s not what I said at all,” Dan answered. “I said I was sorry she had to find out the way she did.”
“But you don’t see how you’ve done anything wrong?”
“Honestly, John, get real. It’s not as if it was the first time. And when we were teenagers we used to laugh about our dad and how he had women all over town. Surely you’re not gonna tell me you suddenly got a streak of purity.”
“That’s exactly what I’m telling you. We were kids then, Dan. Believe me I’ve often thought of the things we used to laugh about, and I’m not proud of it. But as kids what else could we do? But that doesn’t make it all right for you to do it. You’re just as selfish as the old man always was.”

“Thank you, pastor John,” Dan mocked. “Now that we have your opinion out of the way, I’ll take my family and leave.”
“Not so fast,” Dad said. “There’s the little matter of Christine. She was totally turned upside down by your little adventure. What about her?”
“What the hell about her?” Dan demanded. “That’s all I’ve heard now for two years. Christine this, Christine that. And how dare you call me selfish, with that self-centered little witch upstairs that you call a daughter. She, or he, or whatever, never thinks of anyone but herself. Her clothes. Her surgery. Her difficulties figuring out what she is. Don’t even try to call me selfish.”
“Your family?” Aunt Julia demanded. “What on earth makes you think you still have a family? I think you might have just forfeited the right to claim us as your family. You have mocked us and gone behind our backs... you think for one minute that I didn’t suspect something all those times you were supposedly working? How stupid do you think I am, Dan? Then when you get caught, you just look me right in the eye and tell me in so many words to get used to it, because things are not going to change. Well, I’m not your mother, Dan. And let me tell you, things ARE going to change. Either you’re going to commit to your family or go find another one, because we’re not gonna live this way.”

There was a lull in the conversation. Gail and I thought perhaps it was over, so we scurried quietly back to my room and softly closed the door. We sat on the bed and looked at each other. Gail had a look in her eyes that I can’t explain - sort of a mixture of shock and hurt and... I don’t know... but I hope I never see that look again. “Do... do you think I’m selfish?” I asked.

Gail didn’t answer. She looked at me, a pleading look on her face. Then I realized just how selfish I was. Here she was hurting so bad, and I had only been worried about how she felt about me. “I’m sorry, Gail,” I said as we both started to cry. “I’m sorry for what Uncle Dan’s doing to you, and I’m sorry for what you must be feeling now, and... and I’m sorry I just asked you that. I love you, Gail.”

We literally threw our arms around each other and cried like babies. We kissed, full on the lips. At nine and ten I suppose we didn’t really understand the significance of that kiss... it just seemed natural to us to demonstrate our love as completely and strongly as we could. I don’t think it was an erotic kiss, but it was definitely more profound than anything we had ever done together before, including my repeated feeling under Gail’s panties, which really hadn’t meant anything to either of us at the time.

I don’t know how long we held each other like that, but when we finally released each other, after reassuring each other of our undying love no matter what, we heard raised voices again from downstairs. It was already eleven PM, and there were no signs that things were going to be settled any time soon. “You wanna go listen some more?” I offered.
“I’ve heard enough,” Gail said. “Can we just go to bed? Please?” So we did. We didn’t bother with pajamas, we didn’t even get undressed. We just slid under the sheets of my bed and were almost instantly sound asleep, our arms wrapped around each other.

It was after nine when I finally woke up. Gail was still in my bed, still sound asleep, wearing one of my night dresses. Someone, probably our mom’s, had undressed us and put night dresses on us. I had already wet the bed a little, so Mom had put a diaper on me. This had happened so much to me when I was little I really didn’t think anything about it. It seems that whenever I got upset about anything, or very nervous, I would start wetting the bed again. Even though it hadn’t happened for almost a year, Mom was evidently expecting it to happen again because she had obviously kept a supply of diapers handy. I didn’t mind, in fact I was thankful for it because the diaper was soaked and the bed wasn’t.

I lay there staring at Gail’s beautiful face, wishing with everything in me that she didn’t have to go through all that she was now having to face: that she might well become the product of a “broken home,” that she might well be shuffled between her mom and dad for the rest of her life, and be torn between them. This was a way of life for some of the kids at school, but I had yet to meet even one who liked the arrangement.

I had a lot of other things to think about too. Had I really been that self-centered? How many people had I hurt, just thinking of myself? Was there something more I could have done under the circumstances to help Gail? What was I gonna do now? What could I do? And how could I possibly go into the hospital on Monday and leave Gail to deal with all this crap by herself?

