Tim's Last Orgasm 20: The Epidemic

"Ok, Nate, you wanna tell me what's goin' on?" Tim inquired. He was more than a little annoyed at Nate's statement, despite the oblique warnings he'd got and ignored. The boys had gone to Nate's house and phoned Tim's mom to let her know they'd be staying there tonight. "We've got some things we've got to talk over," Tim had explained. Of course Virginia was already forewarned about the custody arrangements, so she assumed that was what they were going to be talking about. She had simply warned her son not to stay up half the night talking, then said she'd see them tomorrow.

"Please don't be upset," Nate begged as he got undressed. "I was just... well, I guess I was thinking out loud."
"You've been thinking out loud for days, Nate. All those questions you were asking me... you've been planning this for a while haven't you?"
"Not really planning, Tim. You gotta believe me, I'm just curious. I'm not sure I really want to do it, but you could help if you'd just not treat me like a little kid. I mean, you weren't that much older than I am when you had it done. I'll be 16 soon, and..."
"Nate, we've only been together a little over four weeks. That means you've only really known about me for a month. I thought about that surgery for almost 8 years, Nate! It was just a part of me! I hated to do it, but I had to. I thought of every excuse in the book not to do it, but nothing worked. I tried to make myself hate my dick, but that didn't work either. You can't tell me that. You can't possibly have considered all the options, the problems, the advantages and disadvantages! If you were to go ahead and have it done, don't you think I'd feel guilty? Don't you think..."

"I know all that, Tim. But... all I can think of, all the time these days, is if I had my cock off I'd be like you! We'd be equal! Don't you think I feel bad, shooting my cum all over the place, and you can't?"
"But I've already told you, it's not a problem. I love to make you feel good! Just knowing you love me is enough, Nate."
"Well, it's not enough for me. It IS a problem for me because I DO love you, and... well... I just don't feel right, all the things you do to me an' I can't do them back."

Tim thought about what Nate had said. Yes, he was flattered that his lover was willing to go to extremes to be like him, but what would it do to their relationship? Wouldn't Nate wake up one morning and be overwhelmed by the realization of what he'd done? Wouldn't he resent Tim? And what about Tim? He had no doubt that he'd love Nate no matter what body parts he'd lost. He'd said it on that first night and he still meant it. But on the other hand, he had been the beneficiary of some pretty intense, excruciating pleasure thanks to that penis! He tried to put that out of his mind. That would be selfish, wouldn't it? It just wouldn't be right to demand that Nate keep his cock just so Tim could enjoy it. But it still didn't feel very comfortable, facing the loss of that part of his lover. Like it or not, that part of Nate was a bond between them. No, it wasn't the only bond, but it WAS a bond nevertheless.

Tim had to go with Terry the next day after school to get him fitted for his tux. At least that was one issue that had pretty well solved itself. Terry needed a ride to the tailor's shop and Tim had been elected. That meant he could ride herd on his brother, run interference for him in case Marvin was still there and tried anything. He wasn't even sure why he didn't just let nature take its course, but for a twenty-something to fool with his 13 year old brother the way he'd done with Tim just didn't seem right. He knew he and Nate hadn't had final words on the subject of Nate's possible penectomy, but he wanted time for them both to cool off. Maybe, if Nate thought about it enough he would come to the right conclusion all by himself. "Let's just both sleep on it for a few days, ok?" he said as he hugged the younger boy. "We can't do anything about it right now anyway."
"Promise you'll really think about it and won't just say no?" Nate said tentatively.
"I won't say no, at least not without a lot more thought and discussion. But YOU have to promise to think seriously about what it would mean."
"I promise," Nate said as he hugged Tim back. "I can't help thinking about it, and the idea scares me to death! But still I can't get it out of my head!

********************

We've got to talk before you go in there," Tim said as he and Terry headed for the tailor shop.
"What's to talk about?" Terry said defensively. "I hope you're not gonna try and talk me out of this again."
"Not even close, bro. I just wanted you to be prepared for what might happen in there. There's a guy in there, the guy who fitted me last year, and he's... well let's just say I got a whole lot more attention than I had planned on."

Terry looked at his brother with a blank expression. "What kind of attention?" he inquired.
"When a tailor is fitting a tux," Tim explained, "he has to put his hands in some pretty personal places. Well, I got hard and he noticed, and... well... I ended up shooting in my pants." Tim could feel himself blushing scarlet.
"Really? He jerked you off?"
"Uh-huh. He's a real nice looking guy, and I guess he liked me too, and the rest just sorta happened. I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but I wanted you to know so you can tell me what to do."
"You wanna protect me, right?"
"I dunno if ‘protect' is the right word, but I wanted you to be prepared. If I go in with you, chances are nothing will happen. If I don't, I don't know..."
"I can take care of myself," Terry said crossly. It was obvious Tim had offended him again.

