Having It All Removed

“If Thine Eye Offend Thee, Pluck It Out…”

I guess you could say I am lucky. Or maybe it’s just “good genes”, (as my grandmother used to say) but I am a pretty good looking chap. I am 27 years old, fairly muscular (with as little effort as possible!), tall (6’3”, 240 lbs.) and blonder than blond. I have pale blue eyes and almost perfect teeth, and have been blessed with an incredibly clear complexion – never having had to go through the ravages of teenage acne, my snow white skin is virtually blemish free and literally glows. I do not believe in tanning, so my skin stays very pale all year round – and thus… wrinkle free. I have very little body hair, but what little white blond hair I DO have is barely visible across my chest and arms and down the calves of my legs. Oddly, I never grew any hair on my thighs and arse when I went through puberty, and this part of my body is as smooth as a baby’s bottom – an ex boyfriend of mine once told me I had the most beautiful thighs he had ever seen! I am currently single though I never have any problem meeting other men at the bars or the gym and I date quite a bit. I have a nice group of friends and I am rather successful at my job… You would think I would be happy with this, but I am not. And what makes me UNHAPPY is probably something that most men would DIE for – except me.

Because in addition to all this “perfection”, I have also been blessed (or cursed, as I see it) with a particularly large cock. Not just BIG, but HUGE – just a hair under 11 inches and really thick, 6.5 inches the last time I measured. My balls are big, as well and they hang really low and heavy – when I look at myself in the mirror, I remind myself of some alien porno star; it just looks so damned unusual and OUT of ALL proportion. Like I said, most men would kill for a dick this size – but not ME. I hate it. I hate it SO much, ever since I went through puberty and it started to grow (and it seemed like it would NEVER stop!) I wanted to have it removed. Gone – the lot. I didn’t know what a eunuch was, but ever since I was 12 years old, I knew wanted to have NO cock and NO balls.

Funny, I can remember when I was a lad of 13 - tucking my fat, thick limp cock between my skinny legs and standing in front of the full-length mirror in my room. The thought of being without a cock - it would just make me hard thinking about it and sure enough, all 11 inches between my smooth thighs would instantly spring to attention, too big to hold between my legs and slapping my flat, hairless belly. "I would be so happy if I didn't have this thing," I would think to myself, trying to get that massive piece of meat tucked between my legs again, out of sight. Seeing my smooth, cockless crotch in the mirror, only lightly dusted with white blond pubic hair, no cock or balls in sight… It only made me get harder.

Then my cock would spring up again, fully erect and throbbing, the white skin on my cock a deep purple from the strain of being pushed between my legs. I would usually then take my throbbing cock in my little hands, just barely going around the thickness of my erect shaft, jacking it off while making slight cutting motions with my fingers. "Cut it off," I would say to myself. I imagined myself cutting all the way through that 6.5 inch shaft, slowly and completely, right at the base of my groin – then throwing all 11 inches of dead cock meat away in the trash can. Gone, removed, my crotch would be as smooth and flat as a young girl. Just thinking this would arouse me so – as I slowly jacked myself off, I would finally cum - shooting a wad of white, sticky cum all over the mirror in front of me.

And although I couldn't explain it, it always seemed my penis was turned on the most when I was fantasising about losing it. When I peed, I would sit down on the toilet and tuck my long cock all the way down between my legs. I LOVED to pee sitting down! I just loved the sound of my pee tinkling in the water. "If I didn't have a cock, I could do this naturally," I used to think. "I could close my legs and piss just like a girl." No more standing at urinals or in front of the toilet. No more writing my name in the snow. Every time I would go into a public bathroom, the other men would hear me pissing into the toilet just like girls did. But I want this, you see; I would be happy pissing like that. I have seen girls piss, and I like the way it looks. I like the way it sounds, too.

And that is how I have felt for the past 15 years; I have wanted to be completely nullified since I was about twelve. I didn't know why, REALLY – except for the fact that I just hated the way it looked, hated the way it would feel swinging between my legs as I walked, even hated (though I knew I was gay from a very young age) the way my mates used to tease me about it – though I did like the way older men at the public pool used to stare at me when I was changing into my swimsuit – I DID like that! But all along I knew they were looking at my crotch and not ME – staring at my packed swimsuit, bulging out in front of me as I dove into the water. I just felt I would be SO much happier if I didn't have it.

Even when I figured out how to jack off, when I was 13 – I used to love doing it real slow, and sort of teasing myself, NOT letting myself cum until the last moment I could stand it – which is how I imagined it would be WITHOUT a cock. I really loved the feeling of always being turned on and not able to do anything about it, often going for days without cumming, masturbating several times a day but stopping before orgasm – and then taking my hands away as I would cum, feeling the burning, pleasure pain coursing through my entire groin.