“Morning, you two,” Mom said cheerfully as she entered the room. Gail was just starting to wake up. We both said good morning as Mom sat on the edge of the bed. “We have a lot of things to talk about this morning,” she said more to Gail than to me. “I’d like you to get dressed and come down for breakfast as soon as you can, ok?”
“Can I just stay here?” Gail pleaded. “Can’t you tell me here?”
“We can do that,” Mom replied. “Your mother is downstairs. She slept in Johnny’s room last night.”
“You want me to leave?” I asked Mom.
“NO!” Gail exclaimed. “Please don’t go.”
“OK, I’ll stay,” I said. I really didn’t want to leave anyway, but I thought I should offer. “I’m awful wet though, Mom. Can I have a fresh diaper before you call Aunt Julia?”

“You want another diaper on?” Mom said with some surprise.
“Yes, please,” I said. At that moment I never wanted to go without a diaper again. NEVER!”

“Sorry about putting one on you last night, Honey,” Mom said as she worked at removing a very well used diaper and wiping and powdering me. “You had already started to wet, and I didn’t think you’d mind.”
“It’s ok,” I said. “I’m glad you did. Thanks Mom.”
“Can... can I have one too?” Gail asked. This surprised both Mom and me. Gail had not so much as had a single accident since she was two. She had been so proud that she was completely out of diapers, while I, her older cousin, couldn’t seem to shake the habit.

“Of course you can, sweetie,” Mom said. “If that’s what you want.”
“It is,” she replied. “Can you explain to Mom, please?”
“I think she’ll understand,” Mom said. “But I’ll tell her when I go down to get her.”

I really should do some explaining about my diapers. I was just one of those kids who seemed to turn into a bed wetter at the drop of a hat. It seemed that every time I got into a situation that I found the least upsetting, it released the water works in me. My parents had taken me several times to be sure there was nothing physically wrong, and fortunately for me they were always assured that I was fine, and that they shouldn’t worry. My parents had always been really great about it, especially after we reached an understanding that I would willingly wear a diaper to prevent any mess. As I got older, around my last episode when I was eight, my mom pointed out a few times that I would some day get to the age where it would be terribly embarrassing for me. I understood that, and I began to dread the day when that would happen. But for now I was almost thankful that I could wear my “special” underwear without fear of teasing or nagging. Evidently Gail had realized at some point how much I enjoyed my odd interest, because as her mother arrived in my bedroom, we were both snuggled in bed, both in diapers and making no apology for it.

‘I’m afraid your dad has left,” Aunt Julia told her. “At least for now, he’s going to get an apartment. We still have some things to work out, but for now we thought it would be best if he move out of the house.”
“He doesn’t love us any more, does he?” Gail questioned.
“Don’t be silly, Gail, he loves YOU very much, as much as he always has.”
“What about you?”
“I think he loves me too, Honey. But he also loves to go out with other women and I simply can’t live like that. You’ll understand a lot more when you’re older.”

“I understand now, Mom,” gail said vehemently. “I understand that if he wanted to live with us, all he would have to do is quit goin’ with other women. If he won’t do that, then I guess he doesn’t love us enough.”
“It’s not that simple, Gail,” she argued. “It just isn’t that simple.”
“It is for me,” she said stubbornly.

Gail and her mom talked a while longer, but we didn’t learn anything we didn’t already know, except for the fact that Judy was only 17 and therefore under age. Aunt Julia hadn’t meant to tell us that part, but it sorta slipped out. Once that was out we wanted to know what difference that made, and she explained that Uncle Dan could possibly go to jail for messing around with a minor. “But he didn’t force her,” I protested.
“I know that, Christine,” she replied. “But that’s just the way it is. It’s against the law to be involved sexually with a minor. We still don’t know if the parents are going to press charges... I guess that depends on what happens to the baby.”

There was a lot more intense conversation all weekend, but my parents and Aunt Julia had decided that we’d had enough; so Gail and I were excluded from any more of the discussions. That was fine with me, but for obvious reasons Gail wanted to be in on every tidbit. So by default the responsibility befell me to keep her occupied and her mind on something else. Well, forget the mind part, there was no way I was going to get the mind of a nine year old off the father she adored, whom she had apparently just lost. But we did manage to find things to do to lighten the mood at least a little. We didn’t hear from Josh all day, so we just hung out together. We went swimming in the neighborhood pool, played a little in the playground, and spend a lot of time in my room playing cards, computer games, and just talking.