"I know you can take care of yourself, Ter," Tim said. "I just thought I'd offer to save you some embarrassment. If you want me to stay in the car, I got no problem with that. I just thought you'd appreciate being warned."
"I do appreciate it, but I can handle it. An' in case you're wondering, the way I'm gonna handle it is to deck the SOB if he tries anything."
"Please don't do that, Terry. He doesn't mean any harm, and he really is a nice guy once you get to know him."
"You got to KNOW him? Like as in KNOW him?" Now Tim was really blushing! He had just told Terry a lot more than he'd intended to.
"Yeah, Terry, I got to know him real well. But he was nice to me, and didn't try to force anything on me... so please, if you don't want him touching you like that, just say so. He'll understand and stop."

Terry agreed to play it by ear. He suddenly realized that Marvin hadn't done anything with Tim that he hadn't done, and he suddenly realized if he made a scene it would hurt Tim terribly. That would make him just another gay-basher, and he didn't want that. "You can come in if you want to see him," Terry offered as Tim parked the car. "Just don't come to protect me, ok?"
"That's ok," Tim said. "I'll just go pick up Nate. You'll no doubt be at least an hour and that'll give me lots of time. If you're done before I get back, just wait for me."

Tim found Nate just where he said he'd be: in a small playground near his school shooting baskets with some other kids. Tim stopped and watched the beautiful teen before he blew the horn. Nate had shed his shirt, as had the other boys. He was wearing the same shorts he'd worn to school that day, and was jumping and leaping, stretching for the basket, all of which naturally put on quite a display for an already lovesick spectator. Muscles rippled; ribs appeared and disappeared as their owner competed with the others present. He's good! Tim exclaimed to himself. Of course his comment was aimed toward Nate's finesse on the court, but it applied equally well to his gorgeous body.

"I didn't expect you so early," Nate said breathlessly as he ran up to the car.
"Terry didn't want me to go in with him," Tim replied. "He's getting quite sensitive about how over-protective he thinks I'm getting."
"Protective? In a tailor shop? What's to protect from in there?"

Tim told Nate the story of his fitting a year ago. Nate sat listening, his eyes growing wider as more of the story unfolded. "He actually jerked you off, right there in the shop?" he questioned with astonishment.
"Uh-huh," Tim replied. "He was so smooth he had me ready to cum before I even knew it was happening."
"I think I'd a died!"
"I almost did," Tim chuckled, "but not from embarrassment. It all happened so fast, and once he touched me I wanted more. I know I must seem like some kinda slut to you, Nate. I guess I was, in a way."

Nate sat in silence for so long Tim was afraid he was worse than shocked. Was he angry? Was he so traumatized that their relationship would change? "Did... did you ever see him again?" Nate finally asked.
"Yes, I did," Tim answered somewhat reluctantly. "He called me a couple weeks later and I went over to his apartment."
"And?"
"We had a good time, but I suspect he was a little disappointed. He wanted me to do some things I just wasn't ready to do. I guess I was a little intimidated by the difference in our ages."
"Like what? What did he want to do?" In Nate's mind he was thinking things like unprotected anal sex, perhaps some bondage things, ball torture, all the sorts of things that interested neither him nor Tim.

"He wanted to suck me off, and he wanted me to do the same for him," Tim answered a surprised Nate. "I know that seems a little strange, but as horny as I have always been, I do have my principles, and that's just not something I can do casually. I just can't do that unless there is love and commitment. I liked Marvin all right, but somehow I knew we had no future together."
"But... you did it to me when you were only 14! Does that mean..."
"Yeah, Nate, I guess it does. I didn't even know it myself at the time, but I guess I was in love with you ‘way back then."

Nate looked hard into Tim's pretty face as they drove. He was a very careful driver and seldom took his eyes off the road; but even as he concentrated on his driving, Nate could see that his eyes had a distant look, and there were tears trying to form. "You miss it, don't you Tim?"
"What, a life of gettin' it on with everyone who was willing?" Tim evaded. "No way, man! That's no way to live!"
"Not that, Tim. You miss your cock. I can see it in your eyes."
"Yeah, Nate, I do. Sometimes I miss it so bad I don't know if I can stand it! But I had to do it! I just had to! And now that we're together, it's ok. I still wish I had one for you ‘cause it must be tough for you, but, well what's done is done, and I can live with it long as you can."

