Yes, I was obsessed. I had several relationships end because I couldn't remain faithful. I kept chasing after women as though I were single and I suppose I could have refrained from doing so but when it comes down to it I didn't really want to.

By the time I was in my early 30s I had just had enough of the emotional entanglements: the heartbreaks, the fights, the breakups. I thought of myself as an addict who was damaging his and other peoples lives and couldn't stop.

I saw a psychologist for a while and it did help but in the end I reverted to my old ways. Now I admit that I'd always had a dark interest in castration. Not something I'd ever seriously consider for myself but it was a serious turnon to read about. But now I began to consider it and to search and read more about it.

Eventually, while reading an online discussion board, I learned of a woman who did castrations. I didn't know if she was for real or not but I had to find out. I contacted her and she seemed to be sincere. Yes, she did do castrations. She thought that men who really wanted it to be done should be able to, and with her medical experience she was glad to help. That may be true but I think she mainly just liked doing it.

I considered for a while and finally decided to set up a meeting with her. The arrangements were made and she said she would castrate me if we both still wanted to go through with it after meeting.

So, we met in a city midway between where we each live, neutral ground as it were, and had lunch together. Then we went to my motel room for further discussion. We got along well and she turned out to be quite attractive, which made the idea of her castrating me all the more exciting. She admitting that it was an extremely exciting thing for her as well and that she would love to do me but that she had to be sure I wanted it - that it wasn't just a fantasy. She explained that she would first have to give me a hand job, and then after I came asked me very seriously if I still wanted to be castrated. If I still did she would do it, if not, that was ok too. It was very important to find out if it was a real desire.

Of course, I agreed! I was disappointed that she didn't get undressed as well and said so. She said she understood but that she wasn't here for that and that I'd just have to use my imagination. She was very good at it and brought me to the edge several times before I came. After a couple of minutes she asked me if I still wanted to be cut. I seriously considered the question but already knew the answer and that that'd I'd never have a better opportunity. I said "yes." She was very pleased and told me to take a shower while she prepared.

When I reentered the room she'd placed a new blanket on the bed and had all her instruments laid out. At that moment I knew it was really about to happen, but I laid on the bed anyway. It as very exciting and, in an odd way, freeing: to surrender so completely. She injected my with a local anesthetic and while waiting for it to take effect she asked me again if I wanted to continue, that this was my last chance. Again I said yes.

So, to get to the point, she castrated me. Removed my testicles and sewed up my empty sac. She stayed with my the rest of the night and most of the next day to make sure I would be ok. Then she left and I made my way home the next day. It was difficult at first. At times I thought I'd made a terrible mistake but those thoughts passed and I adjusted. The idea of sex was now just an idea, an old habit. I really and truly wasn't interested anymore. Eventually I got out and watched some of my favorite porn videos to see what it would be like now. It was strange. I'd spent a lot of time in the past avidly watching and jacking off to them, now it was only so much gymnastics. Just people doing things to each other. Its a very different world now.