“You’re going in the hospital Monday morning,” Gail reminded me sadly. “What am I gonna do then?”
“You’ll be ok, Gail,” I assured her. “It’ll all blow over and things’ll be back to normal in a week or so, you’ll see.”
“You don’t know my mom the way I do,” Gail said. “There’s no way in the world she’s gonna give in on this one, and we both know how my dad and yours are.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, “I have to admit they’re pretty stubborn.”
“I still don’t understand why my dad can’t see that there’s anything wrong with what he’s been doing,” she reiterated.
“I guess it’s like my dad told me,” I observed. “He said that Grand-dad always acted that way, so he kinda considers it normal.”
“He’s not gonna change, is he Christine?”
“I dunno, Gail. I just don’t know.”

If there is anything good about a family breakup, it’s the fact that things have changed a lot in the past twenty or thirty years. Half of our friends at school and in the neighborhood had single parents, remarried parents, or parents who were in the process of getting a divorce. So it wasn’t as if Gail was anything unusual; indeed, sometimes it seemed to me that I was the one who was unusual: two parents, home stability, no sign that the parenting part of my life would ever change. But at least it gave Gail something of a point of reference. She didn’t feel as if she were the only person in the world to ever go through such a thing. Meanwhile, I was beginning to wonder what had happened to Josh. I was wishing I could delay the hospital appointment for a week or two, but my dad assured me that it was just a bad case of jitters and had nothing to do with what had happened with Gail and her folks. “Besides,” he argued, “If you don’t go now, there’s no telling when we can get everyone scheduled again.”

Sunday wasn’t much better for me and mine. Josh had called late Saturday night, long after I had gone to bed. He told my mom that he had got back from his grandma’s, and the family was headed for the mountains to take care of some business and wouldn’t be back until late Sunday night. He told her that he would see me in the hospital on Monday. Great! All I needed to hear. Oh well, I still had Gail and my parents. But Gail and Aunt Julia had gone off somewhere by themselves, so that left me and my parents. That should have been enough, but right then it wasn’t. It wasn’t all bad though. I had a lot of thinking to do; so I spent most of the day in my room, just thinking; going over in my mind all that had happened in the past two years. It had been, to say the least, the most tumultuous two years anyone could ever ask for.

Monday morning at 10 AM my mom and I were at the hospital, checking me in. That was a process in itself. There were papers to fill out and sign, tests to run, drugs to be administered.... it was after two before I was finally in my room, and then they apologized and told us that I would be in a ward until just before my surgery because there simply were no private rooms available. Great, I thought, just what I needed: a whole room full of people to deal with. But after my mom left at three, all of a sudden a roomful of kids my age didn’t seem all that bad after all. Unfortunately the hospital had insisted on classifying me as a boy, so the other three beds were filled with boys.

It only took Tony an hour after we’d eaten to come visit me. “Hi.” He said cheerfully as he came and sat by my bed. He was a lot smaller than me, and one of the prettiest little black boys I had ever seen in my life. He was very dark, and had jet black curly hair, barely long enough to cover his ears in a sort of modified Afro. It was the kind of hair that simply fell into place and always looked great, whether or not it had been cared for. “My name’s Tony,” he continued when I nodded to him. “What’s yours?”
“Christine,” I replied. I really didn’t want company and didn’t feel much like making friends, but there was something about this kid that refused to be denied.

“Christine?” he questioned. “But that’s a girl’s name.”
“Uh-huh. That’s because I’m a girl.”
“But I thought this was a boy’s ward. How come...”
“It’s real complicated, Tony,” I interrupted. “I guess maybe they didn’t have room for me in the girls’ ward or something.”
“Oh,” he said. He sat and thought for a few seconds. I could almost see the wheels turning inside his head. I could have done without the questions, but he was so captivating, I really didn’t mind.

“I guess that’s why they didn’t move me to the girls’ ward,” he said suddenly.
“Move you? Why in the world would they do that?” I questioned.
“Cause they cut off my dick a couple weeks ago. The doctor said I would probably be happier if I started bein’ a girl. They’re gonna change my name and everything.”
“Really? You had a sex change operation?”
“Nahh, nothin’ like that. They just cut of my stuff. The doctor said it was too expensive to turn me into a girl. I kinda don’t have no sex now I guess.”
“Why in the world would they do that? Did you want to be a girl?”
“Mercy, NO! I liked bein’ a boy. But the doctor said everything was damaged too much for him to save. So they just cut it off.”