Nate went silent again. Tim glanced at him, and now Nate's eyes were looking vacantly into another dimension. "I know what you mean, Tim," he said eventually. "I'm gonna miss mine too, but it's something I've gotta do. Somehow I've got to make you understand I have to do it just as much as you had to." Tim wanted to reply, but they had just pulled into the front of the tailor shop and Terry was standing out in front, a wide grin on his face, holding a hanger with his tux. The last thing on earth Tim needed was to have his brother and his lover double teaming him on the issue of who gets things cut off and who doesn't, so he changed the subject.

********************

"I guess that takes care of all the legalities," the attorney said. "I'll get these papers filed at the courthouse right away. Congratulations, Mrs. Chandler! You have another son! The day Tim turns 18 guardianship will revert to him, but until then you are Nathan's legal guardian!" The kind lawyer, having been acquainted with the entire situation and Valerie's intent, gathered up all the volumes of paper and left the hospital room.

"I feel as if I've just robbed you of your son," Virginia said guiltily.
"Not at all," Valerie countered. "What you have done is to make it possible for me to die in peace, if that's God's will. Now I know Nathan will be well cared for whether I live or die."
"He's such a nice boy," Virginia said. "He's been through so much, yet he always has a smile. That's to your credit, Valerie."
"Thanks, Virginia. But don't underestimate the influence Tim has had on him. He's a wonderful boy too, Virginia. And the two of them are so incredibly happy together!"
"Yes, they are," Virginia agreed. "It's almost as if they were made to be together, the way they've hit it off so well."
"Actually, I believe they were made to be together," Valerie said. The comment brought a questioning look from Virginia, but she said nothing. Nevertheless she wondered what on earth the comment meant.

"Speaking of the boys," Valerie continued, "I'm a little surprised they haven't dropped in, considering what's been going on here."
"That would be my fault," Virginia confessed. "Tim's brother Terry had to go for a tux fitting today, and I asked Tim to drive him."
"A tux?"
"For the Senior Prom. It's tomorrow night."
"Odd," Valerie reflected. "Neither Tim nor Nate mentioned a thing about it. I assume Tim's going?"
"I wish!" Virginia said wistfully. "Actually Terry is taking the girl we thought would be going with Tim, but he's adamant that he's not going, and Laura is NOT his girl friend. He really doesn't seem at all interested in girls, except as friends."
"Many boys aren't, you know," Valerie observed. "There are a lot of boys who just seem to naturally be attracted to the same sex, and all efforts to change that attraction seem to end in disaster sooner or later."

Again Virginia found herself reflecting on what her new friend had said. She seemed to be speaking with a lot of authority on a subject that was completely alien to Virginia. Perhaps she was a psychologist, or some other type of counselor. Finally she had to know. "You seem to know a lot about it," she observed.

"I found it necessary to know a lot about it," Valerie stated. There was a slight hesitation, then she decided to forge ahead. "You see, Nate is gay."
"Nate?" Virginia said, so shocked she could hardly get the words out. "Oh, Valerie, I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed as she took her friend's hand. "Isn't there anything you can do about it? I mean, I know in your present condition you're hardly in a position to do anything, but if there's anything I can do... counseling, therapy..."

"It's not a disease," Valerie said. "I admit it was a bit of a shock when I first suspected it, but I've done a lot of reading, I've spoken to a few professionals, and I've even spoken to a few gay men. They all said the same thing: With enough effort I might be able to change his behavior, but I can't change what's inside."
"Do you think it had anything to do with his... err... his not having had a father?"
"Absolutely nothing. There have been countless studies and theories about what ‘causes' such things, and none of them are conclusive. Current thinking is that gay boys and girls were born that way, and that the worst thing in the world we can do is to try and change them. All it accomplishes is a sense of guilt and inadequacy to an already difficult life. Personally I think Nathan is living proof. He is the best son a mother could ever ask for, and he's happy. Isn't that what's important?"

Virginia could hardly believe what she was hearing. It sounded almost as if Valerie were encouraging her son to be what she considered normal - his normal! "I think Nathan is a wonderful boy," she said, "but don't we owe it to him to do what we can to help him get over these feelings?"
"Let me explain it this way," Valerie suggested.

"My mother was left handed. She told me that when she was a little girl she was considered to have an affliction. I suppose it is in a way. Kitchen utensils, firearms, the controls in a car, even things as simple as a pair of scissors are made for right handed people. If you don't think this is a problem, just try using an egg beater the ‘wrong' way or try cutting a piece of paper using your left hand. So my mother had her knuckles rapped with rulers and pointers every time she tried to write with her left hand; she was given exercises to do so she could learn to use her right hand. She was lectured and harassed by teachers and students alike, all because she used a different hand from what was considered ‘normal.'