Like I said, I knew I was gay from a very young age and it never really bothered me. I can remember ever since I was a little boy that I just loved everything about men: the way they looked, talked, dressed, smelled – how big their feet were, weather they had muscles or were married or single and especially the way they looked naked. I was probably a BIT precocious about it, one might say – and yet I was such a cute little boy, men (mainly my father’s friends) were always talking to and rubbing their big, masculine hands through my blond hair – god I loved that!

My first gay experience was when I was 10 – very young I know, but it just happened and I have never regretted it. It was at our family 4th of July party, and my dad had invited a lot of his work colleagues from the bank he managed – so many handsome, older men in suits; I could not stop staring! He had even invited his former business partner Mike, who I remember was single, and SO handsome – and he was always really nice to me and I used to follow him around like a puppy whenever he would come by the house. I think HE liked me, too – just by the way he would hold his big hands around my waist whenever he invited me to sit on his lap. My parents always that that was odd – since I was 9 years old, but I was a small boy, and they really liked Mike, so… what was the harm?

The harm came at that party when Mike kept staring at me, and I could somehow tell – he meant SEX. I don’t remember HOW I knew that, but before I knew it, we were slipping off to my bedroom so he could see my new aquarium – or some such excuse – and before I could think, we were naked on my bed and he was kissing me all over my smooth, hairless body. It was amazing!

Then before I could think, he flipped me over on my tummy and spread my legs as far apart as they could go. He had his huge cock in his hand as he moved between my skinny legs and before I knew it – the burning feeling of his fat cock forcing its way into my virgin arsehole ran all through my body. I felt like my whole body was on fire as he forced that huge cock inside of me, not using any lubricant, and pushing and pushing as I bit my bed pillow in pain, thinking I would split in two! Once he was inside of me, he began to fuck me, slowly, and then fast – he would pull his huge, thick cock (It had to be at least 10 inches long and SO fat!) all the way out of my little arse, and the PLUNGE it all the way in to the hilt. I could hear his breathing behind me and feel his sweat dripping onto my back. I spread my little legs as far apart as they would go, trying to make my arsehole bigger, so it would not hurt so much – but it felt so good, having this big man inside of me, and on top of me! Each time I tried to spread my legs, Mike would push them back together, trying to make my little boy’s arsehole even tighter, until finally – both my legs were together and my ankles crossed, and his huge, massive, dry cock began steadily pumping my tight virgin arse for all he was worth.

He fucked for what seemd like AGES, and I gradually felt my virgin arse loosening up enough to take all of his cock without any pain at all. I had never felt my arsehole stretched open so wide; and as he withdrew, I would let out a loud fart as the air went rushing in - which Mike thought was so funny. Plus, I had eaten a big lunch at the party, and as disgusting as it sounds - I had not gone to the bathroom, and I could feel his huge cock just packing a whole days' worth of shit back up into my guts. It sounds disgusting, but oddly - it felt really good, too, much tighter and so warm and filling. In no time, he came, a huge load and I swore I could feel it burning inside my guts as he let every drop squeeze out of his long dick. I was in heaven!

I never saw Mike after that party, but ever since then – I knew I was a “Bottom Boy” and have been ever since. Though I did not get fucked again until I was 16, since then it has become something of a vocation for me – a desire I must fulfil. And if I cannot be fucked by a MALE, then any one of my many dildos would do the job nicely – I became dedicated to getting anything as big as possible up into my arse!

To this day, the centre of my being is my arsehole; it truly is my “Man Pussy”. I take good care of it, too – making sure I keep it as stretched out and as elastic as possible – so any size cock can just slip right up inside of me, even the truly huge ones. I use various sizes dildo to do this – all of them massive by now – just to keep my hole stretched open, and I have something of a daily “routine”. One of my favourite toys is this huge butt plug (8 inches long by 8 inches wide!) that can be filled with lubricant. It’s so big, it takes a while to get inside even ME, but whenever I use it (usually if I am going out shopping, or going out to run errands, or even overnight whilst sleeping) all I have to do is squeeze my cheeks together really hard, and the lube will come out and prepare me for getting fucked. During the course of the day, the lube gently massages my sphincter muscles and the longer I keep it in, the more it does to stretch my arse as wide as possible. Yes, I fart a lot (as my arsehole never seems to completely close; it’s always gaping open just a few inches) and the relaxed state of my sphincter has left me just a BIT incontinent (“accidents” are rather frequent, but I have become used to this now) but the feeling is amazing – I feel like I truly have a pussy.