Tony went on to tell me that he had been in an accident with his bicycle, and that his private parts had been cut and mangled so badly that they had to cut his penis off. The doctor had explained that having testicles without a penis would be very difficult for him as he grew older, so he had proposed that they simply cut everything off. The only thing that had saved his testicles was that Tony’s mother was too strung out on drugs to give her consent, and no one else seemed to care enough to get involved. Now he was facing life as a eunuch, or perhaps worse, a normal male with no penis, because his parents didn’t have any insurance to pay for a sex change, and Tony wasn’t sure he wanted to be a girl anyway. He obviously didn’t understand what all had happened to him, and after his story I wasn’t sure I understood either. I made a mental note to ask Dr. Reynolds about it. But what I couldn’t get over was how cheerful and accepting Tony was about the entire situation. He seemed to have the attitude that he could live as either a boy or a girl, or as he called himself, a “Nothing.”

Tony asked me why I was in the hospital and I started to tell him, but just then a nurse showed up and shooed him back to his bed so she could get him ready for the night. As he turned to go I could see his bare butt through the opening in the back of his hospital gown, and a tube, obviously a catheter, between his legs and attached to a bag device on his leg. Now I realized why he had to be put to bed, even though he was eight or nine years old. He couldn’t leave the bed once he was connected to the big bag that was hanging under it. Dr. Reynolds had already told me I would have a catheter for a week or two, so I knew all about them.

“Time to get you ready,” the nurse said as she pulled the curtain around my bed. “Your chart says you are inclined to wet the bed, is that right?” she whispered.
“Yes, Ma’am,” I replied a little red-faced. “I been wearing a diaper to bed the last few days.”
“Nothing to be embarrassed about,” she said. “Lots of kids wet the bed well into their teens. Would you like me to help you with it?”
“Yes, please,” I said. “If you don’t mind.”
“No problem. You just take off your pajamas and underwear and I’ll be right back.”

When the nurse returned, she had what looked to me like a huge diaper. “This is a hospital diaper,” she explained. “It’s a little big, but we’re all out of the smaller ones. I’ll order some before I leave tonight.”
“It’s ok,” I said truthfully as I felt the soft material being pulled up between my legs. “Sometimes I wet quite a bit.”
“You don’t seem to mind wearing it at all,” she commented as she pulled the tapes tight and fastened them.
“Not really,” I said. “They don’t seem to know why I wet the bed, but when I do I would rather have a diaper on than get the bed and everything wet.”
“A very grown up attitude,” she said with a smile. “You would not believe what a fight we get sometimes trying to get a diaper on someone.”

“Tony seems like a nice kid,” I said as she took my blood pressure.
“He’s our little star,” she answered. “He’s been one of the happiest kids on the ward, and after all he’s been through.”
“Been through?” I questioned. “Oh, you mean his bike accident.”
“Is that what he told you?” she said with a very strange look on her face.
‘You didn’t know?” I said with some surprise.
“Oh... uhh... yes, I knew. But I didn’t realize he’d told you.”

I guess I had become quite good at reading faces, because looking at that nurse’s face I realized that’s not what had happened to Tony at all. “What really happened?” I asked.
“If he told you he had a bike accident, I guess that’s what really happened,” she said. She finished with her charting and then scurried out of the room. As soon as she was gone I slipped out of bed and padded over to Tony’s bed. The curtains were pulled around all the beds, so I slipped unseen behind Tony’s curtain. He was lying there awake, staring up at the ceiling.

‘Hi.” I whispered. “I was hoping you were still awake. You wanna talk or are you ready for sleep?”
“I was hopin’ you’d come,” he answered. “I woulda come back to see you but I can’t get outa bed once they connect me to that bag.”
“Yeah, I know,” I said. “You got a catheter in. Dr. Reynolds told me all about ‘em. I’ll have one too after my surgery.”

“Did I hear the nurse say something about a diaper?” Tony asked in a whisper so faint I could hardly hear him.
“Uh-huh,” I replied. “I sometimes wet the bed and I’d rather have a diaper on than make a mess.”
“Is that why you’re in here?” he asked earnestly. He had a very odd worried look on his face. “You gonna get your stuff cut off too?”

As soon as he said it, Tony realized that he’d said something he shouldn’t. He had the most stricken look on his face I have ever seen. “Is that what happened to you?” I asked as I took his trembling hand in mine. “Did your parents do that to you ‘cause you wet the bed?”
“NO! I told ya,” he insisted, “I had an accident with my bike.”
“I know better,” I said as I squeezed his hand. “I’ll tell ya what. You asked me why I’m in here, and I wasn’t sure how to tell you that I didn’t want to talk about it, but I’ll trade you secrets, if you like.”
“You’ll tell,” he accused.
“I won’t say anything to anyone. I promise.”