"There were theories back then about what caused the horrible condition called left-handedness. Some believed that it was the way they were held as a baby. Others suggested it was their position in the womb, still others thought perhaps they'd had a serious injury or pain in their right hand or arm during birth that had caused them to favor their left. All that is changed now, and left hander's are now left alone. They still have the problem of living in a right handed world, but at least they're no longer harassed and forced to change. They are now pretty well accepted as having been born that way, for whatever reason.

"Now, we have boys who are attracted to boys, girls who are attracted to girls. These people are gays living in a straight world. Forget for a moment about what they face considering all those who would change them, or think they have some sort of sickness that can be cured, those who like to discriminate against them, assuming they don't have to deal with all that, just think about a typical day in the life of a gay man.

"When two people are in love, there are certain things they like to do, feel almost compelled to do. They like to hold hands, touch each other in tender ways, kiss and hug, dance together, say endearing things to one another, call each other by pet names, engage in intimate activities at various levels, including sex. These things are all appropriate, encouraged, even expected if the two lovers are of different sex. But what about two men who are in love? They like the same things, Virginia! But take for example the Senior Prom your son is going to tomorrow night. Can you imagine what would happen if his date were a boy and not a girl? All of the things I've mentioned would be taboo! ALL of them! If two men are seen kissing, touching, even holding hands in public, it's called ‘disgusting.'

"Then they have to deal with all the other issues in their lives, like well meaning parents who try to ‘get help' for them. They are teased and tormented cruelly at school, and some are even completely rejected by their parents and thrown out of their own homes! The very people to whom they should be going to talk out what's bothering them, if they find out what's really bothering them, would totally reject them!"

"But, I've always heard that the Bible condemns homosexuality," Virginia argued. "I'm no Bible scholar, but I've always heard that God Himself said it is an abomination."
"Yes, that's true," Valerie agreed. "You're talking about Leviticus chapter 20, verse 13. Believe me I've had that one thrown in my face lots of times. It says: ‘If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them shall have committed an abomination: They shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.' That doesn't leave much room for doubt, does it?"
"That's my point," Virginia said. "With language like that, how can we doubt that it's a sin against God?"
"You can't," Valerie agreed, "unless you read the rest of Leviticus. For example, in the previous chapter, in verse 23: ‘And when ye shall come into the land, and shall have planted all manner of trees for food, then ye shall count the fruit thereof as uncircumcised; three years shall it be as uncircumcised unto you; it shall not be eaten of.' By the way, ‘uncircumcised' means unclean, unfit to eat. The next verse says all the fruit should be considered holy in the fourth year and therefore not eaten. That means you have to wait until the fifth year to eat the fruit of any tree you plant. When was the last time you heard that commandment in church?
"Well, I don't get to church that much," Virginia confessed.

"The book of Leviticus also talks of circumcision," Valerie went on. "That is a commandment too! Do we consider any uncircumcised man today as being unclean? It also says that men are not to cut their hair, nor trim their beards. It goes on and on with detailed descriptions of all the animal sacrifices that are required by God. Prostitutes, adulterers, all sorts of so-called sinners are supposed to be put to death as soon as they are found out. What happened to all those rules?
"Some gays and gay supporters suggest that in the time that commandment against homosexual behavior was written, the primary objective was to populate the world. I don't know if that's true, but it does bring up the subject of population. Some Christian faiths are adamantly against birth control, others are not. Some forbid divorce, others don't. And yet they all claim to be following the same Bible! So how on earth can we take one small verse in the middle of a lot of commands, take it as Gospel while we discard everything around it?"
"You seem to know your Bible pretty well," Virginia observed.
"Not as well as I should," Valerie admitted. "But when some of these fundamentalists start calling my son a piece of crap and unworthy to pray to our God because of his sexual preference, and justify their actions by one or two isolated verses in the Bible, I make it my business to do some research. We have come to the point in the Christian community that we take from the Bible only those passages that support what we want to believe, and the rest we just say ‘that was then, this is now.' I don't know what is right and what is wrong, Virginia, but I do know this: Those fundamentalist Bible punchers who hang their hats on this or that passage to condemn our young people who are only trying to find their way are wrong! They are dead wrong! No one has tried harder to please than my son! No one has tried harder to do the right thing, to follow all the rules! No one is more dedicated or focused! I will hold Nathan up to the whole world and say ‘Look at my son! I'm proud of him!'"