So with my arse ready to be fucked whenever and wherever, why DO I need this huge cock? It is just in the way, really – because conversely, I have NO desire to fuck anyone, man or woman; nothing disgusts me more! It has been a problem, too – because whenever I meet a bloke I like and the trousers come down, they see my huge cock and instantly – their legs are in the air. NO!!! I want to be the one who is fucked! But try telling that to some bloke – they never believe you. Honestly, I don’t know how other bottom blokes with big cocks manage; how do THEY get fucked?

So I now realise that this huge piece of meat between my legs HAS to go, along with my big, pendulous balls. Like I said, I have felt this way for a very long time, but just in the past two years, the feeling has been really intense; I can’t get it out of my mind. I think about it so often – how I would do it, what the implications would be - everything. It is a thought that just won’t go away.

And if I know myself, I know it will come to pass – though I don’t know how. I know that I will reach the point where I will answer one of those ads in one of those dark newspapers for gay men, or even just do the clinical thing and go to Denmark and have it done in a clinic once and for all. Ideally, I would like my lover to do it for me, as an expression of his love and devotion… but I AM single. How do I get a lover who would cut off my cock and balls? Place an ad in one of those dark newspapers for gay men? And could I wait that long?

I have already taken some “rudimentary” steps towards my goal, and have designed a really unique garment that I wear all the time, and it is great. It’s a jockstrap, really, but a size too small, which makes the pouch really tight and constricting when it’s worn. I then took the pouch and folded it in half long ways, and sewed it in place, making the pouch half as small as it should be. I then sewed the ends of the pouch to the arse straps, VERY FIRMLY – ensuring the stitches would not come loose. When it’s worn the pouch is effectively half as big as it should be, and as it’s TOO small anyway – by placing my soft cock and balls as far back between my legs as possible – I pull on the jockstrap, pulling the waistband as far up as it will go. Because it is a size too small, the waistband does bind a bit, but the whole effect is achieved – the small pouch hold even my huge equipment very firmly between my legs, creating a smooth, flat, completely bulgeless crotch area. The tight waistband ensures the jock does not slip down, but I usually put on a pair of excruciatingly tight jeans over this, pulling them up as far as they will go. Now, this did take a bit of getting used to, because I was effectively mashing my balls back up into my groin, and the first few times I wore this outfit for any length of time, I would get horrible cramps in my groin from the incredible pressure. But as time as gone by, my body has gotten used to it (like a Sumo wrestler, I guess) and I can go “crotchless” for whole days at a time. I LOVE going out to the bars like this, and just love to see the expression on other blokes’ faces, when the check me out – seeing I have NO bulge whatsoever. I love it when they shake their head and smirk at my girl-crotch it is such a turn on! And there is nothing better than sitting down in this jockstrap, feeling the sick feeling of literally sitting on my balls and just looking down and crossing my legs effortlessly, nothing getting in the way, smooth as a girl. It feels so good! I am working on a smaller “thong” version of this garment, too – in order to wear the smallest bikini swimsuit over it, and show not a hint of a bulge. This is a bit trickier, but I am almost there – in no time I will be on the beach, wearing my smallest, skimpiest bikini, enjoying the feeling of the breeze just blowing freely between my legs – no crotch to speak of, no cock getting in the way. Heaven!

And though I am resolved that the whole horrid piece of meat must go, along with the balls – do I really want a smooth, flat crotch as I originally fantasised about? Or maybe I want something left: balls gone and most of my cock removed, but just a stump left behind – just an inch or so of an ugly, scarred stump of a penis – to remind me of what was once there. I like that idea, too – can you imagine going home with a bloke, and taking off my underwear and seeing an ugly, scarred little stump of meat between my legs? My eyes would say it all: “I want you to fuck me, please. Please?”

What about cumming? Well, those days would be gone, but I don’t care. I want to be sexual without a cock; the anticipation, the build-up, the foreplay-they never end. Never. I want to be always aroused and never able to help it. I want to service some gorgeous man forever, letting him fuck me stupid and never having to worry about making me cum. I just don’t care anymore. Instead of trying for an orgasm all the time, I would live in the glow of constant sexual feeling. And it would turn my partner on so much to know that I belonged to THEM completely – for I WOULD. As handsome as I am, who would want ME, with no cock – or better yet, that ugly, twitching stump between my legs? WHO would want that?

I would learn that my cock would be gone forever; it will never come back. There would only be frustration for me, but that is truly what I want. Null. Void. A eunuch.

The only thing left to decide… How to do it?