Finally after a little coaxing, I persuaded Tony to trade secrets. “You first,” he directed. So I told him everything, from the very start when I had fallen into that lagoon at the campground. He lay wide-eyed on his bed listening as I told how I had discovered that I wasn’t really a boy at all, but a girl with boy’s parts. This was pretty heavy stuff for an eight year old to swallow in one treatment, but Tony didn’t judge, just listened in complete awe.

“So you’re havin’ your stuff cut off because you WANT to?” he questioned.
“Well, they’re not exactly cutting it off,” I replied. I explained that they would use all the tissue down there to form my new female parts so that later on I could have sex with my husband. “You know what that is?” I asked.
“Course I do,” he replied haughtily. “You think I’m stupid? I’ve seen my mom’s boyfriend do it lots of times.”
“Really? Do it with your mom?”
“Nahh, with my.... er.... well never mind. I just know what you mean.”
“Ok,” I said, realizing that I had just stepped over another line. “Your turn. What happened to your... er... boy parts?”

Man, I thought I had a fantastic story. Tony told me that he lived with his mom and her boyfriend Barry, his ten year old sister Marcy and Jake, Barry’s fifteen year old son. He said that he had always been a bed wetter, but when Barry came to live with them he had decided that enough was enough. He had beaten Tony senseless countless times when Tony wet his bed and refused to allow Tony to wear diapers, even though Tony had begged for them. Finally in desperation Barry had directed Tony to sleep in the same bed with Jake. When he peed in Jake’s bed, Jake had been so mad he had gone to the kitchen and got a big knife, and cut off Tony’s penis. Tony would have bled to death if it hadn’t been for Marcy, who had called 9-1-1 as soon as she saw the blood that was everywhere.

“I been in the hospital a month,” Tony went on after he had cried a little. “Dr. Reynolds has been trying to keep me in the hospital until they can get Barry out of our house, but he thinks they’re gonna kick me out real soon. The government won’t pay for me to stay after I’m ok, and no one can prove that Barry is doin’ anything wrong.”
“What happened to Jake?” I inquired.
“He took off. No one knows where he went. An’ Barry says he didn’t know anything about it.”
“What about Marcy?” I asked. “Is she the one you saw Barry doing... er... sex with?”

Again Tony started to cry. “You promised you wouldn’t tell,” he said. “Please don’t tell. PLEASE? Barry will kill Marcy, and prob’ly me too.”
“We’ve got to tell, Tony,” I said. “Barry’s gonna kill Marcy anyway. You’re safe now, but Marcy isn’t. We’ve got to tell.”
“NO!” he insisted. “You promised. You don’t know Barry like I do. PLEASE don’t tell.”

Finally I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone what he’d told me. I knew when I made the promise that I’d break it, but there was no way I could get Tony to trust a grown-up. I had just got him settled down again when the nurse showed up and shooed me back to my bed. “It’s almost eleven o’clock,” she exclaimed. “I thought everyone was sound asleep.”
“I’m sorry, Ma’am,” I apologized. “I just thought Tony would like a little company.”
“I know that,” she said. “That’s why I didn’t kick you out of here two hours ago. The little guy needs a friend, and he seems to really like you.”
“I like him too,” I said as I crawled into my own bed. “See ya in the morning, Tony,” I called out as the nurse turned out the light.

I didn’t sleep very well that night. A night nurse came in every half hour or so with a flashlight to check on us all, and I always pretended to be asleep when she came because I knew if she found me awake she would be trying to give me a sleeping pill. Dr. Reynolds had already told me there would be a pill ordered for me to be sure I got a good night’s sleep; but tonight I didn’t want to sleep. I wanted to think over all that Tony had told me, and all that he’d been through. And even more important, what would happen to him once he left the hospital? If he went back home, he would be facing the same hell he’d left, but he wanted to go home. He didn’t seem to care that much about himself, but he wanted to be sure his sister was ok even though there was nothing he could do but witness the horrible ordeal she was dealing with.

Some time in the middle of the night I had to use the bathroom, but as I started to get up I remembered that I was securely diapered, so I just let it go. As the warm wetness of my own urine crept in and around my groin, I finally felt a peace sweep over me and I drifted off to sleep. I would never have admitted it then, but there was something about wetting my pants, at times like this, that just seemed to make all the problems of the world disappear as if they were being dissolved in the mess that was my wet diaper.

To be continued...