"You sound as if you're proud of Nathan, and the fact he's gay." Virginia said.
"I'm not proud of the fact he's gay," Valerie explained, "but I'm not ashamed of it either. That's just him, and my job as a mother is to love him no less, and no more either, because of it. I'm not proud of his sexuality any more than I would be if he were left handed. I'm very proud of him for the same reasons you're proud of your boys. I'm proud of his accomplishments, of what a great person he's turning into, of how he's handled all the obstacles that he encounters. One of those very large obstacles he encounters every day of his life is the fact that he's gay, or as Society would say, not normal. I don't ever expect to have to deal with Nate on a sexual level, so why on earth would it bother me what his sexual preferences are? But he knows that he can bring a boy friend home, he can do so without fear or shame, that his boy friend will be evaluated on his own merits just as a girl friend would be, and we owe that to our children, Virginia! Remember, when a gay boy brings home a boy friend, he LOVES him, just as much as a straight boy loves his girl friend! How can we hold it against someone who is making our child very happy?"

"I... I just never thought about things that way," Virginia said weakly. "I guess because I never had to..."
"Anyone with children needs to think of these things," Valerie lectured. "At the very least we need to be sure our children know we can and will help them and support them, no matter what's going on in their lives! Our children deserve to know that their home is a refuge from the world, no matter what!"

Whatever Virginia Chandler was or wasn't, no one could ever accuse her of being stupid. She was deep in thought as she left the hospital. What exactly had Valerie been saying? She had gone on and on about hints, evidence that was there for the seeing if one would only look. But Virginia already knew her boys, didn't she?

Valerie's last comment haunted Virginia as she found herself parking, not in her own driveway, but in the parking lot of the local public library. Virginia had no doubt that she and Barry had provided their boys with the best possible life, as far as material things, support, and understanding. Or had they?

**************

"Well?" Tim said as soon as Terry was in the car.
"Well what?" Terry said absently. "I got the tux fitted, which is why I'm carryin' this hanger with that tuxedo on it."
"You know very well what I mean," Tim said. When Terry got evasive like that, he could very cheerfully kill him and cut him up in small pieces.
"You were right," Terry answered with a grin, "Marvin's a real nice guy, and good looking too."

Tim was really pissed now, but he wasn't going to give Terry the satisfaction of knowing it. Terry knew very fucking well what Tim wanted to know, but he was back in little brother mode. And he was still, Tim had to admit, the cutest little brother in all of Chicago. "I saw Larry at school today," Terry said. "He was wonderin' if you were going to the Prom stag. He said to tell you that he's going, so you wouldn't be the only one there without a date."
"I'm not goin' Terry. I hope you told him that."
"Yeah, I told him. I don't think he was all that pleased."
"Too bad," Tim said defensively. Actually he was a little bitter over the prom because he really would have liked to go, but he refused to go without Nate and he didn't think his classmates were quite ready for that yet. The car went silent again as they drove towards home.

"You're not gonna ask me, are you?" Terry said suddenly.
"Ask you what?" Tim said. AHA! Tim thought to himself, ya little shit, I beat you for once! You're dying to tell me what happened. At last, I win!
"I thought you'd be busting to find out what happened with Marvin," Terry said, a very definite hurt tone in his voice.
"I figured you'd tell me if you wanted me to know," Tim bantered back. He was trying his very best to appear indifferent, but he wasn't at all sure he was succeeding.

"You're a bastard, Tim!" Terry said sulkily. "You knew I was gonna tell you, didn't you?"
"I already told you, I figured you'd tell me whatever you wanted to," Tim said. He wasn't about to give up the charade now, even though he was dying to find out what had happened.
"Well, you were right on," Terry said. "Thanks for warning me, Tim. He did exactly like you said he would. He ran his hands down inside my pants, and when he felt my hardon he grabbed it."
"What'd you do?" Nate asked breathlessly.
"I... well, I just kinda pulled away from his hand, ya know? He said something like ‘don't be afraid, I'm not gonna hurt you.' I told him I was sorry but that made me feel uncomfortable. He asked if I wanted him to stop and I said yes. And that was it! He finished fitting the pants, then I put on the shirt and jacket and he checked it all. Then I took it off and we shook hands and I left. You were right, Tim. Marvin's a really nice guy!"

Tim was feeling such a mix of emotions at that point that he wasn't sure what he was feeling. There was the relief that Marvin hadn't taken advantage of his brother, and of course there was a feeling of thankfulness that what had been exclusively his and his brother's had remained that way. There was a feeling of relief that Terry was emerging as a heterosexual, and wouldn't have to live all the doubt and rejection that all gays know very well. But there was more. There was a deep feeling of sadness that there was finally unequivocal evidence that Terry was not gay. Tim uttered a whisper of good-bye to his brother, knowing that they had shared what would probably be their last sexual encounter. Tim knew that from this point on, he would live his life as "Terry's gay brother."

"I'm glad you didn't deck him," Tim said, then shut up realizing that his voice was breaking.
"Like you said," Terry answered, noticing the shakiness in his brother's voice, "he didn't mean any harm, and in another time and place I mighta welcomed the chance to... to..."
"You do and I'm gonna kick your ass," Tim said as they pulled into the Chandler driveway. "Now you go to that prom and you better be nice to Laura. You treat her like a queen, Terry, or you'll answer to me!"

***************

"Your mom told me your Senior Prom's tomorrow night, Tim," Valerie said as she and the boys ate in the hospital cafeteria. This was the first time in over two months that she had been able to eat outside her room, and Nate couldn't have been more thrilled if he'd been invited to eat at Buckingham Palace with the Queen.
"Yes, Ma'am," Tim answered. "I suppose she also told you that I'm not going?"
"She told me. She was really hoping that you and Laura would be going together, just as you did last year."
"Laura's going with my brother Terry," Tim said. "I guess she finally got the message that she's got no future with me."
"So you're not going at all?"
"No, Ma'am. I know it would be humiliating for Nate to take him, and I'm not going without him."
"So what are you going to do, Tim? How are you going to celebrate your senior year?"
"I dunno, nothing I guess."
"Not acceptable, Tim. If you're going to dedicate your life to my son and ask him to do the same for you, you'd better make it worth his while. He may not be a girl, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have the right to be courted."

Tim and Nate were both eyeing Valerie Seymore now, neither of them having the slightest idea what she was talking about. But Valerie had never been shy about expressing her opinions, and tonight was no exception. "Nate, how much money do you have left in this month's household budget?" she asked.
"I dunno, Mom," Nate replied. "I think there must be quite a bit though ‘cause I've been eating at the Chandlers' most of the time. But what did you mean..."
"I'm getting to that," Valerie said in a tone that said very clearly that she was not to be interrupted. "I don't want to see you two here tomorrow night. You have plans, and so do I."
"But Mom, It's Friday night, and we can stay late," Nate protested. "Tim's gotta work Saturday, which means we might not get in again till Sunday!"
"That's fine," Valerie said. "I think I'll live till then, and you two have more important things to do. Tim, I want you to go home and get your best suit. Then I want to two of you to get all dressed up and go out to dinner. I've made reservations for you at the Blue Room, on the top of the US Bank building. Then after dinner I want you to go back to our house and dance the night away. I want you to have your own prom. You deserve it, Tim, and you owe it to Nate. So if you can't go to the school Prom and be comfortable, then have your own."

"But Mom," Nate argued. "We can't just leave you..."
"You can and you will!" she said emphatically. "If you want to drop in so I can see my boys all dressed up that's fine, you can do that. But I want tomorrow night to be special for you, Tim. I want you to promise you'll do it, if not for yourself, then for Nate and me!"

The boys promised, and as the idea started to sink in, they started to get excited. This was going to be fun, but none of the three in that hospital room had any idea how much fun. "I had a long talk with your mom today, Tim," Valerie said. "I didn't tell her anything exactly, but I gave her a lot to think about. I suspect very strongly if she thinks it through like the intelligent woman she is, there's going to be a big change in attitude. I still think it's your place to tell her your secret, but just bide your time for now. You'll know when the time is right."

Tim slipped home at noon the next day and got his best clothes out of the closet while there was no one else home. He told Terry about the plan, but no one else. Terry was thrilled that his brother and his lover were not going to be left out of all the festivities, though he was still a little disappointed that they wouldn't be at the official Prom. Of course Tim had to go home after school to help get his brother ready. He had gone and got Nate, and he sensed a difference in the way his mom was treating him as they all scurried about, getting a very nervous Terry ready. She wasn't the least nasty to him, nor did she favor him any more than usual. In fact if asked, Tim would be at a loss to explain what was different; but he was positive that there was a difference. His mom's demeanor towards Nate, and even toward Tim, was just plain different.

"Terry really looked great tonight," Nate said pleasantly as they ate, looking out over the city.
"Yeah, he did," Tim agreed. "He's really growing up fast. I guess I kinda understand how parents feel when their kids grow up. Terry's not my little brother any more."
"You think he and Laura will... you know...?"
"I doubt it," Tim speculated. "I don't think Laura's in any hurry to lose her virginity, and even if Terry wants to I don't think he'll push it."

"Tim, I got something to say to you and it's not gonna be easy," Nate said softly. "Before I start I want you to promise you won't interrupt till I'm finished. And please, don't get mad."
"Nate, I don't think this is the right time. I think I know where you're going, and your mom practically ordered us to have a good time. I just don't think..."
"This is the perfect time, Tim! We're sitting here, all dressed up in a romantic restaurant, looking forward to a beautiful evening, and after we go to bed I'm hoping we can make love like never before. It's a perfect time for what I've got to say. So do you promise? Just listen to what I have to say, please?"

Tim looked across the table at his young lover. He was so beautiful! So handsome in his dark blue suit, his blonde hair that he'd allowed to grow long and was now combed to perfection, not quite long enough to touch his shoulders. His bright blue eyes were the brightest Tim had ever seen them; but there was a pleading in those eyes tonight. How could he refuse those eyes? "I promise," he said weakly.

Nate took a deep breath and began his dialogue. "Tim, I'm not even 16 yet, and I can't believe how much I owe you already. You've sacrificed so much for me!"
"I don't see how you can..." Tim interrupted, but Nate raised the index finger of his right hand, then made a zipping motion across his lips with his left. Tim got the message and shut up.
"You gave up your scouting career for me, Tim, when you were only 14. When I started scouting I was only going because my mom made me. Then I met you, and you were so nice to me, and sometimes I thought you didn't even notice that I was just a 12 year old fuckup with more problems than any five kids should have. You didn't care, Tim! You just saw what I needed and you gave it to me, over and over and over! Then I started going without a fight, not because I liked Scouting that much, but because you were there, and you took time for me. You didn't even know my story and you didn't care! All you knew was that I needed help and love and concern, and you gave them all to me. Mr. Merrit told me what you said, that what we did was all your fault and he shouldn't blame me. I was gonna tell him that's bullshit, but then I got the idea if I said that I'd get kicked out too, but I didn't want that. I wanted to get the Eagle badge you wanted so bad. That's why I stayed, Tim!"
"But you gave it to me!" Tim argued. Again Nate stopped him.
"You've got the badge, Tim, but I'm still the Eagle Scout. It's still my name on the records, and no one can change that. I knew you liked me, I didn't understand exactly what it meant at the time, but I knew I was special to you just like you were special to me, but still you stayed away because Merrit had warned you. That musta been awful hard, Tim, but you did it to keep me outta trouble.

"Then when we got together, when we first made love, all you thought about was making sure it was good for me, and it was, Tim! It was awesome! You wouldn't even admit that it was frustrating you something awful! I knew you wanted to cum so bad, but you couldn't and you came up smiling. All you cared about was making me happy!"
"That's all that was important, Nate," Tim said, but again Nate made the zipping motion with his hand.
"Terry has told me how many times he's heard you in your bed crying, Tim. He told me he was afraid you were gonna lose your mind! He told me you said it was because no one seemed to want you sexually any more, but I think that's only partly true. I think it's more than that, Tim! But now you're happy, just because you can make me happy. You still can't cum, but it doesn't matter to you. All you seem to care about is my happiness and welfare. You will never know how special that makes me feel, Tim!

"When my mom asked you to become my legal guardian she said you didn't even have to think about it, you just said yes! You never once asked what it would mean to you, what it would cost you, what you would have to give up or what you would have to do. If it was for my good, you were all for it, and to hell with any sacrifices you had to make for me.

"So I know, Tim, that we'll always be together. Sometimes when I think of spending my whole life with you I just can't believe it! I was so afraid you'd find someone else before I could finish that badge! But now here we are, and I've never been so happy! I'm so happy I want to do something like marry you, but I can't. If one of us was a girl we'd have a big wedding, invite all the relatives and friends, exchange rings and all that, and we would be legally bound together. We would be giving up our freedom as single people, our right to choose partners or change partners, and all that would be recorded and legally binding, but we can't do that. Yeah, I know in the time I've been on your computer and surfing the net I've learned that some gay couples have ceremonies that are like a wedding, but there's still no commitment, at least legally. There's nothing to stop one of them from breaking the vows and taking off. I want something more, Tim!"

"I don't know what more I can do, Nate," Tim objected.
"It isn't YOU, Tim! You've already given me your life! You've given me back MY life when I was tryin' my best to trash it! You have done more for me and my Mom than I can ever tell you, and what's so special is that you don't have any idea how much you have done! That's what I'm tryin' to tell you. It isn't YOU that needs more commitment, it's ME!

"Every time we make love, I feel so guilty after we're done, but I can't resist doing it again because I love you so much! I love being close to you, and whenever I get close to you I want ALL of you. I want to give you my manhood, Tim! I want us to be equal in bed. I don't want to spend my life shooting my jizz all over the place while you sit there watching me and wishing you could do the same. I want to be able to touch myself for the rest of my life and be reminded that I love you so much I took away the thing that would make it easy for me to be tempted. I don't want to be able to cum any more because you can't, and that just isn't fair. It might work for a while, but sooner or later it would come between us, and I don't want anything to come between us, EVER! I want to know that all we can do is hold and kiss and touch and love, and I want that to be enough, for both of us! I really want to do this, Tim! Please say yes, that you'll help me do it. Please?"

Tim sat gazing into those deep misty blue eyes for a full five minutes. The waiter arrived offering dessert, but both boys waved him away. He was a very sensitive man, their waiter, and he was gay. He had no idea what his two customers were discussing, but he realized that it was serious, and he could tell from across the room that they were deeply in love, so he watched from a distance. The restaurant wasn't crowded, so Nate and Tim were Robert's only customers. Still Tim sat silently gazing at Nate, making no sound, no movement; but Nate knew that his keen mind was going at mach 4 or higher, trying to process all that he'd just heard and what it all meant.

"There's another way," Tim said finally. "When you think about it, we're not that much different equipment wise than a male and a female. I don't have a vagina, but I do have an opening that lots of gay guys say is better anyway."
"You're talking about anal sex?" an astonished Nate asked.
"We could try it," Tim offered. It might have flown, but Nate noticed the tremor in his voice.
"You've always said you find it totally disgusting," Nate reminded him.
"There was a time I found the whole idea of gay sex disgusting," Tim said. "I was wrong about that. Maybe if I tried it..."
"Another sacrifice for me!"
"For us, Nate! How would you feel if I decided it wouldn't be so bad, but you'd already lost your cock?"
"So you wanna try it. Ok, I can live with that. But what if... what if it doesn't work?"
"I'll make you a deal. I don't think it'd be reasonable to do anything this summer anyway, with your mom so sick, and you've only been thinking of it for a month or so. If you still want to do it next spring, say either spring break or after school is out for the year, I'll agree to it. In the meantime I think we should try to think of alternatives, and we should try... uhhh... we should try anal sex.

Nate wasn't real thrilled about waiting, but he knew Tim was right. The conversation lightened, both boys began to smile, and Robert saw the mood change from his position at the waiter's station and made his move.

"Compliments of the house," Robert said with a wide smile as he placed a bottle and two champagne glasses on the table. "It's non-alcoholic because I know you guys are under age, but it's not too bad, really." Without waiting for a reply, he began pouring the bubbly drink. "Congratulations, whatever the occasion," he said happily. "Ordinarily I would never be so bold while on duty, but it's so obvious that you two are in love I couldn't help myself. I don't imagine you get a public acknowledgment very often."

When Robert brought the check, he handed the boys each a business card which gave his name and phone number. "That's not my personal number and this is not a proposition," he explained. "I'm one of the counselors at the Chicago Gay Youth Association. If you ever need someone to talk to, help with your parents, anything like that, please call. Oh, and we have teen dances every Saturday night, and you'll find lots of gay couples there dancing and having a great time."

The happy boys thanked Robert and left the restaurant. They stopped at the hospital where Valerie took their picture with a disposable camera she'd got somewhere, hugged them both, then shooed them out. On the way home Tim stopped at a drug store. He bought some bags of chips and other munchies, a six pack of coke, two enemas and a tube of K-Y jelly. His hand was shaking so violently as he held it out to receive his change, he had to rest his elbow on the counter to steady it. The young male cashier gave him an odd look as he rang up the purchases, but Tim avoided his eyes.

When they arrived home, the two apprehensive teens got another surprise. Standing in the driveway were Terry and Laura, Larry and Christine, a girl Larry had met at the prom. They were all still dressed in their formal attire. "About time you two got here," Larry scolded. "We've been waiting for 20 minutes!"
"What in the world are you guys doing here?" Tim said. "I thought y'all would be at the prom till after midnight."
"We got a taste of what you gay guys must feel like," Larry answered. "Half the kids there were making fun of Laura and Terry, so we decided to come have our own prom. Terry said you guys would be here sooner or later."
"You're lucky you didn't go," Laura added. "I swear I've never seen such a display of immaturity! My date here, the one they were calling ‘little boy' at the prom, is more mature than most of them will ever be!"

The next three hours turned out to be the best party any of the three couples had ever experienced. Tim and Nate were both somewhat nervous to show any affection in front of their friends, but they soon learned that they were indeed among friends. Tim had never danced with another male before except when he'd helped Terry learn to dance, and Nate had hardly danced with anyone except for the forced dance classes at school. Regardless of that or any other impediment, all six were soon dancing, talking and joking, having a wonderful time! Finally, a little after midnight, the party broke up. Now it was time for Tim to get his special purchases out of the car and get ready for bed.

Next: XXI: Decisions